


Somewhere in Time

by tititenis



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Reality, Artificial Intelligence, Butterfly Effect, City of Light, F/F, I'm gonna fix the show, Parallel Universes, Soulmates, Spirit of Commander, Time Loop, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-05-25 00:49:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 104,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6173500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tititenis/pseuds/tititenis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A 3x07 fix it fanfiction that includes different timelines, soulmates through time and space, Clexa sexy times and happy ending. Do give it a try!</p><p>It is the year of 2150 and Clarke is forced to return to Arkadia after the death of Lexa. </p><p>Meanwhile, in another reality, Clarke is getting closer to Lexa after Heda vows to protect Skaikru. Nevertheless, an unexpected visit from her future self sets her up in a race to stop the presaged death of the Commander. </p><p>The only problem? This Clarke from the future has not been betrayed by Lexa. In fact, she is married to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If I Never Knew You

**Author's Note:**

> After being devastated for 3 days, I decided to just stop watching the 100 live and create my own story out of it. I will fix the mistake Jrat did and try to bring our dear Lexa back. This will be a long ride but I promise to make it interesting. No Beta so all mistakes are mine. There will be angst, romance, drama, fights, the whole deal but Clexa style.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Arkadia, Clarke learns about the City of Light after Jaha finds out she's depressed.  
> Meanwhile, a confused Clarke is unsure of Lexa's intentions and is surprised to receive an unexpected visit.  
> In Polis 2152, Clarke must return to Arkadia as business for the Ambassadors of the Coalition are over. Lexa wants her to stay.

**Arkadia, 2150**

_3 days since Lexa died..._

Ever since she returned from Polis she had not left the confines of her room. She simply did not have the strength or will to do so. Her world had been slowly shattered, become completely gray after Lexa died in her arms. Titus had started the Conclave and Clarke couldn't stop her tears from falling when she saw Ontari again. It had made her remember a not so distant past conversation she had with Lexa, one where the idea of Lexa dying was simply that, a far away idea. And, just like Lexa had suspected it, Aden had been chosen by the Spirit of the Commander. And, just as he promised her months ago he pledged his loyalty to the 13th Clan, deciding to aid Clarke in eliminating Pike and his followers. Titus, after what happened with Lexa, had not attempted to kill her and she knew that it was because Lexa made him promise not to. In fact, he had supported Aden's decision and provided Clarke and Murphy safe passage back to Arkadia after Lexa's funeral was over.

Clarke had seen the body of the woman she loved burn in a pyre similar to the one Finn and his victims had been placed all those months ago in TonDc. She had heard the funeral rites, the praises and chants the people of Polis repeated in the middle of the night. This, Clarke realized, was the reason why Lexa had abandoned her at the Mountain. Her people, who were now openly mourning the passing of their leader, had decided to obey the former Heda's wishes to allow Skaikru the chance to redeem themselves. Lexa had succeeded, just as she usually did. She was giving her people peace and that was the legacy she left for many to remember. The Peace Commander.

"I thought I hated her." a demented Clarke was chanting to herself while laying in the dark. "But I don't. I love her." she whispered. "And now she's gone."

Moving around the room, Clarke stared at the walls that were now filled with pictures of the woman she loved. She had been incapable of stopping herself from drawing her face, her smile, her eyes and the way they had looked at her that last day. It haunted her, the way she had smiled while they were kissing in bed, knowing they had to part but hopeful that the next time they met it would be for good. Without the need to say goodbye to one another, to choose others before each other. She had seen the concerned looks her mother and Kane had given her when she arrived to the dropship in one of the horses Titus had given her. Murphy and she had parted ways when they reached the border that separated Arkadia from the rest of grounder territory and she had been both relieved and saddened to see him leave. Something about a woman that he was trying to find and that deserved to know that they deserved more than just surviving. That line had hit her hard and without hesitation she had given him money, clothes and a weapon to aid him in his search. Someone at least deserved to be happy in their fucked-up world. The rebellion that rose against Pike had learned the hard way that the man would do anything in order to keep his power, even kill people of their own. After a small fight, the remaining members of Pike's group decided to camp at the dropship where the 100 had lived before the creation Camp Jaha. It had been ironic for Clarke to see this and yet this small victory did nothing to stop her from remembering the brunette woman. Kane had taken his role of leadership seriously and was slowly rebuilding Arkadia. Now that Pike's followers were gone, the remaining people at the settlement were some members of the 100, Kane's supporters and Jaha's new group of followers. Clarke had been warned by her mother about his presence in camp and the strange chips he was giving people. Numbed completely, the blonde woman had not paid any attention to the warnings and instead chose to isolate herself in her old room, which is where she was right now, delirious and desperate to feel Lexa's warm body on top of hers, soft lips caressing her wounds and mending the pain of her role as a leader away.

"She doesn't have to be." she heard Jaha say to her with a smile on his face while looking around her room.

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked him warily. "And who let you come in here?" she replied angrily. This was her and Lexa's place and no one had the right to enter it.

"The City of Light. There's no pain there, only happiness, encounters with the people we lost and new chances in a better world." Jaha smiled at her. "We all know you're suffering Clarke. I came here to tell you that you no longer have to."  

"The dead are gone and the living are hungry." Clarke whispered and choked when she remembered who had told her that.  

"Not in the City of Light." he took a chip out of his hand and showed it to Clarke. "Ever since you came back you have been isolated in your room, suffering a senseless loss. You deserve happiness Clarke."

"I am Wanheda. Happiness is the last thing I deserve."

"In the City of Light you would not be Wanheda, only Clarke Griffin. Don't you want that?"

"There's nothing more I desire." she said dejectedly. "But I know that the moment I choose to end my pain it will be the moment I betray her memory. She died for this and I will not let it be in vain."

"Maybe one day you will not have to answer to your people." he told her and earned a surprised look from the blonde woman. "And the moment that happens you can come find me."

"You stay away from my daughter." Clarke heard her mother say to Jaha while taking a look at the room before focusing on the man again. "I still don't know what you're planning with all of this Jaha, but stay away from her."

"All I plan is to bring peace and happiness to my people, nothing more." he shrugged and gave one last look at Clarke. "You know where to find me." he told her and left mother and daughter alone.

"Clarke." Abby said softly. "You need to come out of this room. You need to tell us what happened. You need to start living again." she said while motioning at the walls filled with drawings of a very familiar face.

She was answered with only silence.

"Ever since you returned from Polis you have not spoken a single word to anyone. Octavia refuses to explain why and Indra is just as silent as you are. Should we be worried about the Commander betraying us again?"

This made Clarke react.

"The Commander did not betray us." she said angrily. "We betrayed her. You betrayed her by betraying me and the peace we were trying to build." she started to get more angry. "You allowed Pike to take control, allowed Bellamy to aid him and then kill thousands of people who were there to help us!"

"Clarke..." Abby was trying to calm her.

"And still she did not attack us. She held her forces at bay, earning doubt and anger from her people in return. She tried to maintain peace, she tried her best for Skaikru and we kept on abusing her forgiveness. And she paid for it." Clarke whispered the last part. "I had to see another person I care about die in front of me. For the mistakes of my people." she looked at her mother. "So don't you dare start saying that Lexa betrayed us. She died because of us. Because of me."

Abby looked at her daughter and saw the complete desolation and desperation she was experiencing. Obviously the two women had grown close for Clarke to be this devastated about her death. In fact, she had not seen her react this way when the boy Finn died. She had only seen Clarke like this when Jake was floated. _Oh no..._

"Clarke..." Abby raised her hands in surrender. "I'm sorry. For not being strong enough to stop Pike. For not being good leaders." she whispered.

"This is not your fault mother." Clarke whimpered. "No one outside of Polis knows. Not yet. And the moment they know it will be chaos."

"What will happen to us?" Abby whispered, scared.

"The new Commander pledged his loyalty to the 13th clan, just like Lexa promised me he would." she smiled sadly. "Aden has done nothing more than continue Lexa's blockade until we eliminate Pike and his followers."

"You mean kill our own people?" Abby asked horrified.

"I mean making the people responsible for genocide pay for their crime." Clarke whispered. "Blood must have blood."

"That's not our way Clarke." Abby said strongly.

"It is now." Clarke answered angrily. "It is what must be done if we want peace. And I am tired of war, of losing people I care about because of the mistakes and stubbornness of a few."

"But Bellamy is a part of them. Will you let Octavia's brother be killed? Will you kill him?"

"I will do what I must." she replied somberly. "He knew very well what he was doing when he murdered injured and defenseless grounders. Only this way we will have peace. Kane knows this. You know this."

"Just because I do that doesn't mean I agree with it."  

"It is more than what we deserve." Clarke said solemnly. "Lexa knew that the crimes of a small group should not be paid by a whole clan." she smiled sadly. "She was a visionary."

"You loved her." Abby said softly, feeling saddened about her daughter's continued suffering.

"I love her." Clarke corrected her. "And I never told her. She never knew how I felt."

"She must have known. She must have known you cared." her mother tried to calm her.

"I hope so." she was now crying openly. "Because everything she did she did it for me. To protect me from the pain of losing my people. I know that now."

"Then don't let her sacrifice be in vain. Help us. Be the leader you were meant to be, the one the Commander recognized the moment she asked you to meet. Your people need you again, Clarke."

Clarke looked at her mother and understood what she meant. That she had been born for this, and had been meant to be a leader of her people just like Lexa. She took a deep breath and stood up, realizing that it was time to make the people responsible for Lexa's death pay.

_Jus drein jus daun._

**Polis, 2150**

"That woman..." Clarke started muttering while moving around her room in anger and annoyance. "And how stupid can they be?!" she screamed and threw a vase to the wall. "Shit."

"Wanheda?" she heard a maid ask from outside the door. "Are you alright?"

"Sha." she replied evenly. "Just dropped something."

Closing her eyes to calm herself down, she tried her best to not yell again. She had been first brought to Polis against her will and there was nothing she could do about it. Guards were placed at her room's door and maids entered and did everything she asked them to. Lexa's hospitality had been at first irritable, and although the Commander had tried to talk to her, Clarke had refused to see her. Surprisingly, the brunette had respected her wishes and left her to her own devices until she needed Clarke. Lexa had offered Skaikru a spot at her Coalition, to be the 13th Clan and before Mount Weather happened that was everything Clarke had ever wanted for her people. But now she wanted nothing to do with the Trikru, with Lexa. So to be placed in such a role was getting on her nerves, making her hatred for the older woman grow and become poisonous. So poisonous that she hated herself for even considering Roan's offer. But she was already a mass murderer. One more life to add to her death sheet was not much.

Or that was what she thought until she found herself with a knife in her hand and the Commander's neck softly caressing it. She had been so close, had even be allowed by Lexa to claim her revenge. Had called it justice and murmured _Jus drein jus daun_ before Clarke lowered the knife and threw it to the floor. She had been weak, again, and it had almost destroyed her to see Lexa apologize to her for the first time for what happened. Perhaps it was that soft admission of fault, not towards Skaikru, but towards Clarke, what was now making her bow to the Commander. And surprisingly, Lexa had answered her in the same way, making a promise of loyalty and fealty of her own in the middle of the night. A loyalty that had been immediately tested when the Ice Nation challenged the legitimacy of Skaikru as the 13th Clan and Lexa had to defend them. A duel to the death with Roan, a fighter that had intimated Clarke when she saw him easily kill three soldiers. And that same man was going to fight Lexa just because the Commander was being doubted. Doubted for her mercy, for her desire to have peace. And Clarke, not wanting to see Lexa die because then Skaikru would also fall (or that was what she was telling herself), tried everything to stop the fight.  Nevertheless, it had been Lexa the one successful, the one that had showed the people of Polis that she was Heda by killing the Ice Queen and placing Roan as the new King. The relief Clarke had felt when the fight was over overwhelmed her and made her realize that her anger was slowly dissipating, it instead being replaced by concern. It was that, Clarke recognized, what was making her feel so conflicted right now. She wanted to trust Lexa but knew she was incapable of doing so. And it seems that Lexa knew it as well because tonight had been the first time she'll seen vulnerability in those beautiful eyes. Lexa was doing everything in her power to show her she cared, to show her a different side of the Commander and that was making Clarke face her own feelings for the brunette woman.

Lucky for her, she was brought out of her own line of thought when she heard someone knocking her door.

"I said I'm fine." Clarke replied tersely. The last thing she wanted was for a maid to stay in her room cleaning. She needed the space to think.

Again someone knocked.

"I said..." Clarke started to get close to the door but before she could reach it someone opened it and collided with the blonde. "What the hell?!" she said angrily and opened her eyes to see a woman lying on her back. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Entering your room before someone sees me of course." she heard a familiar voice and Clarke froze when she saw an older version of herself getting up.

"What..." she stuttered while separating from the woman. "What is this?"

"I know this is strange, but before I answer any questions tell me the year." other Clarke said to her.

"Strange?!" Clarke raised her voice. "Nothing strange in seeing another me in my room. And it's 2150. What year are you from?"

"Shit." the blonde woman muttered and started to move around. "2152." 

"You're from the future!" younger Clarke screamed. 

"Stop screaming or someone will come to check on you." she got scolded by herself. "I should be the one angry at you!"

"Why?! I have done nothing wrong!" Clarke started fighting back. About what she had no idea. But she didn't like the way this woman was staring at her. With hatred in her eyes.

"Yes you did! I don't know what you did, but you will fix it!" the older woman continued saying and younger Clarke saw tears falling from her eyes. "My life, all of it, gone." she whispered completely broken.

"I think I finally lost my mind." younger Clarke said and went to sit down near the bed. "I will close my eyes, count to ten and when I open them again you will be gone." she started counting and when she reached 10 she saw that her older self was still there.

"Satisfied?" she asked sarcastically while getting closer to her. "Listen, I reacted badly and I'm sorry for that." she took a deep breath. "But you need to accept that I'm real and I'm you."

"But this is impossible." younger Clarke mumbled.

"We both know that the moment we reached the ground the impossible became possible."

"Then explain." younger Clarke challenged her. "How is it possible for you to be here?

"I can't. I don't know how myself. I just know that when I woke up I was not in my home and I was here instead. I decided to take my chances and find you, well, myself."

"Home? You mean Camp Jaha?" younger Clarke asked her and saw the older woman smile softly.

"No. I don't live there anymore."

"If not there then where do you live?"

"Polis." future Clarke simply answered.

"So we have peace?" younger Clarke smiled happily.

"It took a while but yes, we finally achieved peace."

"Lexa?" younger Clarke hesitated in asking but she just had to know. W _as she still alive?_

"She's well." future Clarke told her and younger Clarke took a deep breath. "A feat not a single Commander before her has ever achieved."

Younger Clarke noticed the way her older self was smiling when talking about the woman. She knew that look very well, hell, she had to because it was the same one she made when thinking of the same woman.

"You love her." younger Clarke said and this made the future Clarke's smile disappear.

"She's my life." she said strongly, without hesitation. "She's my houmon."

"Your wife?" Clarke stuttered, completely shocked. _She was married to Lexa!_ "But that can't be! She betrayed me! I mean us!" she was confused. "At Mount Weather. She abandoned us! I mean me."

"No she didn't." future Clarke replied just as confused. "She rejected the deal the Mountain Men offered her. Chose to fight and it took us a while but we freed our people."

"But that's impossible." younger Clarke said dejectedly.

"It seems that the way things happened in our realities are completely different." future Clarke realized. "And if she betrayed you, I mean us, then why are you here in this room?"

"I don't know." younger Clarke answered. "I should be angry, I should hate her for what she did."

"But you understand why she did it." older Clarke smiled knowingly.

"Yes..." younger Clarke sat down in the bed. "The way her people look at her, they adore her. And I can see why. She gives everything for them, does what she can to keep them safe. And in return they offer her their loyalty."

"Unlike our own." future Clarke saw pain go through her younger self eyes. "Trust me, I know what you're talking about."

"Is it awful of me to feel these things for her when she betrayed me?"

"I think my opinion on the subject is biased because I'm married to her. I already love her and would do anything for her."

"I don't trust her. I'm starting to. But then everything else is just so confusing. I know she cares about me. I'm not stupid."

"It's her eyes." future Clarke chuckled.

"Yes." younger Clarke agreed. "So Lexa, I mean your Lexa, didn't betray you."

"She didn't. After we kissed and I told her that I needed more time we had to worry about Mount Weather. It took many months after that victory for us to see each other again. When it happened I knew that I was ready and that what I felt for her was true."

"Wish it could be that easy for me." younger Clarke muttered.

"Lexa is not an easy person to love. She has lost too much and that's why she protects herself." future Clarke grabbed her younger self's hand. "But she will open up to you. Just give her time."

"That's what we don't have. Time."

"What do you mean?" future Clarke asked concerned.

"Things here are not peaceful. I'm here in Polis as an Ambassador to Skaikru. But they're messing everything up."

"If they're doing so why are you here and not there fixing things?"

"I can't." younger Clarke whispered. "I had to do something horrible at Mount Weather. And each time I see my people I remember what I had to do for them. I just can't."

"You had to pull the lever, didn't you?" future Clarke asked softly. "Alone."

"You pushed it too."

"We pushed it together." future Clarke smiled sadly. "I was not alone."

Younger Clarke understood very well what her older self meant. _Lexa had pulled it with her._ "Me neither. But I made the decision. It was my call."

"Victory stands on the back of sacrifice." future Clarke told her.

"I know that saying very well."

"Perhaps it's time you take it to heart and return to your people, our people."

"I think I'm getting there." younger Clarke confessed.

"Perhaps the moment you do it it will be the moment I return home." future Clarke sounded hopeful.

"Are you happy?" her younger self asked her.

"Immensely." she said without doubt. "I never imagined life could be this good, this peaceful. I miss her." she whispered.

"I will help you return to her. I know that at least one version of myself deserves to be happy."

"Or maybe that's why I'm here. To help you find your happiness." future Clarke realized.

"I know what you're thinking and that is not the answer. I don't love Lexa."

"But you care about her."

"Caring and loving are two completely different things."

"But it can be love. You just have to give her a chance." future Clarke insisted.

"I did. And she betrayed me." younger Clarke said firmly.

"Trust me when I tell you that this is the way for me to return. I have a feeling about this."

"We don't know that for sure and you can't force me to love a person."

"But you already love her. She's our soulmate." future Clarke said loudly. "No matter in which place, time or situation we are, we will always love Lexa Kom Trikru."

"So we don't have the free will to choose who we love?" younger Clarke asked angrily.

"We do, but we know that we will love no other person more than her. For once don't be stubborn and trust me."

"You're being stubborn as well."

"This is my only chance to go back to my own life!" future Clarke screamed.

"We don't know that!" younger Clarke screamed back at herself. "Until we figure out why you're here and fix it you must stay inside this room. No one can see you."

"Ok." older Clarke agreed.

"And you can't see her." her younger self warned her.

"Hard to do if I can't leave the room." future Clarke said angrily. "You're making a mistake Clarke."

"The woman you love is not the same woman I know." younger Clarke said softly. "If she were she wouldn't have betrayed me."

"She must have had her reasons. Have you even let her explain why she did what she did?" she saw the way her younger self avoided her eyes. "I knew it. You're too scared to ask her because you know the moment you realize the truth you will forgive her. And you don't want to forgive her."

"How can I forgive her? After what she did."

"You won't know until you ask her. But trust me when I tell you that ignoring your feelings will cause you nothing more than unnecessary pain."

"More pain than the one I have felt would not be something new." younger Clarke murmured and left her older self alone. She needed time to grasp what had just happened.

**Polis, 2152**

"Can I come in?" Clarke asked when the guards that usually kept watch at Lexa's doors allowed her to move forward.   

"Clarke of the Sky People." Lexa said while smiling softly at her. "What can I do for you?"

"I came to say goodbye." she saw the way the Heda's smile disappeared.

"Already?" the brunette woman asked her.

"Ever since we destroyed the Mountain our people seem to be getting better along. Negotiations don't last as long as they used to." she teased the older woman.

"Indeed." Lexa smiled softly at her. "I don't want to see you go." she whispered.

"I don't want to go." Clarke confessed to her while getting closer.

"Then don't go." the brunette murmured and looked at soft eyes staring longingly. "You can stay here."

"There's no reason for the Ambassador of Skaikru to stay in Polis when no Coalition business is occurring."

"I'm not asking the Ambassador of Skaikru to stay here." Lexa said softly. "I'm asking Clarke Kom Skaikru."

"Lexa..." Clarke closed her eyes.

"I'm trying." Lexa muttered angrily. "The Spirit knows I'm trying but all I think about is you. Ever since we kissed I have longed for you. Am I alone in feeling these things?"

"You know you aren't." Clarke confessed. "But we can't. Your people would not accept it. My people would not accept it."

"Because I'm a savage?" Lexa spat.

"You know that's not what I feel. But there are others in my clan that are naive and fail to realize that we are all the same. Until that happens we can't."

"That's not the whole truth, is it?" Lexa asked her. "You're scared. You don't want to face what you feel for me and that's why you use your people as an excuse."

"Do you really think your people would accept me as the houmon of Heda?" Clarke asked angrily. "Me, a mere Skaikru."

"You are no mere Skaikru. You are Wanheda, feller of the Mountain and Ambassador of Polis. My people would have no say in who I am with because my houmon is mine. Not the one of the Commander."

"You are the Commander, Lexa." Clarke said sadly. "You told me that your people will always come first."

"And that is true." Lexa reaffirmed her.

"Then how do you want me to enter a union with you when there is the possibility of you choosing your people over me?"

"Because I want your people to become my people." Lexa said softly. "I want Skaikru to join my Coalition. Become the 13th Clan."

"Lexa..." Clarke whispered completely shocked. "Why now?"

"You said it yourself. Our people are getting better along, understanding and accepting each other. This is the next step, the one that will prevent a war from happening again." Lexa explained to her while getting close to her and grabbing her hands.

"What of the Ice Queen? She has been trying to find a way to keep Skaikru isolated. Inviting us to your Coalition is a way to do the complete opposite. Even force them to trade with us."

"It matters not what Nia thinks." Lexa said strongly.

"And are you sure that's wise?" Clarke teased her softly. "You were the one who told me to make decisions with my head and not my heart."

Lexa stared at Clarke seriously and this made the blonde's smile disappear.

"Ever since I met you I have done things differently. Ignored my own advice and warnings. And now that I find myself in this position, in love with you, I cannot force myself to pretend that what I feel for you is not real. I will not."

"Oh Lexa..." Clarke whispered and hugged the brunette woman.

"I can't be without you anymore, Clarke Kom Skaikru. Don't we deserve better than just surviving?" the brunette whimpered.

"We do." Clarke remembered what she had told Lexa all those months ago and realized that that was what they were doing. Just surviving.

"Then stay." Lexa begged her. "Become the 13th Clan. Stay with me." she whispered the last sentence.

"It will not be easy." Clarke warned her again. "Many will oppose us. Many will challenge us and our union."

"Then let them challenge us." Lexa replied fiercely. "Ai laik Heda. No one fights for me."

"For us." Clarke smiled softly. "No one fights for us."

"Then you will stay?" Lexa asked her and Clarke could see the hope shining in the brunette's eyes.

"I love you, Lexa Kom Trikru. All I want to do is stay." she whispered and closed her eyes when she felt Lexa's soft lips on top of hers.

_This,_ Clarke thought while kissing Lexa with renewed hunger and longing, _this was worth it._

"Ai hod yu in, Clarke Kom Skaikru." Lexa whispered again and allowed Clarke to softly push her to the bed. "I swear fealty to you." she continued saying while the blonde woman was taking her shirt off. "I vow to treat your needs as my own." she moaned when warm hands pushed her pants down. "And your people as my own." she closed her eyes and exhaled when she felt Clarke's lips slowly moving down her body.

"Forever?" Clarke whispered while she felt her own clothes being taken off by eager hands.

"Until the end of our days and all the other ones to come." Lexa vowed and that was the last thing the two of them said to each other before clothes were flying away and only their moans could be heard.


	2. Way Down We Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A saddened and coping Clarke gets a visit from a familiar face that reminds her too much of what she has lost.  
> Clarke bonds with her future self and is set to go to Arkadia with the body of the Ice Queen.  
> Future Clarke delves into the dark halls of Polis and discovers why she was sent to the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that usually timeline stories are difficult to write without an specific order or explanation about the different timelines. In this story I use the theory of Back To The Future.  
> Based on the theory used in Back To The Future, an specific event changing can lead to a completely altered reality. My argument is that this happened twice during Clexa's relationship. The first one was when Lexa didn't betray Clarke. This leads to Clarke marrying Lexa and becoming SkaiHeda. (AKA Polis 2152)  
> The second event that switched things completely was Lexa's death. This then leads us to the mental collapse of Clarke and her return to Arkadia. Clarke is known as Wanheda. (AKA Arkadia 2150)  
> The third timeline is the present, where current events are folding just like the season did (Lexa betrayed Clarke, Clarke does not trust her), but instead of continuing its normalcy to 3x07, we see that for some reason Skaiheda Clarke finds herself there. (AKA Polis 2150)  
> Any questions you have you can ask me on my tumblr account geekwithacuriousmind.tumblr.com

**Arkadia, 2150**

_10 days since Lexa died..._

Clarke felt soft hands caressing her face, flickers of brown hair covering her eyes and tender hands brushing her hips. She smelled a mixture of sweat and honey in the air, a reminder that the woman who was now on top of her was real. She was with Lexa, she could feel the weight of the brunette's body and the way it perfectly molded with her own. She smiled warmly, ravishing in the feeling of finally being at peace, of being loved and treated so reverently. All had been forgiven, circumstances reminding them that what they were now sharing was not forever and hence they should take advantage of it. Because they knew the way their world worked, how it always looked to spill blood. And maybe it was because of that that they were now desperately touching each other, biting and marking what they knew belonged to the other. Because Clarke realized that there would be no one like Lexa, no one who understood her and accepted her just as much as the brunette did. No one that loved her just as much as she did.

"Lexa." Clarke whispered and opened her eyes when the woman in front of her did not answer.

Instead of seeing beautiful green eyes staring back, she noticed the emptiness of her cold room inside the Ark. It made her remember what had happened, that what she had just seen was not real and it had been an awful dream, a reminder of what she had just lost. Things were not getting better and the sleepless nights took their toll on Clarke. She feared to fall asleep because her dream world was filled of Lexa, of moments the two of them had shared, and imaginary events that would never come true.

"Lexa..." Clarke whimpered and started to cry softly.

"Clarke?" she heard her mom calling her and Clarke tried her best to hide her tears.

"Coming." she said and after trying her best to not look like she had been crying she went in search of her mother. "What happened?" she asked when she finally found her.

"Someone's here to see you." she motioned towards the gates of Arkadia and Clarke's heart fluttered when she saw the familiar brand of the Heda.

"It's the Heda." she whispered softly. "I must go see him. Open the gates." she ordered the guards. "Marcus, join me."

After waiting for Marcus to get ready, Clarke had to do everything in her power to not run outside the gate. She had not seen Aden since the funeral and had not spoken to him since Lexa introduced them. Taking a deep, calming breath, Clarke went towards the welcoming entourage and managed to be cordial to Titus, who was standing right next to Aden.

"Clarke Kom Skaikru." he said solemnly and Clarke immediately noticed the change in him. This was no longer the boy she had met all those months ago. This was the new Heda.

"Heda." Clarke kneeled and Marcus followed her lead.

"You don't need to bow Clarke." he said softly. "I am glad to see you well."

"As I am glad to see you Heda. This is the new Chancellor of Skaikru, Marcus Kom Skaikru."

"I do hope that under your leadership Skaikru prospers and does not make the same mistakes it did in the past couple of months." Aden said seriously.

"Skaikru is thankful for the opportunity you gave us, Heda." Marcus started to say but stopped when the young boy raised his hand.

"The mercy Skaikru received was not offered by me. It was the legacy of my mentor and former Heda, Lexa Kom Trikru. It is her you should be thankful to." he said with hidden anger.

Clarke gulped and couldn't stop the couple of tears that fell from her eyes.

"Skaikru is willing to make the enemies that took out Heda's army pay the price of their actions. As a sign of good faith and willingness to follow the orders of the Coalition." Clarke said determinedly.

Instead of answering her, Aden simply raised his hands and the soldiers and guards that were inside the room understood the signal. "Leave us." he said to Marcus and the man gave her one cautious look before following Titus outside.

This was the moment Clarke had feared so much. What would it be like to be in front of Aden. Would it be like talking to Lexa, would he know what the two of them had, what the two of them shared? Would he feel what Lexa felt for her?

"Clarke." Aden said and this got her attention. "How are you really?"

"I don't understand the question." Clarke answered seriously.

"I feel this need to know you're well, this need to protect you." the boy confessed while smiling sadly. "I know this is because Lexa cared about you. And I will honor her wishes and desires. That is what she deserves."

"I cared about her too." Clarke smiled sadly. "And I miss her. But I know she would want me to keep her legacy alive, keep working for peace. And that's what she would like from you as well."

"And that leads me to the real reason I asked to be alone with you. Offering the criminals that murdered my people is completely different to what you had been asking of Lexa months ago."

"Jus drein jus daun." Clarke whispered.

"I thought that was no longer going to be our way?" Aden asked somberly.

"It was." Clarke confessed. "But our people are not there yet. Pike is proving to be more difficult to neutralize and I know that unless we kill him he will remain a danger for Skaikru and our attempts at peace."

Aden stared at her for what it seemed to be an eternity. Finally he spoke. "Is it revenge or justice Wanheda?"

"Both." Clarke admitted. "They are my people and it hurts me to see that this is the only way for us to have peace, but I..." she stopped talking to catch her breath. "I realize now that my sacrifice, and the one Lexa did for them, is one they don't deserve."

Aden nodded in understanding. "The Coalition will welcome you back the moment you give proof of this man's death." the Heda said solemnly. "Until that happens the blockade will remain active and any Skaikru outside of their territory will be killed on sight."

"Understood." Clare said determinedly. "What of Titus?" she managed to ask the other question she was dying to know the answer to. "What will be his punishment?"

Aden looked at her with understanding and sadness in his eyes. "The Flamekeeper's usefulness in protecting the legacy of the Commander is what has kept him alive." he confessed to Clarke. "His betrayal has not been forgotten and my Spirit does not trust him. It is vary of him and his intentions. It has learned from Heda Lexa's situation and now knows of how to act in his presence. It is careful."

"So he will live." Clarke whispered angrily. "He killed Lexa and took her away from this world, from me." she whispered the last part but she knew Aden had heard her. "And he gets to live and remain at your side. How is that justice?"

"It's not." Aden whispered back to her. "But the Spirit understands that its legacy is more important to retain than avenge Lexa's life."

"That's bullshit." Clarke said candidly.

"You underestimate the love Titus had for Lexa. He was by her side since she was a Natblida and then became her right hand when the Spirit chose her to lead. That bond, one of teacher and student, was destroyed by his own hand. Believe me when I tell you that keeping him alive, always remembering the consequences of his actions and betrayal, is worse than any possible death offered to him." Aden said seriously.  

Clarke looked down in sadness but accepted the decision that came from Heda. It was scary, but he could see her in him. His intelligence and leadership skills, the way she was confident of herself and her willingness to act with her head and not heart. It pained her to see but at the same time made her heart flutter, to know that Lexa's legacy and good qualities would live on in this young man. The Spirit of the Commander seemed to learn from each new person it lived on and this time he took Lexa's lessons to heart and was evolving into a better, more human and tolerant version of itself. It just pained Clarke to see that the price for it had been the life of the woman she loves.

"It pains you to see me." Aden whispered knowingly after a long silence.

"You remind me of her." Clarke confessed while giving him a sad smile. "I know she would be very proud of you Aden."

"As I am of her. This..." he raised his arms. "Is all thanks to her and her vision. The Spirit knows this and is saddened that such a good person suffered such a fate."

Clarke was confused by this.

Aden smiled sadly. "That it took you coming down from the sky, Wanheda, to show Heda that life is about more than just surviving. The Spirit knows this and is now doing what it can to finally live. That is the promise it makes you: To honor Lexa's wishes and see that her people start living again."

"Now it is my turn to deliver and make Skaikru play its part." Clarke said solemnly with tears in her eyes.

"Until that happens I await in Polis for news of your success." the Heda said softly. "Seeing you alive and well has calmed my Spirit. May we meet again." he raised his hand and Clarke grasped it immediately.

"May we meet again, Heda Aden Kom Floudonkru." Clarke said solemnly and watched with sadness the young man leaving the room.

**_Polis, 2150_ **

Morning had come and future Clarke was moving around the room frantically. After her younger self returned to sleep, she had expected her predicament to be over and find herself back in her own bed with her wife hugging her close. Instead, what had happened was that she had a sore neck from sleeping on the couch and a frantic younger version of herself was trying her best to keep it together. Realizing that what they had experienced was not a dream and seemed to be temporary, the two of them had been each other's company. Future Clarke had used the time to learn everything that happened in this timeline, starting from Lexa's betrayal at Mount Weather to the death of the Ice Queen. Based on what her younger self was telling her, Lexa had offered to escort her back to Arkadia (the new name change being the same in both timelines) with the body of the Ice Queen as an offering of peace and justice. They were meant to leave in a couple of hours and in order to pass time younger Clarke was telling her about the duel. Future Clarke chuckled softly when she heard how Lexa had basically impaled the Ice Queen.

"In my timeline getting rid of Nia was more difficult than here." she chuckled softly.

"Why?" younger Clarke asked her.

"Because Skaikru was supported by most members of the Coalition. It was only Azgeda the ones who wanted us out."

"Why?"

"Because Nia was against anything Lexa proposed." future Clarke laughed. "She just joined the Coalition because she knew that being an unallied Clan was going to be retaliated by war. And the last thing she wanted was to have a war with 11 Clans."

"Makes sense." younger Clarke agreed. "Right now it seems impossible for me to see the other Clans agreeing to us joining the Coalition. They hate us."

"They don't understand your ways." future Clarke explained to her. "Once they see that we share similar goals and dreams, assimilation will occur. People will start to mingle and create bonds."

"Is that what happened once you joined the Coalition?"

"It took a while for the Commander to invite us to join the Coalition. Before that, we remained as a trading partner of Trikru, Lexa's Clan. Slowly but surely we created ties with Floudonkru since Luna is a close friend of Lexa. Once that happened the other clans were willing to trade with us."

"There are some people inside our camp that don't understand that not all grounders are the same. Kane and my mom's position at camp is at danger."

"You said to me that Lexa offered to escort you to Arkadia and deliver the body of Nia. Jus drein jus daun. After that, your people will have proof that the Heda will protect them."

"I hope it all turns out as easy as you're making it sound."

"As long as your people don't screw it up it should be." future Clarke said and smiled softly when a guard said from outside that they were ready to go.

"What will you do while I'm away?" younger Clarke asked her.

"Will you come back?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know what will happen apart from me returning to Arkadia."

"Then I will wait for you in Polis until tomorrow morning. If you do not return then I will go to the dropship and remain there until you send word for me. It is imperative that we are not seen together."

"Ok, that sounds like a plan." her younger self was saying while putting her cover on. "But you can't stay here. So where will you go?"

"I live here, remember? I know Polis like the back of my hand. Benefits of being the wife of Heda."

"Something that still seems so strange to me."

"No it doesn't." future Clarke teased her.

"Shof op!" younger Clarke murmured and left her alone.

Taking advantage of the fact that she was finally left alone, Future Clarke took one of the longer capes that her younger self had in the room and immediately left. Roaming through the building was easy for her because she lived here with Lexa. Choosing to stay with the Heda at Polis had not been a hard decision for her to make. She knew that her people were well with Marcus Kane as the new Chancellor and that her mother could just come and go between settlements. That was an advantage that Skaikru had since they joined the Coalition; accessibility to grounder resources.

Hoping for the best in this alternate reality, Clarke skimmed from one room to the next, trying her best to silently move around without being noticed. Lucky for her, security lessened when Lexa was absent from the building and this meant less guards roaming around the halls. It took her a couple of minutes, but she found the exit to the building clear and was immediately blinded by the rays of the sun. She smiled when she finally felt at peace, surrounded by familiar places and even faces. But unlike many times where people nodded at her, this time they were staring with weariness and doubt. Deciding to keep to herself and just do what she needed to, she quickly skirted and moved around different stands, decidedly passing through sections of the markets that she explored many times with her wife. She just hoped that the place she was looking for was still here.

Luckily for her it was. She had heard of this store many times during her stay in Polis, had been even warned about entering it by her wife and many of her grounder friends. This place was popular between the lowest class of the clans because of the woman that owned it. She was said to be a very powerful watch and many came to her. It was said that she knew all, and although her wife had refused to admit it, Clarke was well aware that Lexa had visited the woman at least once. Waking up all by herself had been terrifying, and in her search for familiar surroundings she had stumbled upon her younger self (pretty clear that the odds were in her favor). So last night while she was supposed to be sleeping she remembered this woman, the things she had heard about her and realized that she had nothing to lose. She had already accepted her wife's belief that a Spirit was the one responsible for choosing who became Heda and this was another aspect that she could easily embrace.

She knocked the door and waited until an old woman opened the door and gave her a soft smile.

"Something troubles you child." she said.

"I am in need of counsel." future Clarke replied solemnly.

"Anything I can do to help SkaiHeda Clarke." the old woman further opened the door and allowed Clarke to enter. "Please sit down."

"Mochof." Clarke answered her after taking a seat in one of the many chairs. "What I will tell you will seem hard to believe at first."

"I know very well what ails you, Houmon Kom Heda." the woman smiled softly at her and Clarke opened her eyes in complete surprise. "Do not be so surprised dear. It is your eyes. They shine with happiness and are absent of the hollowness your younger self carries with her."

"How do you know that?" she stuttered. "That I am not from here."

"I know many things, child. Although it is quite interesting to see the lengths the Spirit has taken by bringing you here."

"The Spirit?" Clarke asked her still confused. "Brought me here. But I was at home, in bed with my wife. Is it all gone?" she whispered while crying.

"Your home is still waiting for you, SkaiHeda. You are the one gone."

"So Lexa doesn't know where I am." Clarke murmured softly. "She will be devastated."

"Do not be quite so sure about it. Just like the Spirit took you away it will ask Heda to trust it."

"So I will return to my timeline soon." Clark said hopefully.

"You will return when the Spirit deems it you have served your purpose."

"But how can I serve my purpose if I don't know it?"

"Your first assumptions about your purpose here were not so far away from the truth." the old woman smiled softly.

"So I am here because I'm meant to bring this time's Clarke and Lexa closer?"

"They already succeeded in doing that all by themselves." the old woman smiled sadly at her. "Even without your interference Heda and Wanheda were going to join each other."

"Then why even bring me here and confuse my younger self?" Clarke was now pissed. She was taken away from her wife for nothing.

"Something happens that stops them from being together, child. And you're here to help the Spirit prevent that from happening."

"What happens?" Clarke asked her.

"Heda dies." the old woman whispers and Clarke feels her whole world shatter when those words reach her ears.

"No, that can't be..." Clarke feels herself become numb when hearing the news. "Lexa can't die."

"She does." the old woman says somberly.

"You must tell me how!" Clarke screams while standing up. "I must stop this. She can't die."

"I cannot see how, merely what." the old woman says cryptically.

"Then what's the good in me knowing that Lexa will die if I can't do anything about it?!" Clarke continues ranting. "She could die right now for all I know of."

"She dies by one of your skaikru weapons."

"A bullet?!" Clarke says frantically. "She's going to Arkadia right now!" the blonde says while standing up. "I must go to her."

"Remember child that the repercussions of the Heda's death are even bigger than you losing your soulmate."

"I understand the rituals of the Heda." Clarke said solemnly.

"What you don't understand is that there is a darker force trying to obtain the Spirit of Heda, working against the natural forces of balance to obtain it." the old woman warned her. "Be careful with who you choose to trust."

"How can I protect her?" Clarke begged the old woman for some kind of lead.

"Skaikru just did an unforgivable sin. Repercussions for future Heda's actions will show you many who wish her dead. Remain cautious and alert child. Good intentions may have deadly consequences."

"What do you mean by that?!" Clarke argued but was stopped when a man entered the room in an anger fit.

"Skaikru killed them all!" he bellowed to the old woman who looked sadly at Clarke. "All 300 of our soldiers slaughtered in the middle of the night by cowards."

"That's not possible." Clarke whispered and this got the attention of the man.

"You!" he bellowed and went to attack Clarke who avoided his grip. "This is your fault. You Skaikru are poison to our people and the bringers of death. Heda's weakness will cost us all."

"Watch out with what you say of your Heda!" Clarke said angrily and with a quick movement had the man pinned to the ground with a dagger in his neck. "It is to my understanding that speaking ill will of Heda is punishable with 10 cuts. Am I correct?" she addressed the old woman who nodded in agreement.

"You are no part of our culture, only Trikru can impart punishment on other Trikru." the man sneered. "No matter how much you wish yourself to be Trikru you will never be one of us."

"I will never be one of you." Clarke stated calmly while taking her coat off and showing the man a big tattoo that represented her position in Trikru hierarchy. "Because I'm already one of you." she spat.

"It can't be." he stuttered while looking at the old lady who simply moved her head from side to side. "Heda's houmon."

"Sha." Clarke answered solemnly. "And as Heda's houmon, Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru, it is my responsibility to uphold Heda's laws and rules."

"Forgiveness, SkaiHeda." the man begged of her.

"Punishment will be delivered." Clarke stated firmly. "But I will spare your life in exchange of your silence and service to this woman. Those are my terms. Abide by them or your life ends by my blade."

"Sha, SkaiHeda." the man bowed and immediately received his punishment.

**_Polis, 2152_ **

"Skaikru joining our Coalition is not wise." Titus informed her while he stared at their joined hands. "You joining SkaiHeda is not be the best for our people."

"I have given everything for my people." Lexa said firmly. "And I know that they wish happiness for me just as much as I wish it for them."

"Azgeda will use this as an excuse to start war."

"The only thing Azgeda wants is war and kill Heda." Clarke spoke for the first time since the two decided to announce their engagement and Skaikru joining the Coalition to Lexa's trusted circle. It included Titus and Indra.

"And the Coalition has been what has stopped her from following her half-hidden threats." Titus seethed in anger. "Forcing the Clans to either accept your union or abandon the Coalition is not the way to do this. Please reconsider Heda."

"Clarke is well liked among the Ambassadors. Skaikru is respected and already has independent trade deals with many of the Clans of the Coalition. It has been because of Azgeda that I have been hesitant about inviting them to join us."

"Then why now?" he looked at Clarke, immediately blaming her. "Don't let your feelings cloud your judgment."

"Are you saying that I'm responsible for Heda's decision?" Clarke chuckled. "If only I had that kind of power."

"Clarke has nothing to do with my decision. This is the goal of the Coalition, lasting peace. Keeping Skaikru out of it is a way to possibly allow a future attack to occur. I will not stand for that."

"Skaikru are not your people."

"They will be the moment Clarke becomes my Houmon." Lexa replied solemnly. "And as Heda it is my duty to protect them as well."

"You!" Titus said while getting closer to Clarke. "You must remind Heda to think of her people first. Stop clouding her judgment."

"Heda is right in front of you and she can hear you perfectly." Clarke smirked at the man when he noticed his anger rising. "Heda knows that my opinion on the matter of Skaikru joining the Coalition is biased. But on the matter of our joining, Heda and I spent long enough ignoring our feelings. Nou mou."

"You will bring the destruction of Heda with you." he threatened Clarke and then stared at Lexa. "All you have worked so hard to build will be gone if you wish to continue with this ceremony." Titus warned them one last time.

"Then let it come." Lexa said strongly. "For Heda fights for her Houmon and she will honor her promise to SkaiHeda and her people."

"You'll doom us all." Titus finished and immediately left the room.

"He will be a problem." Clarke murmured to Lexa who nodded.

"He doesn't understand, always believed that to be the Commander was to be alone." Lexa whispered. "But he would never raise his hand against me since it's his sacred duty to guard Heda. You, on the other hand, are a completely different matter."

"So he's actually capable of killing me? That's what you're saying." Clarke teased her.

"If he believes that's the best way to keep me safe then yes, he is capable."

"What will we do?" Clarke asked her and noticed Lexa's gaze focused on Indra.

"Do you share a similar opinion to the one of Titus?" Lexa asked seriously.

"You know I do not, Heda." Indra said solemnly. "That's why you allowed me to remain in the room."

"Correct." Lexa nodded. "I need you to protect and train Clarke."

"Train?" Clarke asked.

"Sha, Houmon." Lexa gave her a soft smile. "It is part of our traditions for the wedded partners to engage in a fake fight. Because of that you need to learn how to fight. And, the skills you learn will also help you in defending yourself."

"Makes sense." Clarke shrugged and noticed Indra's annoyed look. "Come on Indra. You already trained Octavia. Your skills with transforming Skaikru to Trikru should be formidable."

"They are." Indra said softly. "Which is why Heda placed you with me."

"Indeed." Lexa smiled softly.

"But what of Titus, Heda?" Indra turned serious. "SkaiHeda is right in her suspicions of his intentions. He will not remain calm until Skaikru is out of the Coalition and SkaiHeda separated from you."

"Titus will be kept under watch. Anywhere he goes I want to know. Anyone he sees I want to be made aware of. He has already proclaimed his disapproval of Skaikru and I don't find it hard to see him betraying my trust."

"Sha Heda." Indra nodded and immediately left the two women alone.

"I'm sorry." Clarke apologized to her.

"For what?" Lexa asked confused.

"For forcing you to choose between your allies and me."

"A true ally would not force me to choose." Lexa replied solemnly. "And we agreed that staying away from each other was not an option." she whispered softly to Clarke.

"Lexa..." Clarke whispered back and got close to the woman's lips. She was intoxicating.

"Clarke..." the brunette moaned and was immediately held by the younger woman. Soft lips quickly explored her mouth, tracing and marking every part of it.

Only when the need for oxygen became too much did the two women separate from one another.

"Ai Houmon." Lexa said reverently.

"En ain." Clarke replied back just as much in love as Lexa was. "We face each day together."

"Or not at all." Lexa finished their vow and chose to concentrate instead on pink and swollen lips.

**Polis, 2150**

"You're back." Clarke heard her future self say the moment she entered her room.

"Things did not go as expected." she murmured.

"You think?" future Clarke said angrily.

"You know." younger Clarke realized.

"That a few of your people just killed 300 of grounder soldiers who were there with the sole orders of protecting you? Yes, I know." future Clarke said with hate. "The fact that Lexa has chosen to not attack is a clear sign that she cares about you."

"She's doing it because she wants peace."

"Don't be so stupid!" future Clarke screamed at her. "Do you have any idea of the repercussions Lexa could suffer for not attacking Skaikru?"

"Blood must not have blood if we want to achieve peace."

"She's not asking for the blood of your whole Clan. She only wants the people responsible and you convinced her not to do it. And because Lexa is Lexa she agreed." she said the last part softly.

"Do you hear yourself? You're talking about letting members of Skaikru be punished! And they are your people too!" younger Clarke said completely shocked.

"I am Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru. My people were murdered today." future Clarke said firmly. "Their hatred towards Skaikru is understandable and even deserving."

"Don't you think I know that?" younger Clarke closed her eyes.

"And yet you still are naive and reckless for standing up to them. For protecting ripas from paying for their crimes."

"Ripas?"

"Murderers."

"They are confused, they are being manipulated."

"They are not children!" future Clarke stood up from the couch. "The same happened with Finn. We were naive and we were basically protecting a criminal. Are you willing to place the safety of your whole Clan, even the ones that are in favor of joining the Coalition, for a few? Putting Lexa's safety on the line? Because that's what she's doing. Putting your safety before her own."

"No one would dare raise a hand against her, she's Heda."

"Because of her actions towards you, of her desire to please you and show you she has your back, many are considering it. The vote of no confidence was the first way to do it. Now it will be more direct."

"Bellamy is with them." Clarke whispered. "Remember his help and support before, when it was only the 100 on the ground?"

"I do!" future Clarke understood her younger self's dilemma. "But this is no longer a game, Clarke. Bellamy is an adult who knew very well what he was doing. He killed innocent people!"

"So have I!" younger Clarke screamed back at her.

"Those actions were done during war, Clarke. And you were saving your people! From men who were using them as bone marrow donors. What you did, and what Bellamy and his followers did, is not the same." future Clarke said strongly. "And if you continue to think this way then you will achieve to do what many have tried."

"And what's that?" younger Clarke whispered.

"Kill Heda."

"I don't understand."

"I mean that I know why I'm here. And that is to stop the death of Heda."

"Lexa will die?" Clarke whispered and felt her whole world become numb. "But she can't die, she's Heda."

"Just because she's Heda that does not mean that she's not human. Believe me, she's made of flesh and bones just like we are."

"So you're not here because you came to help me fall in love with Lexa. You're here to prevent her death." younger Clarke whispered. "I just don't see her own people killing her. Or anyone allowing that to happen."

"It was a gun." future Clarke whispered. "What killed Lexa, my wife. It was one of our guns."


	3. Incomplete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Arkadia, Clarke finds out that her attempts at getting Skaikru to join the Coalition have again been compromised. 
> 
> In Polis, future Clarke tries to understand why her younger self is asking Lexa to not make Skaikru pay for their crimes. She meets with the person she least expected to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this chapter I'm doing something I usually don't do, which is delve into the mind of a depressed character. TW for that and here is where the M rating is applied. It was difficult to write but I found it necessary to further show the level of desperation Clarke is in.

**Arkadia, 2150**

_14 days since Lexa died..._

3 days. Peace at Arkadia only lasted three days after the visit of the Heda was over. Clarke had promised to help Skaikru become members of the Coalition and at first it seemed that they were on the right path. Although Jaha's followers were making Clarke feel strange, they were still working and honestly seemed more relaxed and happy. The ones who were not a part of the new sect, some of the 100, Arkadia guards and security personnel, were doing their best to find remaining Pike supporters near the borders of the blockade. Although futile attempts, it did help Kane and Clarke know that the remaining members of Pike's group, Bellamy included in those, were staying at the dropship, which was inside Trikru territory. This protected and at the same time, prevented them from capturing Pike's people, something that was making Clarke bitter. She had planned on walking to the nearest village and ask permission for a special task to swiftly pass their territory and capture her rogue people. In fact, after discussing this with Kane and her mother, the three of them decided that they could wait no longer if they wanted to trade with the other Clans. Winter was approaching and because of that they needed goods that Skaikru was simply not capable of producing on their own. Nevertheless, on the eve when they were set on traveling to the nearest Trikru village, Clarke got awoken by a frantic Octavia.

"Chancellor Kane is asking for you." she said quickly.

"What happened?" Clarke asked while putting her jacket on.

"A small group inside Arkadia was loyal to Pike and decided to take some ammunitions and guns to the dropship." she whispered and Clarke understood immediately.

"Did they succeed?"

"No. They were killed on site by Trikru warriors following the blockade orders. A messenger from TonDc arrived a few minutes ago and is waiting for Wanheda to deliver his message."

"Then let's move." Clarke said angrily and noticed how Octavia flinched at her tone of voice. "How can they be so stupid!"

The mood around the camp was somber, the news pertaining the death of the rebels already known by most people. Tuning all the faces and voices out, Clarke decided to focus on what the messenger would say. Again, Skaikru had betrayed the terms imposed by the Heda. Again Skaikru had destroyed their opportunity at joining the Coalition and this time it was because of a small group of people that didn't think about the whole Clan. This made Clarke's anger increase. Everything that she was attempting to do, every sacrifice she had performed just to help these people that seemed keen on dying. They did not care about her pain. They did not care about Lexa's sacrifice. None of them did.

"Clarke..." she heard Kane speak to her. "How bad is it?"

"Skaikru broke another deal with the Commander." she spat with hatred.

"But it was not Skaikru's fault. It was a group of rebels." her mother answered for Kane.

"And they were Skaikru. Their behavior affects all of us and if a messenger is here then this is probably a warning from the Heda." Clarke whispered.

"Surely if it comes to that you can talk to him."

Clarke looked at her mother with hatred and anger. "To do what? Again deny his people the right for justice? To put his life on the line for a group of people that have no respect or care for his? Like Lexa did when she refused to avenge her soldiers?!" she continued saying outloud. "I will not be responsible for the death of another Commander!" she turned around to look at Kane.

"But they're your people!" Abby told her strongly.

"My people are becoming murderers and liars." Clarke said solemnly. "And that's not a legacy I want."

"We can talk about this later." Kane told them. "But right now we must speak with this messenger." he pointed towards the man dressed in Trikru clothes.

"Wanheda." the man addressed her only and Clarke nodded. "Word from Heda." he gave her a letter which Clarke immediately opened.

"What does it say?" Abby asked when she tried to read it and found it was in Trigedasleng.

"Skaikru is no longer welcomed into the Coalition." Clarke murmured. "The lands in which Arkadia is set up are willingly given by the Heda and established as hostile territory for the 12 Clans. As such, any Skaikru entering Trikru territory can be shot on sight and vice-versa. All trade deals are to be immediately stopped and Trikru soldiers will no longer help Skaikru. The punishment for any kind of war act against the 12 Clans is death."

"So we were banished." Kane whispered softly.

"Without trade we cannot get winter provisions." Abby said completely worried. "Clarke, you must do something about this."

"I think I have done more than enough." Clarke said somberly. "I hope you're happy with what you have all done. You refused to realize that the laws of the Sky could no longer be applied to the ground. Now we are all paying the consequences."

"Clarke!" Octavia spoke for the first time. "Heda listens to you. He cares about you."

"I will not ask Heda to put his life on the line. Not again."

"What happened to Lexa was an accident." Octavia tried again.

"Don't you fucking dare!" Clarke got closer to Octavia who refused to back-down. "Don't you dare speak her name. Not when you were so adamant in hating and judging her." she continued saying and noticed the way Octavia looked down in denial. "You judge every person for the actions they take and yet always fail to see the mistakes the people close to you make: Lincoln's mistakes, your brother's mistakes, even your own, all avoided just so you can feel better. I'm tired of being attacked by you and your delusional ideals. But it's even worse if you try to use me in favor of keeping your brother and Lincoln safe. " 

"But it wasn't your fault that she was shot." Octavia changed the subject, completely taken aback with what Clarke had said. 

"Yes it was. Because of me she died."

"You know that's not true."

"You don't know anything Octavia. She did it for me. So I would not suffer another loss. Because I begged her to keep Skaikru safe. Because she vowed to protect and treat my people as my own. So it is my fault and the fault of my people. My selfish people."

"They don't know what they're doing. We have to teach them!" Octavia continued fighting.

"If that's what you want to do then no one is stopping you, Octavia Kom Skaikru. But I will no longer suffer for the mistakes of my people."

"What does that mean?" Abby whispered.

"It means that the fate of Skaikru will no longer lie on my shoulders." she finished and left the three people in the room confused and desperate.

"Wanheda." the man followed her and Clarke stopped walking after they were alone. "You are aware of the other part of Heda's letter, correct?"

"Yes. I'm not sure yet of what I will do. It is one thing to not help my people and another one to abandon them."

"Heda cannot protect you if you stay in Arkadia. He told me to remind you this. You can come to Polis, live as one of us."

"There's nothing more I want." Clarke whispered. "But staying close to Heda would pain me too much. And he knows that as well."

"Please reconsider." the Trikru messenger said softly. "You are respected by many, Wanheda. Polis would welcome you with open arms."

"Polis has too many painful memories for me."

"I understand your trepidation at abandoning your family. I will wait until the morning and then start my journey towards the capital. You have tonight to make a decision, Wanheda." the man said softly and left her all by herself.

Clarke continued walking without an specific direction. She felt the weight of the decision she had to make on her shoulders. Aden was offering her a new chance, a new place to begin a life anew. No more worrying about her people, no more suffering for their mistakes. She would be free of the responsibility of leading them and trying to fix everything. This was the same thing Lexa had offered her and she had been so tempted to stay. She had wanted to stay close to the brunette and continue exploring their growing bond. But she had chosen her people, her responsibility as a leader and it had cost her. It cost her the life of Lexa and perhaps her only chance at love.

She chuckled. Lexa would choose her people without hesitation. She already did so when she betrayed Clarke at the Mountain. And yet months later Lexa had stopped doing so in order to support Clarke. Lexa had chosen Clarke against all odds and that choice had made the blonde fall in love with the brunette woman. Unlike her father, who chose to sacrifice himself. Her mother, who chose to do what she believed was right and betrayed her father. Finn, who chose to impart revenge against innocent people. Bellamy, who chose to follow a man hungry for war. No one had chosen to place her or her wellbeing first. Ironically, it had been the stoic and strong Commander the only one to do so.

"Why are you still haunting me?!" Clarke screamed the moment she entered her room! "Why?!" she started to hit the walls that were filled with paintings of Lexa. "I hate you! I hate you for leaving me, for not protecting me when you promised you would." she started crying. "For forcing me to come back here."

It was so unfair, to realize too late the love and longing she had always felt for Lexa. So cruel to have had a taste of loving the brunette woman, of kissing her lips, of holding her body close and feeling her strong muscles beneath her, writhing with desire and need. She had made the Heda beg for release. Had teased her endlessly and had made love to her tenderly. It had been perfect, a mixture of pain and pleasure that had allowed the two women to show how similar they were, how compatible they could be. She had rejoiced when she heard the soft murmurs and moans coming from Lexa's mouth, how desperate she had been when Clarke lowered her hand to her breasts. How shy she had been when that hand started to move lower. How much Clarke had loved to know that she was going to be the first one to touch Lexa since Costia. How much that simple act showed Clarke the level of trust and love the Heda had for her. It had made her heart fill with longing and desire. It had made Clarke bite and mark the powerful body under hers, had made her leave scratches on the woman's back and had made her lower herself to the woman's essence to tenderly make love to her.

"Lexa..." Clarke cried when the images of their encounter entered her mind. It had been like nothing she had ever experienced. And she desired it. She needed it. She was craving it.

Lowering herself to the small bed, Clarke closed her eyes and imagined herself back in Lexa's room. She imagined herself kissing the beautiful woman, stripping her of her clothes and pleasuring her for the whole night. She imagined herself being held by Lexa, her soft lips leaving a small trail on her back that made Clarke smile at the loving gesture. She imagined the feeling of Lexa's tattoos under her fingers, the intricate designs that she traced and memorized. That she had licked and bitten into. Lexa's hands had soon found themselves on Clarke's breasts, teasing and pinching her nipples without hurting her too much. It was just the right amount of pain to make her feel desire.

"Lexaaaa..." Clarke moaned while moving her own hands to cover her own breasts.

Lexa was now smiling at her, she was now moving herself to lay on top and to take control of the situation. Clarke could see the smirk on the woman's face and it made her want to playfully struggle with her. They started to move around the bed, switching from one body to the other being on top. Lexa was laughing with her, her laugh soft and content. Clarke had never heard Lexa laugh and it was heart-warming to know not so many had the privilege of doing so.

 _"Clarke."_ Lexa had told her when she had successfully trapped the blonde's hands under her own _. "Let me taste you."_ she whispered and Clarke groaned.

 _"Beja."_ Clarke had begged her.

"Beja Lexa, love me." Clarke was now moving her own hand to her pants and was imagining that it was Lexa's mouth. "Please love me."

Lexa was now in direct contact with her mount, sucking on her clit and making Clarke scream her name like no lover had ever done before. She could feel her desire becoming too much, her orgasm quickly approaching her and it made her push Lexa's face closer if that was even possible.

"Lexaaa!!" Clarke screamed and felt her release land on her own hands, bitterly reminding her that it had not been Lexa's tongue but her own hand the one giving her pleasure.

Closing her eyes and feeling ashamed of herself, Clarke was near the point of insanity and she knew it. She could not function anymore and the only way she could ever feel peace was when she was thinking of Lexa. She was not living, not even attempting to survive. And she knew that Lexa would not approve of this, would even reprimand her for destroying her own life. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter because the moment her spirit left this earth it would finally find Lexa and be happy. Happy and at peace.

 

**Polis, 2150**

After finding out that Lexa was going to die, Clarke realized that all the hatred and anger she thought she felt for the brunette was mostly gone. In fact, it had receded to the back of her mind since there were more important things to worry about. And one of them was that Lexa was murdered with a gun. Which meant that the person responsible for it was Skaikru. One of her own people was going to kill the Heda. Kill Lexa.

Although she found this theory hard to believe, based on the fact that all Skaikru were in Arkadia, she trusted her older self. That amount of pain and suffering the woman had shown while telling her the news could not be faked. And, as much as she wanted to deny it, she could see herself having a similar reaction to the one her future self had. Lexa and her had gotten close during her time in Polis, and it was becoming harder and harder to see the heartless leader and not the calm and intelligent woman. Clarke was attracted to this woman, could see herself caring for this woman, even loving her. And this did not appease Clarke's feelings when it came to dealing with her growing infatuation with the Heda. Because although the two of them were close, their people were the complete opposite. And they both knew that no matter what they felt for the other, they would always place their people before themselves. Lexa had tried to fix this with having Skaikru join the Coalition, had attempted to make them her people as well, had attempted to not choose between Clarke and them. But of course, Pike and Bellamy had ruined it all and now they were at the same crossroads they had been three months ago. An impossible choice between head and heart. Nevertheless, unlike last time, it seemed that Lexa had decided to do the opposite.

"Please don't ask her to do this!" future Clarke had begged her when the younger blonde returned from the throne room.

"Emerson deserves to die!" Clarke had screamed at herself. "It's justice."

"It's revenge and we both know it. Don't you see that you're being a hypocrite. Asking Lexa to not avenge her people's suffering but immediately demand revenge when it comes to your people's suffering?" future Clarke had spat angrily at her.

"It's different! Emerson blew my people up! With the help of Nia!"

"It's not different than your people killing 300 soldiers! And yet you beg Lexa to not kill them. Where is the justice in that? Who decided that Skaikru's blood is more sacred than Trikru? You?"

"Of course not!" younger Clarke said exasperated.

"You just want Emerson dead because you're expecting him to help alleviate your pain. Because him and Cage forced you to pull the lever."

"You know nothing." she spat at her older self.

"That's the thing, I do know because I'm you! And if I were in your position I would do the same! But you can't Clarke. If you do this, you will shatter Lexa's attempt at peace. All she has done, killing Nia and forgiving your people, will be destroyed. Do you really want that?"

"Of course not." Clarke whispered. "But it's the only way I can move forward."

"Sometimes it's better we remember the pain we feel. It's what makes us human Clarke. Life must hold meaning so that it's harder to take it from someone else."

"But he killed innocent people."

"And so did we." future Clarke whispered. "And it's a part of war that will always remain. That's why what Lexa is doing now will make things better. You will make a change. Maybe not now, but in the near future."

"I thought you were against Lexa not killing Pike's soldiers."

"I am against it." future Clarke said softly. "But this is not my reality, I have not lived what you have lived and I must respect your reasons for wanting something. But at the same time I will not let you do anything to further compromise Lexa's life."

"And me killing Emerson would do that?" younger Clarke asked.

"Definitely. It would send a message that she values Skaikru blood more than Trikru. It would mean she's placing your people before her own."

"But we are one people."

"No Clarke. The moment Pike rejected the brand your people became that, _your_ people."

"Fucking Pike." younger Clarke said angrily. "Titus will not be happy with this."

"He always hated me too. Thought I made Lexa be weak."

"When Lexa is in fact the complete opposite." younger Clarke chuckled.

"But Titus is right in one thing: You are her weakness. We are Lexa's weakness and the more you put her at odds and force her to choose, the more obvious it will be." future Clarke said somberly.

"I will not stop myself from doing what's best for my people! I can't do that."

"Even if that means the death of Lexa?" future Clarke whispered.

"I know she would not want me to put her before my own people. Just as she knows that I know she puts her own people before me."

"You tell yourself that in order to make yourself feel better." future Clarke stood up from the bed and started to angrily put her shoes on.

"Hey, where are you going?!" younger Clarke asked.

"Out, so don't move from this room." she spat at herself and without another word left the room.

"Idiot." future Clarke muttered to herself while walking through familiar halls. She had been locked up in her room for too long and a change in scenery was actually calming her down.   

Each day that passed by made future Clarke become more desperate. She was honestly confused about what was happening and she was desperate for a way to return home, to her wife and their life together. Everything in here was a mess and it seemed that her younger self was just as lost as she was. But at the same time she understood her well; Lexa had betrayed her and Clarke knew how much she valued trust. And Lexa had broken that trust. So it was no surprise for her to see that their growing and developing relationship had been put on hold. And she meant put on hold because she knew that the feelings her younger self felt for the Heda were not gone. They were real and still present based on the way her younger self looked when someone talked about Lexa. She just had to convince her younger self to stop being stubborn and confront the Heda about what happened at the Mountain.

Still, that didn't seem to be her only problem. Just like it had been when she got married to Lexa, Titus was again causing problems for her younger self. She understood the amount of care the man had for Lexa. Her wife had explained how he basically raised Lexa and taught her everything she knew. How the natblidas came to Polis after their blood was discovered to be black, how they had to abandon their families and train every single day. How they feared and expected the Conclave to occur, the sacrifice of facing the many trials and hopefully remain the last one standing. It was brutal, Lexa had told her, but it was and had been their way since the bombs fell. And no matter what she believed in, Lexa was not going to break the tradition. And Clarke respected that decision. Still, just because she understood why Titus did the things he did, she immediately realized that he was a dangerous enemy to have. The advantage that future Clarke had was that Lexa had seen Titus directly threaten her, which meant that she placed Indra to follow him and train her. The Lexa of this time was not knowledgeable of the threat Titus was to her younger self. And since the two women refused to talk about anything serious, it all depended on her to keep her younger self (and hence herself) alive. Which is why she was now making her way to his room, trying to somehow find any kind of evidence that could aid her. Just as she had told Lexa all those years ago (or years ahead since she was in the past?) Titus was capable of anything if he honestly believed that he was protecting Lexa. He was even capable of killing Clarke if that meant securing the Heda's future.  

"Clarke?" she heard a familiar voice call from behind and she froze in fear.

She had not expected anyone to find her, not at these late hours. So to be found, and by none other than Lexa was shocking. Preparing herself, Clarke took three deep breaths and turned around to face her wife.

When she did, she saw her wife, as beautiful as ever, staring at her with concern and curiosity. She was younger than what she remembered, her eyes just as green as the ones of her own Lexa and there was an obvious sadness in them. Just like the old woman had been capable of knowing she was from another time, Clarke was capable of knowing that this woman was not her wife. She had suffered more and was burdened by the choices forced to take. Momentarily forgetting about keeping her identity a secret and feeling a desperate desire to comfort her wife, she pulled Lexa close to her and immediately started to hug her. It was obvious that the brunette was not expecting this, and after a couple of seconds, Lexa started to hug her back just as tightly.

It took all of Clarke's willpower to not press her lips on the woman's neck. She smelled the same way her wife did, looked the same way and fitted in her arms just the same. How much she missed Lexa. It had been a week already since she was gone and the distance was making her heart and body become desperate. Only Clarke and the old woman talked to her and that amount of isolation was getting to her. To see Lexa like this, just as concerned and willing to place her first was enough to make her cry. She could never imagine her life, her existence, without this woman by her side.

"Clarke..." Lexa asked her. "What happened? Is something wrong?"

"Just missed you. How much I have missed you." Clarke whispered mostly to herself but the Heda still heard her.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked her confused but allowed her the contact.

"I'm sorry." Clarke realized that what she did came as a shock since all her younger self had done was reject Lexa.

"Don't be." Lexa smiled softly. "It is ok to seek company when feeling sad."

"Is that why you're not sleeping as well?" Clarke teased her softly and smiled when Lexa winked at her.

"Something that is not new." Lexa chuckled. "I tend to walk around the building when I can't sleep. Usually my walks are not as interesting as this one."

"What troubles the great Heda?" Clarke understood that her wife was restless.

"You know what troubles me, Clarke." Lexa was honest with her.

"Getting rid of traditions is not an easy thing to do." Clarke said softly. "What you're doing is very brave and although it doesn't seem like it, you have people that support it."

"Many do not." Lexa said bitterly. "My Ambassadors and even my own advisors turn against me, call me weak."

"We both know that weak is the last thing you are, Heda."

"I have been weak." Lexa whispered while staring deeply at Clarke. _Weak for you,_ was clearly implied.

"To concede a battle is not a sign of weakness." Clarke replied softly. "You're doing what's best for your Coalition Lexa. Perhaps it's not what is best now, but it is what is best for the future."

"If only the others saw it as clear as you do." Lexa chuckled softly. "Although your opinion is somehow biased it is still true."

"Give them time. People change." Clarke said softly and it took every bit of strength she had to not hold the brunette's hand.

"I hope so, Clarke Kom Skaikru. Or my Spirit will not stay where it is." she joked.

"Don't even say that!" Clarke said angrily and grabbed Lexa from her shoulders. "Don't even joke about it."

"I'm sorry." Lexa said softly. "I am safe."

"We don't know that."

"My guards will protect me. Titus will protect me."

 _I fear that he will end up destroying you instead of protecting you,_ Clarke thought to herself.

"You almost died already in a duel to the death. Sorry if I don't find jokes about your death funny."

"Forgive me Wanheda." Lexa said solemnly.

"Don't call me that." Clarke begged her. "To you I'll always be Clarke."

Lexa took a look at her, a deep and focused look. Clarke refused to take her eyes away from green ones and she smirked when she saw the Heda confused. It seemed that although her younger self wanted to ignore the connection they had, Lexa was well aware of the bond the two shared. And she was obviously taken aback by what she was seeing.

"You confuse me, Clarke Kom Skaikru." Lexa confessed.

"Why is that, Lexa Kom Trikru?"

Lexa looked up at Clarke and saw the teasing smile on the blonde's face. "Because of that." she whispered. "The way you act towards me. Cold and uncaring some times and others in the complete opposite way."

"You betrayed me Lexa, what more do you expect of me?" Clarke whispered.

"I understand." Lexa said softly. "I betrayed your trust and I am sorry for that. But I'm not sorry for saving my people."

"Wait..." Clarke stopped her because she knew where this was going. Lexa was going to explain what had happened at Mount Weather and this was something her younger self deserved to hear. "Tonight is not the night to discuss this. Not when you just had to fight with your closest allies." she decided to assume that was why Lexa was restlessly walking around the building.

"You're right." Lexa conceded and stared at the door. "In that case I will leave you."

Clarke closed her eyes and stopped herself from begging the brunette to stay. From begging her to kiss her, to love her.

"Good night Lexa." Clarke said softly to her and grabbed her hand in a tender manner. She just could not help herself from establishing that kind of contact.

Lexa smiled at her and squeezed her hand back.

"Good night Ambassador." the brunette smiled one last time at her and immediately left her alone.

 _Holy shit,_ future Clarke murmured to herself and decided that she had already done enough exploring for today. She had to tell her younger self what had happened just in case Lexa decided to mention it to her. And, based on what had almost happened, it seemed that her wife was getting closer to confessing her feelings to her younger self. The moment that happened it would all depend on Clarke. She just hoped younger Clarke would be receptive and willing to forgive.


	4. What Hurts The Most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Polis 2152, the meeting of the 12 Clans will take place and Heda and Skaiheda will announce the joining of Skaikru as the 13th Clan and their joining to one another. 
> 
> In Arkadia 2150, Clarke reaches a new low and Abby is forced to make a decision. 
> 
> In Polis 2150, Clarke learns more about Trikru spirituality and makes peace with what happened at the Mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for your support and for following and favoriting this story. Your comments make me want to write faster! We're getting to the interesting part of the story and I hope that with familiarity it will become easier to understand the different time jumps. Kudos and comments are always welcomed! Questions? Don't hesitate to ask. TW for suicide thoughts and attitudes. Skip Arkadia 2150 if wanting to avoid that.

**Polis, 2152**

Clarke was a mess. Today they were going to announce to the Ambassadors that the Heda invited Skaikru to join the Coalition. Not only that, but they were also going to let the 13 Clans, including her own, know that the two of them were going to be married. After Lexa asked her to stay in Polis, Clarke had sent a rider to Arkadia to let Kane know of her extended stay. An extended stay that had lasted 8 months, which was the wait time between Coalition meetings. Of course, knowing that her mother was not going to be satisfied with a simple Trikru messenger, the woman had come to Polis with the company of Lincoln and Octavia. She had been expecting Clarke back and was disappointed when she heard that her daughter's intentions were to stay in the grounder capital. Because of that, the woman had decided to set up a medical practice in Polis (after receiving the approval of Heda) to teach Trikru healers modern medicine. Clarke had been excited at the idea of their cultures becoming closer. And, although she knew that her mother's ulterior motives were to keep an eye on her, she noticed the joy Abby felt when helping the Trikru.

Still, during those eight months she spent in Polis, Clarke kept her engagement with Lexa a secret. Both of them had agreed to only share the news of their joining the moment the Coalition met. They knew that Nia had many spies inside Polis and perhaps even inside the Trirku army. Not only that, but they were also suspicious of Titus, who had remained at Heda's side but clearly showed his disgust towards Clarke and her ideas. Ironically, Indra had been the complete opposite, immediately welcoming her to train with the Seconds. The experienced warrior had been surprised at the quickness with which Clarke learned to fight, an ability that seemed to be possessed by many young Skaikru.

So instead of having the opportunity to calmly explain things to her mother (who may or may not know about her bond with Lexa), Clarke now had to announce her engagement in front of a room full of soldiers. This was definitely going to get her mother pissed at her and Clarke dreaded the expected conversation the two of them would have.

"Houmon?" Clarke heard Lexa ask for her and turned around to see her fiancé in her usual armor.

"You are a sight for sore eyes." Clarke complimented her and earned a small smile in return. "What's wrong hodness?" Clarke started to use the term and Lexa had loved it since the first time she said it.

"Nothing." Lexa got close to her and grabbed her hands tenderly. "I just never thought that I would have this. Love." she explained. "Not after what happened to Costia." Lexa looked down in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I should not talk about her."

"Costia and I are completely different people darling." Clarke appeased her. "You know that and I know that. You talking about her does not bother me. In fact, I'm happy you met her Lexa."

"Losing her was hard. But I was able to get over it. I thought beforehand that it was because I was strong and the Spirit aided me." Lexa whispered completely vulnerable. "But what I feel for you... It's so much more than what I felt for Costia."

"Oh Lexa..." Clarke whispered completely enamored.

"And I should feel bad because I did love Costia. And her loss did hurt me. But I know that if I were to lose you I would not be able to move on. The love I had for her was the one of a child; naive and sweet. But for you I feel this longing, this passion and desperation to always remain close to you. I know that the moment your life ends I will go and join you in the next part of our journey immediately."

"But you're Heda." Clarke said completely shocked. "Your people."

"My people have the Spirit of the Commander to guide them. After my death it will find a wiser Heda than me. It would know that my life without you would be no life. It would be empty, desolate and a shadow of what it has been before I met you."

"You say the most heartbreaking things." Clarke murmured and kissed Lexa lovingly. "Osir keryon ste teina."

"Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun." Lexa promised.

"Feva." Clarke smiled warmly at her fiancé and made sure to continue touching her. The woman was intoxicating. "Is that why you came to see me? To proclaim your never ending love for me?"

"If only." Lexa said while smiling lovingly at her houmon. "The reason I'm here is to prepare you for what will happen."

"What will happen?" Clarke said seriously. This was not her fiance speaking to her, this was Heda.

"Two possibilities. The first one is that Azgeda quietly accepts Skaikru joining the Coalition and our joining. The second one is that Azgeda rejects Skaikru and challenges my nomination."

"And how could they challenge your decision. You're Heda." Clarke asked, confused by the way grounder politics worked.

"When I created the Coalition I had to add compromises the Heda would follow. In return for the Clans loyalty, I offered that at any time my rule could be challenged in two ways: A vote of no-confidence with a ruling majority or a duel to the death can be the only ways I can lose the right to be called Heda."

"I thought the Spirit was the one that decided you could be Heda. Wouldn't challenging you be against the word of the Spirit?"

"If the Spirit still believes I'm fit to command then it will aid me in winning any of the two challenges. If I fail then that means the Spirit no longer favors me. That would then lead to a new Conclave and election of Heda."

"Neither option calms me since in both of them your life is in danger." Clarke huffed.

"My life has always been in danger since I became Heda." Lexa smirked. "But be assured that the vote of no confidence will not pass. Skaikru is well liked, and based on Indra's inquiries, many of the Ambassadors will vote in favor of Skaikru."

"You're expecting Nia to challenge you to a duel." Clarke realized.

"Not me. But you. And since we will announce our joining it would mean that the result affects me. We will be seen as one, houmon." Lexa said softly.

"I will not let you down Lexa." Clarke vowed.

"I know that." Lexa smiled softly. "And you must know that my reputation is the last thing that concerns me. Your safety will always be my priority."

"Then what will we do?" Clarke asked while allowing Lexa to hold her close.

"Skaikru can choose a champion to fight." Lexa murmured. "Which I know is what Nia will do."

"Lexa, you know that our people don't know how to fight the way Azgeda soldiers do. I'm the one with the most training."

"I wasn't only talking about a born Skaikru." Lexa smiled softly and looked towards the door. "You may enter." she said and immediately Lincoln and Octavia entered the room.

"Octavia!" Clarke smiled warmly at the sight of her friend and hugged her tight. "I was expecting to see you after the meeting."

"Indra asked us to talk to Heda and here we are." she pointed towards Lincoln who nodded in agreement. "We are happy you two will join. But you do know that the moment you announce it at the meeting your mom will want to kill you. For not telling her earlier." Octavia smirked at the two women who looked down in embarrassment.

"I think I prefer to face the wrath of Azgeda than the one of Abby Kom Skaikru." Lexa muttered and Clarke hit her softly in the arm.

"Not funny." Clarke scolded her.

"It kinda is." Octavia laughed but then turned serious. "We want to volunteer as champions for Skaikru. I was born Skaikru and all of this time I have been training with Indra. Trikru warriors are the fiercest ones in the Coalition." she said to Lexa who looked up with pride.

"And although I was not born in the Sky, my union with Octavia makes me a member of Skaikru as well as Trikru. It would be an honor to fight for you and my Heda." he said strongly.

"I appreciate it. Both of you." Clarke smiled softly at them. "But I will face this challenge. I am SkaiHeda, feller of the Mountain and Houmon of Heda Lexa Kom Trikru. To challenge me is to challenge her and I will not back down."

"Houmon." Lexa said softly.

"I have been practicing with Indra diligently." Clarke smiled warmly. "I may not be seen as much, but I promise to not disappoint you Heda."

"I trust you Houmon." Lexa gave up because she knew Clarke would not give it up. Nevertheless, she decided to have a meeting with Indra and prepare for the worse. There was no way, Coalition and her position as Heda be damned, that she would let Clarke die.

"Good, then it's settled." Clarke smiled and immediately turned around to face Octavia and Lincoln. "I assume you two have not mentioned anything to my mother about tonight's proceedings?"

"We did as you both asked." Octavia smirked. "Wish Bellamy was here to see her face the moment she finds out you will marry the Commander."

"I'm sure you'll be very descriptive when you tell him about this." Clarke shrugged.

"Heda." Indra entered the room and looked around her. "SkaiHeda." she said solemnly. "We are ready for the meeting."

"Octavia and Lincoln, go with Indra and help her in anything she needs." Clarke said to her friends and they both nodded. "Are you ready?" she asked her fiancé.

"Are you?" Lexa asked softly, afraid.

"With you by my side I'm ready for anything, my Heda." Clarke said seriously.

"Then I'm ready." she squeezed Clarke's hand one last time and immediately allowed the Spirit of the Commander to enter her, give her the strength and fierceness she knew she would need tonight.

**Arkadia, 2150**

_30 days since Lexa died..._

"Clarke, Clarke!" she could hear her mother screaming outside her room. "You must open this door." the woman begged. "You have not left this room in three days! You must eat."

I don't want to, Clarke thought but refused to move a single muscle. Her life was in this room, the only place where she could think of Lexa, of what they had had.

After having masturbated to the memory of the brunette woman, Clarke had lost any sight of what was real and what was not. She had been consumed by images of green eyes, of bodies on top of each other, of whispered words and silent promises. Of wasted chances and missed opportunities. Every conversation she had with Lexa replaying on her mind, every little detail that had shown Clarke the Commander cared about her burning her memory. The signs she had chosen to ignore but now craved to have. While Lexa was at peace she was not. She had felt as if a piece of herself had died with Heda. That part of her soul that had remained after the Mountain, the one that was still capable of loving, simply gone.

"Break the door." she heard come from outside and with a loud bang she saw many people entering her room, her sanctuary.

"Clarke..." her mother whispered when she saw the state in which she was. Naked, eyes wild and with bruises on her body. "What have you done to yourself?" she whimpered.

Clarke remained motionless, not caring about her appearance or the people inside her room. They did not matter. Nothing mattered. She had failed Lexa. She had failed her as a friend, as a lover and as a fellow leader. She had tainted the memory of the woman, had been incapable of continuing her legacy of peace and was now incapable of living. She felt hands wrap around her, covering her body with a blanket.

"Sweetie." Abby cried while hugging her daughter tightly. "Come back to me, come back to us."

"It's as if she doesn't want to live anymore." Octavia said from outside the room. "There's nothing we can do for her."

"We can help her!" Abby screamed. "I will not see my daughter die slowly. I can't."

"You can't force her to live." Octavia said sadly. As much as she had hated Clarke, she felt pain and sadness at seeing the strong woman reduced to this. The death of Lexa had hit her hard.

"I can't lose her." Abby whimpered while standing up and carrying most of Clarke's weight with her. "It's as if that woman bewitched her." she said with hate when she saw the many paintings of Lexa around the room.

"She loved her." Octavia said sadly. "We never knew. And we condemned her for believing in her, for trusting her. We abandoned Clarke."

"She left." Abby whispered dejectedly.

"Because we failed her many times. We thought that she was invincible but even the mighty Wanheda reaches a point where too much death takes its toll."

"I don't know what to do." Abby cried. "How can I help her."

"We can't. Only Clarke can help herself now." she said while pointing at the blonde who was just listening to them.

"But she's not eating."

"In Trikru culture we call this Wamplei kom tenia keryon." Octavia whispered. "It means death of the entwined soul."

"So she's dying because Lexa died?" Abby asked shocked. "That's preposterous."

"Clarke loved Lexa. Watching her die tore a part of her soul. She simply does not want to live because she knows that Lexa is waiting for her on the other side."

"Other side?" the doctor asked.

"Trikru believe that the moment they die they will await for their soulmate. No matter how long it takes for the other to die, once the two souls meet again the will move on to where the Spirit deems it, being either eternity or another chance at living."

"Reincarnation." Abby realized. "Clarke cannot believe these things."

"It seems she does." Octavia whispered sadly. "Or will die based on that belief." the younger brunette finished and left the room.

"I will not let that happen. I will not let my daughter die." Abby said solemnly and after placing a guard to keep an eye outside Clarke's room, Abby made her way towards the outside of the Ark.

The doctor in her was not capable of saving her daughter. And she should accept it, live with it. But the mother in her was not going to give up on Clarke, not again, never again. No matter if the only option she had went completely against everything she believed in. Closing her eyes, she considered the consequences of what would happen. They were numerous, but that was better than losing her daughter to a dead lover.

"Jaha." Abby said while approaching the man.

"What can I do for you Abby?" he asked while smiling.

"That chip." she pointed towards the bag that must have had them. "How long does it take until it works?"

"Immediately." he answered her with a big smile.

"I need one." she heard herself saying.

"I knew you were going to see the light soon enough. We'll be happy to have you join us."

"It's not for me." Abby whispered. "It's for Clarke."

"The only way the chip will work is if it's taken willingly." Jaha told her.

"Why? If it's medicine then it should work no matter what way it's administered."

"Because this is more than medicine. It's a choice to stop pain. To end suffering. The people that take this chip choose to do so because they are choosing to live. I don't think your daughter wants to alleviate her pain."

"Of course she does." Abby said strongly. "No one likes pain."

"Pain is a feeling, Abby. To feel something is for some better than feel nothing at all. Your daughter seems to fall under this category."

"Talk to her." Abby begged. "Make her see that she must take it. I beg you, Thelonious."

"Before you didn't want me to come near her. Now you're asking me for help. What changed?" the man asked her.

"Any alternative, no matter how fantastical it seems, is better than losing my daughter to the memory of a dead lover." Abby said strongly.

"Then I will talk to her and do my best." Jaha gave her one last smile and sat back on the floor in the middle of his followers. "Until we meet again Abby." he whispered and closed his eyes.

Abby was not sure if she had made the right choice. But what she was sure of is that she was not going to lose her daughter. Not again.

**Polis, 2150**

"I knew you would do the right thing." future Clarke told her the moment she entered her room.

"It wasn't easy." Clarke whispered while sitting on the bed. "I almost went ahead and killed him. I was determined to do so. But then I saw the way Lexa was looking at me. With disappointment."

"I know that look very well." future Clarke chuckled.

"But that was not it. It was the fact she even when disagreeing with my choice she was letting me make it. She was giving me the freedom to choose my own path."

"And it has been a long time since you've felt that kind of freedom."

"Every choice I make it's based on what I believe is the best for my people. But killing Emerson was a whole different matter. It was my choice to do with him as I deemed. And no matter the decision I took it would not further injure the position of Skaikru."

"But it would have injured Heda's." future Clarke said and her younger self nodded. "I'm proud of you, well, myself."

"Lexa was proud as well. She gave such a beautiful speech. Sometimes it makes me wonder how it's possible that her vision and wisdom can come from people that tend to only desire for war and blood."

"The Spirit is wise when choosing a vessel. It saw the best in each Natblida and elected the one with the purest and noblest intentions."

"You are very knowledgeable of the spirituality of Trikru and the Heda." younger Clarke said surprised.

"I'm Heda's houmon." future Clarke chuckled when her younger self blushed. "I'm supposed to know these things."

"But you believe it?"

"I didn't at first." future Clarke admitted. "But after everything that Lexa and I have been through it's hard not to. My presence here is testimony enough of its power. Logically and scientifically this shouldn't be possible. Yet here I am, talking to you."

"So Lexa is truly in danger. From one of our own people." younger Clarke whispered.

"It seems so."

"What happens when the Heda dies?"

"Her Spirit chooses another vessel. Since I'm the Houmon of the former Heda I remain with the new Heda until he or she reaches maturity. After that I am free from my duty as Houmon of Heda." she whispered

"There's something more you're not telling me. I see it in your eyes." her younger self said.

"Trikru believe that soulmates will always meet again, find each other either in the afterlife or in a new one. But none will leave until the other reaches them. That can only happen when both Spirits are released."

"Until you die?" Clarke asked completely shocked.

"I know it seems extreme to you." her future self said softly. "But you don't love her as much as I do. Not yet. And until that happens you will not understand the pain one can experience when losing their soulmate. It shatters your soul. We Trikru call it wamplei kom tenia keryon."

"Death of the entwined soul?" Clarke translated.

"Only happens between soulmates. And this experience, me being here, further proves to me that we are Lexa's soulmate."

"So if something were to happen to you Lexa would follow you into the afterlife." younger Clarke said.

"I wouldn't wish that for her but I would understand her if she did. She almost did already. Once when I almost died."

"I almost died?" younger Clarke whispered.

"It was a close one." future Clarke chuckled and moved her dress to show a big wound that went from her shoulder to her back. "A spear." she asked her younger self's unasked question.

"From what?" younger Clarke asked terrified.

"A fight to the death with an Azgeda soldier. A hidden Natblida."

"Ontari."

"You know of her." future Clarke realized. "Of course, Nia does not seem creative enough to act differently between realities."

"She planned to kill you with Ontari so she could challenge and ask to be Heda."

"And since I am joined to Heda she would have the right to call for a new Conclave." future Clarke added.

"Did you kill her?"

"I did." future Clarke said strongly. "It was either her or me. I chose my Houmon and myself."

"I'm no one to condemn your actions. I have done far worse." younger Clarke whispered. "What happened to Nia?"

"After she lost she was forced by the other Ambassadors to either banishment or death. She chose death." future Clarke said. "Jus drein jus daun."

"For Costia." younger Clarke murmured.

"Lexa delivered the final strike."

"I can understand now what you meant when you said that Lexa simply impaling Nia had been less messy than what you had to face."

"It was worth it. Lexa is worth it."

"You truly love her." younger Clarke said with complete awe.

"So do you." future Clarke smiled softly. "You just haven't given yourself the opportunity to embrace it."

"I'm afraid." Clarke whispered. "What if she betrays me again?"

"You truly think she will?" future Clarke asked her.

"No." her younger self answered immediately. "She won't."

"Then you have nothing to lose."

"I have everything to lose."

"But you could also gain so much. I am truly happy. My life is good. And I know that can also be your future."

"There's nothing else I want." younger Clarke cried.

"Then don't just let this opportunity pass you by. For once do something for you, Clarke. There will be times when you will not have the luxury of choosing yourself before the others. This is an opportunity for you to do so."

"Clarke?" the two blondes stopped talking when they heard a familiar voice outside their room. "Can I come in?"

"Shit." younger Clarke whispered. "Give me a second." she asked the Heda. "You need to hide."

"I will not hide!" future Clarke said stubbornly.

"Don't be stupid. Lexa can't see both of us here. Not unless you're ready to tell her about your future and her possible death."

"I will hide." her older self said defeated and went to one of the closets.

Taking a deep breath, Clarke quickly opened the door of her room and lost her capacity to speak. Lexa was in front of her with a tight black nightgown that left very little to the imagination. Trying to get all the dirty images that the woman in front of her evoked, she concentrated on giving the brunette enough space to come in.

"Lexa." she smiled softly at the Heda. "What can I do for you."

"I came here to tell you that I'm proud of you, Clarke Kom Skaikru. Believe me when I tell you that I know how hard it is to place our duty and responsibilities before our revenge."

"Costia." Clarke understood.

"I had to deny her family justice and instead welcome Azgeda into my Coalition with open arms." she muttered angrily.

"It was for the good of the Coalition. I'm sure her parents hold no ill grudge towards you."

"They don't." Lexa agreed. "But they also don't like me. They blame me for the death of their daughter. And they have a right to do so. She died because she was mine."

"We both know that Costia died because Nia was a crazy bitch that only wanted power." Clarke huffed angrily.

"A crazy bitch?" Lexa asked her and Clarke blushed. "Your Skaikru words are confusing."

"It means that she did it because she was insane."

"Perhaps." Lexa agreed. "But the end result was the same. And today you were forced to make a similar choice to mine. And you chose wisely."

"Titus didn't agree with my choice." Clark said carefully.

"Titus doesn't understand that change takes time. It takes the acceptance of new people and the elimination of old traditions. The older Ambassadors will never agree with this new way of life. The younger ones will."

"Aren't you concerned about his disapproval?"

"Titus means well. But he lets his own emotions and fear for my life blind him. He does not have the Spirit inside of him and hence can't know what it's telling me."

"And what is the Spirit telling you, Heda?" Clarke whispered while unconsciously getting closer to Lexa.

"To trust Clarke Kom Skaikru." Lexa whispered while getting closer to Clarke. "There's so much I want to tell you." the brunette whispered. "So much I want to make amends to. But I don't know where to start."

"You can start by explaining to me what happened at the Mountain. Why did you betray me?" Clarke whispered brokenly.

"I had no other choice." Heda begged for understanding. "Our plan failed Clarke. Bellamy failed to free my army and they were being held hostage by the Mountain men. They offered me a deal in exchange for their lives. They were going to kill them all. Said that they didn't need my people since yours were going to die anyway. I had to save them."

"Lexa..." Clarke cried softly. "Why didn't you tell me this? Why am I just learning about this?"

"Because only Bellamy and my people inside the Mountain knew that the plan failed. When was the last time you talked to the boy about the battle?"

"I never did." Clarke confessed and looked down. "The moment we returned to Camp Jaha I refused to enter and I left."

"I don't blame you. Many times I have wished to have the freedom to just abandon my people and have quietness in my life. But I am Heda. I am not meant to have a peaceful life."

"Don't say that." Clarke said vehemently and grabbed the brunette's hand. "That's what we're fighting for. Peace. So that we can have those moments of quietness and calmness."

"I hope you're right Clarke." Lexa whispered.

"I believe I am. And so should you." Clarke squeezed the woman's hands. "You know that you're not alone. You have me. I want the same things you want."

Lexa looked down at the blonde's lips. "Not all of them." she whispered and stood up.

"You're leaving?" Clarke asked and was embarrassed to have spoken out-loud.

"Not unless you want me to." Lexa smiled softly.

"Stay with me." Clarke smiled shyly. "Tell me more about Lexa Kom Trikru."

"Only if in return I learn more about you." Lexa teased her.

"That's fair." Clarke chuckled and was only a little sorry to know that her older self would have to remain in the closet until Lexa decided to leave.

CLCLCLCLCL

"Something's wrong." the old woman said while moving around her house, frantically searching for her shoes. "Something has changed." she started chanting.

"What are you talking about old woman?" the man known as Joel complained.

After being spared for insulting the Heda and her Houmon, Joel had been forced to remain under the old woman's service. While the woman was not unkind to him, she was eccentric and strange. Many times he had seen and heard weird sounds coming from her room, one that he refused to clean. Thankfully, the old woman just smiled at him and told him to leave the broom near her door. After a while he would return and would see dirt and other things neatly placed outside. But this, she screaming and moving around from side to side was just something out of the ordinary for her.

"I got a sign from the Spirit. It warned me that someone else is here. Someone that shouldn't and does not belong here. Someone that wants to hurt Heda."

"Then we must warn her." Joel said and was prepared to leave.

"We need to be cautious about this Joel." the old woman said. "You need to go find Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru. Tell her that I'm asking to see her and that it's a matter of extreme urgency."

"Sha fisa." Joel said and ran towards the building of Heda.

Just because he was a little skeptic about their religion, that did not mean that he didn't take seriously others that did. He had seen too many things while being in this house and although he preferred not to explain them, he was clever enough to respect them. Whatever had scared the old woman enough was important enough to make her demand the presence of SkaiHeda. And for a commoner to make such a request was barbaric. He just hoped her concern and worry justified the hastiness of her actions. Or both of them would pay the consequences.


	5. Vision of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Polis 2150, Clarke and Lexa get even closer and future Clarke makes an outstanding discovery. 
> 
> Meanwhile, in Arkadia 2150 Clarke remembers what happened when she went to TonDc and makes a shocking decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only thing I believe I have to warn you is during Arkadia 2150. TW's for suicide thoughts and unusual behavior (I'll put it like that). Believe me, it made me uncomfortable as well to write this but it makes sense and it helps further Clarke towards the path that she honestly believes suicide is the only choice she has. 
> 
> Forgive me and let me know what you all think? :)

**Polis, 2150**

"I'm not liking this at all." future Clarke muttered while moving around the different halls of the building.

After having heard her younger self's conversation with Lexa, she was relieved to see that the spark was there. The two of them were completely in love with one another but oblivious as well. Nevertheless, her investigation concerning the assassination attempt on Lexa had not produced any results. She was suspicious of many, and although Clarke had refused to suspect of her people at Arkadia, future Clarke was not naive and knew what anger could make a person do. So right now her list included Charles Pike, Octavia (although it pained her to say it), Bellamy and Titus. The three people from Skaikru had already showed that they were capable of entering the Capital and bypass defenses. This did not make Clarke feel calm. In fact, she had been desperate to let Lexa know what was happening, to just come clean and work a plan together. But doing what would make the Heda ask her questions that she knew she could not answer. Although she had shared many of her own things with her younger self, she didn't find it fair to share her wife's secrets (even if it was with her younger self). Alas, she had been sketching maps of the building and teaching her younger self the many secret doors and hiding routes that were available. Routes that had been taught to her by her wife many years ago (or in this case ahead). Each day that went by made her miss Lexa even more than before.

She was desperate to feel her wife's touch, her wife's lips on top of hers, her body laying next to hers in their bed. She craved Lexa, she adored Lexa, she dreamed of Lexa and moved because of Lexa. The woman had become her whole world and at first that had terrified her. But now she cherished it; the knowledge of having a person that loved you even more than life itself. And to Clarke that was Lexa. And she knew that the connection the two of them shared transcended time and space, was clear based on her current situation. The Spirit was scared of something happening to her wife and had done everything in its power to even the field and prevent a catastrophe. She had heard legends of this happening, of lovers being able to change the past and fixing their future. This made her wonder if she was currently in the present or if Lexa's death had already happened in another time. Had she already lost her wife and this was her chance to get her back? Just thinking about it made Clarke get a headache.

Against her younger self's orders, future Clarke had decided to do some digging of her own and roam around Polis in search of answers. She knew that the only way Skaikru would be capable of entering the Capital was with the help of an inside man. As such, she had been sneaking to the many dinners and gatherings that had been occurring around the city. She had seen most of the people angry with Skaikru, questioning their Heda's decision and wondering if it was Wanheda affecting her. Her younger self was the topic of many discussions as well, many being thankful of her feat at the Mountain. She was well respected by most and many admired her honest desire for peace. Others saw it as a fool's dream and a desperate attempt at keeping her own people safe.

Future Clarke stopped moving when she noticed a man moving around the shadows suspiciously. Usually Clarke would ignore someone like that, but right now she was so terrified of something happening to Lexa that she followed him. Although she was pretty familiar with the city, there were still some parts that Clarke had not been to. This one was obviously one of them. The path became more quiet the farther away they went, people moving away and many going the opposite way. Clarke had to become conscious of the sound her footsteps made, careful of not letting the stranger know he was being tailed. Lucky for her, she had practiced this with Indra and Lexa many times, becoming almost just as light as a Trikru soldier.

After a couple of minutes the man stopped moving and Clarke immediately found cover behind a wall. She waited for a while until she was sure the man would be away and got out. Just as she expected, there was now no one around, and yet there were many possibilities to choose from. He couldn't have gotten far enough, which meant that he was staying in one of these houses. The worst she could do, hence, was to barge in each one and make noise that would alert him of her presence. The best choice, based on all the possible scenarios was to wait until he left, that way finding out which house he had gone to.

 _Waiting,_ Clarke muttered to herself sarcastically, _just what she needed._

CLCLCLCLCL

"So this is what?" Lexa asked her softly while taking the small lighter on her hand and analyzing it.

"This is a lighter." Clarke told her while flicking her finger and creating a flame. "They were pretty popular before the bombs. Turns out I found this one months ago." she smiled softly at the brunette. "It's similar to the beacon you have at the top of this building and it follows the same principle."

"I see." Lexa stood up from the bed and started to move around Clarke's room. "Do you miss it?"

"Miss what?" Clarke asked her after putting the lighter away.

"Your home."

"Sometimes. Clarke whispered. "I miss the people: My mom, my friends. But I can't go back."

"Why?" Lexa asked her.

"Because I'm not the same girl that came down from space more than a year ago. I have changed and they can see it. I noticed it when I went back to try to stop this war. They saw me as a pariah, as a stranger and not a member of their people."

"Skaikru astound me in the worst ways." Lexa muttered angrily. "So unthankful and ungrateful, like small goufas that only take and take."

Clarke chuckled softly. "My people are like children." she agreed. "But they're my people. All I have done, all the pain I have felt, it has been for them."

"And they still don't see it." Lexa whispered understandably.

"It's not your fault." the blonde murmured. "Nor mine. My people are naive, and they don't understand that we need to change if we want to live. Because right now we're just surviving." she looked at Lexa. "But what you're doing, giving them a chance, is more than what they deserve. What we deserve."

"Clarke..." Lexa said softly while getting closer to the woman. "I don't blame you for my people's pain."

"You should." Clarke whispered. "Because they were there just to protect you, because I asked you to."

"You didn't ask me Clarke, I offered. I bowed down to you."

"Why?" she asked the brunette who immediately looked down. "Heda bows to no one."

"Heda bows to Wanheda and Wanheda bows to Heda. We are equals." Lexa said firmly.

"Titus doesn't believe that. He really doesn't like me at all."

"Titus is just concerned. He worries because he was there when I..." Lexa stopped talking and turned away from Clarke.

"When you what?" Clarke decided to test Lexa and see how willing she would be to open up to her.

"He was there when Costia died." Lexa confessed without making eye contact. "He saw what happened afterwards, how I felt, what I almost did." she looked up to soft blue eyes.

"Wamplei kom tenia keryon." Clarke understood immediately. "Why didn't you?"

"Because I felt that it was yet not my time, not my fate. I felt pain with Costia's death, but I also knew that I was capable of moving on, somehow." she grimaced. "And that made me realize that ai gonplei nou ste odon because Costia had not been my tenia keryon." Lexa confessed and looked down in embarrassment.

"Hey, don't look away from me." Clarke said softly while grabbing the brunette's chin. "I'm not questioning your love for Costia. Some loves are just meant to be greater than others. Some people are meant to hold more meaning than the rest."

"It has always pained me to think of this. It makes me feel as if I'm betraying and diminishing Costia's sacrifice."

"You're not." Clarke promised her. "I can't speak for Costia, but when Finn died I felt empty. Hollow. But with the passing of time I realized that I had moved on. I realized that what we had was just an innocent romance. The pain I felt for his death was based on the question of what would have happened had he lived."

"And what would have happened? Would you have stayed with him?" Lexa asked shyly.

"I don't think so." Clarke responded. "We were very different. He lied about many things and was too idealistic for this world, for me. Even before he killed all those people we were having problems. He lied to me and to another person he cared about." she looked up at Lexa who was staring warmly at her. "Would you have stayed with her, with Costia?"

"I used to think so." Lexa replied softly. "But now I'm not so sure. I have changed as well. I'm no longer the woman Costia loved."

"Change is not a bad thing." Clarke smiled softly. "It can lead to wonderful things."

"I would like to believe so." Lexa smiled back. "One can only hope."

"What do you hope for?" Clarke couldn't stop herself from asking Lexa these questions and was surprised the woman was still answering them. She had never felt so close to the Heda.

"Freedom." Lexa confessed. "The opportunity to live my life the way I want to, to only answer to me and to place my happiness before the one of others." she chuckled. "A selfish fantasy, I know, but until recently I had always acted with my head and not my heart."

"When did this change?" Clarke whispered her question while getting closer to Lexa.

"When I refused to kill Wanheda." Lexa answered back while grabbing Clarke's hands.

"Why didn't you? You wouldn't be in the middle of all of this. You would have had the support of the Ambassadors and Azgeda under your feet. Why not do it?"

"Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op." the brunette promised.

"Attack her and you attack me." Clarke translated. "You said that, to Quint when he tried to kill me." she realized and felt warmth and happiness. "Since then?"

"Since then."  Lexa knew what Clarke had meant and decided to not deny it. There really was no point for it was obvious.

"Lexa..." Clarke murmured and got closer to the woman if that was even possible. "I..." she started to say but got interrupted by knocks coming from outside the room.

"Heda." a guard said.

"Come in." Lexa composed herself and stared at the door. A guard had come in with Titus trailing closely behind. "What's the meaning of this?" she asked while pointing towards Titus who was followed closely by Aden.

"It's time for your lessons with the Natblidas." Titus reminded her while throwing daggers at Clarke. "You were running late."

"Heda is never late." Aden said and got a small smile from Lexa and a chuckle from Clarke. "All the others are simply early."

"Aden is right." Lexa said seriously. "I asked to not be bothered and my reasons for delaying my lesson with the Natblidas are my own."

"I apologize." Titus said immediately. "But you cannot afford to delay the lesson further. The representatives of Azgeda are here to discuss Roan's reign and the new agreement between the two Clans. Tomorrow is an important day and we need to fix any loose ties."

"I will join you momentarily." she promised while smiling softly at Aden. "Now wait outside." she said and the three men left.

"Running late to lessons in order to stay and talk to me?" Clarke teased her. "Now Titus will hate me even more than before."

"I don't care about what Titus thinks about you." Lexa said stubbornly.

"He will complain and be bitter. A lot." Clarke smiled softly. "What day is tomorrow?"

"Ascension day. It is the day I became Heda." she answered Clarke's unasked question. "And you're worth it." she blushed. "Titus' temper. You're worth it."

Clarke smiled softly. "You're worth Titus' ugly looks too." she grabbed Lexa's hand and squeezed it. "Now go before he comes back to fetch you." she joked. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Most probably. As Titus said, tomorrow is a day meant to celebrate. No official Heda business but a time for us to remember the previous Commanders and their sacrifice."

"I anxiously await to see it all." Clarke smiled honestly. "Until tomorrow Heda."   

"Clarke Kom Skaikru." Lexa nodded in farewell and left her room.

_Each day that passes by I keep getting closer and closer to her. My older self's opinions and feelings for Lexa now don't seem so fat-fetched. And that terrifies me._

CLCLCLCLCL

It took a couple of hours, but when Clarke heard a door opening, she quickly peeked around and saw the same man she had followed leave one of the houses. But, that was not the only thing that interested Clarke. It seemed as if he was afraid of people noticing him, his steps being very cautious and determined to keep what he had inside his house a secret. So now Clarke had to take a decision: Follow the man back and perhaps be caught or wait until he leaves and see what he's hiding. Understanding that things inside the house could help her find out his identity she decided to wait, careful enough to not make a sound to alert him. When half an hour passed by, Clarke deemed it enough time for him to be far away. Standing up from the floor, she placed her cover on top of her and immediately walked towards the house. Lowering herself to open it, she was surprised to see a lock preventing her from entering.

"Interesting." Clarke muttered to herself while taking some pins off her hair. "But after living with delinquents you end up learning some very particular skills." she chuckled while working on opening the lock.

It took her a while because it had been such a long time since she'd had to pick-up a lock, but the moment she heard it click and open she smiled to herself. Entering the house, she opened her eyes in shock when she noticed a escape pod in the middle of the room. Slowly getting close to it, she took in the many paintings that were around the room. Immediately knowing what they meant, she looked up at the picture of the first Commander falling from the sky. She had thought at first that the stories had been a myth. But with the escape pod in front of her she was now thinking that it was plausible the First Commander came from space. And from the station of Polaris. Further analyzing the paintings she saw Lexa's tattoo on top, the infinity symbol, in a parachute that was attached to the escape pod.

Nevertheless, before she had a chance to say anything she noticed a shadow behind her. Immediately dodging out of the way, Clarke saw the tube pass right through her and she turned around to face her attacker.

"Murphy?!" she asked in complete shock while lowering her stance.

"Princess." the man said just as shocked.

"What are you doing here? Who brought you here? Why?" she asked the man who was obviously beaten up and malnourished.

"Too many questions." the man said softly. "And my head is killing me."

"I'm sorry." Clarke apologized. "What happened to you?"

"Remember I left camp with Jaha to find the City of Light?" he asked her.

Clarke nodded.

"Well we found it."

"It's real?" Clarke asked in complete awe. Trikru whispered legends of the city, claiming that it was beyond the dead zone and that many that tried to reach it never returned. It was believed to be cursed by many and the grounders that were mutated were said to make their way there, trying to find a cure for their disease.

"It's real." Murphy said. "But not what we expected. There was a droid waiting for us, almost as if it knew we were coming. Jaha followed it immediately. I didn't. Jaha ended in a big mansion and I remained inside a bunker, locked up by A.L.I.E."

"A.L.I.E? Clarke asked confused.

"She's a machine. An artificial intelligence program. I don't know what she wants to do, but Jaha is under her spell and he's taking her and those weird chips back to Camp Jaha." Murphy explained.

"Weird chips?" Clarke asked completely confused.

"Turns out that the City of Light is not in this world, according to Jaha. He says that in order to go there we need to take a chip, and that the moment we take it all our pain and suffering will go away."

"That's impossible." Clarke muttered.

"That's what I thought." he chuckled. "But then the bald man with tattoos brought me here and has been asking me questions about the chip. It has the same infinity symbol found on the parachute and that painting on the wall."

"The chip has that symbol?" Clarke was now getting scared. "And a bald man, you mean Titus?!" she asked loudly.

"I don't know his name, but he wears a robe and has weird rune tattoos on his face."

"He's somehow behind this." Clarke started to murmur. "And she's in danger. I have to warn them."

"Who?" Murphy asked her.

"Lexa." Clarke whispered and looked around. "Put some clothes on. We have to leave." she started to say, but turned around when she saw Murphy's eyes widen up in shock and her whole world became black.

**Arkadia, 2152**

_30 days since Lexa died..._

"Clarke?" she heard a voice call for her but she didn't acknowledge it. "Can I come in?" it asked again but she kept quiet. Nothing interested her anymore.

She had the opportunity to leave Arkadia and never return. She had been so tempted to do so, so desperate to feel something other than this sadness and emptiness. She had even packed-up her things, prepared her few remaining belongings to be distributed between the people at Arkadia if they wanted to. She had even written letters for her mother and Kane, apologizing to them for not being strong or brave enough, for abandoning them. But then morning had come and she had still been in her room, changing her mind from one thing to the other. She had thought of what Lexa would have thought of her, of how disappointed she must have been, and that had stopped her from leaving Arkadia. Besides, did she deserve to have peace? Wasn't this her punishment for letting the person she loved die? For failing her and her people? It must have been, and based on that she didn't have the right to leave, to move on, to try to forget.

So instead of going with the Trikru messenger she had stayed, had seen the sun rise from behind the hill and had thought that her opportunity to be happy had again left her. Her wish for freedom remaining unanswered and her hope for a better future eliminated. And she deserved all that hopelessness. She deserved to see her people's hard stares, their disappointed expressions and her mother's tortured looks. Simply enough, she didn't deserve peace. And ironically speaking, it seemed that peace would never come to Clarke. Not as long as she remained in this world. And she knew it because she had received a cruel reminder a week following the arrival of the messenger.

_(Flashback)_

_21 days since Lexa died..._

"You must come with me." Octavia said to her while trying to get her to move.

"Leave me Octavia." she protested again.

"Listen, I know that you're not ok, I get that. But we need you and sitting around is not going to make anyone any good. She wouldn't want this for you."

"Don't even start Octavia." Clarke threatened her.

"Listen, I know I have no right, and that I would feel the same if something happened to Lincoln, but trust me when I tell you that you have to come with me."

"I don't care about what you want or need. I NO LONGER CARE ABOUT ANYTHING."

"Then you don't care about the Heda waiting for you?" Octavia retorted angrily.

"The Heda?" Clarke asked completely shocked.

"Waiting near TonDc to see you. A messenger contacted Lincoln and asked him to keep this a secret. No one knows he's here."

"But the blockade..." she started to say while standing up. "Does he want to die?!" she whispered.

"I guess that's for you to find out, isn't it?" Octavia retorted and gave her space to get dressed. "Lincoln is waiting for you near the fence and I told your mom that you would go for a walk with him as your guard. She was elated to know that you were leaving the room and immediately gave permission."

"Octavia..." Clarke knew where she was going.

"You need to stop living for her." Octavia said firmly. "But perhaps him telling you that is what will make you react."

"Thank you." the blonde whispered. "I know I'm the last person you would like to help."

"You were right that day, when you told me to start seeing the mistakes of my loved ones and myself. I have been self-centered and selfish. And it took you to help me see that. So it's I the one that should be thanking you."

"I know Indra would be proud of you, Octavia Kom Trikru." she smiled sadly and the younger girl nodded in acceptance. That was who she truly was.

"Clarke." Lincoln said to her the moment she reached the fence. "Heda is waiting." he simply told her and the two started making their way towards TonDc.

Their journey was spent in silence and Clarke was thankful for it. The man knew what was troubling her, and instead of trying to fill the moment with uncomfortable conversation he simply let her be. A complete contrast to Octavia and perhaps that's why the two of them complemented each other. She was happy for her friend and hoped that they were one of the lucky ones who would remain together. They deserved the opportunity to have love in this fucked up world.

"We're here." Lincoln pointed towards a tent and the same messenger that had come to Arkadia was waiting outside.

He gave her a sad smile. "Wanheda, it's nice to see you."

"Likewise." she tried to smile back but failed. "Why is he here?"

"He came to see you. What Heda wishes we make it happen." he said solemnly and opened the tent for her to enter. "Lincoln and I will be waiting outside." he said to her and she nodded.

The moment Clarke entered she saw that the tent was very similar to the one Lexa had during her stay in TonDc. Closing her eyes at the similarities they had, she tried her best to keep herself under control and at peace. She needed to get this talk over with and she wanted to do it without crying in front of a child. _Not a child,_ her subconscious whispered, _Her._

"Clarke." she heard Aden say to her and she smiled softly when he saw the young boy in his armor and Heda clothes.

"Heda." she whispered while standing in front of him. "What are you doing here? With the blockade it's dangerous for you to be here."

"I know..." he said while staring at her. "But I had to see you." he continued talking while looking down. "And you didn't come."

"I wanted to." Clarke choked. "But I couldn't. My people..." she started to say.

"Your people are doing nothing for you! They're making things worse. They cause you pain, they have made you become a shadow of the person I knew at Polis. They don't deserve your loyalty, your service, you!" he screamed and this made Clarke freeze in shock. "You already chose them once. I'm asking you not to do it again. Choose me."

Clarke looked up at him with tears in her eyes, but instead of seeing a young boy she saw her Lexa staring softly at her, aching to get close to her. Without thinking how, she ran towards the woman and hugged her close, wishing for it to be real and not a figment of her imagination. When arms closed around her and confirmed to her that this was real she started to cry again. She had missed Lexa so much.

"Beja." Lexa begged her while caressing her face. "Ste kom ai."

"Otaim en feva." Clarke promised while staring at deep green eyes. "Ai hod yu in, Lexa." she finally said the words to the woman she loved.

"En ai hod you in seintaim." Lexa promised her. "Osir keryon ste teina."

Instead of answering, Clarke closed her eyes and kissed those lips that she had been longing for. Opening her mouth when she felt them answering her kiss, she started to move her hands around Lexa's body and moaned when the brunette returned her gesture. Nevertheless, the longer she stayed kissing Lexa, the more she realized that the hands touching her were not the ones of Lexa, the lips kissing her were not as soft as the ones of the brunette and the hair around her fingers was not as long as it had to be. Opening her eyes, she stared in shock at Aden who was holding her close, eyes closed and lips bruised because of their kiss. Horrified by what she had done, she immediately separated from him while shaking. This was not alright, this was wrong.

"Clarke." Aden said to her while trying to stay close.

"I'm sorry." she whimpered. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing wrong with you. I am her, she's me. We love you, we need you." he whispered with longing and love. "That's why I can't stay away from you. Why I can't let your people keep hurting you. Please come to Polis with me, let me take care of you. Let me love you."

"But you're not her, you're not Lexa." Clarke cried, completely confused because she could see that a part of him was right. He was Lexa and yet he was not. The woman she loved, her soulmate, was no more. "And you're just a child Aden."

"I am Heda." he said firmly. "And I love you."

"Lexa loves me." Clarke said sadly. "But not you. You have your own soulmate to find Aden. And I cannot take their place."

"But it pains me to stay away from you." he started crying. "It pains me to be far away from you. No matter how much you want to deny it, because you're Lexa's soulmate and a part of me is hers, you're my soulmate as well."

"Wigod ai." Clarke said while hugging the boy tightly. "For causing you this pain."

"Ai hod yu in." he repeated to her while keeping her close.

"En ai hod yu in." she cried while kissing the boy's head.

_(End of Flashback)_

After that encounter with Aden Clarke had decided that her fight was over. She could not take it to see another person suffer because of her, could not let her love consume a boy that had no choice in picking her. She had been angry at Lexa for loving her, for forcing a child to feel this confusion and desperation she was feeling. But then again, the two had no idea that their bond would be the one of soulmates. Had no opportunity to explore it and realize they shared this kind of union and that had hurt Clarke more than anything else. Had made her decide to speed things up and meet with the woman she loves. But she was also a coward and hence incapable of taking her own life. So instead of doing that she decided to stop living, stop moving and hope that death claimed her soon. She longed to see Lexa and no longer cared about others.

"I came to see you because your mother asked me to." the voice said to her again. "Asked me to offer you help, hope and a way to stop your suffering."

Again Clarke didn't answer.

"What if I were to tell you that the person you're missing so much is waiting for you in the City of Light. That all our loved ones are right there, happily awaiting for us."

"I'll say that it's bullshit." Clarke whispered angrily. Who was he to use Lexa's memory in such a way?

"It's easier to choose suffering than happiness. Easier to just give up and stop living. But I'm offering you a solution that would make your mother, your people and yourself happy."

"There's no happiness for me if it's not with Lexa." Clarke said somberly.

"And that's why you should take this." Jaha said while taking a chip out of his bag and giving it to Clarke. "Death is not the end."

"Death is not the end..." Clarke murmured and knew this was familiar to her because Lexa had said the same thing. She looked at the chip and saw Lexa's infinity symbol. Could this be a mean trick? A last attempt at manipulating her? But then again no one knew Lexa had this tattoo apart from Titus, Murphy and herself. This was no coincidence.

"You have nothing more to lose." he smiled at her. "The worst that can happen is that your suffering continues and you die."

"And the best?" Clarke whispered defeated.

"That you see Lexa again." he said while leaving her alone in her room.

Clarke took a long look at the chip, considering her options and whether this was the right thing to do. She no longer cared about herself, but she did care about others that were affected by her decisions. This one did not hurt them at all, and while she didn't believe that Jaha was telling her the truth, she honestly had nothing to lose.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath before putting the chip inside her mouth, immediately feeling it dissolve. After she swallowed it all, Clarke opened her eyes and was in awe when she saw that she was no longer in her room. Instead, she was standing in a white city filled with people from the Ark. They were all smiling and nodding at her, continuing their business like nothing had happened to them. They were honestly happy. Nevertheless, they were not the ones that took her attention for she saw a woman standing by herself near a lake. And if Clarke knew one thing it was the way Lexa looked like with her Commander clothes. Running towards the brunette she avoided obstacles and determinedly kept on moving until she was standing in front of her Lexa. Smiling warmly at her image, she got close to her and grabbed her hand, turning her around.

"Clarke..." Lexa whispered completely in shock.

"Lexa..." Clarke cried while hugging the brunette woman tightly. "I found you..."

* * *

**Translations**

"Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op." Attack her and you attack me. 

"Beja" Please.

"Wamplei kom tenia keryon" Death of the entwined soul. 

"Wanheda" Commander of Death.

"Ste kom ai" Stay with me. 

"Otaim en feva" Always and forever. 

"Ai hod yu in." I love you. 

"En ai hod yu in seintaim" And I love you too. 

"Osir keryon ste teina" Our souls are entwined. 

"Wigod ai" Forgive me. 

 


	6. Life in Technicolor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many things happening... 
> 
> In Polis 2152, Clarke and Lexa announce their joining to the Coalition. 
> 
> In Polis 2150, Clarke must say goodbye to Lexa after realizing she loves the Heda. 
> 
> In Arkadia 2150, Clarke and Lexa meet again in the City of Light and A.L.I.E has a plan.

**Polis, 2152**

"The reason we're gathered here today is to discuss the addition of Skaikru as a member of the Coalition." Lexa announced to the Ambassadors and noticed that most of them smiled at the news.

"I believe the addition of Skaikru will aid this Coalition better." Luna volunteered while staring at Clarke. "Floudonkru already benefits from the medical advances offered by Skaikru."

"And Skaikru is thankful for the many varieties of meat and linen that come from Floundonkru." Clarke smiled softly.

"Podakru is also in favor of Skaikru joining the Coalition. It would be beneficial to all of us if they do." the Ambassador known as Carla said.

"So is Trishana." Delta said while bowing her head in respect. "Trishana recently faced an epidemic and without the aid of Skaikru medicine our losses would have been fatal."

"Delfikru also welcomes Skaikru into the Coalition. Not only are we the closest ones to Arkadia, but many of my people have entered romantic relationships with Skaikru individuals." Bael smiled warmly at Clarke who chuckled. "Me being one of them."

And so it kept going, many more Ambassadors supporting Skaikru and Lexa smiled softly when she noticed the proud smile her Houmon was showing. Her people had done good and many of them were assimilating easily to the new life on the ground. After Kane took control of Arkadia from Abby, things turned out for the better. Unlike Abby, who was hesitant about assimilating Trikru culture, Kane opened the walls of Arkadia and allowed the people who wanted to go outside explore their new world. That in turn led Skaikru to meet Delfikru and the rest of Clans that had villages near Arkadia. It had been a gamble at first, but Clarke had discussed it with her and Lexa had agreed to support Skaikru independently. Trikru had been the first clan to officially enter a trade agreement with Skaikru, the goal was mainly to introduce Skaikru technology to the rest of the Coalition by the restoration of Reapers. Not only were they returning people to their clans, but they were showing at the same time the wonders and benefits of Skaikru medicine. The move had been successful, and Luna's clan had followed Lexa and offered Skaikru meat and linen in exchange of medicine for their sick. And as Delta had also explained, diseases spread easily in armies. Trishana was affected by a virus that Abby had called Dengue fever. While there was no cure for it, treatment and quarantine measures had the disease from spreading. Trishana had been so thankful for Skaikru's aid that they immediately created a treaty agreement.

"Azgeda is against Skaikru joining the Coalition." Nia said while standing up. "They're too similar to Maunon."

"The only reason Azgeda does not want Skaikru to join the Coalition is because of their fear of having another clan support Trikru." Luna said angrily.

"Azgeda was the closest clan to Maunon and hence we know what their technology is capable of. While Skaikru can use it to aid many, we also know that was the way Maunon started to expand. By deceiving us." Nia continued arguing.

"Maunon had an ulterior motive for their deceit: Our blood." Lexa said seriously. "What does Azgeda consider is Skaikru's ulterior motive?"

"Domination. To take our lands and use it for themselves."

"That's a very weak argument." Delta smirked at the woman. "Is that the best you can come up with, Nia?"

"Queen Nia." the woman emphasized her title. "Am I'm just concerned for the future of this Coalition."

"Are you implying that Heda is not?" Clarke questioned the older woman.

"Heda's feelings concerning the addition of Skaikru are biased." she smirked at the two women. "Since she's currently in a relationship with the Ambassador."

The rest of Ambassadors looked at Lexa when this was said and Clarke smiled softly at her. They had not been sure of what argument Azgeda would use to impede Skaikru's addition. They were not naive and suspected that Nia had spies inside Trikru, as such, it was possible for her to learn of their bond. Luckily, it seemed that Azgeda was only aware of their relationship being nothing more than lust.

"Azgeda is not wrong." Lexa said firmly while staring at her Ambassadors. "But they're also incorrect in assuming that my relationship to Clarke Kom Skaikru is just a physical one. Which is why we also asked you all to meet." she smiled at the blonde and with a hand extended asked her to come close. "Clarke Kom Skaikru has accepted to join me and will be my Houmon." she announced to the room. "Meaning that not only will our souls join, but also our clans. We will become one clan, one people."

"This is preposterous!" Nia screamed while pointing at them. "This is all a strategy of Skaikru to enter the Coalition. By becoming one clan with Trikru then they automatically become the 13th Clan."

"Based on all of the opinions spoken by the Ambassadors, Skaikru would have become the 13th clan no matter what." Luna defended them and smiled at the two women. "Floudonkru offers you their congratulations, Heda and SkaiHeda."

"Azgeda will not stand up for this." Nia said angrily. "This is a violation of the terms of the Coalition and hence gives us the right to challenge the authority of Heda."

"You have no right." Bael was standing up while taking his sword out.

"Let her make her move." Lexa said to the man.

"Heda..." Titus warned her. "All of this can be prevented if you don't allow Skaikru to become a member of the Coalition."

"Are you challenging my authority Titus?" Lexa asked him angrily. "Ai laik Heda. My word is law."

"Nou Heda nou mou." Nia said and was only joined by the ambassador of Sangedakru. "Azgeda will issue a challenge to Skaikru's right to join the Coalition. Since Heda is joined to Skaikru the result affects her ability to lead as well."

"Then Skaikru accepts the challenge issued by Azgeda." Clarke replied seriously.

"Heda recognizes Azgeda's right to challenge my position and fully back-ups her Houmon. Who will be Azgeda's champion?"

"Ontari Kom Azgeda." Nia smirked while a young woman nodded in agreement.

"And who will be Skaikru's champion?"

"Ai laik Clarke Kom Skaikru, future Houmon of Heda Lexa Kom Trikru. Non na throu daun gon ai." Clarke said surely and noticed the surprise on Nia's face.

"Then let it be known that Ontari Kom Azgeda and Clarke Kom Skaikru will fight today at dawn. May the Spirit grant victory to the best woman." Lexa said the typical farewell and all of the Ambassadors left the room to prepare.

"Already making another loved one suffer the consequences of your actions?" Nia whispered to Lexa and it took all of her self-control to not kill the woman right there.

"Your confidence will be your downfall." Clarke stood next to Lexa while grabbing her hand.

"You underestimate my champion and my goals." the old woman smirked at them. "Ontari is a natblida, hence after she wins the duel she can take the Spirit inside of her. Your position as Heda is no longer secure."

"It is secure in the hands of my houmon." Lexa replied solemnly.

"We'll see about that." Nia smirked at them and also left the room.

Closing her eyes in preparation of a worse reproach coming from Clarke's mother, Lexa felt the moment the older woman finally made it in front of her. She also felt Clarke's hand squeezing her own tightly, reminding her of patience and understanding for the woman who was a mother before anything.

"What is the meaning of this?" Abby asked while pointing to their clasped hands.

"I think it's pretty clear mom that this means we're together." Clarke smiled softly at the brunette. "I love Lexa and she loves me."

"Of that I have been aware of." Abby answered, surprising both of them. "One would have to be blind to not notice the way you two look at each other." she exhaled. "What I'm talking about is you two marrying each other."

"We would be joining our souls forever." Lexa explained that this ceremony was deeper than Skaikru's tradition. Their bond would be for all eternity and their souls always destined to be together.

"And now Azgeda is using this to challenge both of you!" Abby told them after a while. "And you just let her."

"We have a plan." Clarke replied seriously, not as her daughter but as the Ambassador. "Trust us."

"Trust your daughter's abilities." Lexa smiled proudly.

"You say you love her and yet you let her fight. You should be protecting her." Abby said and Clarke flinched. 

"Do not assume that I let her fight because I don't care." Lexa said angrily. "But I know Clarke and the moment she makes up her mind it's impossible to dissuade her. And I love and support her determination. She WILL win."

"I'm your mother." Abby said sadly to Clarke. "No matter how much you have grown I will always see you as my child first."

"I stopped being a child the moment you sent the 100 down to earth. Now I'm fighting for my people and their future in the Coalition. And it must be me because it is me they're questioning. I need to show everyone that I'm worthy of Lexa and that she's stronger with having me by her side." Clarke said determinedly while turning towards her fiancé with a smile on her face. "Hodnes laik uf."

"Love is strength." Lexa confirmed. "Everyone will now know that to strike SkaiHeda it is to strike Heda and that to strike Heda it is to strike Wanheda. There will no longer be a you and I but a we. There will no longer be two souls but only one, joined by the Spirit to walk together through the rest of time." she smiled lovingly at Clarke who was now crying softly. "This is my vow to you, Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru." she kneeled in front of Clarke.

"I love you, Lexa Kom Trikru en Skaikru." Clarke choked out. "And my life became your life the moment we fought Mount Weather together. I have loved you since then, and while at first it was an innocent crush, with the passing of time it became what we now have; a desperate longing for one another. I am forever yours and I know my spirit will always search for yours. That is my vow to you." she finished and immediately felt strong arms hold her tight.

"If you believed they didn't love each other enough then there's your answer." Octavia whispered to a surprised Abby.

"I thought it was just lust." Abby replied while staring at her daughter and the Commander share soft and loving kisses. "I never knew Clarke could be this happy. I have not seen her be like this since her father died."

"Love can do many wonderful things." Octavia smiled. "And Clarke's not the only one affected. Heda is happier as well, more compassionate, more forgiving and nurturing. And many know that comes from being around your daughter, wanting to please her and show her that she can be better. That she will be better."

"There's no way to stop this, is it?"

"It would be naive to think we have a say in this." Octavia replied tersely. "Remember that the ones in power here are them, not us. And if you want your relationship with your daughter to improve." she noticed the older woman flinch. "Then you shouldn't threaten to destroy her happiness."

"I just worry. Being the Commander's wife is not safe. Just look at what she must do now." Abby continued argued.

"This fight comes as a result of my loyalty to Skaikru." Clarke replied angrily. "It is in fact Lexa the one not safe from the repercussions of this battle should I fail."

"But you will not Houmon. I trust you and your skill." Lexa said while grabbing her Houmon's hands and kissing them tenderly. "While I respect your opinion because of your relationship to Clarke." she addressed Abby. "The last thing you should do is doubt and question your daughter's decisions. Not only does it show division in Skaikru, but it also shows Clarke as a weak leader. An unworthy leader. And do you think that of your daughter?"

"Of course not." Abby deflated. "I understand what's at stake here."

"It seems you do not." Lexa interrupted her. "Because if you did then you would be supporting Clarke instead of diminishing every action and decision she takes."

Abby looked at her daughter and noticed the nervousness in her. Although she had tried to pretend indifference and security in herself and her skills, Clarke was scared. And her questions and ill-tempered remarks did nothing more than bring more pressure and a need to succeed to Clarke. Closing her eyes and realizing that she was the one that needed to apologize, Abby took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." she said to both women. "For questioning your bond and your leadership. I hope you understand that it comes out of my own nervousness."

"We understand." Clarke replied for both women. "But you need to learn to trust me mom. I will always do what's best for my people and that's what I'm doing now. Loving Lexa, while it's the best for me, turns out to also be the best for Skaikru." she smiled at the brunette.

"We have much to learn from one another and our joining ceremony can further improve  relationships between the Clans. You would no longer be seen as outsiders but as grounders. And isn't that what your people wanted, Abby Kom Skaikru, a new chance at life?"

"Indeed." Abby conceded and then looked at her daughter. "Just promise me to come back to me."

"Now that I have everything I have desired in life..." she looked at Lexa, her mom and her friend. "My motivations for winning are immense."

"Good, because you will need them." Octavia joked to break the heaviness of their conversation. "That Ontari woman can fight."

"And so can Clarke Kom Skaikru." Indra entered the room and smiled at her Heda and SkaiHeda.

"All thanks to your training Indra." Clarke teased her wife.

"I helped as well." Lexa muttered.

"Of course you did." the blonde smiled and kissed her softly.

"Are they like this all the time?" Octavia asked her mentor who chuckled softly.

"Ever since they returned from the Mountain they've been like this, Octavia Kom Skaikru. Never understood how Skaikru people could be so oblivious."

"Well, Clarke spends most of her time here in Polis so difficult to see what you're seeing."

"Perhaps you should follow her lead and make Polis more of a permanent home. Your training is soon to be complete and you will then need to choose a Second of your own."

"But my brother..." Octavia started.

"Would be happy for you." Clarke said while smiling warmly. "Besides, from what I have heard, he is seeing one of the women from Delta's clan."

"He is?! And he hasn't told me anything?!" Octavia screeched.

"Perhaps it's time Lincoln and you return to your true home." Lexa said and this got her a surprised look from Octavia.

"Really?" Octavia shrieked.

"Clarke will need the presence of trusted and well trained warriors. As such, I entrust her safety to only Lincoln and you. Your position inside Polis would be personal guards of SkaiHeda and you would receive the many benefits such a position entails."

"Heda..." Octavia kneeled in front of the two women. "SkaiHeda. I pledge my loyalty and my sword to both of you. May the Spirit aid me in my mission and promise."

"You may rise." Clarke smiled softly at her friend and hugged her tightly. "Welcome home, Octavia Kom Trikru."

**Polis, 2150**

"Where is she?" Clarke started to get worried when the celebrations for the Ascension day started and there was no sight of her future self.

Like Lexa had mentioned to her yesterday night, every single grounder took this day seriously, many singing praises and promises to the Heda that had created the Coalition. Wanting to fully see the traditions from up-close, she asked one of her guards to accompany her outside. The streets were filled with parades and vendors were screaming tales of the battles their Heda had. The most recent ones were the ones of the Mountain and the Ice King. Clarke smiled softly at the way in which the children were listening to the stories, their looks of awe and admiration making Clarke further understand the woman behind the Commander. While Lexa had been unwilling to betray her, she had these people, these children, to think about. And her sacrifice made Clarke further realize how much of a visionary the brunette woman was. If there was one person that was meant to lead, and truly did the best for her people, then that person was Lexa.

"Wanheda." the guard got her attention. "We need to return. Heda will soon hold a meeting with the Ambassadors and natblidas."

"Is something wrong?" Clarke asked him concerned.

"No Wanheda. It is customary of Heda to address her council and the natblidas about the Spirit of the Commander. A reminder of the many that came and the many more that will come."

"The many more that will come?"

"The Commander's fight is never over." the guard replied while taking Clarke inside.

CLCLCLCLCL

"Shit..." future Clarke muttered when she felt an immense pain on her head. "What the hell?" she added when she felt her hands and feet tied.

"Nice to see you woke up Princess." she heard Murphy answer from a chair as well.

"Shut up." she told the annoying man. "Where is he?" Clarke started to remember what had happened.

"Sitting in front of you." Murphy said and this was the moment Clarke noticed Titus.

"Wanheda." he said with a soft smile.

"Natrona." Clarke spat angrily at him. "When Heda finds out you did this..."

"She will never find out." Titus smiled at her. "Your position near her has made her forget my lessons. Made her forget that blood must have blood. That to be the Commander is to stay alone."

"Those are lies and I'm the proof of it." Clarke said strongly. "Your teachings are nothing more than an attempt to manipulate Lexa and have her perform your agenda. She's a wonderful leader and that's why the Spirit chose her. For being the fleimkepa, your lack of faith in the Spirit is disturbing."

"You are poison, Clarke Kom Skaikru." Titus seethed in hatred. "And the moment you disappear from Lexa's life she will return to the person she was. The Heda we need."

"You already have the Heda you need." Clarke screamed at him. "But you're too much of a coward and jealous rat to realize this."

"Shof op!" Titus yelled and hit her in the face. "You're in no position to anger me."

"You are in no position to injure me, for to hurt me is to hurt Heda." Clarke replied somberly.

"Clarke?" Murphy asked completely shocked when he saw the irises of Clarke's eyes become completely black. "What the fuck is wrong with her?" he addressed his question to Titus.

"Ai laik SkaiHeda Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru." she said strongly and immediately stood up from the chair, breaking the ropes that had been tying her down. "Houmon of Heda Lexa Kom Trikru." she tore her shirt off and the two men saw the intricate tattoos of her back.

"Impossible..." Titus whispered when he noticed the intricate pattern and design similar to the one of Heda. Only houmons could sport similar tattoos and designs as complex as the ones this woman. He knew that she must have gotten them made at the Capital. "You cannot be married to Heda!"

"And yet I am." she said strongly. "You see the brands, our souls are entwined and there's nothing you can do about it."

"I know Wanheda and she does not have that scar on her shoulder." Titus noticed the injury. "Because you're not from here."

"I'm not." Clarke agreed. "I come from a time where Heda is successful in keeping her Coalition alive while being married to me."

"Lies." Titus seethed. "Peace is not real, only pain is."

"I stand here before you, aided by the Spirit, and yet your ignorance, pride and jealousy prevents you from see this."

"You're not good enough for her!" he bellowed to Clarke.

"I know I'm better than you." Clarke answered him and immediately felt pain in her leg. "Fuck!" she screamed when she noticed she had a bullet wound in her leg. "It's you..." she whispered while staring at Titus. "You will kill her."

"I plan to do what I must to ensure Heda's future." he replied. "And as you said, I cannot hurt YOU!" he smirked. "But that does not mean that I can't hurt Wanheda. She's not Heda's houmon."

"She will find out about this, and the moment she realizes that you were the one that injured Clarke then she will kill you." Clarke spat at him.

"And that's why your friend is here. Wanheda will be killed by Skaikru, as a way to continue their rebellion. And since it was a gun that was used, she will believe it. Perhaps this will be what makes her declare war!"

"Branwada!" Clarke started to move but doing so made her lose blood fast. "Your anger is blinding you. You will kill Heda! You will destroy her!"

"I will save her." he smirked and then kicked Murphy, the young man losing consciousness.

"You will destroy us all!" Clarke continued moving. "And I won't let you."

"Too bad there's nothing you can do, SkaiHeda." Titus smirked at Clarke. "May we meet again." he said to her and Clarke started to whimper.  She was losing blood too fast.  

CLCLCLCLCL

Clarke was confused. Her day had started out so well, filled with laughter and happiness. But then some Trikru men had come with a captured Octavia, seeking revenge for yet again another act of war from Skaikru. Although it pained her to accept it, she knew that Lexa was right in creating the blockade with a kill order enforcing it. Although Octavia had been adamant in saying that they were being betrayed yet again. It had taken Clarke all of her self-control to argue with the woman, to explain to her that were it not for her brother, things wouldn't be like this. And yet she had not, promising to speak with Lexa and perhaps find another way to keep peace.

But Clarke was no fool, she knew that what Lexa was doing was the right thing for her people. And yet many were still attacking Heda, threatening her safety and her life. That knife being so close to the brunette woman had terrified Clarke. She had seen the way the woman's eyes opened in shock, surprised at the fact that the man had dared try to attack her. And she knew that Lexa was surprised because it meant that her people was questioning her. Questioning the Commander and taking matters into their own hands. This was not a good thing for Arkadia and it was certainly not a good thing for Lexa's safety. Thinking about her future self's words, everything was starting to make sense: Lexa was putting her own safety at risk, and the reason why she was taking those risks was because of Clarke. Before she had been unsure whether this was right or not, but after being asked by Lexa to stay with her, it was clear that the Heda didn't care about the repercussions of her actions.

And yet Clarke wanted to stay, wanted to take Lexa's offer and remain here, safe and in the company of the woman she was starting to love. Because this was another thing her older self had been right about: Getting to know Lexa and not the Commander was making her realize how much she ached for the brunette. It was a passion, a desire and a longing to be with her, to stay by her side and to never leave that was consuming all rationality and reason. Because she had heard Octavia's words, and she had known that Lexa would have made that choice, her people, before Clarke. But right now she wasn't. Right now she was choosing Clarke before all others and it was the blonde's turn to break her heart. It was her turn to make a choice with her head and not her heart. And although she was telling herself that it was because of her people, deep inside Clarke knew that it was to keep Lexa safe from herself.

It was with that decision that Clarke entered Lexa's room, determined to say goodbye and just go, knowing that doing something more would prevent her from leaving. But the moment she had seen Lexa every plan she had vanished. Completely open and broken, it was obvious that the brunette woman knew what Clarke was going to do, who she was going to choose. And the fact that Lexa knew her so well was what broke Clarke's heart, what made her get close and kiss her on the lips after wishing to see each other again.

The kiss was more than what Clarke had believed it could be. She sensed the surprise on the brunette's body, how it quickly dissipated to kiss her back. And when Clarke separated from her lips, desperate to see if what she felt was reciprocated, she felt like crying when she noticed the tears falling from Lexa's eyes. Because it was obvious now that Lexa had loved her before, was now loving her and would continue to love her no matter what. Realizing that she felt this too, Clarke took the brunette's lips again and got desperate. She wanted it, she wanted to feel loved, she wanted to show Lexa that she was loved and that what the two of them shared was real and beautiful. It was not perfect, and both of them knew it, but it was what they needed and what they wanted.

Clarke's hands started to move out of their own free will, caressing Lexa's cheeks while determinedly finding the back of her shirt and immediately taking it off. She noticed the way Lexa's lower lip trembled while kissing her and she knew that it wasn't out of fear of her, but it was out of relief of knowing that someone loved her for who she was; as Lexa and not Heda. Slowly pushing her to the bed, Clarke took the brunette's hands and stared deeply at her, wanting to know if what they were going to do was ok. Because Clarke had already made up her mind and she knew that this was right: She had forgiven Lexa a long time ago and leaving without the promise of coming back was going to be too much for her to bear. So this, showing Lexa how much she loved her, was Clarke's way of saying the three words she was afraid of screaming out-loud.

When green eyes stared back at her, Clarke felt herself fall even more in love with the brunette. The woman in front of her was vulnerable, scared, desperate to feel love and be loved. And she was asking all of this to Clarke, knowing deep inside of her that perhaps she didn't deserve to be happy. And Clarke wanted to prove to her that she was wrong, that they could do much more than just survive. That maybe in the future, after they brought peace, the two of them could be happy together.

It was this what led her to lower Lexa to the bed, to slowly take off her clothes and kiss every part of the Heda's anatomy. Because she had never seen a woman more beautiful than Lexa, had never seen a body as perfect as the one of the Commander and had never been so desperate to kiss and touch a person so much. She was hungry for Lexa, and she wanted to taste every part of her, going from her neck to her essence. Groaning at the thought, Clarke allowed Lexa to take off her own clothes and the moment their two bodies collided with each other it was the moment Clarke lost complete control. She was a mess, going from Lexa's neck to her breasts, licking, nicking and teasing every single part, not stopping until Lexa begged her to. And that, hearing the powerful woman beg, was making Clarke become cocky, more bold in her exploration and her exploitation of the woman's body.

She went lower, hands replacing her mouth on top of beautiful and perfect breasts and softly teased them. Her mouth, meanwhile, was continuing its path downwards, licking the brunette's hips and teasing her entrance.

"Bejaaaa." Lexa whimpered when she felt Clarke go through her mound. "I need you."

"Lexaaa." Clarke moaned when she felt the Heda's body create friction with her own.

Moving her mouth even further down, Clarke kissed the brunette's feet and made her way upwards, caressing and licking between her heels and knees, only bringing herself to stop when she was finally in front of Lexa's core, the desire the woman was feeling quite obvious.

"You're so wet." Clarke moaned while slowly licking the excess running down Lexa's legs.

"Only for you." Lexa whimpered when she felt the blonde's tongue licking her, kissing her and making love to her.

Making love to Lexa was exhilarating, beautiful and perfect. The woman knew when to scream, knew how to move and how much to speak. It had been tender and at the same time filled with passion. Lexa had been an avid lover, desperate to please and to show how much she craved Clarke's touch. It had made the blonde woman feel powerful, desired and loved, something that had not happened in a long time. Closing her mouth on top of Lexa's sex, she concentrated on making the woman come, using her tongue to move her clit and her fingers to softly enter her. Surprised at the curse words coming out of the usually stoic woman, Clarke smiled when she started to feel the quickness with which Lexa's orgasm was building. But then again, she knew that it had been a long time for the brunette, most specifically since Costia, and Clarke wanted to treat her right. She wanted to show Lexa how much she cared. So lowering her rhythm, she moved her mouth to focus on Lexa's clit while her fingers were touching the brunette's spot.

"Clarke..." Lexa breathed out. "I'm so close." she cried.

"I know." Clarke moved up to face vulnerable green eyes. "Do you trust me?" she asked her.

Lexa looked at her with nothing more than love. "With my life." she vowed.

"Then let go." Clarke kissed her while moving her fingers to her clit and that was all Lexa needed to orgasm.

"Clarke!" Lexa screamed while her body convulsed in pure ecstasy.

Clarke knew how much this moment meant for Lexa, so instead of forcing the woman to talk about it, she simply placed herself behind the Heda's back and put her arms around the woman. When she felt Lexa relax, she allowed herself to trace the woman's back, taking a look at all the different tattoos that were there.

"This is beautiful." she whispered to Lexa.

"I got it on my Ascension Day, a circle for every Natblida that died when the Commander chose me." Lexa said softly to her.

"7 circles." she counted them. "I thought you said there were 9 novitiates at your conclave."

"There were." Lexa simply said and added nothing more.  

"What happened to number 8?" Clarke was curious but immediately noticed Lexa didn't want to talk about it.  

"Can we talk about something else?" she saw the way Lexa softly asked her and knew deep inside that nothing else, apart from the Heda, mattered.  

"We don't have to talk at all." Clarke smirked at Lexa and honestly smiled when she felt excited lips crashing with her own.

CLCLCLCLCL

"Help!" Clarke was screaming from the floor. "Someone please help me." she knew that all of this was for nothing because she was inside the house.

She was not aware of the time but it had been a long time since Titus left with Murphy. Clarke had immediately checked her wound and done the best to tend it, wrapping her shirt around it and building a tourniquet. And while that had helped her from not fainting, she knew that the longer she stayed with the bullet inside, the harder it would be for her to not lose, to some expense, mobility on her leg. But that didn't matter because all she could think about was her stupidity. She had always known how capable and willing to kill her Titus had been. And unlike the Lexa of her time, this one was not aware of the hatred he experienced for her younger self. This had all been her fault, for assuming that in his blind hatred Titus would be capable of anything, even breaking the sacred laws and using a gun.

"And now it's too late." Clarke cried while moving towards the door. She simply couldn't give up. This was the life of her wife and she was not going to allow this to happen. "Spirit, I know you sent me here for a reason." she started to say out-loud. "And that was for me to protect my wife, my soul. Please, do not let me fail her. Let me save her." she cried even more. "I know that any life of mine without her has no meaning. I beg you, let me save her." she whispered the last part.

Perhaps it was a figment of her imagination, or her desperation and blind hope in her wife's religion, but the moment she heard the door of Titus' house opening she was afraid that it was too late. Nevertheless, instead of the bald man, Clarke saw the old woman entering the room, her gaze landing on Clarke immediately.

"Child!" the old woman said surprised. "You're not supposed to be here! You're meant to be near Heda, protecting her."

"That's what I was trying to do." Clarke cried when surprisingly the woman carried her weight. "It's the fleimkepa. He will kill Lexa. He's using a gun."

"Natrona." the old woman spat angrily while looking at the blonde's leg. "I know this will hurt, but if you want to walk I have to take it out. Right now."

"Can you do it?" Clarke asked her, scared.

"One way to find out." the old woman grabbed some weird tools and in a quick motion took the bullet out from the blonde's leg.

"Jok!" Clarke screamed while blood started pouring out of the wound. "You need to cover it or I will bleed out."

"On it." the old woman said and in a couple of minutes Clarke had her leg with stitches.

"Why are you here?" Clarke asked the woman.

"The Spirit told me to come. It seems that he favors you and your wife, SkaiHeda." the old woman smiled softly. "But my mission here is done. You need to go back to the Heda's home and stop the natrona. Joel is already there."

"Why is Joel there?"

"He was also looking for Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru." the old woman said somberly.

"Something else happened." Clarke realized.

"Save your wife." the old woman replied. "Then we'll talk." she finished and left without another word.

**Arkadia, 2150**

_30 days since Lexa died..._

_(City of Light)_

"Clarke?" Lexa asked while staring at her. "Is it really you?" the brunette asked her while placing her hands on top of the blonde's cheeks. "It can't be you." she whispered.

"It's me." Clarke was openly crying. "I have missed you so much." she hugged her Lexa again and cried when she felt the brunette returning the hug.

"So have I." Lexa smiled sadly at her.

"I'm so sorry." Clarke cried. "It's because of me that you're here. And I was a fool. I didn't realize, I was naive." she continued saying. "And now that you're gone I'm so lost. Life is so empty without you."

"I know ai hodnes." Lexa smiled sadly at her. "But you must keep going. Your people need you."

"My people." Clarke spat with hatred. "It's because of them that you're dead. They don't deserve your sacrifice or Aden's mercy."

"Aden knows it would pain you too much to see them suffer." Lexa said softly. "Which is why he will try his best to prevent war."

"Aden is suffering because of me. How is that fair?" Clarke cried. "And I'm so confused." she laid down in front of Lexa. "Because I know he's not you. But at the same time when I'm with him I feel you. And it pains me too much. To have that connection that was ours be inside of him."

"It will not be forever." Lexa said softly. "The moment his Spirit matures, it will take control of the other Commanders. Once that is done he will be his own, no longer in need of the others."

"So you will be gone?" Clarke whimpered and Lexa nodded.

"That's the way it's meant to be. My fight is over."

"But it doesn't have to be. I need you Lexa. Please don't leave me."

"I don't want to." Lexa cried softly. "Believe me, I don't." she promised. "But you don't belong here. You still have so much to give, so much to do and many more to help."

"My life without you is an empty one. I love you Lexa. And I will never stop."

"I love you too, more than life itself." Lexa grabbed her face and kissed her softly. "But you can't stay here. I don't want to see you waste your life."

"You can't force me to leave." Clarke was getting angry. "It's my life and I decide what I want to do with it."

"Wasting it on a person that is not real is no life. And you know that." Lexa said sadly.

"But I can make it be real. We can remain here, forever. You and me, no longer having to put our people first." Clarke said excitedly.

"What are you talking about?" Lexa asked somberly.

"A chip, it brings you here while it makes the pain go away in the real world." Clarke explained.

"Life without pain is no life." Lexa murmured. "Please Clarke, do not take this chip again. Don't come back here."

"You don't want to see me anymore?" Clarke cried.

"Of course I do." Lexa was crying. "But I love you too much and I know that you deserve more than this. That both of us do."

"We deserve each other." Clarke whimpered.

"I will wait for you." Lexa promised. "And the moment your soul finally meets with mine we will get our opportunity to be happy. To no longer answer to our people. To live again."

"But..." Clarke cried. "I don't want to wait, I don't want to face another day without you."

"And you won't." the brunette hugged her tight. "I am here." she pointed at the blonde's heart. "Always."

"Please Lexa..." Clarke cried.

"We will meet again." Lexa cried and gave Clarke one more kiss before disappearing.

_(End of Scene)_

Opening her eyes, Clarke looked around and was heartbroken when she noticed that she was back in her own room. Crying again because of the fact that she had talked to the woman she loved, Clarke failed to notice that someone else was in the room with her.

"Clarke Griffin." she heard a female voice and Clarke opened her eyes when she saw a woman in a red dress staring at her.

"Who are you?" Clarke asked and felt afraid for some reason.

"I'm the one that will make your dreams come true."

"I find that hard to believe." Clarke muttered.

"You want Lexa back, isn't that right?" she asked and Clarke stared with more interest.

"Lexa is dead. So unless you have the power of bringing her back to life..."

"I don't." the woman said. "But I do have the power to do something else, something better." she continued saying and smiled. "What if I told you that somewhere in the universe there is another version of our world, one where Lexa is still alive and well."

"As in another timeline?"

"Precisely. Most specifically one in the past, before Lexa gets killed by Titus."

"How do you even know that happened?!" Clarke said in shock.

"I know everything." the woman smiled. "What would you tell me if I told you that I could send you back in time, before Lexa gets killed."

"I would tell you that is bullshit." Clarke was now angry.

"It's not." the woman in the red dress said. "And I can prove it to you."

"How?" Clarke asked warily.

"By actually sending you there." the woman smiled. "As Jaha told you, what do you have to lose?"

"And you would just send me there without anything in exchange?" Clarke knew this was not as easy as it sounded.

"You just need to bring Lexa back with you. Back to this timeline."

"And why do you want her here? Do you plan on killing her?"

"Of course not." the woman smirked. "I just want her Spirit. The chip on her neck. Once I take that off she can stay here with you, no one needing to know that she's alive. You two could finally have the opportunity to be together."

"Just like that?" Clarke asked hesitantly. Something was not right.

"Just like that." she promised the blonde woman. "No one has ever gotten a chance to challenge fate itself, Clarke Griffin. I believe you should use this opportunity to do so and get the happiness you deserve."

"The happiness I deserve." Clarke whispered. "I can't." she looked down in sadness. "Because I don't deserve happiness. And Lexa knows that." she looked at the woman. "Don't come near me again."

"I will not be far away." the woman in the red dress said. "Call me when you're ready to create your own fate." she finished and left Clarke alone.

CLCLCLCLCL

"It didn't work." Jaha told her while sitting down in the meditation room.

"It did." A.L.I.E smirked at him. "The moment she wants to return to the City of Light you will give her another chip. And when that happens and she realizes that the woman she loves is no longer there she will come find you. Find us."

"And how do you know that she won't be there anymore? I thought that everyone that died, and their version of their loved ones, after having the chip would always remain there."

"The presence of the Commander is one unwanted, a glitch in our system. She's not the product of Clarke's imagination but entered the City of Light similarly to the rest of people. Like a virus, she's spreading and creating conflict because her function is destruction. So having her chip and reprogramming it can help us eliminate the virus."

"And that's why you will send Clarke Griffin back in time."

"She's the only one capable of convincing Lexa to choose her heart and not her head. She will succeed in bringing the Commander here."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because we're not meant to fail Thelonious. We are meant to succeed and create the perfect world for our people."

"And that will happen with the help of Clarke Griffin?"

"Indeed." A.L.I.E smirked. "It will be her the one that brings us the final piece to start our new era. Our new world."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations 
> 
> Floudonkru: Boat People  
> Podakru: Lake People  
> Delfikru: Delphi Clan  
> Trishana: Glowing Forest  
> Azgeda: Ice Nation  
> Sangedakru: Desert Clan  
> Trikru: Tree People  
> Houmon: Wife/Husband  
> Maunon: Mountain Men  
> Nou Heda nou mou: No heda no more  
> Ai laik heda: I am Heda  
> Non na throu daun gon ai: No one fights for me.  
> Natblida: nightblood  
> Hodnes laik uf: Love is strength  
> Natrona: Traitor  
> Fleimkepa: flamekeeper  
> Shof op: Shut up  
> Branwada: Idiot  
> Jok: Fuck  
> Ai hodnes: My love


	7. Seven Devils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Polis 2150, Clarke is getting ready to leave for Arkadia but is instead met by a familiar face. 
> 
> In Arkadia 2150, Clarke goes down a path she'll never be able to come back from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very dark, darker than what I usually write specially the part of Arkadia. But this is the lowest Clarke will go, that I promise you. 
> 
> I'm sorry?

**Polis, 2150**

When Clarke woke up she felt Lexa's arms wrapped tightly wrapped around her. Smiling sadly, she disentangled herself from the brunette's warm and welcoming body. She was running late and she was also afraid of facing the Heda. Not because she regretted what happened earlier. In fact, she knew she was going to treasure this moment forever, craving and dreaming for it to happen again. But what she was afraid of was that one word from Lexa could definitely make her stay. She was that in love with Lexa and she knew that if the brunette asked her to, she would abandon her people. Did that make her a bad leader? Yes, but at the same time she didn't care. Her people had done nothing more than injure her and destroy every attempt at having peace that she had created. And Clarke was tired of it. She was not going to put her life, her feelings and her future, at stake for them. But then there were the people that didn't choose Pike, the ones that were supporting Kane and were trying to make things right. They were the people that were making her leave Lexa, the ones that were keeping her determined to save them.

"I will miss you." Lexa whispered to her from the bed.

Clarke stopped moving and closed her eyes to not cry. "You do know I will miss you too, right?"

"I do." the brunette smiled sadly. "I won't ask you to stay. I know how cruel of me that would be. But I do ask you to come back. Once we have peace. Come back."

"Leaving you is the last thing I want to do." Clarke got close to Lexa and caressed her face. "And men like Pike and his supporters make it even less appealing. But there are people inside Arkadia that want peace. People like Kane, Octavia, my mom." she said softly. "I can't abandon them."

"I understand." Lexa whispered. "I did the same thing at the Mountain."

"And now I understand that." Clarke grabbed the brunette's hand. "I already forgave you Lexa. People like Octavia or Bellamy will never understand it, but I do: As leaders we are forced to put our people before ourselves. And that day you did just that. You chose your people."

"I wish for the day in which I will be able to choose you, Clarke." Lexa confessed.

"And I know that day will come. Soon." Clarke smiled sadly. "I choose to believe that. But what I can do today is promise you to return to Polis, to you." she whispered shyly. "But only if you promise me something in return."

"Anything." Lexa said immediately and Clarke chuckled.

"Keep yourself safe. Don't take any unnecessary risks. Remember, I need your Spirit to stay where it is."

"I will try, Clarke Kom Skaikru."

"Don't try, promise me." Clarke insisted vehemently. "I can't lose you too Lexa."

"You won't lose me Clarke." Lexa answered her and kissed her lips tenderly. "Yu tombom laik ai hou."

"Feva ona ai tombom." Clarke replied and she knew it was the closest the two of them would come to saying I love you.

"We will meet again, Clarke Kom Skaikru." Lexa whispered while crying softly. "Ai niron." 

"We will meet again, Lexa Kom Trikru." Clarke choked out and kissed Lexa longingly one last time.

CLCLCLCL

"I must speak to SkaiHeda!" Joel reiterated.

He had been at the Heda's home since early morning and the guards had not allowed him to go through. First it had been because the Heda was talking to her council and the second time it was because a blockade against Skaikru was set to begin soon. Because of this, the Heda's guards were busier and less willing to aid him. He was worried that the more time he allowed to pass, the later it would be for him to speak to SkaiHeda.

"There's no one here by that name." the guard replied yet again.

That was another thing. Each time he told a guard that he needed to speak to SkaiHeda, they told him that the woman was not there. And yet he was sure that the old woman would not send him to the wrong place. Either SkaiHeda's stay here was a secret or the woman they believed to be SkaiHeda was not truly Skaiheda. He tried to use her given name.

"She's also known as Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru."

"En Trikru?" the guard said completely shocked. "There's no one here by that name."

"I know you're hiding something from me." he accused the guard who looked away from him. "Ron ai ridiyo op!"

"I speak the truth. There's no one here with the name of Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru. But there's someone here known as Wanheda."

"Wanheda?" he whispered.

"Yes, feller of the Mountain and healer of Reapers. She's under the Heda's protection."

"Describe her to me." Joel begged.

"Blonde, blue eyes as the sky where she came from." the guard started to say dreamily.

"That's her!" Joel screamed excitedly. "I need to see her! You must take me to her."

"She's leaving Polis. She must reach her home before the blockade starts." the guard informed him.

"Do you value your life?" he threatened the guard who nodded. "Then you will take me to see Wanheda or you will suffer the wrath of Heda when she finds out that you held key information that would have kept Wanheda safe."

"What information?" the guard questioned him immediately.

"That's only for Wanheda to hear." Joel replied tersely.

"Then how can I trust that your motives are true?"

"They are because the old woman sent me."

"The old woman..." the guard immediately recognized the name and imagined what all of this could mean. "Follow me." he stated and quickly allowed Joel to enter the building. "Wanheda's quarters are at the 7th level."

"So basically lots of stairs." Joel huffed.

"I suggest you save your breath for the stairs." the guard mocked him and Joel glared at him before starting his climb up.

CLCLCLCL

When Clarke entered her room, the last thing she expected to see was a beaten-up Murphy near her bed. Immediately going to his aid, Clarke failed to see the man behind the curtains and only noticed his presence when he loaded his gun.

"Titus..." Clarke whispered while looking at the gun. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry it had to come to this. Believe me, I am." he moved closer to her and Clarke separated from Murphy, creating some space between her and Titus.

"I'm leaving. I'm going back to Arkadia." she tried to reason with him.

"Lexa's feelings for you are blinding her, making her become weak. The longer you stay alive, the higher the risk is for her to die." Titus seethed. "So I'm doing this to protect her, to keep her safe."

"She will find out you did this."

"No she won't. She will think it was this boy." he pointed at Murphy who had woken up after hearing them arguing. "An assassin sent by Skaikru to kill the one they see as a traitor." he laughed.

"Lexa won't believe you, and the moment you pull that trigger you're a dead man." Clarke knew that tainting him was not the best option but what else could she do?

"Perhaps, but you will be dead before me." he said while taking aim. "And perhaps your death will be what finally makes Heda declare war on Skaikru!" he finished and fired his gun, missing Clarke by very little.

Moving around the room, Clarke heard Titus fire again, she bullet missing her yet again. Using the man's terrible aim to her advantage, she immediately took cover behind a wall. Looking around her, she noticed a chair and without thought threw it at Titus. She needed to think of something fast before the man finally hit her.

CLCLCLCL

"What's that noise?" Joel asked when they heard two loud bangs coming from the end of the hall.

"Skaikru weapon." the seasoned guard seethed angrily and quickly took his sword out.

"And you plan on using that against a Skaikru weapon?"

"I plan on entering that room and kill the person using the weapon." he said intently but before any of them could move they saw the Heda quickly running towards the room.

"No Heda!" the guard said loudly and tried his best to hold the woman still but she avoided his grasp and was starting to open the door.

"No!" Joel screamed and moved the Heda out of the way while she was opening the door.

The moment he was forced inside because of his collision with Heda, Joel noticed SkaiHeda staring at him with a shocked expression on her face. Looking down, he noticed a hole in his chest, blood quickly pouring out of the wound.

"SkaiHeda." he whispered to the blonde woman and collapsed on the floor.

Taking advantage of Wanheda's distraction, Titus immediately started to take aim and was only stopped by the screaming voice of Heda.

"What's the meaning of this?!" Lexa screamed while she noticed the scene.

"Heda..." Titus started to say. "This is the only way you will be safe."

"You were trying to kill Clarke." Lexa said somberly.

"She's going to get you killed, destroy everything you have worked so hard to build. She makes you weak."

"I am not weak!" Lexa screamed and went for the man.

"Lexa!" Clarke screamed when she saw what the brunette was trying to do and was terrified when he noticed Titus' reflex act was to squeeze the trigger again.

Nevertheless, instead of hearing the bang that usually came with a gun being shot, what Clarke saw instead was a knife imbedded on the man's hand, it immediately losing its hold on the weapon. Quickly turning towards the door, she was relieved when she saw her future self limping inside the room, a look of hatred and anger in her face.

" Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op." future Clarke spat at the man while hitting the gun out of the way and taking the knife back. "Joel..." she said sadly while staring at the man that was currently laying on the floor.

"Ai SkaiHeda." he smiled cheekily. "Ai gonplei ste odon." he said dramatically.

"Your fight is not over." future Clarke smiled warmly while taking a look at his chest. "The bullet went right through. Lucky for you that means that nothing vital was hit and that we only have to close the injury with stitches. The Spirit seems to favor you too." she then focused on the guard that was standing inside the room completely shocked. "You." she said firmly. "Place the fleimkepa in a cell until his judgment time."

"No!" Titus screamed in anger. "You will destroy her, you will kill her!"

"I saved her." future Clarke said darkly. "From you. Now take him away." she spat and the guard immediately pushed the bald man away.

Meanwhile, younger Clarke had gotten down to take a look at the man that had apparently saved Lexa from a stray bullet. And, as her future self had said, the man's wound was mostly superficial. "Mochof." she whispered reverently while kissing his cheek. "For saving her. For protecting my heart." she choked out.

"Pro." Joel smiled softly and immediately noticed the differences between the two blonde women. "Go to her." he said when he noticed the way the woman's eyes flickered with jealousy and anger when she saw her older self getting close to Heda. "I'm fine." Joel chuckled when he saw the determination in the woman's eyes and the way she was intently walking towards the Heda and her future self.

Although she knew that it was ridiculous for her to feel jealousy, she was angered at her older self for being with her Lexa. For doing what she was supposed to do, which was check on Lexa and keep her safe. Immediately moving her older self out of the way with an angry look, she didn't hesitate before hugging the brunette woman tightly. Exhaling with relief, she started peppering her cheeks and face with kisses until she met eager lips that were returning her affections.

"The first thing I told you to not do was put yourself in danger and that's the first thing you do." she whispered to the brunette woman.

"I'm sorry." Lexa apologized. "But I just saw him threatening you and I had to stop him."

"Of course you did." future Clarke chuckled.

This made the two younger woman remember that there was another Clarke standing in the room with them.

"You're injured." Lexa noticed the way the woman was placing her weight on only one leg.

"A gift from Titus." the older blonde said angrily.

"That's why you were gone." younger Clarke understood.

"I couldn't just stay here and wait for something to happen." she shrugged. "So instead I followed Titus and found out he was planning to kill me in order to force Lexa to start a war."

"Bastard." younger Clarke said angrily.

"I knew he disliked you." Lexa apologized. "But I never believed he would be capable of betraying me by killing you."

"He thought that he was saving you." future Clarke could understand his desire to sacrifice everything for Lexa. Hell, she had done that too. "And in his mind, killing Clarke was the only way to do so."

"I would have done it." Lexa confessed sadly. "Gone to war with Skaikru to avenge you." she looked at her Clarke.

"I wouldn't have blamed you Lexa." younger Clarke whispered. "Would our roles be reversed, I also would have gone to war to avenge you. I thought I was going to lose you." she cried.

"You didn't." Lexa promised.

"Lexa, I don't want to go without letting you know what I feel." younger Clarke took a deep breath. "Ai hod yu in, Lexa Kom Trikru." she whispered for only Lexa to hear.

"And I love you too, Clarke Kom Skaikru." Lexa cried in complete relief and immediately felt soft lips land on top of hers.

Looking at the two women kiss, future Clarke smiled happily and felt relief for the first time since she had been taken away from her home. Wanting to give the couple some space, she got close to Joel who was staring at the Heda and Wanheda with shocked eyes.

"Don't you find this a little disturbing? Looking at yourself make out with Heda?"

"Now that you put it that way..." future Clarke muttered. "I wanted to thank you for saving my wife."

"Your younger self already did." he smirked. "But the more the merrier."

"Your loyalty will not be forgotten, Joel Kom Trikru. Heda and Wanheda will make sure of that."

"Mochof SkaiHeda." he chuckled but then winced in pain.

"It will take a while until your wound heals."

"Noted." he said somberly. "The old woman asked me to find you."

"She told me that when she rescued me earlier." future Clarke smiled.

"That woman knows the best of times to make appearances." Joel joked.

"Indeed. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't make it to the room on time."

"Well, good thing you don't have to think about it."

"Thanks to you I don't." she murmured. "Wait here."

"I can't exactly move." he said sarcastically.

"Clarke." future Clarke said to her younger self. "I know I have no right..." she started.

"She's your wife." younger Clarke understood. "And you also almost lost her."

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I know the need to be close to her after all that happened." younger Clarke smiled softly. "Go while I fetch a guard to help us move Joel?"

"Take the gun." future Clarke replied seriously. "Don't trust anyone."

Younger Clarke nodded and after giving Lexa a reassuring smile she left the room.

"Where is she going?" Lexa asked worriedly.

"To get some help for Joel." future Clarke pointed to the man lying on the floor.

Lowering herself to the floor, future Clarke immediately grabbed her wife's face and stared at her beautiful green eyes, alive and inquisitive just like the ones of her Lexa. She saw the way Lexa's eyes closed at the contact and how she nuzzled her face in recognition and gratefulness.

"Thank the Spirit you're alright." future Clarke whispered completely relieved and kissed Lexa soundly on the lips. "I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you." she confessed after ending her kiss. "Ai hod yu in. Otaim." future Clarke recited her joining vow.

"My Spirit recognizes you." Lexa said completely awed. "How can that be possible?"

"The Spirit." future Clarke explained to her with a warm smile. "Brought me here to help keep you safe."

"Why?" the brunette had to ask.

"Because you died." the blonde answered her. "And because you're my houmon."

"We are joined?" Lexa whispered with hope.

"We are. And we are happy. And at peace." she said the things that she knew her wife would mostly care about. "And you can have that with her." future Clarke motioned towards her younger self who had just returned to the room with a group of healers.

Looking at her Clarke, Lexa felt herself smile softly and as it tended to happen when she stared at the blonde; she forgot that she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. She stopped thinking about the imminent war with Skaikru, the betrayal of her trusted ally and the future repercussions that would come from his actions. Instead,  all of it was gone while staring at deep blue eyes. Clarke was like a breath of fresh air and she was craving to be filled by everything concerning the younger woman. And, shockingly, her feelings were reciprocated and returned fully, something she had never believed would happen. She knew their bond was real because she had seen the fear in the blonde's eyes, the sorrow and relief going through them when she confirmed that Lexa was safe. It made the Heda feel something she had not felt in a long time: It made her feel hope.

**Arkadia, 2150**

_33 days since Lexa died..._

Although Clarke wanted to just let go, her talk with Lexa had reminded her of the commitment she made to the brunette woman, of her promise to keep her legacy alive by trying to bring peace. And, as much as it hurt to be in this world without her, Clarke knew firsthand that Lexa wanted her to succeed, to live. So, with that in mind, the blonde woman dressed in her usual clothes and in what felt like weeks, she went outside her room in search of her mother. Although she was thinner and weaker, she was determined to do her part and finally make Skaikru be a member of the Coalition. So when she reached the med-bay and saw the hopeful way her mother was staring at her, Clarke knew that only talking about their shared goal would prevent her from relapsing into her solitude and depression.

"Mom." she said strongly. "How are negotiations going between Arkadia and the Heda?"

"Clarke." Abby said completely relieved. Whatever Jaha had done seemed to work. "Let me look at you."

"I'm fine." Clarke told her. "Please answer my question."

"Kane has remained in contact with the messenger from Polis. We still haven't found Pike's followers and he's considering asking for permission to pass the blockade just like you wanted to."

"I'll go with him." the blonde said determinedly.

"Clarke..." Abby refuted softly. "You are weak from your fasting and your body would not be able to handle the walk."

"I'm going." she insisted and then appealed to her mother and not the doctor. "I need to do this mom. This is the only way for me to be able to move on. I need to do this for Lexa." she choked her name. "Don't force me to escape and go by myself because I will."

Closing her eyes in resignation and acceptance, Abby nodded and gave some tablets to Clarke. "You take this three times a day and eat what I tell you to eat and then you can go. You can't be a risk to yourself or the other people in the group."

Nodding in understanding, Clarke smiled sadly while taking the pills from her mother's hands. "Thank you." she whispered. "And I'm sorry."

"You're my daughter and I will always love you." Abby cried softly while hugging Clarke tightly. "No matter what."

"I love you too." Clarke said and then separated from her immediately making her way out.

"Please come back." Abby whispered.

"I will do my best." Clarke gave her a sad smile and quickly left her crying mother behind.

CLCLCLCL

"Clarke Griffin leaving Arkadia was a part of your plan?" Jaha asked A.L.I.E after closing his eyes to enter the City of Light.

"I admit that her conversation with the Commander was not the way I envisioned it to be. Instead of being dragged down, it seems as if the talk reminded her of her commitment to her cause. And the last thing we want is peace between Arkadia and the grounders."

"Then what can we do?" Jaha asked the woman.

"We wait. Pike's forces are close to the dropship and the moment Kane's group engages with them there will be blood. We want instability to remain inside Arkadia and without clear leadership from Kane or Clarke it will be easy for us to overtake the place."

"A coup?" Jaha realized what A.L.I.E meant. "After Kane and Clarke leave the camp?"

"Our members are more than the rest of people in Arkadia. It will be easy to overtake the camp. And once that is done we only have to wait for the return of Kane and Clarke to finalize the take-over."

"And that can only happen with the help of Clarke."

"Indeed." A.L.I.E smiled. "So now all we need to do is sit and wait."

CLCLCLCLCL

"It's very nice to see you Clarke." Kane told her with a soft smile after she entered his office.

"Kane." Clarke replied softly while staring at the map in the room. "Is this a map of the areas surrounding Arkadia?"

"Yes. We suspect that Pike's people are roaming around the dropship. But because the blockade prevents us from going beyond this border." he pointed towards a spot 15 miles away from Arkadia. "We can't be completely sure of their presence."

"'They need a familiar place to stay safe. And the fact that the grounders believe the dropship is haunted also aids them in not receiving unwanted visitors." Clarke muttered.

"Haunted?"

"300 of their men died there. Burned by a rocket Raven built and I detonated." Clarke replied. "Because of that many grounders refuse to even go there." she then looked at Kane. "Bellamy knows this is their best chance at survival."

"The fact that Bellamy is helping them aids them in knowing our drills and strategies. I trained him." he said somberly.

"I understand how you feel." Clarke really did. The two of them had placed their trust in Bellamy and he had betrayed them all, doing what both, Kane and Clarke, had tried to prevent since they landed on the ground.

"Indra is familiar with the territory and is willing to guide us through it." Kane continued explaining the plan. "And Octavia will be coming along."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Clarke questioned him immediately. "Bellamy is her brother and she will place him before everyone else. She already did that." she couldn't help to say this with anger.

"Indra wants to keep her close." Kane said dejectedly, on a similar page as Clarke.

"You do know what we'll probably be forced to do, right?" Clarke asked him. "They won't come peacefully and even if we manage to capture them, the plan is to turn them to Heda. All of them."

"Some of them are kids." Kane tried to sound convincing. "They didn't know."

"They knew." Clarke spat angrily. "They all knew what they were doing when they ambushed a sleeping army in the middle of the night and slaughtered them like pigs." she looked at Kane with hatred and pain in her eyes. "They knew what would happen if they attacked that village and yet they did so. And I will not let Lexa's sacrifice, and my own pain, be worthless because of a small group of murderers."

"Clarke..." Kane whispered when he saw the tears in her eyes. "I didn't know."

"No one knows Kane." Clarke said dejectedly. "But you knew Lexa and she was a visionary. The blockade was her way to aid us, give us more time to fix things. And it was because of it that she lost her life. Because of her loyalty towards me."

"And you think that your loyalty towards Skaikru was what forced her to support us." Kane realized.

"I know it was." Clarke whispered.

"Lexa was a pacifist." Kane smiled sadly. "Killing one man instead of a whole Clan, killing a small group for their crimes and not their people as a whole, that was the Commander's vision of a better world."

"And I won't let her sacrifice go to waste." she vowed. "Even if I must do it without you Kane, this ends with the death of Pike and his people."

"But Bellamy..." Kane whispered.

"Chose his side the moment he gave the guns to Pike and allowed him to lead." Clarke hissed.

"And Octavia?"

"Octavia will be forced to choose her own side: Her brother or her people."

"You can't ask her to choose."

"She asked me. When she was in Polis. And I chose my people. I expect her to make a similar choice to mine."

"And if she doesn't?" Kane had to ask.

"Then I'll be forced to make it for her." Clarke said darkly. "This is the best for our people and you know it Kane. Bellamy will not change the way he sees grounders, and having him is a liability."

"But with guidance and support..." he started to argue.

"You tried that already and looked at what happened!" Clarke said angrily. "I don't want to fight you Kane." she whispered exhausted. "But we need to show our true strength while handling this." she advised him. "We need to show Skaikru's determination to make amends for our crimes and our wish to be a part of the Coalition. It's either that or death during the winter."

"I know Clarke." Kane closed his eyes. "I just wish we had another choice."

"Many times Skaikru was given a way to have peace with the grounders and it was never picked. So now that we're desperate we expect forgiveness?" Clarke said sarcastically. "We will face the consequence of our actions and become better than what we were before."

"We will." Kane said surely. 

"Until then I'll be waiting for your orders." she gave one last look at Kane and then left the command room.

CLCLCLCL

"Clarke..." she was awoken by Octavia. "We're leaving." the brunette whispered while looking around her room.

"Ok." Clarke quickly stood up and gathered her things.

"You're looking better." Octavia said to her.

"A condition for me to go on this mission." she replied tersely while putting her favorite gun in her belt and her knives in her wrists.

"This is what she would have wanted."

"Octavia..." Clarke threatened her. "Don't talk about her."

"Someone has to. And whether you like it or not, I understand her culture."

"Sometimes it doesn't seem that way." she whispered darkly. "I don't know what you're trying to do by always talking to me about her, but unless you want to find a knife imbedded in your throat you will never speak her name again."

"Ok." Octavia said while raising her hands in mockery. "Just trying to help."

"Your help and support would have been appreciated before all of this shit happened."

"Are you blaming me for this? I wanted to leave, I wanted to be Trikru!" Octavia screamed at her.

"I'm not blaming you for Pike or your brother's decisions. I'm blaming you for not trusting Lexa or me. For trying to be something you're not. For judging Lexa and I without understanding the decisions we were forced to make. That's what I blame you for. Nothing else." Clarke said to the brunette and left her alone to make her way towards the front of the procession.

"Clarke." her mother was there. "Please be careful."

"I will." she noticed the way her mother was looking at Octavia. "She shouldn't be here."

"She believes that capturing her brother and making him apologize for his crimes will save him. Or at least have him be exiled to the dead zone." Abby explained.

"Then she's naive. He killed 300 soldiers. Blood must have blood." Clarke replied somberly.

"I know there's a way you could save him."

"What if I don't believe he's worth saving? Have you considered that?"

"He's part of Skaikru, a member of our people. He helped you from the start." Abby argued.

"He betrayed me and Skaikru when he aided Pike. He's responsible for Lexa's death and I can't forgive that."

"Then it's vengeance you're seeking, not justice." Abby said angrily.

"Perhaps it will be vengeance for me, but it will be justice for the families of those 300 soldiers he killed in their sleep." she reminded her mother and saw the way she lowered her gaze.

"Clarke..." Kane said to her while taking her attention away from Abby. "We're good to go." the blonde nodded and went to where Indra was standing alone. Octavia must be with Lincoln then.

"Indra." she said to the woman who stared at her and nodded in surrender. "How is your shoulder?"

"I already resigned myself to the fact that I'll never be able to yield a sword again."

"Just because you're not using a sword that doesn't mean that yu gonplei ste odon, Indra Kom Trikru."

"Sha Wanheda." she answered fiercely.

"Jus drein jus daun for Heda Lexa." Clarke replied softly.

"For Heda Lexa." she agreed. "My Second will not like what I know you want to do."

"Your Second lost my respect or consideration a long time ago." Clarke replied strongly. "She's emotional, loyal to a few and incapable of following orders."

"Before you saw those things as attributes of her." Indra reminded her. "What has changed?"

"I have." Clarke said somberly. "I'm no longer that naive girl you met months ago, Indra, and I will do everything in my power to bring Skaikru into the Coalition."

"Even kill Octavia's brother?" Indra had to ask.

"Even that. The death of a few in favor of the survival of a whole clan is a price I'm willing to pay."

Indra stayed silent after this was said, making Clarke believe that their conversation was over. Nevertheless, it seemed that it was not.

"Lexa was right about you." the warrior said softly. "She saw the potential in you, your desire to do what's best for your people. That's why she always kept you close, advised you and aided you when needed. She believed you would become a great leader. And she was right."

"I failed her Indra." Clarke said softly. "I haven't been capable of bringing Skaikru to the Coalition and I can't face Heda Aden without being reminded of her. It just hurts so much."

"Yu keryon ste teina." Indra understood the blonde's suffering immediately. "And her spirit inside of Heda Aden recognizes that."

"How much do you know of the Spirit of the Commander?" Clarke asked the woman while looking around and noticing the rest of people keeping their distance.

"Not much." Indra replied quietly. "Just that once Heda dies, the Spirit moves from her body to the next one, the next Heda having the knowledge, wisdom and memories from all the previous Hedas."

"So it learns from the mistakes and successes of the others." Clarke realized.

"That's the belief, yes."

 _Like a chip that keeps memories,_ Clarke realized, _the Spirit of the Commander then uses those memories to aid the new one, each Commander being better than the previous one._

"Stop." Indra told her and Clarke did as asked immediately. "Gonas. Left." she showed Clarke with her eyes and she noticed the sun reflecting on the rifles.

"I have a gun and a knife. I think I can take them out." Clarke answered her. "But I'll prefer to keep one alive to question him."

"Something the matter?" Kane asked them when he noticed they stopped moving.

"Nothing." Clarke said and immediately threw her knife to one of the sniper's shoulder and fired her gun to the head of the other one.

The noise made all their escort get on alert and raise their guns, looking for more danger or enemy fire coming their way. Moving towards the bodies, Clarke ignored the shocked looks that came from the many guards and even Kane himself. She had learned some tricks during her time away from Skaikru and they were now paying off. That, and her practice sessions with Heda's soldiers during her time in Polis.

"Your aim is true." Indra complimented her when she saw one man dead and the other one withering in pain.

"Trikru training tends to do that." she joked softly and didn't flinch when she took her knife out of the man's shoulder and blood poured out of the wound.

"Clarke!" Octavia screamed at her while pushing her out of the way. "What the hell is the matter with you?!"

"They were following us and would have probably told Pike of our presence here." she pointed towards their radios.

"You couldn't have known they had them. You killed one of them and shot the other one without knowing who they were."

"They are traitors of Skaikru and murderers." she stared at the crying man that was laying on the ground.

"It could have been Bellamy the one on that tree." Octavia said angrily. "And you wouldn't have known."

"But it wasn't." she replied. "He will be next to Pike. Isn't that right?" Clarke asked the whimpering man who refused to answer. "The way I see it you have two options. Either tell me everything you know and live today; or keep quiet and die a painful death right now. Your choice."

"You're one of us, you can't kill me." he spat.

"I just killed your friend without a thought. And news to you, you're not my people." she pushed her knife against his throat. "I have no incentive to keep you alive because at the end of the day we will find your camp. So consider this choice I'm giving you right now a temporary mercy."

"So I tell you and I will live?"

"You will die." Clarke said angrily. _Coward_. "But if you tell me what I want to know you will not die today."

"Clarke!" Octavia was trying to move her away but was stopped by Indra.

"Learn your place, Octavia Kom Skaikru. He's a natrona and a ripa."

"But..." Octavia continued arguing but one look from her warrior quieted her.

"So what would it be? Die today or die tomorrow?"

"We were sent to be on the lookout for you. We have been camping here for days, being replaced passing 5 days by a different group. That way we can warn HQ if we see something." the man rasped out.

"When was the last checkup done?"

The man didn't answer.

"Tell me." Clarke hissed while using her finger to press on the bullet wound.

"2 days ago." he exhaled after being released by Clarke.

"And how far away is your settlement?"

"It's an old dropship." he choked out. "Not too far away from here."

"Weapons?" Kane asked him.

"Just the ones we took. We had some people inside Arkadia that were supposed to bring us more but they never made it."

"They died." Clarke replied darkly. "And their deaths are on all of you." she finished and hit the man with her gun, knocking him out. "Gauge him and then tie him to a tree. We'll release him on our way back."

"But he may die all tied up!" Octavia was arguing yet again.

"If that is his fate then so be it. I won't risk the success of this mission for him."

"Who are you?" Octavia whispered completely shocked.

"Wanheda." Clarke replied simply and looked at the rest of guards. "Keep moving." she told them and waited for Kane to catch up with her. "You were right, they're using the dropship as shelter."

"We planned for this to happen. We have some gas grenades that will draw them out. After that we can use our snipers."

"Injure the soldiers but don't hesitate to kill Pike." she gave the order to Kane who nodded in agreement. "His fate is for us to decide."

"Bellamy will be by his side, you know this, right?"

"I'm aware of that and we shoot to injure. But if there's no other way then shoot to kill."

"Understood Clarke." he said somberly and went to talk with his guards.

"You're doing the right thing." Indra told her after a long while of silence. "They deserve their punishment."

"I'm aware of that."

"Then what troubles you?"

"How easy it is." Clarke muttered. "Too easy."

"Skaikru are not masterminds of war. Besides, Octavia said most of them were farmers before coming to the ground."

"But Bellamy is with them and he trained with Kane. He knows how Kane thinks and this whole operation was planned by him." Clarke said and then abruptly stopped. "Jok." she cursed.

"What's the matter?" Indra asked while looking around the forest.

"He knew Kane would lead the mission." she whispered before turning around to watch a grenade soar through the air. "Grenade!" she screamed to the soldiers who were walking in a perfect formation.

The grenade went soaring through the air, and as expected, blew up in the middle of the small battalion, screams of anguish and pain immediately being heard. Clarke chose not to go near them and instead took out her gun and with Indra moved to get cover.

"They set us up." she told Indra who was preparing her bow. "They knew the way Kane would operate and tricked us. They're not in the dropship, they're here." Clarke quickly took a look and avoided a bullet that was aimed at her.

"I'll draw their fire." Indra said and Clarke let her.

When Indra moved to the right, Clarke moved to the left, and after the sniper fired at Indra, she quickly saw him a couple of feet apart and without hesitation fired a single bullet that landed on his chest. Immediately returning to her position, Clarke took a look around the field and saw some of Kane's guards returning fire, being more successful than the farm traitors in killing their enemy. The grenade had been an unfortunate surprise, but the Ark training Kane had given to his men was superior to any kind of preparation Bellamy had offered them since they had to abandon Arkadia. Not only that, but Kane was making use of the gas grenades and that small advantage allowed the Ark guards to swiftly incapacitate the farm traitors, who were coughing because of the gas. Putting her mask on quickly and then helping Indra put her own, Clarke moved out of the trees and covertly moved to the back of the farmers' line of attack. She noticed that in their haste to kill, they left a flank open, and taking advantage of it Clarke quickly entered it and started shooting the remaining traitors. They never saw it come, and just as she promised, she only injured the natronas.

"Go tell Kane we're here." Clarke said to Indra when they scanned the room and saw no one else was there. "I'll keep an eye on the prisoners."

Nodding in agreement, Indra immediately left to find Kane and Clarke placed her gun inside her belt. The moment she disarmed herself, she noticed that a body was running towards her, and although she tried to move, it was too late and the strength of the impact took her down to the floor. Looking up in anger, she noticed familiar brown eyes staring at her with hatred and sadness.

"Bellamy." Clarke spat at him and with a quick hit with her shoulder she moved him out of the way.

"Don't move." he hissed at her and she noticed that he was now holding her gun. "Or I'll shoot you."

"Go ahead." she said angrily. "No matter what, your fate has already been set."

"You betrayed us all! You took their side, you became one of them."

"I was trying to save us! And your quest for revenge ruined us all. Our people won't survive the winter without the Coalition but you were too blind to see it."

"I did what was best for my people. I saved them."

"Did you? Because I just went through a lot of dead bodies, and they're all on you."

"You killed them, not me."

"Your actions placed them in a position to be killed. You were supposed to guide them. Instead, all you did was send them to their death!"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" he pointed the gun at her again and loaded it. "I supported you from the start, helped you get the 100 back. I lowered that lever with you!"

"And then threw it all away when you killed 300 innocent soldiers!"

"They were not innocent. It was either them or us."

"It could have been none!" she screamed at him. "When did you decide that you had the right to decide who lives or dies?"

"When we killed all those people at Mount Weather." he replied somberly.

"That was done during war, for survival."

"I did it for survival too."

"You did it out of fear. They were defenseless. They were sleeping! And you took advantage of that and shot them in the middle of the night. All of you were cowards!" Clarke said darkly and felt the tip of the gun hit her on the face.

"Shut up!" he screamed at Clarke who was now laying on the floor, blood coming out of the blow she received to the head. "I won't let you make me a monster."

"You became a monster yourself Bellamy." she whispered to the man who once upon a time had been his friend. "By aiding and following a man who wants nothing more than to get power."

"He wants to keep us safe."

"Really?" Clarke chuckled. "Then where is he? Because everyone, except him, is fighting for your cause." this made Bellamy look around the field. "He abandoned you all and ran away like the coward he is. He used you all as marionettes and now you will pay for his crimes as well as your own."

"Our people won't kill us, we're one of them." Bellamy said assuredly.

"When they know that it's either having food and clothes for winter or keeping a group of traitors safe, what do you think they'll choose?" Clarke smiled darkly at him while trying to stand up. "Because last time we forced Arkadia to make a similar choice, they wanted us to turn Finn in. Even you wanted to do it." she reminded him and saw the way his eyes opened in panic and fear.

In a quick move, Bellamy had Clarke pinned to his body with the gun locked near her neck. Moving forward, the two of them walked for a while until they were faced by the surviving guards, an injured but relatively fine Kane, an angry Indra and a shocked Octavia.

"Bellamy!" Octavia screamed while moving forward. "What are you doing?!"

"Don't move Octavia!" he screamed to his sister. "Or I will put a bullet inside Clarke."

"You can't do that." she tried to reason with her brother. "Please don't do that."

"This is the only way I'll have a chance to survive." he tried to make her see. "Either way, I'm a dead man."

"That's not true, we can appeal to Heda, Clarke can talk to him, make him see you repent."

"I will not do such thing." Clarke replied strongly and got hit in the throat by the gun.

"Clarke!" Octavia was now arguing with her. "He's my brother, your friend!"

"He's a traitor and a murderer, only concerned about himself." Indra answered for Clarke. "He's no warrior and left me to die because he wasn't brave enough to kill me himself."

"I did it for Octavia! Because I knew how close she was to you."

"So you didn't care about the other 299 soldiers, just Indra because of your sister?" Clarke chuckled. "So brave and heroic."

"I said, shut up." he whispered to her. "Or I will shoot you. Believe me, I will."

"I believe you." Clarke said softly. "And nothing would bring me more pleasure than to see you do it. Because after Pike's death Arkadia will have peace. And my mission will be over."

"Your mission?"

"To make Skaikru the 13th Clan. To honor Lexa's sacrifice."

"Don't talk about that whore. She's the reason why all of this started. Because she left us to die."

"Don't you dare speak her name." Clarke threatened him.

"You still defend her?!" he laughed darkly. "Of course you do, you were always blind when it came to her."

"I know that compared to her you're nothing." she said and saw the look of hatred and jealousy in his eyes. "And you'll never be more than a coward in the eyes of all the clans while she will always remain a legend and a visionary."

Bellamy noticed the way Clarke was speaking of the woman and he immediately understood everything. He laughed loudly.

"I can't believe it!" he continued laughing while keeping his gun pointed at Clarke. "That you were capable of loving that savage."

"Bellamy!" Octavia warned him, trying to move forward but was stopped by Indra, who was staring at Bellamy with hatred.

"Well, it seems that yet again another person that has fallen in love with you has died. First it was Wells, bet you didn't know that he loved you." he said evilly. "Then there was Finn, who went crazy after trying to save you. And finally Lexa, who died for being too soft."

"Branwada." she managed to hear Indra exclaim.

Nevertheless, before Bellamy had the chance to even respond, Clarke bumped her head with his and immediately took her knives from her wrist, swiftly stabbing Bellamy with one in the neck and the other one in his stomach.

"NOOOOO!" she could hear Octavia scream near her but she only had eyes for the man who was now looking at her with fear and shock.  

"You don't deserve to speak her name." Clarke said while watching the blood pour out of Bellamy's throat, his eyes wide open. "You don't deserve a painless death. You don't deserve the mercy your fellow traitors will have during their trial. You don't deserve to live." the blonde finished and with a clean move took the knives out Bellamy's throat and stomach, opening the wounds even more. "May you never find peace, Bellamy Kom Skaikru."

"NOOO!" Octavia screamed and immediately released herself from Indra's hold, quickly running to where her brother was laying on the floor, choking on his own blood. "Bellamy!"

"I'm sorry." Bellamy whispered to his sister and closed his eyes forever.

"NOOOO!" Octavia started crying and then turned to look at Clarke who was staring at them with coldness and indifference. "HOW COULD YOU?!" she screamed at the blonde woman and went to attack her. "HE WAS MY BROTHER, HE WAS YOUR FRIEND AND YOU JUST KILLED HIM!"

"I did what he would have done to me." Clarke replied coldly. "And avenged 300 people. Jus drein jus daun." she finished and then looked at Kane and the rest of people who were staring at her with shock and fear. "Leave the bodies to rot, they don't deserve a proper burial. The survivors we will take them back to Arkadia to prepare for their trip to Polis."

"I will never forgive you for this." Octavia said darkly to her.

"I don't want or need your forgiveness." Clarke said to the woman who continued crying. "The duty to protect my people comes first and your brother was in the way of making that happen."

"How can you be so cold and ruthless?!" she screamed at the blonde. "The Clarke I knew would have never done this. The Clarke Lexa loved would have never done this."

"Octavia." Indra warned her Second to stop.

"Octavia Kom Skaikru, you can choose to either keep your opinions to yourself or die. I don't care about your revenge towards me, and if you want to obtain it then nothing is stopping you from challenging me to a duel. But trust me when I tell you that my skill is superior than yours and only death will welcome you." Clarke finished somberly and with one last look at the body of her old friend she started to make her way home.

Lexa's justice had just gotten started. Now she just needed to find Pike.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions are starting to get answered and although it seems that things are fixed in Polis 2150, you'll soon realize they're not.


	8. License To Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Polis 2152 Clarke faces Ontari to defend Lexa's right to be the Commander. 
> 
> In Polis 2150, Lexa is willing to do anything in order to protect her Clarke, even go against tradition. Future Clarke cannot let that happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know when I'll be able to update next because my mom and brother are coming to visit me! So I may not be able to write so much. But who knows, maybe I'll upload again tomorrow. I love all your comments and support! Thank you! 
> 
> This one is a big one as well!

**Polis, 2152**

Clarke took a deep breath before placing her armor on her body. It was not something new for her to wear it, especially since she started her training sessions during her time in Polis. Nevertheless, this time it was not a playful duel or a 'safe' practice with Indra. This time it was a duel to the death and although Clarke was confident, she also wasn't cocky. She got taught by Lexa to never underestimate her rivals and to always be prepared for any kind of retaliation or recovery. Only until she had her sword or knife on her enemy's throat could she say that she won a battle. And she learned this the hard way.

_(Flashback)_

Moving around the room frantically, Clarke knew she was running late for a meeting with the Council and she didn't want to give Titus more reasons to dislike her. She had been trying to learn more about the man, that way perhaps being capable of knowing why he mistrusted her so much. But all of her attempts had been futile, many times leading to conversations with Lexa that entailed the brunette woman laughing at her failed 'ice breakers'. But this time she realized that she needed the support of the Coalition. Winter was coming and Skaikru needed the aid of at least 6 clans if they wanted to survive the season. Knowing that she had Trikru on her side, and Azgeda and Sangedakru against her, she needed to convince five of the remaining 9 clans to trade with them. And, although the treaty established with Trikru had opened the gate for grounder negotiations, many of the clans still feared them or saw them too similar to Maunon. It was because of that that Clarke had fought with her mother to stay in Polis, to show the Ambassadors that Skaikru was capable of assimilating and embracing their culture. After such a strong argument and extra convincing from Kane, her mother had agreed but promised to send Octavia to check on her twice a month.

So it was because of that that she was now staying in one of the many guests rooms of the Heda's building. It was clear from the decorations and designs that this was no simpleton room, it probably being second best behind Lexa's. And, the thought of the brunette's extreme hospitality and warmth were welcoming feelings for her. She had been concerned when she noticed Lexa being more withdrawn and cold towards her, usually giving her space and not adding much to their conversations. Clarke was scared that her rejection had made the Heda assume that she held no interest at all in the woman. And many could have interpreted it that way. But Clarke knew that she cared about Lexa, that she could be capable of loving the woman and that was what scared her. She feared caring about another human being and then see them be separated from her. She had seen that happen to her parents and had noticed the sadness and loneliness her mother continued to feel when she thought no one was looking at her. In fact, it had dominated her mother's life so much that she was incapable of seeing Kane's attempts at getting close to her. She sometimes felt bad for the man, who was growing more desperate and impatient with each passing day. Still, it was not her problem and she had no right to intervene in her mother's life.

Finally being ready, she took a look at her father's watch and was thankful to see that she still had time to make it to the throne room. Immediately preparing herself to leave, she quickly moved backwards when she heard a scuffle coming from outside her room, it being almost instantly over. She knew this was not good news, for her guards had not reassured her that they were fine as they got taught to do. So, the people that were outside her room had to be assassins sent to kill her. _And of course they were going to do it today before the meeting,_ Clarke thought angrily. Taking her sword from behind her closet, the blonde waited until she heard the door opening, quickly attacking the person making her way inside her room. But shockingly, instead of an unknown face she saw shocked green eyes staring at her sword, one that was now pointing towards the Heda's throat.

"Shit Lexa!" she said while putting her weapon down. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Coming to get you for the meeting Clarke." Lexa hissed with anger. "And instead of being ready you almost kill me."

"I heard a scuffle coming from outside the room. And today is an important day for Skaikru."

"A scuffle?" Lexa asked not knowing the meaning of the word.

"A commotion, like fighting."

"You mean you didn't send your guards away?" Lexa asked suddenly.

"Of course not, you told me not to."

"Jok." Lexa whispered and took her own sword out, Clarke immediately imitating her.

"I think this is a trap."

"You think?" Lexa muttered angrily.

"Well, those men with black robes and swords certainly make me think that." the blonde answered back sarcastically before counting the people inside the room. "Ok, so there's eight. You take the four on the left and I'll take the four on the right."

"Clarke, these are not students, they're hired assassins!"

"I'm sure that the power of Heda and the feller of the Mountain can stop them." Clarke winked at the woman and immediately went for the closest man.

"Branwada." she heard Lexa hiss and attack as well.

Moving around the room, Clarke smiled in delight when she noticed the way the men moved around her. They were less coordinated but more powerful than her. Nevertheless, her feet work was much better than theirs and it gave her a tremendous advantage over them. Barreling towards the nearest man, she did a move taught to her by Indra, who had used it many times on her before she finally learned to do it. Lowering herself, she gave one strong kick to the man's legs and he immediately collapsed to the floor, his hand keeping a strong hold on his sword. Nevertheless, and expecting this to happen, she quickly moved to stand behind him and after using her feet to press on the man's hand, she lowered her sword and killed the assassin with a single strike to the stomach. Moving away from the dead man, she took a look around and noticed Lexa fighting two men off while holding two swords in her hands. If she thought that her feet work was good, then Lexa's was extraordinary. The woman moved like a lioness, preying and pressuring the men to open their stand and become vulnerable. When they did so, the brunette immediately took advantage of their mistake and pushed her swords inside the assassins' bodies. And although the scene was quite macabre, the sight of Lexa taking on two men that were bigger and bulkier than her was incredibly arousing. So much, that were it not for the way green eyes opened up in warning, Clarke would have probably been gutted with the knife of one of the remaining assassins.

 "Ready to die princess?" the man sneered at her and the nickname made Clarke lower her stand. Not many people called her that, not anymore.

"Clarke!" Lexa screamed and she reacted fast enough to repeal the attack of the knife. "Fight!"

"I will kill you." the man continued tainting her.

"Not if I kill you first." Clarke stated and with a quick movement of her wrist she threw one of her hidden daggers towards the man's head. As usual, she didn't miss.

_4 down, 4 to go,_ she muttered to herself while quickly coming behind an assassin who was trying to attack Lexa from behind.

"That's not honorable ripa." she said with anger, and without a care or desire to entertain herself in a fight, she slit the man's throat.

"3 more to go." Lexa told her while taking one of her own daggers and sending it towards one of the assassins who was trying to run away. "2."

"We can't let them escape." Clarke said while looking at the two retreating men.

"We won't." Lexa promised and with a surprising speed she took Clarke's bow from the closet and shot an arrow to one of the two remaining men.

"Dison laik ain." Clarke said angrily and ran towards the remaining man.

When she finally collided with the man, she sent him to the floor, quickly scrambling to get on top of him and incapacitate him long enough so Lexa could aid her. What happened instead was that the man took a hidden knife from his booth and almost gutted Clarke. And she said almost because the moment the man planned on hitting her she noticed Lexa coming from behind and throwing one of her own knives, it immediately landing on the man's neck, which made the assassin choke on his own blood.

"Who sent you?!" Lexa screamed at him. "Who sent you?!"

"Jok up!" the man spat at Lexa and Clarke immediately took the woman's knife out so the man died from his injury.

"Lexa." she whispered towards the Heda who was staring at the dead assassin with hatred. "Let's move." she grabbed the brunette's hand and went to  Lexa's room because her own was filled with dead bodies.

The moment the two of them reached the Heda's room, a small army made their way to their Heda, scared by the sight of blood coming from their clothes.

"Clarke Kom Skaikru's room." Heda said firmly. "Find out from which clan they come from."

"Sha Heda." the guards said and ran towards Clarke's room.

"We need to tell Titus that the meeting will be postponed until the morning." Lexa continued giving orders.

"I'm sure he already cancelled it." she whispered, knowing that the air was tense between them. "Lexa, are you ok?"

Lexa laughed darkly. "If I'm ok? Clarke, I was not the one who was almost killed by 8 professional assassins. I should be the one asking you that question."

"Well I asked you first so you must answer me first." Clarke joked.

"Jok Clarke, this is not a game." the Heda said angrily. "Someone wants you dead and they sent a small battalion to make sure it happened."

"But nothing happened." she tried to appease the brunette woman by touching her, but the moment their skin made contact Lexa flinched. "What's the matter with you?!" Clarke was getting tired. "You have been avoiding me like the plague ever since we returned from Mount Weather."

"Your intentions towards me were very clear that day." Lexa said coldly.

"My intentions..." she started saying and then realized what the Commander was talking about. "Of course." Clarke said somberly.

"I was merely respecting the boundaries you set up."

"If you were trying to do so then why do you care so much about what happens to me?"

"Because I do care Clarke." Lexa whispered.

"Doesn't seem that way." Clarke was getting angrier. "Because you go from completely ignoring me to being pissed someone is trying to kill me. Perhaps you should have just let me die."

"YOU CAN'T DIE!" Lexa screamed with anguish and this made Clarke's anger dissipate. "I care too much, Clarke. And the idea of you gone is unbearable. But I was keeping my distance because you asked me to. And I was ashamed of myself. Of having such strong feelings for you. Feelings that are obviously not reciprocated."

"For being the Heda you can be so oblivious." Clarke said softly and got close to Lexa who was trying her best to remain calm. "When you kissed me that day at your tent I had just killed a man I cared about. And I was confused because of the immense attraction I felt towards you. Believe me, I've wanted you since that day." she chuckled. "But then I got to know you better during our talks and I knew that I didn't only want to sleep with you. I wanted to be with you. I want to be with you, Lexa."

"Then why didn't you tell me this?" Lexa asked completely shattered. "I've felt so confused and lonely in my feelings for you..."

"I'm afraid, Lexa. Of how deep my feelings for you are, of how much I desire and need you. Of what this would mean for our people. Because as much as I wished it could be, we are not simple soldiers or farmers. We are the leaders of our people."

"We don't have to tell them anything." Lexa whispered while getting closer to Clarke, their bodies flushing against one another. "Not yet."

"So we'll be living a lie? I'm not ashamed of you, Lexa. Are you ashamed of me?"

"Of course not." Lexa said while kissing her cheeks. "But you're right. It's too soon for us to be seen together and Skaikru's position is a vulnerable one. The last thing your clan needs is to be seen as codependent of Trikru."

"Or Trikru being influenced by Skaikru." Clarke winked at Lexa while locking her arms around the brunette's waist. "You mean a lot to me, Lexa. I'm falling in love with you."

"How can you fall in love?" Lexa asked confused.

"It's an expression." Clarke explained. "It means that I don't love you yet but with time I will."

"Oh." Lexa understood now and blushed softly. "Then I'm also falling in love with you, Clarke Kom Skaikru."

"Good." Clarke smiled warmly. "Then we can do this again." she whispered against Lexa's lips and immediately closed the distance between them.

"We need." Lexa moaned between kisses. "To uncover from which clan your assassins come from."

"Probably Azgeda." Clarke muttered while kissing Lexa's neck. "They hate Skaikru."

"Probably Azgeda." Lexa just repeated Clarke's word, completely lost in the blonde's lips.

"You know what was really hot?" the blonde whispered from the Heda's neck. "When you killed two men at the same time with two swords in your hands. You were powerful and dominating." she sucked on Lexa's neck creating a bruise.

"Oh..." Lexa whimpered, completely turned on. "I will try to do it more often then." she joked. "Your skill with the sword and knives has improved tremendously." she added as she felt Clarke bite her ear. "I must congratulate Indra. Although you allowed the last assassin to put you in a position of danger by assuming you had won the fight."

"Lexa." Clarke said obfuscated with the line of thought Lexa's mind was currently following. "Shof op and kiss me." she crashed her lips with Heda and the brunette moaned in contentment.

_(End of Flashback)_

That had been the first time Lexa and her kissed after Mount Weather, it being immediately followed by hidden encounters behind closed doors. The attraction between them was obvious, but it never went beyond heavily making out. Instead, after kissing each other to exhaustion they usually talked about themselves, their hopes and dreams; and slowly but surely Clarke fell in love. She didn't regret anything about her time with Lexa and she was desperate to get more. This was her main motivator for staying alive; being married to the woman she loves and have a future with her.

_A future that will start the moment we defeat the Ice Queen,_ she thought to herself.

"Are you ready?" she heard Octavia ask her while entering the room. "That's a fancy armor. Only the best for Heda's houmon." she joked.

"First time I'm going to use it for an actual duel." Clarke chuckled. "And I plan to keep using it." she assured her friend.

"Good, because it would suck to finally become the 13th clan and for you to not be there."

"Funny." Clarke deadpanned. "You're being so supportive and warm."

"We both know that's now what you need." Octavia said seriously.

Clarke nodded. "Where's Lexa?"

"Confirming last minute details for the duel. She wanted to be here but that would show favoritism and Titus was adamant about her following this tradition."

"Of course he would be." the blonde smiled softly. "That man hates me and will probably be one of the people celebrating my death."

"You know the risks of you entering this fight are more than just your death, right?" Octavia said sadly. "If Ontari is successful then Lexa will retaliate and start a war with Azgeda for sure."

"I'm aware of that because I would do the same thing." Clarke confessed. "I will not let my people down." she promised.

"I know you won't." Octavia gave her one last smile before the door opened yet again and a nervous Lexa entered. "I'll give you space." she said to the couple. "But I must take Clarke with me to the Arena."

"Mochof Octavia." the blonde smiled at her and then turned her attention to her nervous fiancé. "Titus will be pissed when he knows you're here."

"The last thing I care about is Titus' immature complaints." Lexa replied angrily.

"Hey..." she got close to the brunette and held her face lovingly. "I will be alright." 

"Don't you dare die, Clarke Kom Skaikru." she noticed the brunette's lower lip tremble.

"Is that an order, Heda?" she joked.

"A plea." Lexa admitted vulnerably.

"I will come back to you." Clarke vowed. "Our souls are entwined."

"I will ravish you all night long after you give me the Azgeda natblida's head." Lexa said strongly and Clarke moaned.

"For my Heda anything." she whispered while kissing Lexa longingly. "Ai hod yu in."

"En ai hod yu in otaim." Lexa said softly and kissed her one more time before they heard the horn signaling the battle would begin soon.

"Heda, SkaiHeda." Octavia entered the room with a solemn look. "It's time."

"Kill that bitch." Lexa ordered Clarke and saw the way the two Skaikru smiled.

"With pleasure."

CLCLCLCLCL

Looking around the Arena, Clarke noticed the plaza was surrounded by people. Screams were heard around her and from what she could see, the people present came from all kinds of social positions and were enthusiastic. And, something that surprised her was that most of them were chanting her name, obviously wanting her to win the duel. She was not expecting this because she was Skaikru, but either they knew of her future joining with Heda or recognized her as one of the allies that helped their Heda eliminate the Mountain.

Turning to face the many Ambassadors, she noticed the encouraging smiles and support she was receiving from Luna, Delta, Carla, and Bael, Skaikru's closest allies apart from Trikru. There were also the other clans that did not necessarily speak against her but were wary of publicly showing their approval of Skaikru. And then there was Nia and the Ambassador of Sangedakru with an evil smile on their faces. Still, none of their smiles came as close to the one Titus was offering her from behind Heda's seat. The man had been adamant about her marrying Lexa and had been pleasantly surprised when Clarke nominated herself for the duel. It was clear that he was expecting her to die but she was not going to do so. Not when she could clearly see the fear and anxiety on her fiancé's eyes although the rest of her body was the image of calm and composure.

The crowd fell completely silent when they saw Titus move from behind the Heda's chair and surely make his way to the front of the two warriors, who were staring at each of their significant others.

"Don't die." Lexa mouthed the words to her from her seat.

"Sha Heda." she mouthed back while winking at the brunette who huffed in annoyance.   

Titus glared at Clarke for distracting Lexa. "Hashta soulou gonplei..." he said while staring at the crowd. "Bilaik won hedon noumou: du souda wan op deyon!" he continued saying and earned the enthusiastic screams from the crowd. "Yo na jomp in." he smirked and Clarke watched how he quickly went behind Lexa's back, trying to hide his contentment.

_Bastard,_ Clarke thought while going to where Ryder was standing with her sword.

"Clarke." he acknowledged her. "Good luck."

"Mochof Ryder." she smiled at him before taking her sword out and feeling its weight in her hand.

"SkaiHeda!" she heard several voices calling for her and she immediately avoided Ontari's blow, quickly landing a hit on her back.

Moving forward to press the woman, she noticed the natblida stretching and measuring how deep the injury was. Apparently it wasn't so much because soon enough the woman came towards her, Clarke landing blow after blow with ease and determination. Nevertheless, Ontari was skilled and was counteracting every hit, the natblida gaining a small advantage when they locked their swords together.

"You're done." she said to Clarke when she started to use her shoulder to push her sword downwards.

Knowing that she would get killed if she didn't counteract the move, Clarke took one hand out of the handle of her sword, immediately using it to stop Ontari's. She felt the natblida's weapon cutting through her skin, but the move had been favorable because in a spur of the moment she pushed forward and was able to hit Ontari on the nose. Nevertheless, the hit didn't do much to stun the warrior because soon enough she was pushing Clarke to the ground.

Keeping a hold on her sword, she tried to attack again but Ontari blocked her move with one arm and pushed her weight on top of Clarke's sword hand, making her drop her weapon because of the pain. Still, Clarke grabbed both hands and quickly landed a strong blow to Ontari's legs, causing her to drop to the floor. Taking advantage of the position, she used her knee to hit the woman's face while taking her sword out of her hand and this time she could see that her hit dozed the warrior.

Running towards her own sword, now Clarke had two weapons while Ontari had none. Pushing forward and standing in a fight stance, she noticed Ontari nervously looking around the arena for something to use, her decision being one of the staff's from the guards that were surrounding them. While the staff gave Ontari a farther reach, Clarke had the swords which allowed her to be faster. So with that in mind she immediately launched an attack, using both swords to try to find a vulnerable spot in the natblida's defense. Nevertheless, she didn't take into consideration that the staff could also defend against two swords at once. So, when Ontari pushed the staff towards Clarke's body the blonde lost her footing and was being throw to the defensive. Ontari threw calculated blows to her swords' hands and now she was the one without a weapon, the move proving successful for Ontari because she then kicked Clarke on the stomach.

Laying on the floor, Clarke knew that she fucked up. She could hear the silence that now invaded the Arena, the footsteps of Ontari coming closer to her becoming more obvious. Looking up, she saw Ontari smirking at her while moving the staff for show, a move done in order to intimidate her. She didn't let it. She was Heda's houmon and she was not going to die, not today.

_Remember Clarke, one can only claim to win a battle when their knife or sword is at their opponent's neck,_ she heard Lexa's soft voice.

Staring deeply at Ontari's eyes, she noticed the moment her pupils dilated and at that moment it was the one she decided to move her head, missing the spear that had been aimed at her head. Turning quickly around, she used her legs to propel herself, landing a hit on Ontari and the woman fell to the ground while holding the staff tightly. Standing up quickly, she waited until Ontari attacked her, using her body to dodge each blow, waiting for the right moment to counterattack. That moment came when Ontari stretched her hands too much in order to reach her, and taking advantage of the soft hold the warrior had on the staff, she quickly took it away from the natblida and started her attack, focusing her hits on the woman's face. Although Ontari also managed to avoid two of her blows, she wasn't ready for Clarke to go for her legs, making her lose balance and focus on the weapon. Again trying to hit her from her higher position, Ontari deflected one of her blows but was incapable of stopping the hit that was meant for her head.

When Clarke felt the staff make contact with the natblida's face, she bellowed in anger and used all of her strength to hit her, the sound of a broken nose becoming almost nothing after the deafening screams of the crowd around them. Quickly walking to where Ontari was standing, she didn't hesitate before lowering the staff to the woman's stomach and ending her life because it was either Ontari or her. And she chose to live.

"Ai laik Clarke Kom Skaikru, Houmon of Lexa Kom Trikru." she said while staring at a shocked Nia and angry Titus. "Let anyone know that defying my houmon is defying me. And that Clarke Kom Skaikru fights for her houmon, kills for her houmon." she took the spear out of Ontari's body. " Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun, Heda." she promised while kneeling in front of her fiancé, who was now staring at her with lust and passion.

Clarke smirked when Lexa got up from her throne and started to walk to where she was, determination and passion set on her face. Before Clarke could say anything else, she felt the brunette's lips land on top of hers. Moaning at the strength and need behind Lexa's kiss, she couldn't help herself to smirk at the screams and cheers coming from the people around them. It took a couple more seconds for Lexa to finally separate from her, but instead of letting go she held on to Clarke's hand.

"Let it be known that any who dare defy SkaiHeda also defy Heda. She and I are one, our lives and souls bonded until the end of days." Lexa proclaimed to the screaming crowd.

"NOOOO!" they heard Titus scream from behind Lexa's chair. "You were supposed to die." he said to Clarke.

"Titus?" Lexa asked with anger.

"She makes you weak. She will be your downfall." he started chanting.

"This will be your last mistake." Lexa vowed and started to move forward but Clarke saw that a man  from the crowd was running straight towards the Heda.

"Lexa!" she screamed and pushed the brunette woman out of the way and felt a sharp pain on her shoulder.

"Clarke!" Lexa screamed while standing up and making her way towards the blonde.

"Are you alright?" she asked the brunette while raising her hand to cup Lexa's cheek.

"I am." the Heda whispered to her with tears in her eyes. "That sword was meant for me."

"Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op." Clarke smiled weakly.

"Branwada." Lexa said while crying.

"My spirit will..."

"Don't!" Lexa choked out. "You promised me Clarke. So fight. Don't give up on me."

"I won't." Clarke whispered but closed her eyes.

"Abby!" Lexa screamed frantically when she saw the woman approach them. "Save her!"

"I need to move her." Abby was saying nervously.

"You have to save her." Lexa begged the woman. "Please..."

"She's losing blood too fast." Abby was saying to Nyko who had come after Indra called him.

"We use this to temporarily close wounds." Nyko gave Abby a jar with a green cream. "It may give us enough time to move her."

"Ok. Put it around the wound." she instructed the man who carefully placed the cream where Abby told him. "Now we need to move her." she was saying but then stopped when Clarke started seizing. "What's wrong?!" she was screaming.

Nyko smelled the blood that was on his fingers and looked at Lexa with concern. "Poison." he whispered.

"Give me the antidote then." Abby was now moving frantically.

"The only way we will know the antidote is by having the assassin tell us." Nyko addressed his Heda.

Standing up from the floor, Lexa took a look at her bloodied clothes and made her way to where the assassin was being held. She took one of her knifes and without asking anything impaled the man's hand to the ground. He screamed in agony.

"Tell me the poison." she seethed at him.

"I don't know Heda." he whimpered and Lexa used her other knife to do the same thing to his remaining hand.

"The name of the poison." she was now staring at him with hate.

"I don't know!" he continued saying. Another knife on his small finger.

"I swear Heda! The sword was given to me." he whimpered while looking towards the Ambassadors. Following his eyes, she noticed them land on Titus.

"Yu gonplei ste odon." she said and slit the throat of the assassin without warning. "Tell me the name of the poison." Lexa was staring at Titus with hatred.

"This is for the best." he calmly stated. "Once she's gone you'll return to the Heda we need."

"That's what you think." she said angrily and without thought she grabbed the assassin's sword and used it to cut her hand.

"NOOO!" Titus screamed with fear and hate.

"Now if you don't tell me the name of the poison the Spirit dies with me. And without a fleimkepa to keep the line alive the Spirit will be lost forever."

"You can't do that! You'll doom us all!"

"I don't care!" Lexa screamed at him. "I'll be dead anyway and so will Clarke be."

Hunching in surrender, Titus took a small vial out of his pocket and gave it to Lexa who immediately moved to where Clarke was lying.

"Here niron." she whispered lovingly. "Drink this." she smiled softly.

"Your hand." Abby said while looking at the brunette.

"Clarke goes first." she was starting to get dizzy.

"Heda." Nyko took the vial from Abby and smelled it, quickly ordering his apprentice to get another one.

"First Clarke." she repeated and the man nodded in acceptance.

"Lexa..." Clarke repeated and the brunette moved closer to her fiancé.

"I'm here." she kissed soft lips and felt the whole world around her become dark.

**Polis, 2150**

"You're worried." future Clarke heard Lexa say from behind her and she gave her wife a soft smile.

"I am." she said softly.

"You succeeded. You saved me."

"I know." she looked at deep green eyes. "And yet I'm still here."

"And that's what worries you." Lexa understood. "That perhaps saving me was not the reason you were sent here."

"Or the only reason." she agreed. "I miss my home."

"I can imagine." she smiled sadly. "Although Clarke is in the same building as me I feel this emptiness inside my chest. As if a part of me was taken by Clarke."

"You get used to it." future Clarke winked.

"I never believed I would find my soulmate." Lexa confessed.

"I know."

"I imagine we already had this conversation." Lexa joked.

"We have no secrets." future Clarke said proudly.

"That I find hard to believe." she whispered. "Not because I don't trust you." she added immediately.

"But because you want to keep her safe."

"I can't lose her." Lexa stared at deep blue eyes.

"Neither can we." future Clarke said. "I could never imagine how it would feel like, to be in a world with you gone."

"Good thing you don't have to." Lexa said softly while grabbing the blonde's hand and squeezing it.

"You're just like her after we defeated the Mountain." future Clarke smiled sadly. "It's astounding to see what three years can do to a person."

"You mean I didn't abandon you?" Lexa whispered completely shocked.

"You didn't."

"Why?" Lexa asked completely shattered.

"The plan succeeded." she told the brunette woman. "Bellamy was capable of reaching your people before Mount Weather noticed we were inside."

"I had to abandon Clarke." Lexa whimpered. "Leave her there to die."

"She understands why." future Clarke tried to calm her. "And someday she'll be forced to make a similar decision. I was." she confessed.

"When?" Lexa asked curiously.

"It was during war with Sangedakru."

"Sangedakru?!"

"They were against Skaikru joining the Coalition and after we defeated Azgeda they waited for a year before rejecting the Coalition. They had planned to do so many months in advance and hence when they declared war their army was already on their way to Polis."

"But because Sangedakru is near Arkadia they had to first go through your lands."

"Mount Weather was still operational." Clarke whispered. "And after riding for a day, when we finally made it there I was forced to make a choice."

"You used a missile." Lexa understood immediately.

"There were many of my people there. Some of the 100 that had stayed to oversee things. But we had no choice. We couldn't let Sangedakru take our weapons." Clarke looked completely broken. "Bellamy was there. And Octavia never forgave me for taking the decision that ended his life. Not that I can blame her."

"What happened to her?"

"She left with Lincoln and the two of them now live with Luna's clan." she smiled sadly. "From what Luna has told me she's with child and none of them are gonas. Lincoln became a healer and Octavia teaches Gonasleng to the warriors."

"I'm sorry." Lexa said softly.

"I was too at first, but with time I realized that perhaps that was just the way things were meant to be. People die and there's nothing one can do to prevent that from happening."

"That's something my Clarke still hasn't learned." Lexa smiled sadly. "Every death takes a toll on her."

"I know." future Clarke said. "But she'll learn. I did. You helped me learn." she looked at the brunette woman. "What will you do to Titus?"

"What every traitor deserves." she said softly.

"I know he was very close to you."

"He raised me." Lexa specified. "But the moment he tried to kill Clarke he died to me. He challenged his Heda."

"You're aware that she'll have to do it, right? Because he tried to take her life she'll have to end his life." future Clarke whispered.

"I'm aware of my own traditions." Lexa snapped but immediately apologized. "I don't want her to carry this burden as well. If she asks me to, I will kill Titus."

"You can't." future Clarke warned her. "Our people will not..."

"They're not your people yet." Lexa said somberly. "And if taking Titus' life means that Clarke can be at peace then so be it."

"You'll risk retaliation from the other Ambassadors. Your position is not as cemented as you want it to be to take such a risk. Make this decision with your head and not your heart."

"If your wife asked you to kill him you would, right?" Lexa asked and didn't have to see the way future Clarke looked away from her.

"I just want to keep you safe."

"That's not your responsibility anymore." Lexa was sad to say it but it was the truth.

"It will always be my responsibility. No matter if you're from another time, you're still my wife."

Lexa exhaled and looked at deep blue eyes. "I know you're just trying to help but there's nothing you can do. This involves my Clarke and myself."

"I can't just let you put your safety at risk."

"If that is meant to happen then you need to accept that." Lexa said while getting closer to the blonde.

"Like hell I do." future Clarke got away from Lexa's touch and angrily left the throne room.

CLCLCLCL

"Clarke." she heard from outside the door and opened it to see Lexa standing outside of it. "Can I come in?"

"You don't have to ask Lexa." she smiled at the brunette and kissed her on the lips. "I've missed you."

"And I you." Lexa smiled softly while caressing the blonde's cheeks. "I can't believe I can do this now."

"And I never want you to stop." the blonde smiled but then remembered what she had done earlier. "I had a chance to talk to Murphy."

"Murphy?" Lexa asked confused.

"The man that Titus wanted to use as scapegoat." she said and failed to notice Lexa flinch. "And he said that we not only have to worry about Pike in Arkadia."

"What do you mean not only Pike?"

"Jaha is back. And Murphy says that he didn't come alone." Clarke sat at her bed. "He found the City of Light."

"That's a myth mutated individuals believe in." Lexa said immediately. "They hope to find a cure for their malformations."

"Well, Murphy told me that they went through the dead zone and reached the end of it. He stayed in a bunker for three months, watching videos of a man that claimed that he was responsible for the bombs that destroyed Earth centuries ago." Clarke whispered. "But the worst part is that he says that Jaha found something else in the house. A machine."

"A machine?" Lexa was confused.

"Like a person but not real, an illusion." Clarke explained. "But capable of communicating and thinking."

"Why is this dangerous if this machine is not real?"

"Because he's using Jaha to do her will. She says that the City of Light is in the mind of a person. That there's no pain or death there."

"Life without pain is no life at all." Lexa recited Titus' lesson.

Moving around the room, Clarke quickly brought the chip Murphy showed her earlier. "Does this symbol look familiar to you?"

"The symbol of the Commander." Lexa muttered while taking her hand to where her own tattoo was.

"This is no coincidence Lexa." Clarke whispered. "And I don't like the fact that Jaha is unconsciously in the possession of an artifact that affects you. What do you remember of your Ascension Day?"  

"Not much." Lexa said softly. "I was very young, just 12 summers old. The Commander had died in the battlefield and we were all told to wait until his body made it back to Polis. I know that in order for the Conclave to being the Fleimkepa must confirm the death of the previous Heda. Once that is done it is a survival fight between all the natblidas. I was the youngest and least likely to win. But for some reason I did. After Titus said that the Spirit chose me I don't remember much, only falling asleep and waking up with a sharp pain behind my neck, the tattoo of the Commander now covering it and confirming my position as Heda."

"Can I see your neck?" she requested and moved Lexa's hair when the brunette gave her permission.

Softly trailing her fingers over it, she felt a scar immediately and followed the traces of it, seeing that it was a perpendicular line, one similar to a surgical cut. But grounders don't have scalpels, right?"

"You have something." she murmured. "Were you injured in the back of your neck during the Conclave?"

"No." Lexa whispered.

"Then why do you have a wound that has been obviously treated?"

"I don't remember." Heda said apologetically.

"Bet Titus will be the one to know why." Clarke said angrily. "We must talk to him." the blonde started to move to the door. She stopped when Lexa didn't follow her. "What's the matter?" she noticed the way the brunette was avoiding her eyes. "Is there a problem?"

"We still have to decide what will happen to Titus." Lexa said softly.

"I thought you already decided. Since he defied you he has to be killed."

"He didn't try to kill me." Lexa whispered. "The crime he tried to commit against you surpasses the one he committed against me."

"So I'm the one that has to end his fight." Clarke understood now.

"I will do this for you Clarke." Lexa vowed immediately.

"We both know it's not as easy as that." Clarke said sadly. "Tell me the truth Lexa, what would happen if you kill him?"

"The Ambassadors would have more reasons to distrust my position. They would see me favoring Skaikru."

"Then you won't do it." Clarke said firmly. "I won't put you in danger."

"I don't want to force you to take another life."

"And I love you for that." the blonde smiled softly. "But together we are one and we protect each other. So after we get the information from Titus you can tell the Coalition that Wanheda has decided the natrona's sentence."

"And what sentence is that, Wanheda?"

"Death by a thousand cuts." Clarke said determinedly.

CLCLCLCL

Walking around the halls, Clarke only had one goal and that was to keep Lexa safe. No matter the repercussions she had to face, she would never let any harm come to her wife in any life. Stopping in front of the guards, she gave them a strong nod and they immediately allowed her to go through.

There, sitting down and staring at the ceiling, Clarke saw Titus and she seethed in anger. She had never liked the man, and after realizing that he was determined to prevent Lexa from being happy in all timelines she liked him even less.

"Fleimkepa." Clarke got his attention.

"Wanheda." he spat angrily.

"Wrong." she said darkly and the man flinched in fear. He knew which one of the two blondes was more dangerous.

"SkaiHeda." he then stood up. "You honor me with your visit."

"You know why I'm here." she replied tersely.

"Wanheda refuses to kill me herself and Lexa offered to do it." he smirked. "And because you want to keep Lexa safe you came here before they sentenced me to finish the job your weaker self can't even start."

"I came here to protect my wife." she said menacingly. "Something you promised to do as well but failed."

"You will be her doom. Look, even now she's putting Lexa in danger."

"She'll learn, and she'll be strong in order to keep our soulmate safe. That I know." Clarke got close to him. "I will see that you no longer cause pain to either of them."

"Lexa will never forgive you." he tainted her.

"You see..." Clarke took her concealed knife out. "She already did." she smiled evilly at him. "After I killed you." she finished and with a quick move she slit the man's throat. "Yu gonplei ste odon."

CLCLCLCL

Calmly walking around the halls, Clarke and Lexa were discussing the different ways in which they could stop Pike and Jaha. They were at a disadvantage because they had no people inside Arkadia. And, without knowing what they were facing they had no chance of preparing for it.

"I know Kane has supporters inside. I can get to him and tell him that. Tell him that Trikru will aid him."

"You know you can't do that." Lexa replied sadly. "Although I support him my clan cannot. Not until he eliminates Pike."

"So Pike must go before anything happens." Clarke muttered.

"Indeed ai niron." Lexa smiled softly.

"That means I have to go and catch up with Octavia."

"You can't go by yourself. The blockade already started and any Skaikru traveling alone will be killed." she whispered. "Give me a week and I'll join you."

"What if it's too long and things get worse?"

"Can they get worse than this?" Lexa asked.

"I hope not. But what if he kills Kane or discovers the people supporting the Coalition? He's the Chancellor, so officially he can sentence them to death for being traitors."

"And your people would accept that?" Lexa asked shocked.

"I honestly don't know." Clarke muttered. "But if we go and free Kane then our chances at starting something are better."

"So you're asking me to help your rebellion?"

"You would have the weapons and support of the 13th clan right after we win." Clarke negotiated. "We need to gain access to Arkadia and find out what Jaha plans to do with those chips. This is the way in."

"We must think it through." Lexa knew it wasn't a bad idea but she didn't want to commit without serious thought. "But right now our main concern is talking to Titus." she reminded the blonde who nodded. "Gonas." she addressed the warriors who stared at her with respect and then their eyes opened when they saw Clarke.

"Wanheda?" one asked confused.

"What happened?" Lexa asked them.

"Wanheda... She just went in." one guard stuttered.

"Shit." Clarke said and went through the guards. "What is she doing?"

"She thought that you would say no to killing Titus. And when I told her I would do it for you she said she wouldn't let me." she realized then what this meant and started to run faster. "She's going to kill Titus while pretending to be you."

"She can't! Not yet." Clarke said shocked and almost threw Lexa to the floor when the woman stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh no." Clarke whispered when she saw Titus on the floor, blood pouring out of his neck and her future self standing over him. "What did you do?!"

Future Clarke looked at them and threw her knife to the floor. "What we promised to always do." she then stared at Lexa. "Protect our houmon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Floudonkru: Boat People   
> Azgeda: Ice Nation   
> Sangedakru: Desert Clan  
> Trikru: Tree People  
> Houmon: Wife/Husband  
> Maunon: Mountain Men  
> Natblida: nightblood  
> Natrona: Traitor  
> Fleimkepa: flamekeeper  
> Branwada: Idiot  
> Jok: Fuck  
> Ai hodnes: My love  
> Dison laik in: This one is mine.   
> Gonas: soldiers  
> Gonasleng: English  
> Yu gonplei ste odon: your fight is over  
> Hashta soulou gonplei. Bilaik won hedon noumou: du souda wan op deyon!": In single combat there is but one rule: One must die.   
> "Yo na jomp in: You may begin.


	9. Linger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Arkadia 2150, Clarke seeks the help of a loved one. 
> 
> In Polis 2150, Clarke wakes up to hear about her week asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had some free time to write this! Hope you all like it and thank you again for all the support and comments I have received for this story. It has been therapeutic for me after 3x07.   
> No Beta, so all mistakes are mine...

**Arkadia, 2150**

_37 days since Lexa died..._

Clarke knew that the only thing that was now keeping her in this world was Lexa's wish to have peace. Nevertheless, her desire to avenge the Heda's death was also invading her every thought and keeping her on the run. The hunt for Pike had been exhausting, especially after their team was ambushed by farm station near the dropship. That event had left an immense divide between the special task force. While Kane had supported and understood her decision, Clarke was aware that he had been shocked she had actually done it. Indra had been standing right by her side, lending her strength and guidance when she needed it. Octavia had been the complete opposite, hating her for killing her brother, refusing to listen to reason or explanations (that Clarke was not giving). And the reason Clarke was not apologizing for what she did was because she honestly believed that there was nothing to apologize for. She had done what was best for her people, had given the Trikru the justice they deserved and had unified her clan under Kane's leadership.

It had actually scared Clarke how easy it was to kill Bellamy. At first she had been hesitant about doing it, honestly desiring him to just surrender so the Trikru would kill him. But then he had started talking about Lexa, mocking the brunette woman who had died trying to save Skaikru. And that, watching the hatred and anger in his eyes was enough for Clarke to let loose a part of herself that she had discovered during her time away. She had discovered this darkness deep inside, one that was capable of anything in the name of her ideals and her duty. And while killing Bellamy, all she had thought about was Lexa and her desire for peace. Her sacrifice. Her pain. Her agony when dying. And for all of that, for that bittersweet memory of their time together, to be ridiculed and utilized by Bellamy in such a way... That had been the ending point of Clarke and had made way for Wanheda, the Commander of Death. Killing Bellamy had reminded her of the power she had, of the sacrifices that a leader had to make for their people and connected her to Lexa on a deeper level. Because just as Indra had told her, right now Clarke understood the Heda even more than before. She did so because now the fate of her people was in her hands, and she had to choose between keeping Arkadia safe and forgiving farm station. The choice was an easy one for Clarke.

But although she was on her way to avenge Lexa and the Trikru, things inside Arkadia were not as peaceful as she wanted them to be. Although she was seen by the grounders as the leader of Skaikru, the Chancellor was Kane. And during their time together in the forest hunting the remaining members of farm station, the two of them had bonded. She had told him about Polis, about the other clans, about trade routes and the traditions the grounders had. Clarke had been honestly happy about sharing these things with him because the man appreciated them. He was open to new ways of living and he was willing to compromise in order to achieve peace. Just like Lexa, he was willing to see the best in people without being completely naive about it. And that was the kind of leadership Skaikru needed. They didn't need Clarke, or that was what Clarke was hoping for. Because although she now found herself walking around Arkadia or the forests in search of Pike, her heart and mind were somewhere else. Or craving to be somewhere else. They were craving for Lexa, for her touch, for her lips, for her smile, for her eyes... And yet she denied herself to feel the Heda, because she believed she didn't deserve the temporary happiness. It was that what was keeping her away from Jaha, away from the City of Light: She didn't deserve to not feel pain.

News about Bellamy's death started to spread quickly around Arkadia and Clarke could feel the people staring at her; some in awe and others completely terrified. They knew how much the rebel had meant to Clarke and how close they had been before he joined Pike. And yet that had not helped him to escape from the blonde's wrath. She could hear the whispers in the night of the remaining 100, of the ones that had been loyal to Kane and Arkadia. She could see it in their eyes, the fear and expectation of being discarded just like Bellamy had been. And although the thought had hurt her, she knew now to not expect more from these people. They didn't care about her, they only cared about themselves and were going to do anything to stay alive. And while at first her desire for peace had been completely selfless, now Clarke was only doing this for Lexa and her mom. She had learned the hard way that her people were not capable of being trusted; that her rule of compassion and forgiveness had been a failure. And that in the ground they needed to do more in order to live and not just survive. The only thing Clarke hated about that lesson was that Lexa had to die in order for her to learn it.

"You know that she did the right thing!" Clarke heard Lincoln telling Octavia one night.

"How can you even say that?! Bellamy was your friend, he was my brother!" she cried the last part.

"And he killed my people, my friends, in the middle of the night. He said he was doing it for peace but we all know he did all of these atrocities because he wanted revenge. He didn't care about your people or what would happen to them in the future." Lincoln said strongly. "But the problem is that you fail to see the mistakes of your loved ones, Octavia."

"Don't you dare..." Octavia started to threaten him.

"When you abandoned Clarke after you found out about the missile. When you asked her to choose between her people and her soulmate. And expected her to choose us." he ignored her. "Why does she have to be judged by your standards of what is right or wrong? Why must she make a choice?"

"She has to. It's her responsibility."

"Is it? Because the last time she was the leader your people pushed her away like a pariah." Lincoln said firmly. "Time and time again I have seen Clarke do the best for her people to only be treated horribly by them. With people like that, why would she even want to come back? Come back to this place that is built to keep you all trapped inside? To separate herself from perhaps the one person in this world that understands her?"

"But it's different." Octavia was arguing with Lincoln. "Because she's supposed to lead us, to help us."

"So being a leader to you means to just withstand the abuse and disrespect you give her?" Lincoln huffed in anger. "Or the judgment from people that don't have the right to give it?"

"What?"

"When I had to make a similar choice to the one Clarke did, you supported me. You forgave my betrayal to my clan, to my people. Because I chose you instead of my people you had nothing to say about me leaving Trikru behind. About me being selfish."

"You can't compare that to the decisions Clarke has made. Her decisions have cost the lives of hundreds of people!"

"Exactly! You can't compare your choices, your morals, your view of the world, to the one of Clarke. While you can only think about the immediate consequences, Clarke has to think about the future, about your people's people. She has to make sure that Skaikru even have a tomorrow." Lincoln said strongly. "We warriors only have to worry about giving our people a today." he smiled sadly. "So don't blame Clarke for performing her duty. Blame your brother's fate on your brother's mistakes. He did this to himself."

"I can't believe you." Octavia choked out. "You're supporting Clarke and not me, your soulmate?!" she stood up from the floor. "She's a murderer!"

"We all are!" Lincoln screamed back at her. "And it's time you stop thinking of yourself and the people you love as morally perfect. Because believe me, we're not."

Instead of answering, Octavia simply moved out of his way, stomping around camp. Clarke knew very well what she was doing, who she was searching.

"Are you happy?!" Octavia spat at her. "Even Lincoln supports you."

"Lincoln comes from a culture that teaches them the value of life and sacrifice. Of dealing with the consequences of their actions. Of giving justice to innocents." Clarke replied calmly. "I thought you wanted to be a part of such a culture as well?"

"Don't use my own words against me." the brunette spat at her.

"I'm not." Clarke simply said. "The problem you've always had Octavia is your inability to hear the truth. Of accepting that you're not right. You only give your respect to the people you view as perfect and once that respect is lost then you no longer care about your vows or duty. A selfish and hypocritical attitude."

"YOU KILLED BELLAMY!" she screamed. "YOU SLIT HIS THROAT AND YET HERE YOU ARE GIVING ME LESSONS! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!"

"I killed Bellamy because he was ready to kill me. He was going to kill me. So I chose myself." Clarke stood up and smirked when she noticed Octavia moving a step backwards. "And you know this."

"He was never going to shoot you." Octavia repeated but she wasn't convinced.

"Even you don't believe yourself." Clarke smiled sadly. "Bellamy, the brother who loved and protected all of us during Mount Weather, was already gone. He died the day he joined Pike's rebellion."

"We could have saved him. Just like we saved you." she was crying.

"You think I'm saved just because I'm here?" Clarke laughed angrily. "I'm in agony. My soulmate died right in front of my eyes! I had to hold her while she bled to death, I had to see the light fade from her eyes!" she felt tears coming out of her eyes. "All I think about is her, all I see is her. I can't sleep, I can't eat. Each day I wake up and I remember she's gone all I want to do is die." she looked at Octavia. "But I can't. Because I promised her to fight for peace, to make her ideals and dreams come true. To make her sacrifice not be in vain. To see Skaikru become a member of the 13th Clan."

Octavia simply stared at Clarke without saying a word, also crying.

"Once that is done, then my job in this earth will also be done. My duty towards my people, towards Lexa's Coalition and my keryon already over. Then I will have peace." she smiled sadly. "That is my penance and punishment for being Wanheda. So don't you worry, Octavia Kom Skaikru. Your revenge will come soon enough." Clarke finished bitterly and left the brunette alone.

CLCLCLCL

_(City of Light)_

Clarke was walking around the tall white buildings again. She could notice the perfection of the place, the calm and the peacefulness emanating from knowing that nothing could hurt you, harm you, while being in the City of Light. She had succumbed to her temptation after talking with Octavia, she had remembered all she had kept at bay while on her mission to kill Pike. She had seen green eyes staring lovingly at her and that had drove Clarke to separate from her group. Had moved her to a cave near the borders, one she had found many months ago during her time in the wilderness. And in there Clarke had again been a victim of her desires, of her never ending lust and her need to feel loved. She had screamed Lexa's name time and time again. Had imagined the brunette woman making love to her, had imagined the Heda fucking her relentlessly, had imagined Lexa whispering her name, had imagined the Commander hissing in pleasure. And all of that had been just that; her imagination. How cruel was it for Clarke to find some solace in the memory of her soulmate, how vile was it for her to use Lexa in such a way? It made her feel sick to see the extent of her desperation, of her loneliness. It reminded her that no one would ever love her like the brunette did. It made her feel thankful of having experienced such a love. It made her curse Lexa for making her fall in love with her and then die on her arms. But it also made her love Lexa even more for opening her heart to only her.

"Lexa..." Clarke whispered to the nothingness of the City of Light. "Ai gaif yu." she cried while sitting down in front of a lake.

"Clarke..." she heard that familiar voice and turned around to see Lexa staring at her with love and sadness. "Ai niron."

"I killed him." Clarke whispered to her. "I killed Bellamy."

Lexa looked at her with a sad, knowing smile. "I know."

"And I don't feel bad about it. I know I should, because he was my friend, but all I feel is that justice was served."

"It was." Lexa said surely. "Jus drein jus daun."

"But Octavia..."

"Is not responsible for the choices her brother made, and she should not place the blame on you for enforcing a punishment." Lexa replied firmly.

"I killed him because he was insulting you." Clarke confessed. "I was planning on having the Trikru deliver his punishment, as your ways demand. But then he started saying all of these things." Clarke looked down. "And I couldn't stop myself." she cried.

"Clarke..." she felt strong fingers moving her face upwards. "Don't look away from me, not when I can understand what you feel."

"Can you?" Clarke replied angrily. "Because I feel nothing. All I feel is darkness and emptiness inside of me. It is only my promise to you what keeps me going. Only my vow to make your sacrifice not be in vain, what keeps me moving."

"I don't want you to lose yourself in order to continue my legacy." Lexa said firmly. "It is not your duty to do so. It's Aden's."

"Aden is you!" Clarke screamed. "And Aden is not your teina keryon. I am." the blonde stared at deep green eyes.

"I can't bear the thought of you wasting yourself, your happiness, because of me." Lexa started crying softly.

"Ai hodnes." Clarke cried and immediately hugged the brunette. "Ai hod yu in sentaim." she started crying. "Please believe me."

"I believe you." Lexa was crying as well. "And I love you just as much."

"I'm lost without you Lexa. I can't breathe, I can't move. Why did you do this to me; make me fall in love with you to only leave me afterwards?" the blonde cried. "But at the same time I don't regret a thing. I don't regret feeling this way because I never knew a person could be capable of having this kind of love."

"Clarke..." the brunette was crying.

"And I know that you told me to not come back here. And because you asked me I tried to do stay away. I really did." she laughed bitterly. "But having tasted this, knowing that you're here, it was killing me." Clarke looked at shocked green eyes. "And then I realized that you have no right to ask me to not come here. Not when I can see and feel how much you want me here. How much you need me." Clarke got closer to Lexa and saw the way the woman's eyes closed.

"Clarke..." Lexa begged. "Don't do this to us."

"I have no peace, not when I don't think of you. Did it ever happen to you? That the thought of me was the only thing that allowed you to keep on moving?" she caressed the Heda's cheek and noticed the strong jaw trembling. "To imagine my skin on top of yours, of your tongue inside of me?"

"Clarke..." Lexa whimpered while closing her eyes in pain.

"Because it's been happening to me." Clarke cried while using her nails to leave soft marks on the woman's arms. "Only you claiming me brings me peace. Only me belonging to you brings me back to the light." she got close to Lexa's face and took her lips hungrily. "You're mine Lexa, just as much as I'm yours. Forever." Clarke whispered and felt Lexa responding to her kiss just as desperately.  

"Forgive me, ai niron." Lexa held Clarke's face tightly. "Forgive me. Forgive me." the brunette got closer to Clarke's face and started to pepper her face with kisses. "Forgive me." she moved to Clarke's neck and sucked the skin there. "Forgive me." she used her teeth to bite her mark.

"I need you, Lexa Kom Trikru, to make me feel alive." the blonde heard herself saying while moving her hands underneath the Heda's clothes.

"I live to only serve you, Clarke Kom Skaikru." Lexa whimpered and crashed her lips against Clarke's. "My life only belongs to you, my soul will always be yours." she carried Clarke while continuing their kiss. "Forever and ever." she promised yet again.

"Love me Lexa." Clarke whispered to her soulmate.

"Always." Lexa vowed.

_(End of Scene)_

**Polis, 2152**

When Clarke opened her eyes, she noticed that it was dark and that she was no longer in the arena. Trying to move up, she felt pain coming from her shoulder. Softly touching the place, she noticed a big bandage covering it. Closing her eyes, she was trying to remember what had happened to her. It all came back to her immediately: fighting Ontari to the death, winning, kissing Lexa, being betrayed by Titus, Lexa giving her the antidote, Lexa fainting...

"Lexa?!" Clarke started to move away from the bed but was stopped by strong and familiar hands.

"Ai niron." she heard a soft whisper and smiled when she saw familiar green eyes staring back at her. "Welcome back." she heard Lexa choke.

"Lexa..." Clarke said completely relieved and used her hand to move the brunette's head down, their lips crashing against one another in a desperate kiss. "I saw you fainting..."

"The effects of the poison ai niron. But Nyko gave me the antidote almost immediately and I woke up a couple of hours after the duel."

"Azgeda, what happened?"

"Nia is awaiting in one of our many cells for her judgment." Lexa informed her. "With Titus being in another one." she felt a strong hand grab her own. "Forgive me for not realizing the extent of his treachery, for not suspecting that he would be capable of trying to kill you..." the brunette whispered devastated.

"I'm alive." Clarke smiled softly.

"You were asleep for a week." Lexa told her.

"Jok..." Clarke cursed. "I'm sorry I put you through that agony." she said honestly because she understood how much it scared Lexa the possibility of losing another loved one.

"You're sorry?" Lexa laughed softly. "Your selflessness sometimes astounds me." she then became serious. "Not knowing if you would wake up was the worst thing I ever had to endure." the Heda confessed. "Without you my life is nothing, Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru."

"I love you, Lexa Kom Trikru en Skaikru." Clarke whispered to the woman she loved and kissed her again. "Our souls are entwined."

"Forever." Lexa promised and stood up when she heard knocks coming from the door. "Some people want to see you."

"Mom..." she said happily when she saw her mother entering the room.

"You had me worried Clarke." Abby scolded her. "Never do that again."

"I'll promise not to but you know how it is." she smirked when she saw Kane standing nearby.

"Clarke, it's wonderful to see you awake." he said honestly and Clarke smiled warmly.

"It's good to be awake." she joked and everyone laughed. "How are things back at Arkadia?"

"They've never been better." Kane smiled. "After your victory against Azgeda, many of the Ambassadors approached us to start negotiating trade routes. Since you're our own Ambassador we asked them to wait until you recovered."

"I'm very happy to hear that." Clarke said honestly. "But you do know that I trust your judgment when it comes to this kind of decisions?"

"I'm aware." Kane smiled warmly. "But these treaties are primordial in future relationships with the rest of Clans and your involvement in their process is key for them to succeed."

"Then the moment I feel better I will ask Lexa to send for the Ambassadors." Clarke promised the man who nodded in acceptance.

"That's all we can ask." he said and gave Abby a knowing look, probably noticing the way Lexa had been quietly standing besides the blonde.

"I just need to check your bandage and how the wound is healing."

"That man speared my shoulder." Clarke complained while using Lexa's help to sit on the bed. "Did he say why he did it? Was he Azgeda?"

"He was not." Lexa said angrily. "A mercenary from the Boudalan Clan. Very deadly and precise." she whispered the last part. "And he did it because he was paid by Titus."

"Ai hodnes." Clarke got the brunette's attention. "Feel this?" she asked her while placing her hand on top of her heart. "It's still beating and just for you."

"Ai niron." Lexa smiled lovingly at her.

"So what you see, I know you'll blame yourself. But please believe me it's not, this is not your fault." Clarke continued calming Lexa down.

"I should be the one keeping you calm." Lexa said softly. "Not the opposite."

"You have enough anger for both of us." Clarke smiled and then stared at her new scar. "See, it's not so bad." she closed her eyes when she felt Lexa's fingers caressing it lovingly. "It even suits me."

"Everything suits you SkaiHeda." Lexa murmured.

"It looks better than what I expected." Abby gave her opinion happily. "Those ointments that the Trikru use for scarring are quite wonderful."

"I will ask Nyko to give you some to take back to Arkadia."

"Thank you Commander."

"Lexa..." the brunette said softly. "For Clarke and you it's Lexa."

"Thank you Lexa." Abby gave the brunette woman an honest smile before staring at Clarke. "And you, no training or fighting or any kind of strenuous work until I come check the wound again in a week."

"Yes mom."

"And I'll know if you do as I say because Octavia is staying here."

"Yes mom." Clarke responded again before staring at Lexa who was smiling. "Sometimes she treats me just like a child. As if I'm not a complete adult." she said stubbornly.

"Well, you are her only child, the only family she has left, and she saw you being stabbed with a spear..."

"Ok, got it." Clarke raised her good hand. "I will calm down with the jokes and accept the extra attention."

"Good girl." Lexa smirked and kissed Clarke soundly on the lips.

"I thought Abby said no strenuous activities..." they heard Octavia joke.

"That was not strenuous." Clarke pouted when Lexa moved away from her. "Where are you going?"

"Now that you're awake I must meet with Indra so we can call back the Ambassadors. Many left after the battle to inform their clans of Skaikru's victory." she smiled proudly.

"Clarke is a badass now." Octavia said just as proud. "Now everyone calls you SkaiHeda since you showed you were worthy of marrying the Heda."

"Another name." Clarke muttered.

"At least it's a nice one." the brunette soldier tried to be positive.

"How you have patience for her continues to astound me." Lexa gave Clarke one more kiss before making her way out of the room.

"Because she loves me." Octavia said loudly.

"But I love you more!" Clarke screamed and she noticed the way Lexa's stand relaxed, clearly obvious that she was smiling. "So it seems that your stay in Polis got extended."

"Trust me, I'm not complaining." Octavia smiled. "But I'm glad you're alive and well Clarke." she said seriously. "There was one point in which we thought you wouldn't make it."

"Tell me what happened." Clarke could see that there was more going on.

"When Lexa poisoned herself so that Titus would reveal the antidote, the two of you fainted. But because Lexa had not been injured, she woke up after a couple of hours. Problem is, you didn't because your wound was severe. That guy almost made you lose your shoulder. You're lucky." Octavia started rambling.

"Octavia..."

"Right, so when you didn't wake up even after the operation was done, Lexa was growing desperate. She went to see Titus, she went to see Nia, she went to see the man that gave the poison to Titus, she went to see the man that made the spear." Octavia said reverently. "Trying to find an explanation for your sleeping beauty slumber."

"Octavia..."

"It got bad, Clarke. After the 3rd day without answers it was as if seeing a ghost. She didn't eat, didn't sleep, didn't move away from your bed. Polis was being ruled by Indra and no one had the right to come to your room apart from your mother and me. By the 6th day Lexa was no longer even trying to communicate. It was as if she had died, Clarke, but her body was still with us. They call it Wamplei kom teina keryon."

"Death of the entwined soul." Clarke translated. "Lexa..." she whispered sadly.

"We were really worried because she went back to the cells to find the men who made the poison and the sword. And she killed them Clarke, without using a weapon. She killed them with her punches and it was terrifying. If I didn't believe that the Heda had some sort of powers then now I do. Because the way she hit those men was not natural."

"Are you judging her?" Clarke whispered.

"Of course not. I understand her. If it were Lincoln in your position then I would have done the same."

"Then why tell me?"

"Because she wouldn't want you to know in case you feel guilty. But you need to know how much you affect each other, how strong your bond is."

"Mochof Octavia." Clarke replied softly. "For being a good friend and loyal soldier."

"Pro." Octavia smiled.

"But as SkaiHeda I now need to ask something of you." the blonde said seriously. "And I need you to keep this a secret from Heda until I discuss it with her."

"I follow you, SkaiHeda." Octavia vowed. "But what will you do."

"I will avenge my houmon's suffering." Clarke replied honestly.

CLCLCLCLCL

Moving around the halls, Clarke was deep in concentration, a frantic Octavia following close.

"But Clarke, you're still injured, you shouldn't be out of bed."

"This cannot wait." Clarke replied simply. "No one can strike against Heda without expecting SkaiHeda's vengeance."

"Heda said that she wanted to discuss Titus' fate with you..."

"His fate, no matter what, will be death and we both know it. This way I ensure I make him suffer just as much as my houmon did." Clarke replied angrily. "Open the doors." she said firmly to the guards who were standing outside.

"Sha SkaiHeda." both of them answered and immediately the two women were inside the cells.

"Where is he?" Clarke asked Octavia.

"Right there." she pointed towards a dark cell and she could now notice the familiar robes of the fleimkepa.

"Fleimkepa!" she said loudly and earned the attention of all the prisoners.

"Clarke Kom Skaikru honors me with her presence."

"SkaiHeda." Clarke replied strongly. "Do you know why I'm here?"

"I imagine it is because you plan to force me to ask for forgiveness, beg for mercy or exile to the dead zone?" he laughed darkly. "Heda will not stand for that and we both know it."

"I know she won't." Clarke said menacingly while getting closer. "But what you don't know is what happened after you attempted to kill me. My houmon suffered. And all because of you." she spat at the man. "Your own student, near death because her soulmate could not awaken."

"Impossible, I saw them giving the antidote to her."

"And they did. But there's no antidote for wamplei kom teina keryon."

"The Commander has no soulmate because her existence is meant to be a lonely one."

"Wrong." Clarke hissed with hate. "Because I'm her teina keryon, I can remember her pain, her agony, her sorrow and desperation. And because of that I will make you pay." she vowed and with a swift movement she cut the man's throat. She looked around at the shocked faces of the remaining prisoners and Octavia. "Let it be known that whomever decides to strike Heda will suffer SkaiHeda's vengeance as well. Let it be known that now Heda and SkaiHeda are one. Let it be known that SkaiHeda fights for her houmon." she then stared at Nia. "And let it be known that Heda and SkaiHeda will always demand for justice. Jus drein jus daun." she finished and took a swipe out of her pocket to clean her face.

"Holy shit Clarke." Octavia whispered while leaving the prison. "You just killed Titus, Lexa's master."

"I know."

"Without telling Lexa."

"I know." Clarke repeated.

"Why? What if you crossed a boundary and she will now stop loving you."

"She won't." Clarke smiled when she heard that voice. "Because I have already forgiven her. Not for killing Titus, but for not telling me she planned on killing Titus."

"Apologies Heda." Clarke smirked.

"And you..." she stared at Octavia seriously. "Should learn how to keep your mouth shut."

"Sha Heda." Octavia apologized.

"As punishment you must take Titus' body and get rid of it."

"Oh no." Octavia complained and gave one dark look at Clarke who raised her hands in mock surrender.

"Am I going to be punished too?" Clarke teased her houmon and smirked when she saw the way the brunette gulped.

"You killed a man without my permission." Lexa whispered.

"Because of him you suffered. He had to pay for that." Clarke replied angrily.

"The thought of you defending me and keeping me safe from physical and mental pain is arousing." Lexa confessed.

"Am I turning you on, Commander?" Clarke purred.

"Tremendously." Heda confirmed by standing close to Clarke. "So dominating."

"An equal to Heda." Clarke bit Lexa's lip.

"An equal to Lexa." the brunette whispered while moving her hand downwards towards Clarke's center. "But you need to be punished." she took her hand away.

"What?!" Clarke shrieked in pain and lust.

"I love you for wanting to protect me from pain, but we are a team. We discuss and work things together. Imagine if I would have wanted to ask Titus some questions before he died."

"Did you want to ask him something?" Clarke asked embarrassed.

"Already did while you were asleep."

"Do you want to tell me what you asked him?"

"Not now." Lexa smirked and Clarke growled. "This is your punishment."

"So no sex and no politics." Clarke muttered. "If I can't do that then what can I do?"

"I don't know, read a book until the Ambassadors arrive." Lexa teased Clarke. "But remember that we're a team. Together or not at all."

"The same to you Lexa. I don't want to find out from someone else how lonely you were during my time asleep. Or how much it affected you. I want to hear it from you. Always together or not at all."

"Always forever and ever." Lexa vowed and kissed Clarke on the lips.


	10. Undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Polis 2150, Future Clarke, Clarke and Lexa learn more about the Spirit and the hidden powers and gifts behind their bond. 
> 
> In Arkadia 2150, Clarke must say goodbye to Lexa and gets betrayed yet again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of suicide, violent scenes and all the depression found in Arkadia. I'm sorry...  
> No Betas so all mistakes are mine...

**Polis, 2150**

"I'm going to kill her." Clarke seethed in anger while moving around Lexa's room. "She just put your life in danger by doing this!"

"She didn't know." Lexa said softly. "Her reality is different than ours and her only fear is retribution from the clans. She's not aware of this machine and its connection to me."

"Are you really going to defend her?" Clarke said angrily.

"I can understand why she did it. I was going to do it for you as well." she confessed while staring at angry blue eyes. "Can you really blame her for wanting to protect you?"

"We both know she did it because she thought I wouldn't do it, because she doesn't think I love you enough." Clarke murmured while sitting in Lexa's bed. "But I do love you."

"I know that ai niron." Lexa immediately grabbed the blonde's hands. "Your future self is different than you, more immersed in my culture and that's why this, killing a natrona, is easier for her to do: She became Trikru."

"I was going to do it. I was going to protect you." Clarke grabbed Lexa's cheek and caressed it. "I love you with my whole soul, Lexa. Please believe me when I tell you that."

"And I love you more Clarke." she smiled sadly. "Which is why I can't be mad at any version of you, no matter what they do."

"What will happen now that Titus is dead?"

"Since you, or a version of yourself, killed him then there will be no problems from the Ambassadors. They will return to their homes with news of Nia's death and the blockade entering into full effect."

"And what will we do? We know nothing about your symbol or why the chip Murphy showed us has it."

"Although Titus was the Fleimkepa, he's not the only one that may know the many legends involving the Spirit of the Commander." Lexa murmured. "There's a woman everyone in Polis knows. But only a few desperate people seek. They say she's wise and is blessed by the Spirit by giving her visions."

"Visions of what?"

"Visions of things that will happen, or things that already happened. It depends on what the Spirit wants you to know. But there is a price. There's always a price." Lexa said knowingly.

"You went to see her." Clarke said sadly.

"After Costia disappeared, I went to see her so I could learn where the Azgeda were keeping her. To rescue her." Lexa confessed while staring at her own hands. "And the old woman told me that they were keeping Costia near one of the border villages between Trikru and Azgeda territory." Lexa smiled bitterly. "But it wasn't as easy as that. No, the old woman told me that I had to make a choice: Between saving Costia or ride towards the border of Trikru and Sangedakru who were ready to sign the treaty that would enter them into the Coalition." she stared at Clarke begging for understanding. "You must understand that during that time, having Sangedakru join my Coalition meant that Azgeda would have to follow. Them signing the treaty would ensure the remaining clans join as well, would ensure peace."

"So you chose to ride for Sangedakru." Clarke understood, she really did.

"I sent a small force to find her and bring her back." she whispered while crying. "But they were ambushed by Azgeda soldiers midway. Although they managed to beat the assassins,  when they finally reached the village where Costia was being held it was too late. The abductors had already entered Azgeda territory and my troops could not follow without declaring war to Azgeda."

"I'm sorry Lexa." Clarke said softly while kissing the brunette's hands.

"After that I knew to never approach her again because her visions always come with a price, a consequence that cannot be prevented or stopped."  

"But you want to do that now?" Clarke asked softly.

"After having met you Clarke, and knowing what I now know, I can't help but believe that the Spirit planned for us to be together. So every choice I had to make, even the one of choosing my people over Costia, was done because I was meant to be with you." she confessed and saw the way Clarke smiled sadly at her.

"Our souls are entwined." Clarke whispered lovingly. "And I feel your pain Lexa, which is why I will support whatever decision you make. I stand by you."

"I see no other way to find the answers we seek." Lexa said dejectedly. "I don't trust her but I know she's wise and that the Spirit talks to her."

"But doesn't the Spirit also talk to you?" Clarke remembered an earlier conversation with Lexa where the brunette told her that previous Commanders spoke to her through dreams.

"It's different." Lexa explained to her. "They warn me of past mistakes, of patterns and situations they had when they ruled. But the old woman can see beyond her previous selves."

"So what do you want to do?" Clarke asked her again.

"I don't know yet. First I want to go confront your older self and see if Titus said something to her."

"The last thing I want to do is see her." Clarke seethed in anger.

"I'm afraid this must be done ai niron if we want to get the answers we seek."

"You think she knows more than what she's telling us?"

"She has the tattoos of Heda, which means that at some point she had to learn about the Spirit. Perhaps they told her something that we don't know. Joining ceremonies in my culture are rare because we only do them when we're sure we have found our tenia keryon." she smiled shyly at Clarke. "So when they're done there is a special ritual performed. One that is meant to be kept a secret from everyone but the couple and the official performing the ceremony."

"So perhaps during that ceremony she learned things that we don't know yet." Clarke whispered and didn't notice the smile Lexa showed when she said 'yet'.

"We can ask her and see what she knows before deciding to go talk to the old woman. I only want to do that as a last resort measure."

"Ok." Clarke said while hugging the brunette. "But if I hit my older self don't try to stop me because she deserves it."

"I will try to not interfere." Lexa promised. "I stand by you as well."

"Good, then let's go talk to her."

CLCLCLCL

"You just ruined our chance to get him to answer our questions!" Clarke screamed at her older self.

It didn't take Lexa and her long to find future Clarke. In fact, the woman had stayed inside Clarke's room patiently waiting for them to finish their discussion, knowing that they needed to talk. But what was upsetting Clarke more was that her older self was completely unaware of the consequences her actions just had on saving Arkadia and her people.

The fact that future Clarke had just killed the only person who could have possibly known about the origins of scar in Lexa's neck worried younger Clarke tremendously. It meant that they would go to Arkadia and face Jaha and A.L.I.E basically blind. And if there was one thing Clarke learned from her time on the ground it was to never be unprepared for a situation. And she learned that the hard way.

"I did what needed to be done." future Clarke said firmly. "To protect our soulmate."

"She's my soulmate." younger Clarke replied angrily. "Your soulmate is back in your timeline."

"A timeline that I can't return to because the Spirit doesn't want me to!" future Clarke said angrily. "So until that happens, I will continue to protect Lexa from any kind of harm."  

"I would do anything, and I mean anything, to protect Lexa. I love her." Clarke said fiercely. "So if you think that what you just did to Titus protected Lexa then you're mistaken."

"You're not as strong as you pretend to be. But I am." future Clarke said determinedly. "Lexa knew this, and because she's Lexa, she would have offered to kill Titus. To protect you. But she's the one that needs protection now. So I did what I had already done once before."

"You killed Titus in your timeline as well." Lexa understood what future Clarke had meant.

Future Clarke nodded. "I did it because he hurt you. Because he almost made me lose you to wamplei kom tenia keryon." she said the last part angrily. "Jus drein jus daun."

"This Titus didn't do that." younger Clarke said exasperated.

"Because he didn't succeed. What do you think would have happened if he shot Lexa? What would you have done?" she stared at her younger self waiting for an answer.

"I would have been devastated." Clarke confessed. "Destroyed." she whispered.

"And you?" she turned towards Lexa. "We both know you would have avenged Clarke and then take your life. Because you see Clarke as your tenia keryon."

Lexa looked down but didn't refute future Clarke's claims because she was right. From the moment Clarke told her that she loved Lexa their bond had evolved to something else. It had become the one of soulmates and she knew she also wanted to have a joining ceremony with her Clarke.

She starred at Clarke who was giving her an understanding and loving look, telling her that what she felt was not weakness or something to be ashamed of. And that her feelings were not alone, that they were reciprocated just as fiercely.

"You see, just as I suspected." future Clarke interrupted their inner conversation.   

"What we are facing is completely different to what you had to face." younger Clarke moved around the room to stand in front of herself. "You just put Lexa's life in further danger."

"I saved Lexa from further danger!"

"No, you didn't! The Ambassadors and clan politics are not the only things trying to kill Lexa. People at Arkadia are also threatening the security of Heda."

"You mean the rebels of farm station." future Clarke said exasperated. "We already talked about this, Clarke. You need to be strong and firm, eliminate the rebellion and secure Skaikru's place in the Coalition. That is the key. That will make things return to how they used to be!"

"They won't! Because sadly, things changed in my reality the moment my Lexa made the deal with Mount Weather." she said somberly and noticed the way the Commander flinched. "My future will always be different than yours. No matter what you try to do. And I want it to be different because I'm not like you!"

"You are me." future Clarke got closer to herself. "That's how I knew you would hesitate to kill Titus."

"I hesitate because I find value in human life. Because I don't like to kill. But I would have done it for Lexa. I was going to do it for her." younger Clarke said firmly.

"I also value human life. But I value the safety of my wife more. She's my life. My everything."

"Although Lexa is not my wife she means the world to me. I love her. And if you say you're me then you must know that my love for her will always overrule my fear and hesitation." Clarke said determinedly.

Any answer that her future self would have was never heard because a knock outside the door of Clarke's room alerted them that they were no longer alone. Fuming in anger and desperation, younger Clarke merely moved away from her future self and went to where Lexa was standing, who had silently listening to the argument between the two Clarkes'. Younger Clarke understood that the reason the Heda stayed away from it was because she wanted to show her support and trust by allowing Clarke the opportunity to confront this betrayal done by herself.

"This is not over." younger Clarke warned her older self sternly. "And you..." she said softly to Lexa. "Remember that I forgave you, Lexa. I don't regret anything that I have done until this moment because it brought me to you. And I will never regret loving you." she caressed the brunette's cheek. "Do you understand?"

"Sha." Lexa whispered hopefully and then stared at the door. "Come in." she addressed the guard.

"Heda, Wanheda." they were interrupted by a guard who stared at the two blondes with fear and shock.

"Speak." Lexa ordered him sternly and the man got out of his shock.

"The old woman is outside seeking an audience with Heda, Wanheda and SkaiHeda." he murmured what the old woman had told him to say.

"The old woman? Why would she come here?" Lexa said and then stared at her Clarke who was just as shocked.  

"How could she know that we wanted to see her if we just talked about this a few hours ago?" younger Clarke asked Lexa.

"You wanted to see the old woman?" future Clarke asked Lexa. "But you were the one that told me to never go seek her out."

"As you may be aware of I have my reasons for telling you that." she said strongly. "But the trouble we have within Arkadia requires knowledge that only the Fleimkepa possessed."

"And you killed him." younger Clarke said angrily. "Which is why now we must ask the old woman about it. Because of you." she stared at her older self and finally saw the older woman flinch.

"I didn't know..." she murmured and then stared at Lexa. "I'm sorry I'm forcing you to relieve painful memories."

"I'm sorry too." Lexa said somberly while getting closer to her Clarke. "You can bring her here." she addressed the guard who nodded in understanding and immediately an old woman entered the room.

"The Spirit told me that Heda and Wanheda were seeking answers to some important questions." the old woman said to them while smiling softly. "And I had already agreed to deliver a message to SkaiHeda."

"You went to see her?" Lexa asked future Clarke angrily. "Even after everything my future self must have told you and warned you about contacting her."

"I know you told me not to. Or my Lexa did." she admitted regretfully. "But I had no idea why I was here or who to ask for help. So when I went to see her not only did I learn that my timeline is still there, but that I have a mission to fulfill." she then stared at Lexa with a sad smile. "And she's the reason I made it back here before Titus killed you."

"If that's the case then I owe her my gratitude." Lexa murmured while staring at the old woman. "Mochof."  

"Pro Heda, it's nice to see you alive and well." the old woman then got closer to Lexa who looked down. "I know I'm not the person you currently want to see, but I never told you how sorry I was for giving you the Spirit's message that day."

"I always thought that it was because of you that I had to choose between Costia and my Coalition. But I now know that the Spirit spoke to me through you, gave me the freedom to decide my own fate. And right now, after everything that has happened, I don't regret anything." Lexa said firmly while staring at her Clarke. "So again, I thank you."

"I was only doing what the Spirit asked me to do." the old woman nodded in acceptance and she then looked at future Clarke. "Joel is well, healing from his wound and complaining about it. But well."

"I'm glad to hear that." future Clarke smiled softly. "But I must ask you what you're doing here?"

"I came here to warn you about a future threat to the Spirit." the old woman replied somberly.

"Do you mean Skaikru?" Lexa asked her. "And the threat of that woman that knows about the symbol of the Commander?"

"It's something else." the old woman replied tersely. "Something distant and familiar." she then looked at the two blondes. "Closely tied to you." and then she stared at Lexa. "And you Heda."

"So the danger you're warning us about is related to the three of us as in a common enemy?" younger Clarke asked.

"Perhaps..." the old woman replied.

"That's a very vague answer." Lexa complained. "As usual..."

"As you're aware I can't see the who but the what, Heda." the old woman reminded the Heda. "But what I do know is that it's coming, and soon." she warned them. "Do not trust anyone, apart from yourselves. The betrayal of the Fleimkepa was just the beginning."

"The fleimkepa already paid for his crime." future Clarke said somberly.

"And that's why the Heda and Wanheda wanted to see me." the old woman understood. "Because you killed the fleimkepa before they could ask him about the Conclave."

"Why do you want to know about the Conclave?" future Clarke asked suspiciously.

"Because of this." younger Clarke gave the chip to future Clarke and saw her open her eyes in shock. "Bet you have seen this symbol before."

"The symbol of the Commander." future Clarke whispered. "How does Jaha has it?"

"What happened to Jaha in your reality?" younger Clarke asked instead.

"He left with a group of people to find the City of Light but we never heard of them." future Clarke shrugged. "We always assumed that the City of Light was a myth that mutated grounders believed in."

"Well, according to Murphy, it seems that it's not." younger Clarke said exasperated. "And you would have known all of this if you would have just talked to us instead of act behind our backs."

"But you can help us now." Lexa said to future Clarke who was looking down in shame. "I know it's hard for you to accept that you've made a mistake." she smiled at her Clarke who was staring stubbornly at her older self. "But you always act with the best intentions." she grabbed future Clarke's hand. "And right now we need your help."

"What can I do?" future Clarke asked while caressing Lexa's hand.

"Tell us everything you know about the Conclave." younger Clarke spoke instead of Lexa. "Since you're joined with Lexa, you must know certain things about the Spirit that couples are only told during the joining ceremony."

"But..." future Clarke started to mutter. "They're secrets about the Spirit that are only shared to soulmates. To my Lexa and myself." she choked out.

"I know this is important to both of you." Lexa said softly. "But believe me, if this knowledge can help us prevent a catastrophe from happening then I'm sure my future self would agree with you sharing this information with us. We will protect it and cherish it." she promised her future wife.

"Ok." future Clarke said after a while and sat down in front of the three women. "When Lexa and I joined, we got told by the Spirit that the two of us were predestined to be together in any reality and realm that existed." she smiled sadly. "Which I can now see is true." she motioned towards Lexa's and Clarke's joined hands. "And that the bond that the of us shared went beyond the power of Heda and SkaiHeda, that it was blessed by the Spirit because it was meant to continue the line of humanity."

"The line of humanity?" Clarke asked confused.

"The continuation of life as we know it. The battle at the Mountain was the pivotal moment in which grounders and Skaikru united, but the moment the two of them really became one true clan was when Lexa and I got married." future Clarke explained. "And without the Maunon, that meant that Skaikru was the most technologically advanced Clan."

"Hence we continue the line of humanity by ensuring peace and a merge of cultures." Lexa understood what future Clarke was saying. "How many of the others Clans have allowed Skaikru access to their villages?"

"Almost all the clans have Skaikru living in them. Some even have children of their own already being half-grounder/half-skaikru." future Clarke smiled happily. "The next goal that Lexa and I have is creating laws that are no longer merely Skaikru or grounder, but accepted and adapted based on our new way of life."

"And we have the approval of the Coalition to do that?" Lexa asked completely shocked.

"You underestimate the influence Skaikru has had after the Mountain. And the fact that many of Skaikru have joined the members of the other clans, mostly your own Ambassadors." future Clarke smirked.

"I guess I can see that happening." Lexa said while looking at her Clarke intently and blushing because of it. "Skaikru seem to have a special charm."

"Of course we do." younger Clarke flirted.

"But that's not the only thing the Spirit told you, did it?" the old woman intervened.

"No, it said that we would be capable of having some kind of powers..." future Clarke said confused. "And I never really understood this part of the ceremony."  she then opened up her eyes in shock and stared at the old woman. "When I was captured by Titus, I felt this anger inside of me. Anger at not being able to save Lexa, at myself for being weak. And after he threatened to kill her I just exploded." she recollected. "But it was more than that, it was like a wave of power went through me, literally giving me more strength than the one I normally possess."

"Murphy told me this, that your eyes were black and that you freed yourself from your bindings." younger Clarke added. "I thought he had been hallucinating because he had been starved and deprived of water for days..."

"That's one of the Spirit's blessing. Heda has similar properties already." she said while staring at Lexa.

"I do." Lexa agreed. "I am stronger than most people and I heal faster as well. I thought it was because of my condition as natblida that I had these properties."

"All natblidas have these properties because they come from the line of the Commander." the old woman agreed. "But your powers are also shared by Clarke and she's not a natblida."

"But I am her tenia keryon." younger Clarke said determinedly and received a loving smile from Lexa.

"That you are, ai niron."

"Lexa understood what the Spirit meant as well." future Clarke remembered. "Because she was truly surprised for a while and then told me that the Spirit had blessed us with more than just supporting this union, but blessing it as well."

"She said blessing it?" Lexa whispered and younger Clarke immediately got close to her.

"Yes, those were her exact words. And she was ecstatic. Happy."

"It's an old legend natblidas have been told." Lexa whispered to her Clarke. "That when the true soulmate of the Commander came the union would be blessed with a child, a true child of the Spirit and a confirmation that humanity has made amends for past transgressions."

"A child? Between two women?" younger Clarke said completely shocked. "But that's impossible."

"Nothing is impossible for the Spirit." future Clarke, Lexa and the old woman said at the same time.

"It brought her here." the old woman pointed at future Clarke. "So who's to say giving you both a child is not a possibility."

"I'm so confused." younger Clarke said softly. "A child..."

"I never believed it could ever happen." Lexa said completely shocked. "Many Commanders have told me of the legend, their longing to have a child of their own with their partners never met by the Spirit. Their frustration." she smiled sadly.

"It wasn't their time yet." the old woman said also sadly. "And it seems that the Spirit picked you two." she pointed at Lexa and younger Clarke who were now holding hands. "As the couple worthy of its blessing."   

"This is why Lexa has been pushing for universal laws to be passed by the Coalition." future Clarke now understood. "She believes that the further we integrate our people, the sooner we'll be blessed by the Spirit."

"An exchange of some sorts." the old woman confirmed. "That's the way the Spirit tends to work and your wife knows this very well."

"But do you want that?" younger Clarke asked her older self. "A child in this world?"

"A child in my world." future Clarke replied with a happy smile. "Lexa and I have dreamed of this. Wished to share our love and happiness with a child of our own. But it was just that, talks and dreams." she started crying. My world is different than yours, Clarke. In mine, the only things we have to worry about is grumpy Ambassadors and border issues that are still being fixed after the war." she then looked at Lexa. "I no longer worry too much about you not returning home to me. And you no longer worry too much about me being ambushed by an enemy clan. We have peace. True peace."

Lexa smiled happily. "That's all I have ever wanted. And it seems that with you." she looked at her Clarke. "We can achieve it."

"But their world is different, their situation is different." Clarke started arguing.

"But we're not. Our essence, what defines us as individuals, is still us. I can see you in her, just as much as you can see yourself in her." Lexa said knowingly and then looked at older Clarke. "And just as much as you can see your wife in me." she grabbed the blonde's hands. "We have been given such a gift: Proof that peace between us is possible. That jus drein jus no daun works! That Titus was wrong!" Lexa was getting excited while pacing around the room but then suddenly stopped when she remembered who else was with them. "But it's not that simple. With the Spirit it never is."

"I'm afraid it's not. Unlike SkaiHeda, who had to face the Clans in order to bring peace, you two must face another threat, one that threatens to destroy the line of humanity from its core. One that threatens to destroy the Spirit itself."  

**Arkadia, 2150**

_39 days since Lexa died..._

_(City of Light)_

"Lexa..." Clarke moaned while moving on top of the brunette who was looking at her with hooded eyes. "Lexa, ai hodnes." she kept on chanting while the Heda's hand moved below her. "Fuck..." she cried when fingers swiftly entered her.

"Ai niron." Lexa was crying and moving her fingers in tandem with Clarke's body, the two of them desperate to reach oblivion. "Let go..." she whispered in the blonde's ear while biting it. "I got you." she kissed her jaw lovingly.

"Lexaaa." Clarke cried one last time and was absorbed by her climax, the feeling of the Heda's body hugging her tight relaxing her completely after being on the edge for some time. "I love you." she cried while kissing Lexa's face. "I love you."

"And I love you more." Lexa was crying as well, knowing that they couldn't stay like this forever. That it was selfish of her to take from Clarke and be unable to give her more in return.

"Please..." Clarke whispered. "Don't regret this. Don't ask me to leave you again."

"I don't regret this. I could never regret meeting you, loving you." she promised the blonde woman. "But you can't stay here." she cried. "You know this. I can't give you anything you deserve because I'm no longer alive."

"But you're here, talking to me." Clarke whimpered. "Touching me, loving me."

"But it's not real." Lexa cried loudly and she had no shame in doing so. "No matter how much I ask the Spirit for it to be, it won't be real until we meet again."

"Then we'll meet again." Clarke vowed.

"Don't Clarke..." Lexa whimpered. "Please, your people still need you. The world still needs you. Don't leave it because of me. I could never forgive myself."

"I need you." she said brokenly. "What about the things I want? When will I have the freedom to choose?"

"You won't." Lexa was honest. "As leaders our people always come first."

"I never wanted this." Clarke cried while hugging Lexa tighter. "I only want you."

"For many years I thought I wanted to lead. To help my people. But when I had to choose between my people and my heart, it pained me to never choose the latter. And then I hated that I got chosen by the Spirit. I hated that I had no free will, no voice in the matter, no one to love." Lexa gave her a sad smile. "Until I met you, ai niron, and I learned that I could do both things; love my people and love you."

"But you died because of it." Clarke whimpered.

"I died because my own people didn't trust me." Lexa said somberly. "It was not your fault." she caressed Clarke's face. "Please don't believe that."

"I'm trying..." Clarke choked out. "But every time someone talks to me about you, I feel everything, remember every bit of what happened that day."

"The pain will pass." Lexa whispered.

"No it won't and we both know it." Clarke smiled angrily. "It took me this long to realize it, but the reason we can talk, the reason only I can see you is because you're my soulmate. And I was blinded by anger and revenge to notice it earlier. I was a fool. A child."

"I betrayed you, you had every right." Lexa promised her. "And as I have told you many times, I regret nothing because it all led me to you."

"But you are no longer with me." Clarke whimpered.

"I am." Lexa smiled lovingly while kissing her lips. "Right here." she pointed at her chest. "And I will remain there, forever."

"So this is goodbye?" Clarke cried even more than before.

"Not goodbye, but a 'see you later'." Lexa tried to joke but the tears in her eyes were not helping. "I love you, Clarke Kom Skaikru."

"And I love you, Lexa Kom Trikru." Clarke whispered while kissing the brunette desperately. "Always."

"I will see you again." Lexa said from where she was laying on the bed. "I promise you."

"And I promise you to honor our promise. No matter how much it pains me to." Clarke said reverently and hugged Lexa one more time. "My soul is entwined to yours."

"Forever." Lexa whispered with a sad smile and her body started to dissipate, leaving Clarke alone in the bed where seconds earlier there had been two people.

Closing her eyes, Clarke allowed her mind to return to her body, the feeling that she had lost Lexa again deep inside her heart.

_(End of Scene)_

"Clarke Kom Skaikru." Indra approached her worriedly and Clarke knew something was wrong.

"What is it, Indra?" the blonde asked.

They had sent a group of messenger to Arkadia so they could warn their people about the prisoners arriving with them and they were at the border of Arkadia to bring them in. After returning to Arkadia for a couple of days, Clarke left with Marcus and another trained group to find the remaining rebels and Pike, an event that had been futile because Pike had evaded them yet again. Nevertheless, Marcus was sure that they now had almost all of Pike's supporters captured, which meant that either Pike would try to make a move on Arkadia and destroy the settlement or just die alone in the wilderness.

"Arkadia is under attack." Indra said and Clarke rose from her meditation stand.

"But that's impossible, we have all of his people, and their weapons."

"Someone betrayed us, Clarke." Indra muttered angrily. "And gave Pike access to Arkadia and to the people that we had already captured. So they are overtaking the settlement."

"And we're here, leaving it basically defenseless." she murmured and then turned to Marcus. "We have to move, they're in Arkadia!" she said and immediately all the people started running towards the gates.

"Shit, they're open." Clarke muttered while taking her gun out and quickly entering the camp.

Looking around, she saw some people on the floor, members of Skaikru trying to fight the rebels that had guns while they didn't. Trying to contain her anger, she ran towards the center of the town and noticed that Jaha's group was safely inside one of the tents, all holding hands and praying.

_They're all in the City of Light,_ Clarke understood right away.

Still, she went past them and told some guards to remain with them outside the tent, keeping watch just in case a rebel found them. When that was done, Clarke continued to move with Indra and Kane following closely, the three of them armed and ready to fight. But what Clarke saw almost left her completely breathless. In the main plaza, Pike was with a shotgun, shooting at the remaining Ark guards while Octavia had a knife pointed towards Abby's neck.

"Octavia..." Clarke heard a choked whisper and noticed Lincoln had been following them.

"You were part of the messenger group, correct?" Clarke asked him with anger.

"Yes, but I returned while Octavia asked me if it was fine for her to stay and talk to Raven. I could have never known..."

"Natrona." Indra said completely filled with anger. "What does she think she's doing?"

"Jus drein jus daun." Clarke said angrily. "Because I killed her brother she now wants to kill the last person I love."

"But Bellamy was guilty." Lincoln said.

"And when has that mattered to Octavia?" Indra retorted back to him. He nodded in shame and acceptance because the warrior was right. Octavia protected her own no matter their actions.

"Clarke Griffin." Pike finally noticed them after a couple of seconds. "You honor us with your presence."

"Traitor." Clarke spat at him and then saw her mom. "I promise you it will be alright." she said to her.

"Don't tell her promises you know you won't keep." Octavia said back angrily. "Because you know I will kill her."

"You don't have to because she doesn't deserve it." Clarke argued. "She has done nothing wrong. She's innocent."

"She's your mother! And the last person you love. I will take her away from you just like you took Bellamy away from me."

"Bellamy killed himself by allying with a murderer." Lincoln defended Clarke. "Please Octavia, don't do this. You don't want to."

"I want to." Octavia said back with anger. "Because she fucking deserves to suffer. She deserves to feel the pain I feel."

"But Abby doesn't deserve to suffer." Lincoln was trying. "She's innocent Octavia."

"So were many more people that died at the hands of Clarke."

"I did what I had to do for my people." Clarke replied strongly. "What you're doing is for your own revenge. A selfish act. A coward's act."

"I will kill her Clarke." Octavia threatened yet again and pushed the knife further into Abby's neck.

"What do you want?" she asked. "Do you want me to die?"

"No. I want you to suffer. To be completely alone without the people you love. To know that everyone left here either hates you or fears you." Octavia said strongly. "Because that's what Wanheda deserves." she spat her title.

Staring at Indra, Clarke nodded for her to give the signal to Kane, who had stayed behind with some men. They knew that they had to capture Pike and that the best way to do so what with a distraction. Although it worried her tremendously, this hostage situation with Octavia was the perfect one.

"Octavia, what you're doing right now... There will be no coming back from that." Indra said seriously. "Your future, your life with Lincoln, becoming Trikru, all of it will be gone. Because we never accept Natronas."

"But you accept ripas." she sneered while staring at Clarke. "Because that's what she is. A ripa!"

"We're all killers Octavia!" Clarke said strongly. "But your brother, what he did, it couldn't be forgiven. Not in this life. Perhaps in the next one he gets he'll make better choices."

"You have no right to decide who lives or dies. You're no god."

"I'm not but as a leader it's my duty to do what's best for my people. Your brother promised to do the same thing, but he failed. He allowed his anger and hate to rule over him and almost destroyed Arkadia and its people."

"LIES! He could have changed! You just needed to give him a chance, like the many ones you've had."

"He had many chances and he still chose his anger and hate over the good of his people." Indra answered instead of Clarke.

"You're just supporting her because Lexa did." Octavia was adamant about her revenge.

"I support her because she's the leader Skaikru needs. Without her, your people would have died many months ago. She's the reason you're all alive." Indra continued arguing.

"I don't care." Octavia said stubbornly. "I want to see her suffer. She deserves to suffer." she then looked at Abby with regret. "I'm sorry Abby." she whispered.

"NOOO!" Clarke screamed and started running towards Octavia was but it was too late.

Octavia had moved her knife to the lowest part of Abby's throat, and without taking her eyes away from Clarke, she whispered in the older woman's ear.

"For my brother..."

As soon as those words were said, blood started pouring out of Abby's neck, spilling Octavia's face and the floor. Immediately moving out of the way, the brunette noticed Clarke going towards her with tears in her eyes. Smiling at the prospect of finally dying and it shattering the remaining parts of the blonde's soul, she was surprised when instead she was met by Clarke's angry punches.

"I will kill you!" Clarke screamed to her while tears were falling from her eyes. "I will fucking kill you!"

"Clarke..." she heard a whimper and the blonde stopped hitting Octavia who had been knocked out by one of her many punches.

"Mom..." Clarke cried while moving away from Octavia to stand where her mother was laying. "Please don't leave me, not you too."

"I'm sorry Clarke." Abby whimpered while staring at her daughter with sadness. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you."

"I can't do this without you. Please hold on." she whimpered.

"My fight is over." she smiled sadly at her daughter who cried even more. "May we meet again, my dear daughter."

"NOOO." Clarke cried while hugging her mother tightly. "Mom." she whispered while closing her mother's eyes and placing her on the ground.

It was a few minutes of complete silence where everyone had just stared at the horrible scene in front of them. Clarke was crying on top of her mother's body, screaming with anger and pain at the fact that she just lost everyone she loved. She had been betrayed by her people again and it hurt to know it was because of a foolish revenge. She wanted to just go to where Octavia was laying down and put a bullet through her brain. But then again, Lincoln didn't deserve that kind of suffering. He deserved a choice because Clarke wished she would have had a choice before Lexa died.  Standing up from the floor, she moved forward to see the faces of Indra and Marcus staring at her with sadness and desolation. Abby had earned the respect of many and it was clear that her loss was going to affect everyone at Arkadia. Nevertheless, the only person she had eyes for was Octavia, who was now staring at the scene with shock and fear.

"What did I do?" she cried when she got a look at Abby's body. "Forgive me Abby." she cried.

"Don't speak her name." Clarke said with a dead voice.

"Clarke..." Octavia started to move towards her. "I..."

"Don't." the blonde threatened her. "You did this because you wanted to see Wanheda." she then looked at all the people of Arkadia that came out. "And so you'll see her." she then got close to Pike who in the middle of everything had been captured by Kane's Elite Army.

"Your sentence for treason against Skaikru and the Coalition is death." she said coldly and without a single care she shot a bullet through the man's brain.

"Clarke..." Kane tried to speak to her but she just raised her hand to keep him quiet.

"Anyone else who wants to even consider rebelling against Kane and his leadership will face worse consequences than the one Pike and his people had. That I promise you." she vowed and then stared at Octavia, her old friend. "For killing Abby Kom Skaikru." she closed her eyes. "The punishment is death."

"Clarke!" Lincoln begged her. "Please, she's not ok. She didn't mean for this to happen."

"Yes she did." she said angrily. "But because she's your soulmate and I know the pain of living without one, I won't kill her." Clarke stared at Octavia. "I give her a choice: Leave, banished from our lands and the dead zone your only place of refuge, or stay here and die by a thousand cuts. Your choice." she then looked at Lincoln. "You may choose to go with her. No one will attack you but no one will help you. I hope you understand."

"We do Wanheda." Lincoln nodded solemnly.

"I hope you got what you wished for Octavia." Clarke sneered with hate. "Because you just destroyed not only your life, but your soulmate's one. Jus drein jus daun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have any questions for me or want to talk about the episode? You can follow me on twitter: tititenis or tumblr: geekwithacuriousmind


	11. Over and Over Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Polis 2152, Clarke and Lexa discuss Titus betrayal and go on a secret quest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After those clips that have come out of WonderCon and my continued anger at JRat for killing the people I love, I decided to upload this big, fluffy chapter. It will answer the question of soulmates and show us more about grounder spirituality. Hope you enjoy the fluffiness and prepare for future drama.

**Polis, 2152**

It took 2 weeks for Clarke to start training again, and during all that time she had Lexa loyally standing by her side. She had been bored out of her mind since her fiance was taking her recovery very seriously. Not only had Nia's trial been put on hold until she fully recovered, but the amount of guards around her had exponentially increased. It seemed that Lexa was taking all possible precautions and was not willing to put Clarke's life at stake again, not after she had been betrayed by a close ally. Although Lexa had not talked much about it, Clarke knew that the fleimkepa's death had affected the brunette deeper than what she was showing. And, she had been trying for days to get Lexa to share this with her, to confide her burdens and fears but all she got in return was silence. So, tired of this, and knowing that tomorrow the Ambassadors from the different Clans were meant to arrive, Clarke decided to get the answers she wanted. Slowly moving around the room, she noticed that Lexa was sitting on the bed, calmly reading a book.

"Lexa..." Clarke started to say while moving towards the brunette. "Can we talk?"

Lexa looked up at her with curiosity and immediately placed the book away, nodding in agreement. "What troubles you ai niron?"

"You." Clarke replied bluntly and saw the way Lexa's eyes opened in shock. "I know you're in pain, that you're angry and hurt but you tell me nothing about it. I can feel it inside of me because of our connection and I don't know what to do. Do you not trust me?"

"Of course I do." Lexa said quickly. "You're the only person I truly trust. Not only with my decisions as Heda, but with my feelings as Lexa."

"Doesn't seem like it." Clarke smiled sadly. "Because I can see the pain you're in. I know how much Titus meant to you and how upset you must be at me for killing him."

"That's not it." Lexa murmured.

"Then tell me." the blonde begged while kneeling in front of Lexa. "Because what happened has done nothing but tear us apart. Ever since I kissed you and confessed my feelings for you, I've felt your soul next to mine. But these last couple of weeks all I've felt is emptiness. Is it my fault that you're feeling like this? Is my presence not wanted? Because the last thing I want to do is cause you pain." Clarke whispered the last part softly and noticed Lexa looking at the floor, gathering herself.

"I don't want you to leave." the brunette whispered. "I know that I have not been the person you've needed me to be and I'm sorry.  But I will never want you to leave my side." she choked the last part.

"And I don't want to leave Lexa, but you need to talk to me. I'm your houmon, I will always listen and care about your feelings ai hodnes, so please talk to me."

"I'm upset." Lexa confessed while staring at her. "But not at you, or even at him. But at myself for not preventing him from hurting you. Many told me about the way he looked at you. Even when he talked to me about you, his words were clear in his contempt and hatred." Lexa scoffed.  "And yet I allowed it, I allowed him to roam freely and in a position of power. Do you understand how that makes me feel?" the brunette whispered brokenly.

"How does it make you feel?" Clarke asked softly while placing her hand on top of Lexa's.

"Like I failed you. Like I failed my houmon and I don't deserve to be with you." Lexa refused to look at her.

"Don't believe that." Clarke told her immediately. "What Titus did came out of his own fear and jealousy. I know he was your teacher and stood by your side for many years, but he only looked out for himself and the cause of the Commander."

"But I am the Commander."

"And so were many others before you, Lexa. He did what he had to do so that the Spirit continues moving, continues living. He didn't care about the host of the Spirit. About you." she caressed her face. "And his idea of love is weakness was made so that your sole mission in life was to the Coalition."

"But that's what Commanders are meant to do, protect their people."

"Doesn't mean they have to do it alone." Clarke smiled softly. "Doesn't mean you can't love another. Doesn't mean there's only one specific way to do so."

"I understand that." Lexa admitted. "And the Spirit has already accepted and learned from our relationship, from our bond." she smiled softy. "It now knows that peace can be achieved without blood." she stared at Clarke. "But it is insecure, which makes me feel insecure."

"About me?" Clarke whispered.

"Never about you. I love you Clarke, and I will always love you. But I will be the first commander to have a tenia keryon. So the Spirit is anxious, nervous about this new experience."

"Do you still want to marry me?"

"Of course I want to." Lexa said to her fervently. "There's nothing else I can think about, it's all I dream of and everything I have ever desired."

"Then trust that things will work out. Trust our bond and that we'll always protect each other."

"I shouldn't have to protect you from my people." Lexa muttered darkly.

"And neither should I, but knowing our history we'll have to keep each others' backs. We can't predict what will happen with our people but what we can do is not stop living because of fear. Remember what I told you all those months ago before the battle at Mount Weather?"

"That life should be about more than just surviving." Lexa answered immediately and smiled when Clarke kissed her tenderly.

"Then let's stop worrying about the past and just live the life we got given. Because all I want is to be with you, Lexa Kom Trikru en Skaikru."

"And all I have ever wanted is to be with you, Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru." Lexa said and kissed Clarke longingly.

"Then let's do it." Clarke separated from Lexa and gave her a dashing smile. "Marry me. Right now."

"Right now?" Lexa asked with complete shock.

"I know that the time is perhaps not the best one for us to leave Polis but this is what you and I need." Clarke emphasized. "We just went through a very traumatic event that tested our love and bond. And we survived it. We succeeded and we eliminated the people threatening our love. Marrying each other is our way of telling the world that they can't tear us apart." Clarke caressed Lexa's face. "And that we are no longer two people but one person."

Lexa looked at Clarke with complete adoration and kissed her fervently, pouring all of her feelings into the kiss, begging the blonde to understand her desires, her need to have her near her always. She had never loved another person as much as she loved Clarke and that scared her. But behind that small amount of fear there was relief; of knowing that she could still love and was capable of having someone love her as well. Still, when she had asked Clarke to join her she had imagined the blonde woman dressed in a white dress, their people surrounding them and herself stuttering her vows. Not because Lexa wished for that to happen, but because she believed Clarke deserved it. Clarke deserved the world and Lexa was going to try her hardest to give it to her.

"But the ceremony, our people, the Ambassadors." Lexa sighted when she separated from Clarke. "Isn't that what you've always wanted?"  

"I don't need those things Lexa. And I think neither do you." Clarke caressed her face tenderly. "I want you." she smiled when Lexa blushed. "Heda and SkaiHeda can later have a ceremony that will appease the Ambassadors and people of Polis. Today I am not marrying Heda, I am marrying Lexa " Clarke got closer to Lexa and stared at deep green eyes. "Because all I want to do right now is belong to you for the rest of eternity." she whispered reverently.

"Are you sure Clarke?" Lexa smiled while standing up and placing her hands on Clarke's waist. "You know what I once told you, that an union that lasts forever. Once we join we can't take it back."

"Would you want to take it back?" Clarke asked her.

"Of course not. You are my tenia keryon Clarke, feva." Lexa told her without hesitation. "I am sure of this."

"Then trust me as well. I was sure from the first moment I saw you that I loved you. Marrying you is not even a question you should ask me." the blonde squeezed Lexa's shoulders.

"Then let's do it." Lexa said excitedly as well. "Let's get married."

"What do we need to do? Who will marry us?" Clarke asked.

"The ceremony of tenia keryons is between the couple and the noun."

"The noun?" Clarke asked confused because translating the word from trigedasleng to gonasleng gave her 'wisdom'.

"That's how we call the elders of a village. They are the wisdom of their clan and hence respected by all. Because joining ceremonies are not common, a noun will test the couple to see if they are truly tenia keryons."

"A test?" Clarke asked completely scared. "So basically our love will be put to the test?"

"Do you doubt our love?" Lexa teased her.

"Of course not. But I didn't know I had to pass a test so I could marry you." Clarke scoffed.

"You fought a natblida, survived an assassination attempt and now you find yourself scared of a test that we both know you'll pass?" Lexa chuckled.

"I want to be with you, Lexa. Any kind of obstacle that could prevent that from happening scares me." the blonde confessed while looking down in embarrassment.

"Don't be nervous ai niron." Lexa caressed Clarke's cheek. "We will be married. That I promise you."  

"Good." Clarke purred and kissed Lexa soundly on the lips. "Because I don't want to spend another night without your body and soul laying next to me."

CLCLCLCL

Clarke was packing everything she could think about inside her bag. After some kisses that led to an intense make-out session, the two women decided that the best time to leave would be tonight. It gave them enough time to find the Noun and make it back to Polis before the Ambassadors arrived in a week. According to Lexa, the Spirit was the one that guided the noun and couples that wanted to join usually found the reclusive person within two to three days if it wanted to be found. After that happened, they retreated to a secret location where the Spirit decided if they were worthy of being joined and sharing the secrets of the Spirit. When she had asked the brunette about the secrets of the Spirit and if they were similar to the ones she had inside of her, Lexa had told her that legend said that the Spirit blessed tenia keryons with gifts. These gifts changed depending on the couple and the needs they had when they joined. So, if the Spirit wanted a couple to join, the Noun found them easily and faced the test set up by the Noun. When asking about the test, Lexa had told her that also varied on the couple, it going from physical to mental.

_"So basically one can't prepare for it." Clarke had said exasperated while feeling Lexa's lips on her neck._

_"No ai niron." Lexa had chuckled and continued making her way down Clarke's body, making her momentarily forget about the coming test._

"Clarke?" she heard Octavia ask from outside the door.

"Come in." she said loudly and it didn't take long for the brunette to enter the room.

"Where are you going?" Octavia asked her the moment she saw her with travel clothes and a bag.

"Octavia, what I tell you are orders that are meant to be followed." she addressed her friend seriously. "It is your duty since you offered your loyalty to SkaiHeda."

"Sha SkaiHeda." Octavia replied solemnly.

"Good, then you cannot tell anyone that I left Polis. Specially my mom." she emphasized on the last part.

"I don't think Lexa will approve of you travelling alone after what happened two weeks ago."

"No she won't." Clarke smiled. "Which is why she's coming with me on this trip. And as I told you before, no one can know that we left."

"You're going to seek the Noun." Octavia realized.

"How do you know?"

"Lincoln and I have been talking about seeking him/her too." she confessed while looking down in embarrassment. "But it's very serious shit to take the tenia keryon test."

"That's why finding the Noun is hard to begin with." Clarke chuckled. "Lexa and I plan to start our trip at the outskirts of Polis and then head towards Floukru where the Noun was last seen."

"But you do know that once you join your bond will last forever, right?" Octavia reminded her friend.

"Of course." Clarke said seriously. "And I know that Lexa is my tenia keryon. I don't want, or can't see myself, loving anyone else as much as I love her."

"But why now?"

"Why not?" the blonde smiled happily. "This, seeking the Noun, is not a political decision done by Heda and SkaiHeda. It is a crazy and yet wonderful decision made by Lexa and Clarke."

"Then I'm happy for you." Octavia said while hugging her tightly. "And I wish you all the luck in finding who you seek."

"Mochof Octavia. Please, keep things secure here in Polis until our return."

"And when will you return?"

"When the Spirit approves of my union with Lexa and she becomes my wife." Clarke vowed and smiled when she noticed Lexa standing outside the room. "Are you ready?" she asked her houmon while hugging her tightly.

"Sha." Lexa answered with a happy smile. "Indra is also informed of our absence and will help you keep things under control while we're gone." she addressed Octavia who exhaled in relief.

"Thank the Spirit, I was worried I would be the only one knowing your dirty secret."

Clarke chuckled but Lexa was far from amused.

"I still can't see why you like her." she muttered while placing a dagger and Clarke's swords on the blonde's body.

"I know you like her too." she whispered while kissing the brunette's cheek in thanks. "And that you trust her."

"I trust she won't tell your mother we're gone."

"She won't unless she wants to be the only person facing the wrath of my mom." Clarke said loud enough so Octavia could hear.

"Believe me, I know better than to taint fate by making Abby be pissed at me."  the younger brunette raised her hands. "And besides, I grown on people. Don't believe me, ask Indra or Lincoln."

"Lincoln is your houmon and Indra had a temporary lapse of judgment when she asked you to become her Second." Lexa joked with Octavia. "We must leave now if we want to make it outside the walls of Polis without bringing attention to ourselves." she warned Clarke.

"May we meet again." Clarke hugged Octavia tightly.

"May we meet again." she hugged Clarke back and then stared at Lexa seriously. "Please keep her safe."

"With my life." Lexa promised and after one last look the young couple left the room.

"Here's hoping you come back before Abby finds out you're gone." Octavia screamed at them and heard some curse words coming her way.

CLCLCLCL

"She will definitely tell Abby." Lexa whispered to Clarke while moving behind the walls of the building.

"She won't." Clarke refuted immediately. "And why are we leaving your building as if we were a pair of thieves?"

"Because no one can know we're gone. If they do, then they'll think about taking advantage of the situation. Although we defeated Azgeda, Sangedakru is very unhappy about the Coalition's current stand."

"You mean they just want war." Clarke whispered angrily.

"Yes. And they know that now that Azgeda has been defeated they no longer have a strong ally. So they'll settle and remain in the Coalition. But nevertheless we should not taint them." Lexa warned.

"Makes sense." Clarke huffed when she had to jump up a fence. "How far away are we from the border?"

"Not too far." Lexa responded while stopping her from moving. "A patrol will start making its rounds in 5 minutes so that means we must reach the border in less time than that."

"How long does it usually take it to reach it?"

"10 minutes."

"Are you insane?!" Clarke asked in astonishment. "We'll never make it to the border in such a short amount of time."

"Trust me and trust your abilities ai niron." Lexa smirked and quickly started running. "And do keep up!"

"Shit!" Clarke whispered and started to run behind Lexa, following the same steps and making the same moves the brunette was making. "She's so fast." Clarke was feeling her muscles strain with the speed and strides they were taking.

"We're almost there Clarke." Lexa said to her while going up some stairs.

"Stairs..." Clarke said in defeat and used the last of her strength to move up. She really needed to do some more cardio with Lexa or the natblidas because hers was terrible.

It took her longer than expected, or maybe that was her tiredness and sore muscles complaining, but the stairs they were taking seemed endless for the blonde woman. Huffing because she was running out of air, she was relieved when Lexa stopped moving after they reached the highest part of the tower. Looking around them, Clarke noticed that there was no other door apart from the one they just took to get here. So, when Lexa gave her a silent nod and started to move towards the wall with the clear intent of jumping it, Clarke stopped her by grabbing her hand.

"What do you even think of doing?" she huffed exasperated. "You can't jump!"

"Yes I can." Lexa said calmly. "It's the only way we can make it out of Polis."

"I want to leave but I don't want to die in the process!"

"Do you trust me?" the brunette asked her while getting closer to the edge of the tower.

"What?" Clarke asked her completely shocked. _She's serious about this..._

"Do you trust me?" Lexa repeated with a confident smile on her face.

"Of course I do." the blonde said because it was true. She trusted Lexa with her life.

"Then jump." the Heda moved forward and took Clarke with her.

Closing her eyes, Clarke felt herself falling for a couple of seconds and did everything she could to not scream.

_This is it, this is how I die..._ she thought while she felt the wind around her. But instead of colliding with the floor, when she opened her eyes Clarke noticed that Lexa had hugged her close and they were now laying on top of a tent. Hidden beneath the many layers of walls and dust, there had been a hidden tent. And based on the teasing smile that was now on Lexa's face it was clear that the brunette knew of its existence.

"Branwada!" Clarke said pissed and moved away from Lexa who was now laughing. "You almost gave me a heart attack"  

"I'm sorry ai niron." Lexa continued chuckling. "But it pleases me to know how much you trust me." she caressed Clarke's face and the blonde's anger dissipated.

"Asshole." she muttered tenderly.

"That's no way to address the Heda." the brunette joked.

"Right now I'm not with the Commander, I'm with my Lexa." she said happily and smiled when Lexa nodded in agreement.

"To you I'll always be Lexa first and then Heda." Lexa vowed to the blonde.

"Good, and I'll always remember to show you the respect of Heda when we are in public." Clarke promised as well because she knew that although her fiancé could possibly allow her to do anything, she was still the Heda and her decisions not only affected them but the view people had of them. So Clarke's behavior affected the way Lexa was seen and vice versa.  

"We must move quickly." Lexa reminded them. "The guard must have already gotten into position, which gives us the opportunity to move from here."

"So this tent..." Clarke started whispering while moving close to Lexa. "How did you find it?"

"Costia did." Lexa whispered softly while grabbing the blonde's hand. "The both of us were training for a position of Seconds and we got distracted. Knowing that we would receive a scolding if we returned, we escaped and accidentally found this tent. After that we would come here to forget about our responsibilities and just focus on us."

"That must be a nice memory to have." Clarke said softly.

"Costia was there for me when the previous Heda died and I had to enter the Conclave." she confessed. "She was the only one that believed I would be the one coming out as Heda." Lexa smiled. "She said she felt the Spirit within me and that I would do good for our people."

"And she was right." Clarke smiled softly at her fiancé. "I'm glad you had her in your life Lexa." she said honestly to the brunette.

"I'm also glad I met her." Lexa smiled sadly. "And I know that she would be happy for us, for finding each other and being together. She never believed that love was weakness. By being with you I'm honoring her memory in the best possible way."

"Love is strength." Clarke said strongly while grabbing her hand.

"Love is strength." Lexa repeated surely. "Now let us go find the Noun so we can finally be joined."

"Ok." the blonde smiled happily and followed Lexa towards the edge of Polis.

CLCLCLCL

Moving around the forest was not as easy as Clarke had thought it would be. Although she had been adamantly practicing with Indra, the depth of the plants in this part of the woods was unexpected to her and Lexa had to check on her numerous times before moving forward. They had been on the move for about 2 days and there was no sign of the forest ending or a new trail appearing. Yet Lexa had continued to push them forward, slowly but surely guiding them further inside. It was not that she didn't trust Lexa, but she was getting upset because the further they walked, the harder it became for Clarke to keep her pace. Frustrated because of this, at one point she had stopped moving to just angrily hit a tree, losing her patience and feeling like she was slowing them down.

"Ai niron don't get upset. The reason these woods are harder to navigate than others is because they're intentionally meant to test us." she whispered while holding Clarke's bruised hand. "Remember I told you there were physical and mental tests that a couple has to go through before reaching the Noun."

"This is a test?"

"Well, not losing one another in the middle of this forest is one of them."

"You mean we're no longer in Trikru territory?"

"We haven't been in Trikru ground since the moment we passed the river." she said while looking around them. "We're in the border between Podakru (Lake People) and Ouskejon Kru (Blue Cliff Clan)."

"They're mostly neutral in the Coalition, correct?"

"Yes, that's why we don't have good enough knowledge of their lands. They've never been in a war and are only part of the Coalition because of the trading system."

"But there wasn't peace before you became Heda..."

"There wasn't peace but that doesn't mean the Podakru or Ouskejon fought. They were mostly attacked and the Coalition offered them protection without them having to train an army. They've never fought."

"So if they don't offer you soldiers, why do you allow them to be in the Coalition?"

"Because they offer us healers and builders. And, all of the known clan elders go to these clans to get their education. Ouskejon are the wisest of the clans. Their knowledge of the old war is far more extensive than ours."

"And how is that possible?" Clarke asked.

"Because their books survived the end of the world." Lexa smiled. "And they have learned from them."

"But you also have books." she remembered Lexa's prolific library in the Heda's building.

"All of them gifts from the Ouskejon when they come to Polis." she smirked.

"Interesting." Clarke said honestly. "Would they be open to starting talks with us, perhaps give us some books in exchange for technology?"

"They should be, they're a very curious and open-minded clan. Their leader is a close friend so I can introduce you."

"A close friend?" Clarke asked knowingly.

"Not in that capacity. Fenri is a formidable and wise man that backed down the moment he realized I was not interested in a very specific part of his anatomy." she winked at the blonde who blushed.

"Of course." Clarke said while looking down in embarrassment. "Now I feel stupid."

"Don't." Lexa smiled softly. "If it would be you talking about a possible past lover then I would be jealous as well."

"Well, there weren't so many." she confessed. "Only a make-out session with a girl on the Ark and then Finn here on Earth. He was my first."

"And how was he?" Lexa whispered while getting closer to the blonde who gulped after noticing the dark green eyes focusing intently on her.

"No one has been, or will be as good as you Lexa." she purred and Lexa crashed her body with hers.

"Ai niron, ai tombon." Lexa moaned while crashing her lips with Clarke.

"I love you." Clarke murmured while kissing Lexa strongly. "Gods I love you." she chanted.

Quickly placing her arms around Lexa, Clarke was moving her body rhythmically, refusing to separate from her tenia keryon. She could feel the strong muscles holding her weight, keeping her up and melding against her own. Each time the two of them kissed it was intoxicating, it was easy to get lost in the sensations that came from being with Lexa. The soft lips, the strong hands, the curly hair caressing her face and the little moans that she could hear the brunette voice only encouraged Clarke to continue her assault, forgetting for a moment of where they were.

Nevertheless, as it tended to happen when they were together, the two women got reminded of where they were when an arrow landed near them. Quickly separating, Clarke noticed Lexa angrily looking around, clearly surprised at being caught in a moment of weakness.

"We need to move." she whispered to the blonde. "Take your bow out and be ready."

"What clan?" she asked Lexa who had moved to take the arrow from the tree.

"No clan." she muttered while giving the end of the arrow to Clarke who noticed no clan marks. "Another test to find the Noun."

"Well, that one almost killed us."

"That was its point. To kill us." Lexa whispered while placing her body in front of Clarke's. "This is why the search for the Noun is risky. Only the truly worthy are capable of finding her."

"Well..." Clarke moved Lexa out of the way when she noticed another arrow being shot towards them. "Then let's show this bitch who we are." she released an arrow straight towards the place where the last one was shot and heard a whimper.

"Indeed." Lexa said proudly and moved forwards with her body still in front of Clarke. "I believe there is at least one more shooter scanning the area." she pointed towards the direction of the first arrow.

"Can you see him?" Clarke moved forward and prepared another arrow.

"Northeast, 30 steps to the left." she whispered to Clarke and smirked when the blonde immediately released her arrow.

"Good call." Clarke smiled at her when she heard the pained scream coming from the bushes. "Now let's go." she said to Lexa who had stopped in the middle of the clearing. "What?"

"Footsteps." Lexa whispered. "And many. A small army."

"We can't face a small army."

"I know ai niron, that's why we will run." the brunette told her while pushing Clarke forward, bow and arrow forgotten on the floor.

"My bow!" the blonde said but Lexa simply pushed her forward.

"I'll get you a better one once we make it back." she promised and continued pulling Clarke towards the trees. "But we have to get away from here."

Running around the trees, Clarke could not differentiate one tree from another. She could sense the nervousness of her houmon, who continued running without looking back. The two women noticed the vegetation surrounding them becoming less than before, the only sign that they were moving forward and not in circles.

"This is good news." Lexa huffed to Clarke. "This means that we are nearing the end of the woods."

"The end?" Clarke asked disbelievingly. "All I can see are trees Lexa, where is the edge?" she asked and abruptly stopped when she felt Lexa freeze. "Shiiit." she muttered when they were standing in front of a cliff. "Now what?"

Looking around them, Lexa noticed that there was no way for them to safely go down, and yet it made sense for this to be another test. One of faith in the power and will of the Spirit. And the sound of drums that were coming their way was making Lexa realize that this path was the only one they could take. Now she only had to convince Clarke of this.

"Are those drums?" Clarke asked her completely shocked.

"Yes, they are chanting and getting ready for battle." Lexa confessed.

"So what do we do then Lexa?"

"We have to jump. This is a test of faith in the Spirit."

"Jump? Lexa I can't swim." Clarke whispered worriedly.

"I'll keep you safe as always." Lexa promised to her while staring at the trees. "But this is the only way forward."

"I can't do it." Clarke whimpered.

"Then let me do it for you." Lexa squeezed Clarke's hand in reassurance. "Trust me again ai niron."

"Always Lexa." Clarke whispered and looked at the trees where the men were becoming more visible.

"The close your eyes and jump." Lexa screamed to her and moved forward to propel herself of the cliff.

Looking around her position, Clarke could see Lexa in the middle of her jump, eyes open and determined. It was this sight, the one of her fiance risking her life so they could be together, what made Clarke close her eyes and run towards the cliff, trusting in her tenia keryon to find her and keep her safe. She didn't know how to swim, or how deep the cascade was, but all she needed to know was that Lexa would be there to get her. And it was this what made Clarke jump from the stone, the cries of war becoming distant as she fell towards the edge.

She immediately felt water entering her nose, and opening her eyes she noticed that she was deep inside the river, water all around her and not a sight of Lexa. Feeling conscious of the fact that she was running out of oxygen, she started to move her legs but they were not doing anything more than spending the remaining air inside of her. So, knowing that without Lexa she could not exit the water, she used her strength to keep holding on, believing in the brunette's promise to come find her. And after what seemed like eternity, she saw Lexa swimming towards her, relief in her eyes. Closing her arms around her strong body, Clarke felt Lexa slowly but surely pushing them upwards, the sensation of sinking lessening with the passing of each second.

When they reached the surface, Clarke took a deep breath and opened her eyes to see an unfamiliar land, it being filled with yellow and pink. Confused, she turned to look at Lexa who was just as shocked as she was. Nevertheless, it was more important for her to make sure that her fiancé was ok so she ignored their strange surroundings and did a quick check on Lexa who smiled knowingly.

"I'm fine ai niron." she promised while kissing Clarke on the lips. "Thank you for trusting me."

"Always ai hodnes." she smiled softly when the brunette kissed her. "I knew you would come get me."

"Always." Lexa reiterated and then looked around them. "You see this as well, right?"

"You mean the freaky colors and weird plants around us?" Clarke asked sarcastically. "Then yes, I see it as well."

"This must be where the Noun is said to live." Lexa whispered excitedly. "This means that we're finally close."

"I bet..." Clarke muttered while staring around her. "How can this place be like this Lexa?"

"The will of the Spirit." the brunette replied reverently.

"Or there can also be a scientific explanation." Clarke tried to touch one of the plants but her skin burned at the contact. She hissed.

"Don't touch anything." Lexa scolded her while moving around the path marked. "We need to follow the road until the end."

"This could be a trap."

"Perhaps, but I feel that this way will lead us where we want to."

"Then I shall follow you." Clarke smiled softly and grabbed the brunette's hand.

"Let's go before it becomes night." Lexa pointed towards the sky.

"What happens when it becomes night?"

"I don't want to find out." the Heda admitted softly. "Now let's move." she emphasized by pulling Clarke forward.

"Do you think we are done with the tests?" she asked Lexa after a while of just walking in contemplative silence.

"The physical ones yes, the mental ones no."

"By mental ones what do you mean?"

"Ones that will test our sanity and desire to be together. The mind is our strongest organ and hence in order for it to break it must pass through tremendous pain."

"So painful mental activity is our remaining thing before facing Noun." Clarke smirked. "Easy..."

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind." Lexa joked.

"Neither is sarcasm." Clarke replied and the both of them laughed. "You know, even if we have been almost killed numerous times, I have enjoyed this time with you away from Polis. It's refreshing to just be Lexa and Clarke."

"We will have more moments like this ai niron. I promise you that." Lexa vowed.

"A trip to the beach would suffice for next time." she smiled softly when Lexa blushed.

"That can be arranged." Lexa started to explain but stopped moving when they were faced by a stone wall.

"Now what?" Clarke asked after moving around it, trying to find any words or way for them to move it. "Wait, there is something written here." she said and quickly read it. "We must solve a riddle before we can move forward."

"What's the riddle?"

_"Of no use to one,_

_Yet absolute bliss to two._

_The small boy gets it for nothing._

_The young man has to lie or work for it._

_The old man has to buy it._

_The baby’s right,_

_The lover’s privilege,_

_The hypocrite’s mask._

_To the young girl, faith;_

_To the married woman, hope;_

_To the old maid, charity._

_What am I?"_

Lexa stared at Clarke in deep concentration, analyzing each part of the poem. Meanwhile, Clarke was doing the same, trying to think of what it could be.

"It's of no use to one but to two it's an absolute joy..." Lexa started to say.

"The old man has to buy it." Clarke said mostly to herself. "While to the old maid it is charity..."

"And it's a lover's privilege and at the same time the hypocrite's mask." Lexa was confused. "What could it be?"

"It can't be a feeling because a hypocrite would be a hypocrite for pretending to feel it." Clarke said surely.

"But it has to be something that makes young women be excited about..." Lexa reminded Clarke. "And the nervousness of a first love tends to do that."

"But that's a childish idea. Old people are no longer capable of feeling that innocence." Clarke refuted.

"You're right. And yet they can still obtain it..." Lexa smiled happily. "I know what it is."

"You do?" Clarke asked completely surprised.

"Think about it, it must be something that each individual can long for no matter the genre or age. It has be something that can be obtainable through many means, going from emotional to economical. It has to be something that can mean the world to a person and nothing to another. It has to be a kiss." she smiled at Clarke when she noticed the happy look on her face.

"It must be." she said surely and then went close to the wall and whispered 'a kiss'.

The moment Clarke did so, the earth started to move around them, making the stone wall shatter to dust. Smiling at each other, the two women moved forward and stopped when they could see nothing around them, the darkness slowly pulling them in.

"Lexa!" Clarke screamed when she stopped feeling the brunette's hand on her own.

"Clarke!" she heard the Heda scream loudly.

CLCLCLCL

"Clarke Kom Skaikru." Clarke opened her eyes and she was no longer in the dark room. Instead she was now in an empty white room, a bald man sitting down in front of her. "I've heard you've been seeking me."

"Noun?" she whispered while staring at the man who then transformed to a woman in front of her. "What..."

"We are Noun." the woman said while giving her a warm smile. "The wisdom of the 13 clans and the joiners of souls."

"13 clans..."

"Indeed, now that Skaikru landed on Earth we are no longer just 12." Noun said while now transforming into a man. "But that's not why you're here."

Clarke stared at the changing body in front of her and closed her eyes in concentration. She was here for one reason only and this unexpectedness was not going to stop her.

"My houmon." she said firmly. "Where is she?"

"Safe." Noun smirked. "And awaiting for you."

"And where am I?"

"You're in your final test." Noun said reverently. "The one that will decide if you're Heda Lexa's tenia keryon."

"I am Lexa's tenia keryon." Clarke said surely.

"That will be for us to determine."

"You can deliberate my answers all you want. But I believe, and know deep inside my heart, that Lexa is my soulmate. And no matter what you two tell me, I will marry her." Clarke was being rude and she knew it.

"That's not the way to address us child." Noun warned Clarke.

"I am no child." Clarke seethed while standing in front of Noun. "I am SkaiHeda, feller of the Mountain and houmon of Heda Lexa Kom Trikru."

"That you are." Noun smiled at her. "But we are wise and the Spirit tells us to heed you a warning. Being with the Heda is no easy task. It will force you many times to choose between her and your people."

"Lexa is my people. My people are her people since they'll become our people."

"A wise answer indeed." Noun smiled softly at her. "While your love will flourish, it will also be tested. The path of soulmates is one that unities two people not only on one reality, but in all of them. Some of these realities will not be kind to either of you while in others you'll be as happy as you can possibly be."

"Is this an attempt to keep me from joining Lexa?" Clarke asked angrily. "Because I don't care what kind of life we have as long as I have Lexa in my life. In all of our lives." she said honestly and surely.

"It was just a warning." Noun smiled sadly. "Because the Spirit has foreseen great happiness and sorrow for you two, Clarke Kom Skaikru."

"Then we shall prepare and do our best to remain together no matter the challenges." the blonde continued saying. "My love will not be deterred, my life is meant to be forever shared with Lexa."

"And so it shall be." Noun said with a warm smile on its face.

CLCLCLCL

When Lexa opened her eyes she felt herself grow more confused than before because she was now laying in a white room with a woman sitting in front of her. Knowing immediately who it was, Lexa bowed her head in respect.

"Noun." she said surely and the woman looked up with a soft smile.

"Heda." the woman smiled while transforming into a man. "It's nice to finally see you here." he finished.

"You knew I would come?" she asked carefully.

"It was predestined that Heda Lexa would come seek us when she found her tenia keryon. The Spirit told us to wait patiently until it found it's Commander."

"It's Commander?" Lexa was now confused.

"The one Commander that would be equally balanced with love and revenge, war and peace, calm and lust. You are all of these things Heda Lexa."

"But there were so many before me..."

"And none were the ones the Spirit was looking for. They were not bad Commanders, but they were not the ones meant to bring peace to our lands. But you are." Noun smiled softly. "The Spirit recognizes the sacrifices you have made to have peace."

"The Spirit has asked too much of me ever since I became Heda."

"And it will continue to ask for more." Noun warned her. "That is the burden of being Heda."

"And I will gladly bear it with the company of my tenia keryon." Lexa said determinedly.

"No Commander has ever had a tenia keryon, to be the Commander is to be alone."

"That was to be the Commander. Clarke makes me be stronger, wiser and kinder than I ever thought I could be." Lexa smiled warmly. "She reminds me of the joy of being the Heda, of the happiness my people feel when they're safe. She shows me the peace I have fought so much to obtain." the brunette stared at deep gray eyes. "And all I desire is to be with her."

"There will be many obstacles both of you will face. To be with the Commander is no easy burden for a person to have." Noun said solemnly.

"Clarke knows this and is capable of making her own decision of joining me. But I will not decide for her and I know neither will she. The choice is her own."

"What if you must choose between her and your people? Who will you choose?"

"Since she'll become my people then I can choose her first. She will be my people and the rest of clans will be aware of this. My duty towards my houmon will always come first and my life, as Lexa, will become hers the moment we join. My fight may end, but the fight of the Commander never does. The Spirit will go on."

"What if the Spirit does not want to part from being inside of you?"

"Then the Spirit will find a way of keeping me alive and with Clarke in my life. There's nothing the Spirit can't do and I trust it with our love and bond."

"Then the Spirit will honor your sacrifice and loyalty by giving you what you wish." Noun said reverently and the room became completely dark.

CLCLCLCL

When Clarke opened her eyes, she found herself in a tent similar to the one she had shared with Lexa while being in TonDc. Smiling at the memory, she suddenly remembered where she was and what had just happened. Quickly moving up from the bed, she noticed Lexa laying in front of her with eyes wide open, having clearly awoken as well. Exhaling in relief at being close to her again, Clarke hugged the brunette tightly while kissing her lips desperately.

"Ai niron, I'm here." Lexa was crying as well and hugged the blonde close to her. "When you were gone I was so scared. I couldn't feel you." she whimpered.

"I will no longer leave your side, never again." Clarke promised and kissed Lexa again tenderly. "Feva."

"Feva." Lexa cried again while hugging Clarke close to her. "Ai hod yu in."

"En ai hod yu in." the blonde said reverently.

"Heda Lexa Kom Trikru and Clarke Kom Skaikru have come to us today in search of a joining ceremony. Many try to find us, not so many succeed and even fewer leave as one." Noun said solemnly. "Because to become one is no light decision, it is a monumental action that will forever entwine your souls, join your lives for eternity and keep you two coming back to find each other. After talking with you two, it has become clear to us that the bond you two share is real. That the love you two have is everlasting and that not only has it healed you both, but it has also made you better, kinder leaders. The Spirit recognizes this and acknowledges its need for people like you." Noun smiled at them warmly. "Which is why it has bestowed me with the right to share with you the secrets of the tenia keryons."

Noun took a deep breath and when it opened its eyes the two women saw them pitch black.

"What's happening?" Clarke whispered to Lexa.

"This is the Spirit speaking to us." Lexa whispered back.

"In the eyes of the Spirit you are no longer two people but one." Noun explained patiently. "And as one person you two have no secrets, even the ones of the Spirit becoming known." the man/woman stared at Clarke deeply. "Your bond shall be cherished and respected by all, no other love comparing in strength and loyalty." she then looked at Lexa. "And the dream of the Commanders will finally become true. The Spirit does not only bless this union with its support, but it also blesses the essence of it; the joining of the true soulmates of the Commander and its equal."

"Can this be true?" Lexa cried while hugging Clarke tightly.

"What does this mean Lexa?" the blonde whispered lovingly.

"It means that all of our future dreams and hopes will become true." Lexa whispered reverently. "It means that you're my tenia keryon and our lives have become one."

"Heda Lexa is correct. You are no longer Clarke Kom Skaikru but Clarke Kom Skaikru en Trikru." Noun then looked at Lexa. "And you are no longer Heda Lexa Kom Trikru but Lexa Kom Trikru en Skaikru. May all the clans recognize this union just like the Spirit has done."

"And how will we show them our bond?" Clarke asked with tears in her eyes.

"By having the symbol of Heda on your body." Noun replied while putting her hand on top of Clarke's back. "These tattoos can only be bestowed on the Heda by an Ambassador of the Spirit. You having them will show to the skeptics your bond to Heda and that it has been blessed by the Spirit."

"Close your eyes Clarke." Lexa whispered in her ear and Clarke did as asked.

Feeling her skin tingling, Clarke waited until she felt the warmth in her body disappear, the feeling of fingers caressing her back making her open her eyes. When she did, she noticed Lexa smiling happily at her with tears in her eyes.

"Why are you crying ai hodnes?" she asked her houmon.

"Because you're finally my houmon." Lexa motioned for Clarke to look at her side and noticed intricate tattoos going around her whole body. "You bear my mark just like I now bear yours." the brunette moved her shirt up and she noticed a similar tattoo to the one she had on her side. It was one of the stars.

"Ai houmon." Clarke cried as well and kissed Lexa soundly on the lips. "My wife."

"For every life we have and the next ones to follow." Lexa promised and closed her eyes in contentment.


	12. Amanecer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Arkadia 2150, Clarke learns more about Lexa's past and gets closer to having Skaikru join the Coalition. 
> 
> In Polis 2150, Clarke, Lexa, Future Clarke and Murphy plan on a way to infiltrate Arkadia. Future Clarke learns what A.L.I.E wants...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW as usual for Arkadia... 
> 
> No Beta so all mistakes are mine.

**Arkadia, 2150**

_46 days since Lexa died..._

Clarke had barely been capable of sleeping since she saw her mother die. She didn't dare face the new nightmares that would surely haunt her, the new added faces to her collection of lost souls. She had remained awake, staring at the night sky in complete silence and desolation. Her sole focus was to achieve Lexa's goal; to have Skaikru join the Coalition. The moment she had killed Pike she told Indra to tell a messenger to deliver the news to Polis. To let the Heda know that Wanheda had delivered justice. That Wanheda had claimed the life of the Skaikru traitor and Skaikru was now ready for change. She had seen Indra's resolute look, both of them knowing that their business in Arkadia would be done the moment the Heda rebranded Kane and acknowledged Skaikru's status. After that, they were not sure of what to do. Indra had her people to return to, the village of TonDc still in the process of rebuilding. And based on the conversations the older woman had shared with Clarke, the blonde woman had been invited to go with her.

_(Flashback)_

"You do not sleep Wanheda." she heard Indra say from the shadows. "A weak warrior is a careless warrior."

"I've never been a warrior Indra." Clarke said softly. "And the Commander of Death never sleeps: She sees the faces of her victims each time she closes her eyes."

"The burden of carrying Wanheda's name is no easy burden." Indra said carefully. "That's a name not many people would be proud to have."

"I have accepted it." she replied. "I have embraced it." she then stared at the older woman. "But we both know that just because we have accepted who we are our soul will find itself in agreement with what we tell it."

"The pain will go away. The faces will become far away memories." Indra sat down in front Clarke. "You will heal Clarke Kom Skaikru."

"Doesn't feel that way." Clarke whispered brokenly. "I have nothing else here. All the people I have loved or cared about are now gone. My people fear me and the love I felt for them has been long gone."

"Then why do all of this? Why stay?"

"Because she asked me to." Clarke stared at Indra. "She died for this and I couldn't let her death be for nothing. I just couldn't." she choked the last part.

"You loved her." Indra said softly.

"I love her." Clarke corrected her. "And once Skaikru joins the Coalition then she'll have peace."

"We both know that Skaikru joining the Coalition was not done solely for peace." the older warrior reminded her. "It was so that Clarke Kom Skaikru could become one of us. So that she wouldn't have to choose between her beloved and her people again."

"You knew why she did it?" Clarke asked brokenly.

"She had no choice. Your people inside the Mountain failed, allowed the Maunon to capture the gonas in the cages and they used them as leverage." Indra said somberly. "Heda Lexa knew that they would not hesitate in killing them because they had your people already to sustain themselves."

"I didn't know." Clarke cried softly. "I left as soon as we returned to Camp Jaha and then I was found by Roan. I had no idea..."

"That decision broke her just as much as it broke you. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't do anything apart from her duties, would ask men to search you, to learn how you were, to help you if you needed..."

"The men that taught me how to kill and skin animals..." Clarke whispered.

"Were sent by Heda Lexa. But after two months they were unable to find you again. This worried her. But she respected your need for space and only asked Prince Roan to find you after Azgeda issued the bounty for your head."

"Why didn't she tell me any of this?"

"Because it didn't matter. The reasons why she did it  were of no consequence because at the end of the day she chose her people over you. And what kind of lover can look into the eyes of their beloved and confess their love when they are incapable of placing their wellbeing first?"

"But she did it. She swore her fealty to me. She promised me." Clarke murmured but Indra still heard her.

"Because she wanted you back. She wanted Clarke Kom Skaikru to return to her. She wanted her beloved back and was ready to die for her love."

"And she died for it." Clarke said darkly.

"Perhaps..." Indra said remorsefully. "But that sacrifice, that choice, was done by Lexa Kom Trikru. And that at the end is what truly matters. That she was capable of putting you first and choosing you before her people."

"I wish I could have been capable of doing the same thing." Clarke looked at the floor while controlling herself. "But it's too late now."

"Before Lexa became Heda she lived in TonDc." Indra said absently, concentrated on her memories. "She was a very nosy child, always challenging authority and questioning things. Her parents were well known healers and many believed their child would follow their way of life and become a healer as was well. And yet the child chose to become a Gona and searched our toughest warrior and asked her to teach her. During that time Anya Kom Trikru was known for not wanting to choose a Second, believing that they only caused trouble and pain when lost during training. Anya's fame as a general during the wars against Delfikru made her become well known to us grounders. She returned as a hero to our village." Indra smirked.

"And let me guess, Lexa went to seek her out and asked her for an opportunity to show her she could be her Second." Clarke said knowingly.

"Many of us laughed when we saw a small Lexa be thrown to puddles of mud when chasing Anya, begging for a chance to prove herself. She followed her day and night, consistently reminded her of her duty as a Gona and her responsibility to the future of TonDc." Indra smiled warmly.

"What made Anya change her mind?" Clarke asked curiously.

"What exactly I'm not sure. But once Anya told me that she saw something in the child, a spark that called to her inner soul to choose this little girl. And Anya did. She started to train Lexa and many saw the potential in the young girl. She was very good and many believed were not surprised when one day it was discovered that she was Natblida."

"And that was when she left for Polis to start her training as a Natblida."

"Yes." Indra stood up. "I'm returning to TonDc once Kane takes the Coalition brand. My people need me in any capacity and I will help rebuild the home of our former Heda, of Lexa. That's my new purpose." she then stared at Clarke. "It can become yours as well."

"Mochof Indra." Clarke whispered softly. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Indra asked her.

"Octavia, I know how much you care about her."

"Octavia made her own choices and she will pay the consequences for them." she said sadly. "She reminded me why I also decided to not choose Seconds."

"Why?" Clarke had to ask.

"When they fail, not only is it a sign that you failed as mentor, but it is a sign that you failed as a protector." Indra whispered dejectedly. "And now Octavia and Lincoln will live the rest of their days knowing they have no one but each other."

"Many would be happy with such a fate." Clarke said somberly.

"But will they be really happy? Octavia knowing that she forced Lincoln to remain by her side without his people or his freedom? That question will burden her until the end of her days, and the bond the two of them had is now completely shattered." Indra said softly. "There's no coming back from that."

_(End of Flashback)_

She had not lied when she had told Indra that she had no desire to remain in Arkadia. These people here were no longer her people, the choices of the past burned many and none were the same innocent children that had come to Earth more than a year ago. She could see it in the faces of Monty and Jasper, who stared at her with a mixture of pain and coldness. She knew they blamed her for their situation, believed that she had been responsible for the position they were currently in. And the part that bothered Clarke the most was that it was not true. They had made their own choices just as she did, and instead of facing the consequences they were still looking at her for answers. And right now, with everything that had happened, patience was the last thing Clarke had. She wanted to run as fast away as possible from this place, from any place that reminded Clarke of her choices, of what she has done.

_So basically everywhere in this Earth..._

The need to return to the City of Light was increasing, the desire to see Lexa again was only being stopped by the promise she had made the brunette that last time. But could she be really capable of following it? Of truly staying away from Lexa and living in this empty Earth? She knew she wasn't and that the moment she saw Kane's arm burning because of the new brand would be the moment her mission was over. There was no one on this place that cared about her, that truly needed her here and that made Clarke feel at peace. A temporary peace that her business and her duty towards Lexa, Skaikru, her parents and herself would be over. And that made her close her eyes in contemplation because once that happened, what would she do next? Her life since she landed on Earth had been focused on surviving; first the grounders, then the Mountain, then Azgeda and at last her people. She was finally done with surviving, meaning that she could now live the life she had always dreamed of. And that made her become angry. That the moment she was capable of living she had no one to live her life with. It made her want to just stop surviving, to let the wilderness, Jasper or other of the many people that hated her, to finish her fight once and for all.

_But she couldn't because she had promised Lexa to not do it..._

The moment Clarke had made sure that the messenger had left with Pike's head in a bag, she turned around to stare at the people of Skaikru and noticed their fear and desperation. They were just as lost as they had been since they landed on Earth. They were also tired of all the fights between them and were clearly desolate about losing her mother. She had been a constant in their life, a reminder of the old safety of the Ark and the belief that they were the owners of the land. But now that she was gone, after being killed by one of her own, they had been reminded that the Earth was not kind. That it was filled with death and misery. And they didn't want to feel that. They were selfish in that sense. So immediately they called for Clarke to lead them, to guide them to the good graces of the Coalition that had offered them protection and help. That would aid them in times of need and that had created strong warriors out of the people that had believed and followed their system. And Clarke, instead of feeling happy about their change of heart, had felt disgusted at their hypocrisy. They had no loyalty, no value or true respect for human life. And these were the people that were going to become her legacy, the people Lexa had indirectly sacrificed her life for. She felt horrible when thinking about it.

But perhaps the hardest thing Clarke had to do was to banish Octavia and Lincoln. She didn't care about the woman, but she felt for Lincoln and for the future path their bond would have. It was already obvious that Octavia blamed herself and was desperate to make amends. She had been told by Kane that the brunette had asked to speak to her but Clarke refused. She had already said everything she needed and felt no desire to be reminded of her mother's death. Besides, she didn't want to give Octavia peace. And she knew that speaking to her was the brunette's way of trying to make peace with her choice. And Clarke was not going to give her that because the younger woman didn't deserve it. But Lincoln was a whole different matter. She had placed them in separate cells because the moment she told Lincoln her verdict she knew what choice the man would make. And maybe that's why she wanted to speak to him, to wish him luck and hope that he would not become like her.

_(Flashback)_

"If you've come here to try and make me change my mind then you'll be wasting your time." he whispered without looking up at her.

"I know that." Clarke replied to him while sitting in front of his cell. "And that's not why I'm here."

Lincoln looked at her with sadness. "Then why are you here?"

"I don't know." she confessed to him. "Perhaps to wish you luck. Perhaps to wish and pray you don't end up like me. To give you what's left of my own strength." Clarke smiled sadly at him. "I'm sorry this happened to you Lincoln."

"This is not your fault. You are putting your people first and I admire that Clarke. I didn't do that and Octavia also failed to do so many times." he muttered darkly. "Maybe we do deserve each other for all eternity."

"I will not condone Octavia's decisions because all they have done is hurt the people I love." Clarke said firmly. "But I will wish for your next life to be better than this one."

"But do we really deserve that?" Lincoln said dejectedly. "I failed my people, I failed Octavia, I failed you, I failed my Heda."

 "I failed her too." Clarke cried softly. "But we have to believe Lincoln that we will meet them again in a time when we don't have to place our people, our beliefs and our selfish desires before the person we love." she whispered.

"Maybe someday." Lincoln repeated the same words she had told Lexa all those days ago. "We'll own nothing more to our people." he gave her a sad smile. "But until that happens, may we meet again, Clarke Kom Skaikru."

"Ste yuj, Lincoln Kom Trikru, and may we meet again." Clarke whispered to him.  

_(End of Flashback)_

That had been the last time she would speak to either of them. During the banishment ceremony Octavia had begged to be listened, had been screaming Clarke's name until one of the Ark guards had covered her mouth. Without looking at either of them, Clarke had listed Octavia's crimes and reached her sentence. The people of the Ark had supported her decision because Octavia had not been liked by many. She had been seen as volatile, as a savage and they were happy to see her go. That level of disloyalty infuriated Clarke and made her want to scream at them for not supporting the very same people that had been fighting for their survival. But right now that didn't matter because she wished Octavia gone from Arkadia and from any place that Clarke knew. Closing her eyes once the sentence was carried, she gave each the couple weapons and enough food to start them on their journey. And she had done this because of Lincoln and the sadness she felt for him. Smiling at him condescendingly, she told the guards to open the doors of Arkadia and with the help of Kane and his Elite Army she escorted Octavia and Lincoln to the limits of Arkadia and Trikru. Once they were there, they took their shackles of and left them without another word. Clarke could hear Octavia's screams from afar but they didn't matter. Nothing did because she was now closer to achieving and completing Lexa's mission. She was closer to finally having peace. Her own peace.

CLCLCLCL

_(City of Light)_

"Are you sure this will work?" Jaha asked A.L.I.E.

"The moment where Clarke Griffin has no longer a purpose will be the moment she will come seek her out." she pointed towards Lexa who was behind a glass door, kicking and screaming in anger.

"I thought you said that we couldn't contain her because she was a virus." Jaha was pleasantly surprised.

"I said we couldn't destroy her." A.L.I.E reminded him. "But contain her, keep her here and far away from her beloved, that we can do."

"How did you get her to come here?" he asked her honestly curious.

"I made her believe that her beloved had died and was here looking for her. She came immediately." she smiled at Lexa and the former Heda hissed in anger.

"But what do we gain from that?" Jaha continued asking. "From having her captured?

"Clarke Griffin has lost all the people she has ever loved. But her promise to her." she pointed to the Heda. "Is what keeps her away from us. But don't worry, because she will not be capable of resisting the City of Light's call for longer. She loves her too much." she smirked and then got closer to Lexa.

"Clarke will not come. She's stronger than all of us." Lexa said firmly to the woman in the red dress.

"She'll come because it's you she's seeking. And after what happened last time." A.L.I.E smiled happily. "She'll need all the comfort she can get."

"You vile and disgusting creature!" Lexa screamed angrily and jumped the hologram. "Clarke will destroy you all, she will make things right."

"Will she?" A.L.I.E smirked. "Do you truly think she's destroy the only people that can now offer her the hope of bringing you back? If you do then you underestimate the love she has for you."

"And her desperation to feel whole again." Jaha added while smiling. "The City of Light will become the answer to all our problems, the solution to all of our needs. We'll finally have peace."

"Can't you see that she's deceiving you?!" Lexa screamed at the man. "All she wants to do is kill people and she's using you for it. Wake up!"

"She's building the perfect society, and the only way for that to happen is by forcing nature to select the strongest few. Those ones will be the future of the human race."

"You will not succeed. This..." she pointed at the City of Light. "Is not reality and will never become more than the failed dream of a pair of fools."

"Do not tempt me." A.L.I.E hissed angrily. "Because attacking me will only make me retaliate towards the person you love the most."

"Not Clarke." Lexa whimpered. "Please, just let her be."

"I can't. She's the key to the final piece of the puzzle. And she's the only one that can convince you." she pointed at Lexa. "To follow her anywhere. Because no matter the reality, you will always choose Clarke Griffin." A.L.I.E smiled darkly. "And Clarke Griffin will always choose you."

**Polis, 2150**

The last thing Clarke had expected to happen was to be in a room with John Murphy planning a way to sneak inside Arkadia. After their talk with the old woman, Clarke and Lexa had decided to start planning their attack on Pike and get rid of him as soon as possible. The fear of another, far worse danger than him only added to the pile of misfortunes and problems they had to continue facing. And, they were not going to stay doing nothing and expect both enemies to attack them while being vulnerable. With the help of future Clarke, Lexa had been capable of learning some secrets and strategies her future self had used with her Coalition and that had earned temporary peace between the Clans. The need to fix the situation with Skaikru had been deemed as primordial and with the support of Azgeda it had become easier to move things forward. Nevertheless, Clarke was still nervous about the plan they had thought of.

_(Flashback)_

"I know a way to go in." Clarke said while pointing to a part of the map of Arkadia she had drawn hours earlier. "It's small but could slowly infiltrate camp without them noticing."

"Too risky. If Kane's control of Arkadia is not as strong as you wanted us to believe then we can't assume that he has allies." Lexa said carefully.

"But he does. Octavia told us that. What he needs is help and support right now."

"Grounder princess is right princess." Murphy said bored. "Last time I tried to go inside Camp Jaha you all tried to kill me for it. And I was only one man. Imagine a whole group going through there. They will be noticed for sure."

"Then what do we do?" Clarke asked desperately.

"You set a trap." future Clarke said from her seat in the table. "You will not like it, but it's the only thing that will create a distraction that will force Pike's men to leave Arkadia."

"What kind of distraction?" younger Clarke whispered.

"An attack." Lexa understood immediately. "You want us to force their army out of the fence and then have another small group infiltrate Arkadia. Take control of it from the inside and lock them out."

"Correct." future Clarke smiled devilishly. "That way you can free Kane and his rebellion and then have them fight Pike outside of Arkadia's walls. No civilians lives will be lost that way."

"But the soldiers..."

"Are ready to die for their cause." future Clarke insisted but then looked at Lexa. "But your Gonas may not survive the attack if they use guns."

"I'm aware of the risks of engaging with Skaikru." Lexa said darkly. "And while I hate to lose my people in such a way, I don't see another way to enter the camp."

"So we'll fight them and hope to beat them?" younger Clarke said angrily. "There must be another way."

"There isn't." future Clarke said while standing up. "And you know this." she then looked at Murphy. "If he told us the truth, then that means Jaha is inside Arkadia giving those chips to our people. And we don't know what those chips do apart that they are connected to Lexa. Arkadia has the technology we need to learn of the chips' components. Our mother is there! Let's use her knowledge to our favor."

"It's too risky." younger Clarke said but sounded less convinced.

"But it's the only way." Lexa whispered while grabbing her hand. "You know I don't like spilling the blood of my loyal soldiers. But I can't see another way. Pike knows who are loyal to you and hence will never allow Octavia to enter the camp from the front door. He also knows that you choose to remain in Polis and that you agree with having the Coalition."

"Not only that but he fears you." future Clarke added. "He fears the power and role of leadership you have inside Arkadia. So he knows that he has to keep you away."

"What if we just kill Pike..." younger Clarke said.

"His people are too loyal to him. You mentioned it yourself when you argued that they voted him in his position of Chancellor." Lexa said regretfully.

"So we'll just go inside Arkadia and kill the Skaikru that don't agree with the Coalition?"

"They were the ones that murdered 300 men and women in their sleep." future Clarke reminded her. "This is the only way for peace. If not for the grounders, then do it for the people inside Arkadia that are now being targeted."

"Of course I care about the grounders. They're my people too." she looked at Lexa softly. "And I won't let anything happen to you. So that means we must recover Arkadia from Pike's hands."

"A.L.I.E will want her." Murphy spoke while pointing at Lexa and everyone stared at him. "There's a reason she returned with Jaha to Arkadia and that must be because she wanted something from there. Also, the fact that your grounder girlfriend has the same symbol as the chip is no coincidence. Once A.L.I.E realizes this as well she'll try to get her."

"She can try all she wants..." younger Clarke said immediately.

"But she won't put a single hand on her." future Clarke finished and stared at her younger self. "We must do this."

"We'll do this." younger Clarke agreed while looking at Lexa. "For our tenia keryon."

_(End of Flashback)_

After that was decided, Clarke had left the room in a rush, desperate for some time to meditate about the decision she had just taken. She had put Lexa over some of her people and that temporarily scared her. Not because she was unsure of her feelings, but because this was what the two of them had tried so hard to not do. Nevertheless, it seemed that their love for one another was stronger. But she didn't regret it, couldn't regret and wouldn't regret putting Lexa first because the brunette had already done the same thing for her many times.

"Clarke?" she heard a familiar soft voice and turned around to see Lexa standing beside her. "Can I come in?"

"Always." Clarke gave her a soft smile of encouragement.

"I wanted to see if you were ok."

"I am." Clarke said honestly. "I know that Pike and his followers deserve what's coming to them."

"Still..." Lexa said softly. "I know how hard of a choice this must be for you. I'm sorry I'm forcing you to choose between your people and me." she finished while looking down.

"You're not forcing me to do anything. You're my people Lexa and I love you. To me you'll always be first." she got closer to the brunette who hugged her tight.

"No one has ever put me first." she confessed softly. "It's nice to finally have someone doing it."

"I will never stop doing it." Clarke promised immediately. "I love you and I will do anything for you, Lexa Kom Trikru."

"You are my world, Clarke Kom Skaikru." Lexa whispered lovingly while staring at Clarke's lips. "And I will always keep you safe. No matter what happens or who we face, I will never leave you."

"Never?" Clarke whispered.

"Never." Lexa vowed and got even closer to Clarke."Can I kiss you?" she begged.

"You don't have to ask." Clarke whispered while closing her eyes and the distance between the two of them.  

CLCLCLCL

"It's so weird." Murphy told her after watching her younger self and Lexa leave. "To see how different you two are while being the same person."

"We're different because of different circumstances." future Clarke replied while smiling sadly. She knew her younger self would do what was necessary.

"Is it much different?" Murphy interrupted her line of thought. "The place where you come from?"

"Yes and no." she said carefully. "The people are different but the places are the same."

"What about me?" he whispered and Clarke felt sorry for him.

"I honestly don't know. The last we heard of you you left Camp Jaha with Jaha and some others in search of the City of Light." she said the truth to him.

"But Jaha hasn't come back to Arkadia or anything like that?"

"No, and it's been almost three years of peace."

"So I may as well be death."

"Or perhaps you found happiness somewhere else."

"Perhaps." Murphy murmured now lost in his own world. "Are we happier there?"

"We have peace, we can be with whom we want and where we want. We can live." Clarke said happily.

"That's good." he said honestly. "Gives me hope that maybe we can get the same thing here."

"You can." Clarke admitted. "It will be hard and it will take some time, but Skaikru has the potential of becoming much more than what they now are."

"Hope you're right princess. Or that we manage to stop A.L.I.E and the many other threats coming our way before we get the chance to settle down." Murphy said knowingly. "She's ruthless. She was responsible for the Nuclear war and has a nuclear bomb." he whispered to her.

"A bomb..." future Clarke said shocked. "Can she operate it?  

"I don't know." he confessed. "But she won't hesitate to use it and Jaha is so delirious that he will do what she asks of him."

"Then why hasn't she used it now?"

"Because she wants to recruit people for the City of Light." he said while pointing at the chip on the table.

"Do you know what happens if one takes it?" she asked somberly.

"No. Only that they stop feeling pain and nothing can hurt them. At least physically."

"I need you to hold this." she gave him one of her many knifes. "And use it if I start to do something strange after taking it."

"Are you insane?!" he said while putting the knife down. "You can't take it, we won't know what will happen."

"That's why I must take it." she reasoned with him. "I don't belong in this time. The worst that can happen is that..."

"You die." Murphy finished for her. "Once that happens will you return to your time?"

"I don't know." she confessed. "But I was sent here for a reason, and that one is to protect Lexa." Clarke said while taking the pill. "And I intend on doing so."

"NOO!" Murphy screamed and couldn't stop the older blonde from swallowing the chip.

_(City of Light)_

The moment she did she felt herself go from the building of Heda to a city of white buildings and large bridges. She knew that this was how Earth looked like before the bombs and it scared her to see how empty the place was. Nevertheless, there were some people there and she could identify them from her time in Arkadia. This meant that Murphy was right and that Jaha had gone back to recruit more people for his cause.

"This is a surprise." she heard a woman's voice and turned around to see a woman in a red dress. "Clarke Griffin."

"Who are you and how do you know my name?"

"I'm A.L.I.E." the woman said with a fake smile. "And I am an entity of Artificial Intelligence, responsible for the future of the human race and its successful survival."

"And what is this place?"

"The answer to the problems of humanity. The key to peace and collaboration between all. No pain, no suffering, only happiness and serenity."

"Impossible." Clarke replied warily.

"No one truly dies once they enter the City of Light, they live forever." she pointed towards some people who were meditating. "And the pain of life goes away. Forever."

"This is not the way of life and we both know it. What you're doing here is an illusion that cannot last."

"You're mistaken and soon you'll see that." A.L.I.E said seriously. "This world needs a new beginning and I intent on starting it. Only the people inside the City of Light will survive this new era, inherit this new Earth and repopulate it."

"And the rest that are not here?"

"Will face annihilation." she replied simply.

"You mean you will them all."

"That's the way of nature, only the strongest survive."

"You're wrong. You're choosing the people that are easier for you to fool and are using them for your own gain. Your selfless mission is in fact a lie and a selfish desire of ruling over all." Clarke hissed angrily.

"What you think does not affect what will happen. Once we obtain the final piece the new era will begin." she smirked at Clarke. "And I am closer to obtaining it thanks to you."

"To me?" Clarke asked frightened.

"Well, not exactly you. But another you." she smiled darkly. "Goodbye Clarke Griffin." she finished and Clarke was pushed out.

_(End of Scene)_

CLCLCLCL

Clarke and Lexa were quickly running towards the screams coming from the blonde's room. Taking her sword out, Clarke was not prepared to see her older self on the floor with a frantic Murphy holding her head in place.

"She took it." he said while staring at them. "I told her not to but she did. She swallowed the chip."

"Damn her!" Clarke screamed and lowered herself to look at the woman. "Her pupils look normal and her pulse is normal as well. For how long has she been like this?"

"5 minutes." he said.

"Why would she do this?" the blonde asked.

"For me. For us. To find out what we're facing." Lexa said somberly.

"This is not your fault Lexa. You know how stubborn I can be." Clarke tried to appease the brunette.

"She's moving!" Murphy screamed again and the two women noticed future Clarke convulsing.

"What do we do?" Lexa asked her while also kneeling in front of future Clarke.

"She's seizing." Clarke muttered while thinking of what to do. She was lost.

"How do we stop it?" Murphy asked.

"I don't know." Clarke whimpered.

"Please help her." Lexa cried softly.

"I don't know how." she cried as well.

"She wants Lexa." future Clarke started muttering. "She wants Lexa. She wants Lexa."

"Why?" Clarke asked her while checking her pulse.

"The key. Key to City of Light." she stuttered. "Use us. Use us. Use us."

"Who's us?" Lexa asked now while watching the way the body of the woman she loved convulsed. She had to close her eyes.

"Another." future Clarke whimpered and stared at younger Clarke. "Another us."  

A ray of light came out of the older blonde's body and the three of them stopped moving because of it. In complete shock they the body of future Clarke to stop moving, a deathly silence invading the room. Soon enough, the older woman gasped and her eyes opened in complete shock.

"Her eyes..." Murphy whispered in complete awe. "They're black again."

"Only two can remain, one must return." future Clarke said in a deep voice that didn't belong to her. "Another has come so one must return."

"Return where?" Clarke asked desperately but the blackness faded from future Clarke's eyes and familiar blue eyes were staring back at her.

"I'm sorry." she whispered. "I failed. Lexa..." future Clarke whispered and then opened her eyes. "I'm sorry for failing you."

"You didn't." Lexa said while caressing older Clarke's face lovingly. "Thank you for loving me enough to put me first."

"You'll always come first." she gave her a weak smile. "And you..." she stared at her younger self. "Protect her."

"I still need you." she begged. "Please stay."

"I wish I could. But now it's your time to protect our tenia keryon."

"I will always protect her." she cried while watching the body of her older self dissipate. "Thank you for everything."

"Thank you for reminding me of how much I love my wife and giving me hope of always returning to her." future Clarke smiled and then stared at her houmon. "May we meet again."

"May we meet again." Lexa cried while kissing the older blonde on the lips. "Ai hod yu in."

"I love you more." future Clarke held hands with both women and closed her eyes when she felt her last amount of strength leave her body.

**Polis, 2153**

It had been two weeks since Clarke had disappeared and Lexa was becoming desperate. She had searched every inch of Polis, Arkadia and the remaining friendly Clans and no sight of her wife. She had asked the Spirit for help and it had said to just trust it. But then the days became weeks and nothing. She could not feel her presence and that terrified her. Abby had come to Polis after learning of her daughter's disappearance and the two of them had kept each other company. It had been so hard to continue performing her duties without Clarke, and right now in the middle of the night she allowed her weakness to overtake her. She cried for her wife, she cried and begged the Spirit to let her feel her body, to hear her voice and see her beautiful blue eyes stare back at her. Because didn't the Spirit promise her happiness? Weren't they the chosen ones?

A noise around the room made Lexa stand up from her bed, dagger in hand and ready to fight. Nevertheless, she dropped it immediately when she noticed familiar blonde hairs and a lifeless body on the floor.

"Clarke!" she screamed and moved to where the woman was laying. "Please ai niron, answer me." she cried.

"Lexa?" she heard a soft murmur and cried when she saw blue eyes staring back at her with shock.

"Ai houmon." Lexa cried even more. "You're back."

"Lex?" Clarke cried as well. "Is it really you?" she asked the brunette who nodded and hugged her tight.

"l have missed you." Clarke continued crying while holding the brunette's face lovingly, her fingers going through the scar on her eyebrow. "It's really you" she whispered and kissed her desperately.

Lexa immediately returned the kiss and the two women started to move their hands around one another, tears falling from their eyes and whispers of love being said when their lips were not on each other.

"I thought I had lost you forever." Lexa whimpered.

"Never. I will always find you." Clarke promised her. "I will always come back to you Lexa Kom Trikru en Skaikru." she bowed and closed her eyes when Lexa's hands started to roam lower. It was time to make love to her wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. Polis 2153 and Polis 2152 are in the same timeline. Because grounders don't use months there's no exact way to differentiate between the months in which each thing took place. So in this case my Polis 2152 started during the month of March but now it's February of 2153 in that timeline.


	13. All For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Polis 2153, Clarke and Lexa spend time together and learn of what happened to each other during their time apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter but I wanted to upload this separately. Hope you enjoy it and yay for the 1st full sexy times scene of the story. 
> 
> Next chapter I'm working on it and it will be good!

**Polis, 2153**

The moment Clarke separated from her wife she noticed the way green eyes looked at her with happiness and desperation. Immediately moving her hands to cup Lexa's face, she closed the distance between the two of them. It was different the way her wife kissed her to the way Lexa of the past did. This kiss was filled with passion, love and commitment. It showed how well the brunette knew her and how much she had been missed. Standing up, Clarke moved Lexa from the floor and directed her towards the bed, a soft smile on her face showing her intentions clearly.

Lexa immediately stood up to do whatever her wife wanted her to. She had missed the blonde woman so much, had felt so empty without her tenia keryon and now here she was; alive and well. Many nights she had imagined the worst, many days she had faced the world they had built together completely alone. Clarke's absence had been immediately noticed and Lexa had done the impossible to learn the truth. She had suspected her wife's disappearance had been an Azgeda plan to avenge the death of their Queen, a Sangedakru way of getting Skaikru to declare war, the work of Skaikru dissenters that wanted their Clan to leave the Coalition, etc. The fear of having what happened to Costia occur to her wife had made Lexa lose herself in her anguish and fury. She demanded answers from the three clans and threatened the retaliation of her Coalition unless they showed evidence of their non-involvement in Clarke's disappearance. When that happened, Lexa had become completely heartbroken, somehow believing that Clarke had abandoned her because she didn't love her anymore. Because only that could explain why she was not feeling her tenia keryon's soul inside of her. Either that or her death.

But now here was Clarke smiling softly at her, tears on her eyes and hands roaming around her own body, touching and pinching skin. Moaning in contentment and satisfaction, Lexa stood in front of her wife and slowly took all of her clothes off, showing her physique and her body to the woman that meant the world to her. She could see the way Clarke's eyes darkened at the sight of her, how they went from her breasts towards her mound and how she licked her lips in anticipation. Smirking at the way her wife was now looking at her, she made a show for her, moving her hips from side to side and using her own hands around herself, closing her eyes when they grazed her nipples and her abs.

Lexa was going to kill her and Clarke was completely happy to die in such a way. She had noticed the way the older woman had been staring at her with fear, hoping that she would not disappear again. She knew that the two needed to talk about what happened, but this, the need to reconnect themselves and feel each other was more important than any words or explanations. And she knew that Lexa thought the same when the woman started to take her own clothes off, slowly and enticingly. Clarke had always loved the brunette's body, which was more lean and fit than hers. It was also darker, the many years the woman had spent training under the sun obviously leaving their mark. It also had more scars than hers, but to Clarke those were the signs that showed that Lexa had endured and survived; that she was now here with her. And the thought of a world without her wife only made her long for her more. So the scars on Lexa's body only made her hunger for her wife's body increase, become erratic and uncontrolled. Abs contracting with each step that she took, Clarke moaned when the Lexa got closer to her and it became clear that she was just as desperate as she was. Standing up from the bed, Clarke lowered herself in front of Lexa and notice the way green eyes closed in trepidation and preparation. Hugging her close and enjoying the feeling of her wife's body in her arms, Clarke started to kiss Lexa's stomach. She took her tongue out and slowly licked the small droplets of sweat that were on the brunette's body, moaning in delight at the familiar test that was all Lexa. She got even closer, if that was even possible, and moved her hands towards the Heda's ass, strongly kneading it and earning herself some appreciative moans from her wife.

Lexa was so close that it was embarrassing. Watching Clarke kneel in front of her and reverently kiss and lick her body had done wonders to the brunette's arousal. She had closed her eyes at the sensation of a warm tongue and strong hands squeezing her ass, groaning when those hands started to get more impatient. She could feel Clarke's breath on her hips, exhaling in relief and content with each step that got her closer to her mound. Knowing that if they stayed her Lexa would surely fall, she used her hands to pull Clarke up and guide her towards the bed, smiling in relief and happiness at knowing that she was here and this, them loving each other, was real. She quickly moved towards the back of the bed, a desperate moan coming out of her when she felt Clarke's body on top of hers. Although the younger woman had her clothes on, the familiar weight and shape of her made her heart and soul sing in relief. She frantically started to take her wife's clothes off, not caring too much if they got tore or anything else apart from the fact that she wanted Clarke to be naked. Now.

Lexa's hands were desperately taking her clothes off, strongly pulling garments and throwing them anywhere. Clarke couldn't do nothing else than moan at the feeling of decided hands tearing and shredding her clothes to pieces. There was just something about Lexa's desperation and animalistic desire that made Clarke lose her own control and reign. She had always enjoyed tender loving with her wife, but when the Heda came out and demanded to be allowed control, Clarke was always ravished until she had to bed for her wife to stop. Smirking when she heard Lexa growl, she helped the brunette push her boots off and at the same time quickly took the Heda's boots off, gulping in anticipation when the two of them were left with nothing but their need for the other. Strong arms came to hug her close and carried her towards the bed, the show of strength that Lexa just imparting making her get more wet. She started kissing the brunette strongly, lips and teeth crashing against each other, hands moving towards tattooed backs and leaving scratches and marks. Sounds of panting and skin against skin were the only things that could be heard in their room and that only increased their desire for the other.

When Lexa finally pushed Clarke towards the bed, she smiled lovingly at the blonde woman and silently asked for permission. She felt this need to reclaim, to re-mark and to reacquaint herself with her wife's body and she would only do so with the consent of the blonde. When she got a confirmation nod, she immediately lowered her lips and kissed Clarke, who opened her mouth quickly and soon enough their tongues were fighting for dominance. She pushed her own further inside and smirked when the younger woman surrendered and moaned at the feeling of her tongue squeezing and invading her mouth. She moved her hands towards Clarke's tits, not getting quite close to her nipples but still close enough to tease.

"Please Lexa." Clarke moaned when she got her mouth on top of a nipple and blew on top it. "I need you."

The moment she heard those words Lexa sucked on Clarke's nipple, earning herself a desperate growl that only increased when she switched sides. She was making love to her wife's body and she was branding her. Bites on each breast soon became red and she knew that they would stay there for a couple of days. Moving downwards, she hugged Clarke close to her and sniffed her desire. She moaned at the familiar and welcoming smell, knowing that her wife was as ready as she would ever get.

Clarke wanted to close her eyes and enjoy the sensations that we wife was producing, but there was this part of her that also wanted to see everything that was happening, to make sure that this was not a dream or that she was dead. Because she knew that this, having Lexa make love to her, was her equivalent of what she wished heaven to be like. But the image in front of her was real, and it was of Lexa opening her legs and slowly moving her face close to her core. Moaning at the erotic sight in front of her, she helped Lexa by giving her more access by spreading herself wide open, vulnerable and ready for what her wife had planned.

Clarke was exquisite, the taste of her mound a nectar to her tongue and the desperate whimpers that could be heard melodious sounds to her ears. She had thought that Clarke was gone, had thought that she would never be able to feel Clarke's walls enclosing on her tongue, or the way her body slightly rose from the bed when she got close to her sweet spot. Lexa knew what buttons to push and what to do to make Clarke reach her climax. And she loved that she had the knowledge that could make her wife scream in desperation and longing. Wanting to get Clarke to experience her first orgasm of the night, she increased the pressure of her tongue on the woman's clit and swiftly entered her with two fingers that got immediately squeezed in.

"You're so tight." Lexa groaned and moved her fingers in and out in sync with her tongue. "So wet for me."

"Only for you." Clarke moaned and more wetness came out of her entrance. "Always for you."

Renewed by this statement, Lexa was now determined to make her wife come, and used another finger to enter her. Now with three fingers deep inside, Lexa could feel the familiar sensation of Clarke's body reaching orgasm.

"Let go ai niron." Lexa groaned from deep inside Clarke.

"Lexaaa." Clarke moaned loudly and felt her body reach oblivion.

Lexa smiled when her wife's body rose of the bed, the amount of wetness that had been on her mound increasing and landing on her mouth. She reverently drank it all, moaning at the taste and amount that she was swallowing. She continued to stroke her wife tenderly, helping her to come down from her high. Although she was desperate for Clarke to touch her, she was focused on Clarke feeling relaxed and happy. To her, Clarke would always come first.

Clarke opened her eyes when she finally felt her body relax. She knew she had a silly smile on her face but it was impossible not to. She had just experienced the strongest orgasm of her life and it had all happened because of her wife. Her beautiful wife who was staring at her with adoration and love.

"Come here." she whispered and Lexa immediately got on top of her, their bodies touching one another. "I love you." she kissed Lexa strongly and the brunette moaned.

Clarke smirked and moved her hand lower, immediately feeling the brunette's desire on her tight. She took some of it on her finger and brought it to her face, slowly licking it from her finger and moaning at the test. Lexa moaned in return and started to grind herself on her tight.

"I have been a little selfish." Clarke joked softly and again lowered her hand. "Do you want me hodnes?" she said the last part in trigedasleng.

"Otaim." Lexa moaned and closed her eyes.

 "Then let me ravish you, ai houmon en ai tombon." Clarke whispered to the Heda's ear. "Let me love you."

CLCLCLCL

"Lexaaa!" Clarke screamed when she felt her orgasm hit her. 

"Clarkeee." Lexa moaned right after and the feeling of her wife's arousal pouring all over her made her reach her own climax as well. 

"That was incredible." Clarke said after a couple of minutes of pure silence. 

"Sha ai niron." Lexa said while kissing Clarke softly after another round of lovemaking. She had so many questions for her. She was so confused. And deep inside she was also hurt. "One day you were gone and no one knew where you were. I thought the worst."

"What did you do Lexa?" Clarke asked knowingly because were it her in her wife's situation she would have moved earth and heaven to find her.

"I was desperate." Lexa again looked away from Clarke. "I wouldn't leave the room unless it was official Coalition business and only when I had to ask people whom I suspected of abducting you."

"By asking you mean torture." Clarke said softly.

"I did what I had to do in order to learn of whom could have taken you. I don't regret it." she was firm.

"I understand." Clarke murmured while hugging her wife. "And I imagine many members of the Coalition do as well. They know we're tenia keryons."

"I thought Azgeda or Sangedakru had captured you. I even suspected of Skaikru rebels who don't support the Coalition. But once the other clans and your mother arrived with evidence of their innocence I became more lost than before. But your mother kept me sound enough to not use my troops to go through every clan's territory in search of you."

"My mother I assume is still in Polis."

"Sha." Lexa whispered. "She's the closest person to you and I'm the closest person she'll have to you apart from herself. We kept each other company."

"I'm glad." Clarke said honestly.

"I thought I had lost you." Lexa whispered to Clarke.

"I thought so as well." Clarke said while getting closer to her wife's body. "All that time away from you was horrible. It felt as if a part of me was gone."

"The same happened to me. I thought you had left because you no longer wanted to be with me." she confessed.

"Of course not." Clarke got Lexa to look at her. "All I want and dream of is being with you Lexa. I will never leave you, and if for some reason I have to then I promise to honor my vow to always come back to you."

"Will you tell me what happened? Where were you and why you left?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Clarke chuckled bitterly. "And I didn't leave. Or at least I didn't want to leave."

"Try me ai niron." she begged. "I will not judge you."

Clarke took a deep breath and saw the honesty on her wife's eyes. She knew Lexa deserved nothing more than the truth and she was going to tell her everything no matter how crazy it sounded.

"I went to the past Lexa. To a time where we were not married. Where Skaikru was not a member of the Coalition and an evil man was threatening your life." she looked at her wife who was staring patiently at her. "It was the Spirit Lexa. It took me there to protect you, to keep you safe."

"From what?"

"From Titus, he tried to kill me and when you got in the way he almost killed you as well."

"You were gone for two weeks." Lexa choked out.

"I know hodnes and it was so hard. To see you and know that although you were in front of me you were not truly you." she cried. "It was torture."

"Not me? What do you mean? Why were we not together if we're tenia keryons."

"We were together hodnes. But then something happened."

"What happened?" Lexa asked knowing that her wife was hiding something important from her.

"That version of yourself betrayed me. She abandoned Skaikru at Maun-de."

"Impossible." Lexa refuted.

"Your people were captured, there was no other way for them to be saved and you had no choice. My other self was forced to kill the Maunon alone." Clarke said softly. "And she despised Heda for it. But your other self kept her safe, brought her back to Skaikru and she loves your other self just as much as I love you. She always loved you." she smiled honestly.

"I can imagine why your other self would have kept her distance from me if I betrayed her. But how was she capable of forgiving me?"

"Because you helped her, because you showed her you care. Because you were you." she kissed Lexa softly. "And that almost cost your other self her life."

"But you went there to protect me." Lexa was now understanding. "Because the Spirit didn't want me dead."

"The Spirit is aware of what you have done for the Coalition and knows how devastating it would be for you to be gone. So it sent me, your wife and who would do anything for you, to keep you safe." Clarke said determinedly.

"So you returned because you succeeded in keeping me safe? Now that I stayed alive that other life of us is well?"

"No." Clarke said somberly. "There's another threat far more dangerous than the Clans and it's closely tied to your symbol of the Commander. It involves a man that was once a part of Arkadia who returned to destroy Skaikru. I was helping your other self and my other self plan an attack on Skaikru."

"An attack?"

"Skaikru elected an awful man as Chancellor instead of Kane. He has led them to murder our people and your other self has done the unimaginable for peace. Jus drein no jus daun."

"My other self is insane." Lexa said.

 "She's a revolutionary just like you are." Clarke smiled at her. "But now that Jaha, the man with a chip that has the symbol of the Commander, has returned to Arkadia, my other self is going to do anything to keep you safe."

"Even going against her own people?" Lexa asked.

"She doesn't want to but she knows it's the only way for them to go inside Arkadia and start a rebellion. Many inside the camp don't want Pike to lead and hence they started a coup under Kane."

"And that's why your other self needs my help. With soldiers to keep control of the borders and the trap."

"Indeed." Clarke smiled warmly at her smart wife. "But before I could go to Arkadia and talk to my mother I swallowed the chip."

"The chip that you were not sure of what it was and what it could do?" Lexa asked angrily.

"I was desperate." Clarke hugged her wife tightly. "I had to see our other selves falling in love and it made me realize what I didn't have. I didn't think." she looked down in embarrassment.

"I was just as lost." Lexa confessed. "I could do nothing but think of you and wish you near me ai niron."

"I'm here now." she exhaled. "But I'm still worried."

"Why?" Lexa asked her.

"Because before I got sent back the woman that is manipulating Jaha, known as A.L.I.E, told me that I would be responsible for your death."

"But you said you saved me."

"Yes, but from Titus. And what she meant was me as in Clarke Griffin. Another Clarke from another time."

"Another time?" Lexa was now confused. "So that means that there are more universes than this one and the one you just returned from?"

"It seems that way. But I'm positive that no version of myself would knowingly hurt you Lexa, which makes me worry even more. Because if a version of myself is aiding that crazy hologram then that means I must have reached an unimaginable level of desperation. It must mean that that version of myself has lost you."

"But we don't know that."

"I was thinking about this before the Spirit took me." she confessed. "T       hat the only way I would leave my home, the people I knew, would be if it involved you. And this place that this woman promised would exist, the City of Light, makes me worry even more."

"The City of Light as the one exiled people search for passing the dead zone?"

"Yes, but it's not a physical place. It comes from the mind and it's a place that has no suffering or pain. I saw it Lexa, when I swallowed the pill, and it was terrifying. She honestly beliefs that is the answer to humanity's existence and has a bomb to explode once she has enough people inside."

"A bomb..." Lexa whispered. "And is this woman in our reality as well?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't heard from Jaha since he left camp three years ago." Clarke said honestly. "But we should try to find him."

"Where was he last seen?"

"On his way to the City of Light." she whispered and noticed the way Lexa's eyes hardened.

"Then we must find him or what remains of him." Lexa vowed.

"And I know you will not like this." Clarke said carefully. "But we must talk to the old woman. She knows more of what happened to me and aided me and our other selves."

"Clarke..." Lexa whispered.

"Trust me hodnes." the blonde begged. "She's the key in understanding more about the connection between the chip and your symbol of Heda. And she knew I was not from that time before I even told her. She knew that I was SkaiHeda and that we were joined."

"She can see many things but the things she sees don't tend to be helpful."

"She was the one that told me your other self was in danger and would be shot." Clarke stayed firm. "I trust her and I can understand why you don't, which is why I'm asking you to trust me instead. Please hodnes, we need all the help we can get and the Spirit, although you don't want to admit it, is inside this woman as well."

Lexa closed her eyes in contempt, knowing that although she wanted to deny it her wife was right. She had no good experiences with the old woman but she had believed every single word that came out of her wife's mouth. She had been aware of the powers of the Spirit and traveling between realms could very well be another one. She despised the idea of talking to the old woman but her wife was desperate for answers and Lexa wouldn't deny them to her. Not after everything she must have experienced.

"In the morning we'll go talk to her. Together." she said firmly.

"Mochof ai hodnes." Clarke said relieved while hugging her strongly. "I missed you terribly."

"So did I." Lexa allowed herself to show her wife her pain and was now crying.

"Don't cry hodnes." Clarke rasped out and used her thumbs to clean her tears. "I won't leave you again."

"Never leave me Clarke." Lexa cried more. "Being without you made no sense. I could not do anything else than think of you and what we have. I can't lose you." she said strongly.

"Together or not at all ai tenia keryon." Clarke reminded her wife their vows. "That was, remains and will always be my promise to you."

"Forever." Lexa said while letting Clarke hold her tight.

She had missed her wife so much.


	14. Borrowed Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back! And things are happening! 
> 
> In Arkadia 2150 Clarke sees Aden again while Jaha and A.L.I.E finalize their plans for the City of Light.

**Arkadia, 2150**

_56 days since Lexa died..._

_(City of Light)_

Lexa had been trying her hardest to get out of her invisible cell since she first got in it. She was frustrated and desperate enough that at one point she bluntly started to hit it with her fists, noting only how her knuckles bleed from the contact with the wall. The brunette had felt deep inside of her the desolation her tenia keryon was feeling, and from what she could hear Jaha and the woman in the red dress talk about, Arkadia was at the point of collapse. But they were waiting for Clarke to fail, waiting until her lover became so lost that she needed to return to this place. And Lexa prayed for that to never happen. She knew that Clarke had promised her to not come back, but they were weak for one another and she understood the blonde woman. And she understood her so well because they were so similar to one another. Which is how she knew that Clarke would come find her when she believed everything was lost. And she knew the blonde would do so because that's what Lexa would have done were their situations reversed.

She was also desperately confused by this place, knowing that it was an essence of her mind but at the same time it was not. The ability she had possessed to communicate to previous commanders was similar to this room but at the same it was not. This plane, realm, or whatever she wanted to call it, was communal and shared by many people. What they all seemed to have in common was that they were Skaikru or mutated grounders, which concerned her the most because this place should not be one for the living. And Lexa knew that most of them were alive because she could feel it in them; that final part of their soul was not here but on Earth. And she knew that the spirit, or the soul of a person, could never be in two places at the same time; it had to be one or the other. This was what made her beg Clarke to never come back here, because she knew the consequences of the living staying here. And she would never wish for Clarke to spent her existence in confusion of what was real and what was not. Lexa had been witness to many of her people lose themselves to the ghosts of their past, and she dreaded something similar would happen to her love.

So when Lexa noticed some noise coming from outside the cell, she stopped hitting the wall and paid attention to what the two people in front of her were discussing.

"She's ready." the woman in the red dress said with a wicked smile. "Today Clarke Griffin will return to the City of Light."

 _No,_ Lexa thought desperately, _she promised._

"It was rather clever of you to hint to Octavia that Abby was the key to breaking her." Jaha congratulated the woman. "But why do all of this when we will have the chip come to Arkadia? We have enough followers to overtake Arkadia and the kid."

 _Aden is coming to Arkadia,_ Lexa realized, _so that means Clarke must have captured Pike and they're ready to reenter the Coalition._

"Because the chip inside the child is compromised. It no longer holds the essence of solely Lexa because it now got infused with the boy. The moment this happened it became obsolete for our cause and our little virus." the woman said while staring at Lexa. "I want you to hear this very well."

"I will not listen to your lies." Lexa spat angrily. "Clarke will not come." she said surely. "If the Heda is coming to Arkadia then that means peace was achieved."

"You forgot to ask at what price." Jaha said absently. "There's always a price and as usual Clarke was the one to pay it."

"What are you talking about?" the brunette asked him.

"Abby Griffin. She died."

 _Oh no,_ Lexa choked.

"Killed by Clarke's former best friend out of revenge." Jaha finished saying to her. "Blood must have blood."

"No! We have peace." Lexa kept on saying desperately. "Clarke no longer needs me."

"We both know she does. And when she comes I want you to hear your lover calling for you. I want you to hear her begging for you to come find her and the desperation she will feel when she realizes you're not going to meet her." the woman smirked darkly.

"Please no!" Lexa cried desperately. "I will do anything you ask."

"I don't need you to do anything. I need her to do what I ask." the woman said solemnly. She then looked at Jaha. "This is the key. This is the moment we've been waiting for."

"Now we only need to remind her that we have the way for her to be happy." Jaha smiled. "And the City of Light will become a reality for all."

"You plan to bring everyone here but even you must know that humans cannot be divided between the real world and this place." Lexa said.

"Which is why we plan on eliminating one of them." the woman in the red dress smiled darkly. "The more reason for you to be happy that we'll have Clarke coming here sooner than later."

_(End of Scene)_

CLCLCLCL

Today was the day her mission was going to be over. Today was the day that Lexa's sacrifice would see its results. Today was the day Clarke's responsibility towards her people was going to be done. Today was the day Skaikru would join the Coalition. Today was the day Skaikru would stand on its path towards peace. And she was ready for it to happen, ready for the pain and sadness to end. She was still thinking about Indra's invitation to TonDc, wishing that she could block her feelings and memories. Because she knew that no matter what, she would remember her time with Lexa in TonDc; the battle talks they had, the lingering looks, taking care of each other. Everything that had started their bond and had led them to share their love for one another was in that town. And no matter how much she tried to not think of it, all she could see was Lexa. And she knew that she would not be capable of being near with Lexa without actually seeing the brunette. It would just hurt too much. And although all she wished for was to just stop feeling, at the same time she believed she deserved the pain of having met and loved Lexa. And she would never be capable of wishing to not meet Lexa or having been with Lexa. No matter the pain she was now feeling, she could never regret loving the brunette woman.

Looking up, Clarke noticed from afar the banner of the Heda, an entourage of people following behind it. She knew very well what this meant, and perhaps this was the last thing she needed to do before being done. She needed to find closure in her life, and as such, this last talk, this final moment of intervention was her way of saying 'it's over'. The people she loved deserved it, the people who had nothing to do with what happened to her deserved it, hell, perhaps even she deserved it.

Walking around the camp, she noticed people moving away from her in fear and respect, most of them refusing to stare at her for too long. She knew that the people were afraid of her and she honestly didn't care. Skaikru had done so many things, so many unspeakable things that they didn't deserve this last chance. And yet here she was giving it to them. And she was doing so because Lexa had wanted to. And she was not going to betray her memory and her goals. Not as long as she was alive. So it was with that mentality that she approached Marcus and gave him a tight smile before motioning for the guards to open the door.

She could see that leading the procession was Aden with a sullen Titus and the Heda's Elite Army. Going forward and meeting them at the limit of Arkadia, she smiled sadly at Aden and refused to even look at Titus. She then nodded in recognition to the soldiers that she had known during her time in Polis and it warmed her up to see that they nodded and murmured 'Wanheda' in respect. She stared at Aden and bowed to him in front of everyone.

"Heda." she whispered without looking up because she knew the moment she did she would cry.

"Rise Clarke." Aden told her immediately and even helped her to stand up from the ground. "You don't have to bow to me."

"Yes I do." she whispered softly. "It's good to see you well Aden."

"I have missed you." he whispered longingly while holding her hand firmly.

"Me too." she confessed honestly.

"Wanheda." Titus interrupted them and Clarke looked at him with hate and anger. "The ceremony must begin now."

"It will flamekeeper." she spat at him and then motioned for Kane to get close to them. "Skaikru has killed the leaders that were responsible for the death of your soldiers. And they have left their followers alive so you can decide their fate." Clarke pointed towards the guards of Arkadia who were now bringing the remaining people from farm station.

"Then the Coalition is ready to welcome Skaikru back." Aden said while staring at Titus, asking him with his eyes to dare challenge his decision. "Just as it should have been from the moment they took the brand months ago."

"This is Marcus Kane, leader of Skaikru and the one who will bear the mark." Clarke introduced Marcus to Aden.

"Heda." he bowed as well in front of the young man and waited to be asked to stand up.

"Rise, Marcus Kom Skaikru." Aden said firmly and motioned for Titus to get the brand. "The main reason why Skaikru is getting this second chance is because Heda Lexa wanted it to be so. By doing this I'm honoring her wishes. But do not mistake this new opportunity for weakness. Were Skaikru to attack or even attempt to hurt any of the 12 remaining clans then they will face the power of the whole Coalition. Is that understood?"

"Sha Heda." Marcus said honestly. "Skaikru appreciates the opportunity given and promises to honor it. Not only for you, but in the memory of Heda Lexa." he finished and looked at Clarke who refused to stare at him.

"Then come forward, Marcus Kom Skaikru, and bear the brand of the Coalition. Rejoin us as the 13th clan and become a part of us." Aden said while Titus moved to stand in front of Titus.

"So be it." Marcus promised and hissed in pain when he felt the hot iron on his arm. "Mochof Heda."

Instead of answering, Aden just nodded in recognition and started to retreat. He gave one meaningful look at Clarke and motioned for her to follow him to his tent. Knowing that she just could not reject him, she nodded in acceptance and saw the way Titus stared at her with contemplation and contempt.

Moving towards the tent, she noticed Indra making her way towards her, determination in her eyes.

"So what will it be, Clarke?" she went straight to the point.

"I wish I could say yes." Clarke whispered. "But being in TonDc will just make me think of Lexa all the time. And it's too painful, at least now."

"It will always be painful." Indra shared. "But you'll learn to live with the pain. We all do." she smiled sadly. "But I respect your need for space and time."

"Mochof Indra, for being a friend." Clarke grabbed the woman's hand in a tight grip.

"Pro Wanheda." the warrior said surely. "I assume you will not stay in Arkadia either?"

"I won't." Clarke said surely. "I'm not sure of where I'll go but I can't stay in a place where all I want to do is be far away from it."

"And Polis? I heard from one of my men that a messenger was sent to Arkadia weeks ago and returned to the Capital alone."

"He reminds me too much of her." she whispered sadly. "And a part of him is Lexa and that part recognizes me as her tenia keryon. Me being there will prevent him from being his only self."

"Did you tell him that?" Indra asked.

"He fails to see. He believes that he loves me. But he does not. It's not his love he feels, but Lexa's." Clarke stared at Indra. "I can't do that to a child, no matter the small peace I may obtain from his company."

"I understand." Indra said surely. "Just remember that you will always be welcomed in TonDc Clarke."

"I will Indra." Clarke said while staring at Titus who was outside the Heda's tent. Indra noticed this.

"Beware of the Fleimkepa. He doesn't like your bond with Heda." Indra warned her.

"Which Heda?" Clarke whispered dejectedly.

"With both." the warrior said surely. "He deserves to be punished for what happened."

"Aden said he's too valuable as Fleimkepa." Clarke said darkly. "That the spirits of the Commanders warned him of maintaining the tradition alive."

"He must have an apprentice." Indra whispered to Clarke. "Someone he has trained just in case something happened to him."

"And why wouldn't Aden know about this?"

"None of the commanders knew. In fact, I recently learned this by accident." Indra confessed. "The Fleimkepa has been acting against the Heda since he tried to kill you Clarke. His only goal is to keep the flame lit."

"The flame?"

"The Spirit of the Commander." Indra explained. "And keeping Heda Aden in the dark is an easy way to manipulate him."

"You think Titus is manipulating Aden?"

"I think Titus is trying to manipulate Aden, but his bond to you, the way Heda Lexa loved you and made him promise to keep you safe, is what prevents Titus from gaining total control."

"But Aden can't trust Titus. Not after knowing he killed Lexa."

"He doesn't trust him. And that's why Aden is at risk. Titus is the only one that knows how to move the Spirit from one commander to another. He's the only one that can call for the Conclave. And he already killed one Heda."

"Hence he could kill Aden if he continues to rebel against him."

"It's a possibility." Indra confessed.

"Please tell me you have planned a way to help Aden." Clarke begged.

"There's a militia being raised by supporters of Heda Lexa who want Titus' blood. They support Heda Aden but want to find the apprentice Titus must have trained so he can replace the current Fleimkepa."

"When will this happen?" Clarke asked Indra.

"Not yet. We're not ready and we first need to finish reparations on TonDc so we can use it as headquarters."

"What do you need me to do?" Clarke asked the warrior.

"Just stay close until I call for you." she said calmly. "Aden trusts you and hence he'll listen to you when we raise the army. Remember that although he has the Spirit he's still a child."

"I will." Clarke promised. "Stay safe Indra Kom Trikru."

"You too Clarke." Indra said softly. "Do not trust Titus at all and don't stay alone with him."

"I will not." Clarke agreed. "Now I must leave you so please be careful yourself."

"I will be Wanheda." the warrior promised and left her in front of the Heda's tent.

Before she had the opportunity to enter the room she was stopped by an angry looking Titus.

"Wanheda..." he said strongly. "You have no business here."

"Heda asked me to come see him." she spat at him. "And the fact that you're impeding me to speak to him makes me be even more wary of you. Wasn't it enough with just killing one Heda?"

"I didn't kill Heda. You did." he spat at her. "By making her forget her responsibilities and her duties."

"Lexa was becoming a better leader than any of you deserved to have." Clarke was close to crying. "And her blood is on your hands."

"I loved Lexa." he said surely. "But her recent decisions were not worthy of the Commander's Spirit. She had to be reminded of why the Commander always remains alone."

"You mean she had to be reminded that she had to follow your advice and do what you thought was best." Clarke spat at him.

"I will not be put to blame for her death. She died loving you." Titus said darkly.

"You were the one that shot her! Because you didn't trust her or agreed with her views. And I will never forget that." the blonde said angrily. _But he's right, she died loving me._  

"Is that a threat Wanheda? Because I'm the Fleimkepa and second to the Heda only."

"And I am Wanheda, equal to Heda Lexa and that was a promise." she vowed to him.

"You hold no true power. And the moment you realize this..."

"Enough!" Aden said strongly and Titus stopped talking.

"Heda she cannot be here."

"She's here because I asked her to. Now leave us." he looked away from him, waiting for Titus to obey him. When he took longer than normal Aden was staring at him with anger. "Are you defying me Titus?"

"Of course not Heda, but she's a danger..."

"She's not your concern. So I suggest you leave before you force me to take strict measures."

"Sha Heda." he kneeled and with one last angry look left the two of them alone.

"You're in danger." Clarke simply said. "You can't trust him Heda."

"I don't trust him." Aden replied somberly. "But he won't kill me. I am Heda."

"Lexa was Heda too." she reminded him sadly. "And that didn't stop him."

"You think the same will happen to me because I defend you as well." he said knowingly.

"I can't be responsible for your death too." Clarke whispered brokenly. "I can't lose another person I care about."

"You care about the Spirit that is inside me." he said strongly.

"Yes, but I also care about you Aden." she got close to him and caressed his cheek softly. "Just because you have the Spirit inside of you that does not make you become less of who you are. You're still Aden Kom Floundakru, now Heda.

"Sha Wanheda." Aden said softly while kissing her palm and separating. "We did what Heda Lexa wanted to do. We brought peace. Skaikru is inside the Coalition."

"We did and she would be so proud of you." Clarke said honestly.

"Now we must keep the peace and unite our people."

Clarke looked down and Aden noticed this right away.

"You don't plan on staying in Arkadia. That's why you named Marcus Kom Skaikru the new Chancellor."

"I can't stay here." she begged. "Not when all of those people inside don't deserve this second chance."

"Then why even fight to give it to them?" he asked curiously.

"Because that's what Lexa wanted. Because she died so Skaikru had this opportunity and I would never let her sacrifice go to waste."

"I understand." he said honestly. "Sometimes I wish I could also leave." Aden smiled sadly. "But I can't because I'm Heda and I was born for this."

"I understand your duty towards your people. But those people that are in Arkadia right now are no longer my people." she said angrily.

"Then who are your people?"

Clarke smiled sadly at him. "Lexa was my people, which makes you and her people my people too."

"Then come with me." Aden begged her yet again. "Come with me to Polis."

"You know I can't do that. It would hurt too much." she whispered brokenly.

"Then where will you go?"

"I don't know." Clarke confessed. "But I promise you that I will always be there for you. Whenever you need me, wherever I am, I will answer your call."

"But how will I find you?" Aden cried softly.

"Indra Kom Trikru will find me." Clarke hugged him tightly. "She cares about you too and has vowed to protect you just like she did with Heda Lexa. Trust her as much as you trust me. And please Aden, be careful when dealing with Titus. I know you believe that he has to protect you, but his first duty will always be to the flame, to the Spirit." she spat out angrily. "And as I learned months ago, as much as the Fleimkepa gives the flame he can take it."

"Sha Clarke." the blond whispered dejectedly. "Will I see you again?"

"We will meet again." Clarke choked out when this conversation reminded her of a similar one she had with Lexa all those months ago. "Ste yuj." she whispered.

"Ste yuj Clarke Kom Lexa." he smiled sadly and Clarke hugged him tight one more time.

CLCLCLCL

It was now late at night and the people inside Arkadia were at peace for perhaps the first time in a long time. Marcus was sadly remembering the sacrifices that they had to take so that they could achieve this peace. So many lives lost in the process had left their mark on Arkadia and he knew that it would take them a long time to recover. Skaikru had to prove to the Coalition that they deserved forgiveness and a second chance. They had to prove to Heda that they could be loyal. He had failed Lexa and the moment he retook the Coalition brand he vowed to do better for Heda Aden. For Lexa, for Abby, for Octavia, for Lincoln, for Bellamy. For Clarke...

The moment he saw the blonde woman leave the Heda's tent he knew that she didn't want to be here. The price she had to pay for this peace was perhaps the greatest and it wouldn't surprise him she hated Arkadia. Because honestly he was also hating this place and the memories it brought him.

He approached the blonde and smiled sadly at her.

"What happens now Clarke?" Marcus asked her while putting some salve on his skin. "What do we do next?"

"Arkadia tries to heal." the blonde said sadly. "Now you honor your word and help Skaikru prosper." Clarke murmured absently.

"We help Skaikru prosper." he whispered.

"No Marcus. My duty towards Skaikru is over. I cannot stay here, too many memories. Please understand." Clarke choked out.

"Where will you go Clarke?"

"I don't know." she said solemnly. "But I will return when Heda needs me. He has my loyalty."

"And Skaikru?"

"Skaikru lost it the moment they killed my mother."

"The actions of some do not define us all."

"No, but the way Arkadia allowed their soldiers to kill innocents and only reacted when they were on the brink of another war gives a lot to consider. Skaikru are cowards and liars. Not deserving of this second chance."

"Then why did you fight so much for it?"

"Because Lexa believed they deserved it and who am I to diminish her sacrifice?" Clarke said angrily. "I can't protect people I no longer care about."

"I understand Clarke. Although I wish you didn't have to leave us." Marcus knew he would never change her mind. "Please be safe."

"I will be." she smiled sadly. "Please don't let Lexa's sacrifice be in vain. Help Skaikru become what I dreamed they could be."

"I won't Clarke, I give you my word." he whispered vehemently. "If one day I need you and call for you, will you answer?"

"Not today, but tomorrow perhaps." she said honestly. May we meet again." Clarke said to him.

"May we meet again Clarke." he grabbed her hand and squeezed it. 

CLCLCLCL

Clarke was moving forward, desperate for some sense of calm and peace. She had a small bag on her back with clothes and food. No one came to say farewell to her and she didn't care. Her people were no longer in Arkadia. She had noticed Jaha smiling at her from his group, a nod to her pocket where she kept the chip she gave him reminded her that she could see her again. She could see Lexa again. And she wanted to. She was weak and she didn't care to admit it. Her mission was over. She had done what Lexa had wanted to do and she had united their people as well. Aden was safe in Polis as long as she stayed away from him and Indra was preparing an army to take Titus out. She had time and there was nowhere else she wanted to be than in the City of Light with the woman she loved. And didn't she deserve to see her? To tell her that they had succeeded?

Going further into the forest, Clarke sat down near a tree and placed her belongings around, quickly setting up a small fire that would keep her warm. She knew that she could never abandon Aden, not until she knew he was safe from Titus, which meant that she would have to come back. She had to see that Aden was alright. But then she had come back from the City of Light twice. It had hurt, but she had made it and she could continue to do it until Lexa's revenge was over. Once Titus was dead. Because she had vowed herself this the moment she saw Titus try to manipulate Aden, she had promised herself that she would see him die by her hand. And this promise was one she intended to keep.

Going through her pocket Clarke found the familiar pill, and with a long look at it she finally noticed something she had missed before; Lexa's tattoo was on the front. Was that why she was capable of seeing her? Did it have anything to do with the AI that was inside of her? The technology was similar, which meant that the Spirit of the Commander had come from the Ark. That woman in the red dress had told her that there was a way for her to be with Lexa again, and she wanted to believe that this could happen. Was it a waste to dream that even now, after everything she had done, she deserved to be happy? Closing her eyes, Clarke refused to answer herself and instead swallowed the chip.

_(City of Light)_

"Lexa!" she started screaming from the moment she made it in. Strangely it was all empty and soundless. "Where are you?" she continued asking but nothing.

Walking endlessly around the white city, Clarke noticed the tranquility and peace in it, how it all lay still and unmoving. Was this really what happiness could look like? She had seen terrible things on the ground, and a part of her dreamed of this place and the end of death and war. But at the same time this place seemed too artificial, too unreal for it to be true. But at the same time it didn't matter because all she cared about right now was being with Lexa. The woman she loves. The woman she would give her life for. The woman that was not answering her call.

"I know you told me not to come back." she started to apologize with tears in her eyes. "And I promise you that I tried to stay away. But I need you." she whispered. "I need you Lexa."

Nothing.

Only silence.

Could Lexa really do this to her? Not answer her because she believed that was the best thing for her? She had abandoned her once already, who's to say she wouldn't do it again?

But this time it was different and that was because Lexa loved her. Before it had been lust and passion for one another, they did not have the relationship they now had. And even more than that, Lexa had promised her that she would never abandon her again. And Lexa kept her promises no matter what.

"Lexa?!" Clarke asked again and then looked at the sky. "You did something to her." she spat and the woman in the red dress appeared.

"Clarke Griffin." she smirked. "So nice to see you back here."

"Where is she?" the blonde asked her. "I know you did something to Lexa."

"I have done nothing to her." she raised her hands in mock surrender. "Are you sure she just does not want to see you? That she thinks it's time for you to move on?"

"If she did, then Lexa would have come herself to tell me that. She's not a coward." she spat at the woman's face. "So that means you must have done something to her."

"It seems that we won't be able to fool her A.L.I.E." Jaha said from behind the woman and Clarke stared at him. "We underestimated the trust they have in one another."

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asked him wearily. She didn't trust either one of them.

"The reason the City of Light is so empty is because it's collapsing." Jaha confessed. "The people that are in here cannot stay in two places at once. If we don't do anything to stop the system from failing then all of this, along with their souls, will be gone."

"Gone?" Clarke whispered. _I can't lose Lexa, not again._

"He's right." A.L.I.E said. "We underestimated the grounders and people from the Ark. We started too late."

"And what would happen to Lexa?" she asked. "If this place no longer exists?"

"She would be gone. As it was the way of life before the City of Light."

"You can't let that happen!" Clarke said loudly while getting closer to A.L.I.E. "You must stop it."

"I can't." she confessed softly. "The only way for us to stop the system from collapsing is by uniting the AI 2.0 to the main router."

"The A.I 2.0?" Clarke asked and suddenly understood. "The flame."

"Indeed. That technology comes from Polaris, the 13th station and was lost to Earth when the Ark shot it down. We need it to reboot the system." A.L.I.E explained.

"I will not let you hurt Aden." Clarke whispered brokenly. _I just can't._

"That's not what we're asking you to do." Jaha smiled. "There's another way."

"What way?" Clarke asked already knowing what they wanted.

"You can travel to another realm and bring the flame with you. That will reunite you with your Lexa in the City of Light forever."

"But in order to bring the flame I must..." she whispered. "I can't do that."

"But she's not the real one. The real Lexa will be here waiting for you when you return. The reality you will go to will cease to exist the moment you come back here."

"Then how does it exist now?" Clarke asked. "If it's not real then how can I go there and bring the flame."

"Everything will cease to exist the moment you bring the flame." Jaha said.

"And the people that are not part of the City of Light. What will happen to them?"

"They will die." A.L.I.E simply said.

"You can't do that. There are many that are innocent."

"And they will be given the choice to join." Jaha promised her. "But you can't tell me that you want all of the people inside Arkadia and the grounders to come here." he said knowingly.

"I only care about keeping Lexa and Aden safe." she stared at A.L.I.E. "Promise me that they'll both be saved if I do this for you."

"I promise you that you shall meet them here in the City of Light when you return with the Flame." A.L.I.E promised.

Clarke closed her eyes. "Then I shall do as you ask."

"Wonderful!" Jaha smiled at her and then went away, returning seconds later with a machine in his hand. "You need to hold on to this."

Clarke grabbed the item and saw dates inscribed on them. "This is yesterday's date."

"It is in the other reality." A.L.I.E explained to her. "You will have until that clock." she pointed the countdown. "Hits zero to bring the flame with you. If you don't then you'll automatically come back here."

"That only gives me three days." she said dejectedly. "How will I even do that?"

"You know the Heda better than anyone. And she loves you. It shouldn't be an issue." Jaha simply said and separated from her. "Remember, you need to keep watching the time you have left. We all depend on you."

"You keep your word." Clarke threatened A.L.I.E while standing in place.

"I will if you keep yours." the woman told her.

Clarke nodded and took a deep breath. "Now what do I do?"

"You will close your eyes, count backwards from five and when you open your eyes you will no longer be in the City of Light or in this reality. You'll be in the same place you were before you came here. Make your way to Polis and Lexa." A.L.I.E told her. "Once you do you must take the flame and press that button on the clock." she pointed at a blue button on the panel.

"And if I don't press it?" Clarke asked.

"You will still come back when the timer hits zero. The button is in case you make it earlier." Jaha explained.

"Ok." Clarke murmured and then got ready to go.

Was she really going to believe that this could happen? She must be really desperate.

 _5,_ she started to count and remembered the first time she had seen the ground. It was so beautiful.

 _4,_ she could see her friends, the 100, enjoying the simplicity of the ground and not worrying about life or death.

 _3,_ she saw Bellamy, Octavia, Lincoln, Finn, and all the other people that had died because of silly wars.

 _2,_ she cried when she saw her mother smiling sadly at her with Jake behind her. They were together.

 _1,_ she saw the woman she loves with her whole soul looking at her lovingly. Green eyes seeking hers and calming once they make contact with one another.

 _0,_ she finished counting and felt herself fall to the ground, the last thing she could hear was a terrified scream calling her name.

"Clarke!" Lexa screamed when she saw the blonde woman closing her eyes and seconds later collapsing on the floor. "Let me go!" she bellowed and the invisible walls that were around her disappeared.

Running like a mad woman, she went to where Clarke's body was lying, but before she could reach it she noticed it dissipate. Crying in anguish, she stood up and faced Jaha and A.L.I.E, who were smiling at the scene.

"What did you do to her?!" she screamed at them.

"She went to another time and place. To find you." Jaha explained to her. "It worked just like you said it would." he said to A.L.I.E.

"What will happen to her?" Lexa whispered dejectedly while looking up. She had failed yet again. She had failed Clarke one more time.

"She will come back and you'll see her. I did promise her that." A.L.I.E smirked. "Now Jaha, let us return to Arkadia. Many things must be done before Clarke returns with the A.I." she finished and the two of them disappeared, leaving Lexa alone in the white room.

"What will I do now?" Lexa cried softly while kneeling on the floor.

_(End of Scene)_

CLCLCLCL

When Clarke opened her eyes she noticed that she laying on a tree. Collecting herself up, she saw that the pyre that had kept her warm was gone and so were her belongings. And she blamed herself for believing in what Jaha and that hologram had told her. Of course it was foolish of her to believe that she could travel back through time and space. A desperate woman's dream to be happy.

Clarke heard horse hooves coming from behind her and she quickly grew alert, huffing in annoyance when she felt that her gun and knife were gone. Robbed because she had been stupid. Hoping they would not kill her because of who she was, she waited until the grounder came down from the horse.

"Wanheda." he said solemnly. "What are you doing here so late? And where are your guards?"

"My guards?" Clarke asked confused.

"Heda ordered guards to keep you protected at all times, where are they?"

"Heda Aden knows that I don't need escorts." Clarke said carefully.

"Heda Aden?" the man asked her. "Is this one of those Skaikru jokes I keep hearing people talk about?"

"Skaikru jokes..." Clarke simply repeated. "Who ordered you to protect me?"

"Heda Leksa." he replied simply. "No one can attack you unless they want to face her wrath."

"Heda Leksa is alive?" she whispered softly with tears in her eyes.

"You saved her from the Fleimkepa." the guard explained carefully. Everyone knew about how the Fleimkepa had almost killed their Heda and had payed for it with his life.

Clarke stared in shock at the man and could only think of one thing: Lexa was alive. Her love was alive. She had actually made it.

"Are you sure you're ok Wanheda?" the guard asked her again and he was now suspicious of her. "I should take you back to Polis."

"There's no need, I'll return myself." she tried to get rid of him.

"I insist." the man said and grabbed her strongly. "Heda will have my head if she learns that I saw you and left you all alone."

"And I'm sorry for this." Clarke whispered to him and in a quick movement she used his knife and stabbed him in the neck, the man immediately collapsing and dying. "But I can't go back with you to Polis, not yet."

She couldn't let anyone stop her from getting to Lexa. This was her second chance.


	15. A Fleur de Toi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New chapter people! 
> 
> In Polis 2150, Murphy and Clarke talk, Clexa bond and we learn Arkadia Clarke's plans for this time's Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a video for this story and I would like it very much if you could watch it! It's on youtube and it's called "Clarke and Lexa: A Fleur de Toi" Please do because I think it fits very well with this story and can show what Arkadia's Clarke thought when she lost Lexa (during the time in which she was locked in her room).

**Polis, 2150**

The moment older Clarke's body disappeared the room was left in complete silence. Younger Clarke noticed the way Lexa had not moved from the floor and could feel deep inside of her the pain her tenia keryon was feeling. Her older self had been a guidance to both of them, and in fact they owed the older woman so much. Without wanting to, she had gotten used to her presence and remarks; remarks that she would now miss. But this was not even the worst part. It was worst to believe that her older self had died and not returned to her Lexa, and perhaps it was this what made her own Lexa feel so desolate and desperate.

"Is she gone?" Murphy asked Clarke who was just as speechless as he was. "Clarke!" he said while getting close to her and touching her shoulder.

"What?" she whispered brokenly.

"You need to be strong." he said solemnly. "She needs you." he pointed at Lexa who was still on the floor in the same position she had been while holding her older self.

"Lexa." Clarke got close to Lexa who refused to look at her. "Ai hodnes." she whispered and this made the brunette look up at her.

"Did she make it back to her time?" Lexa asked her softly.

"You know I can't know that." the blonde said carefully.

"This is not fair." the brunette said bitterly while standing up. "Why is it that the good people suffer while the terrible ones are allowed to do what they wish? Isn't there meaning or rewards for the people that do good?"

"I don't know." Clarke whispered. "Ever since we landed on Earth all I have seen is good people die because of the mistakes of others. I have also seen some good people become bad people because they were not strong enough.  And I have also seen bad people become good people because they had to." she said this while staring at Murphy who gulped and looked down in shame. "I must believe that our fate is not set in stone but written by us based on our decisions."

"I've made terrible choices." Lexa said brokenly while staring at caring blue eyes. "Perhaps it's because of this that I'm now suffering. Leaders can never be happy. To be the Commander is to be alone."

"I have also done horrible things Lexa. We all have. No one is without blood on their hands. Your warriors, my people, all of them have killed to survive. And unless we change our ways we will continue to kill in order to survive." Clarke said vehemently. "But it doesn't have to be that way. We can change."

"Do you really believe so?" Lexa asked her lover. "Because jus drein jus no daun has brought even more blood and death than before."

"Change takes time. You know this deep inside of yourself." she smiled sadly and grabbed the brunette's hand. "So be honest with me and tell me what is making you doubt yourself so much."

"I doubt that I'll be capable of being the person the Spirit wishes me to be. The person you wish me to be." she looked down in sadness. "What if this is it Clarke? What if this, war and death, is meant to be our life?"

"Then we'll survive it. Together." Clarke promised. "We deserve more, but if I had to choose between living in a world without you and surviving in a world with you then I choose the latter."

"What if I don't want that for us? What if I want us to live Clarke? What if I don't want this responsibility anymore?" Lexa whispered brokenly while falling to the floor. "What if I don't want to be Heda anymore?"

Clarke lowered herself and sat in front of the brunette, who was doing her best to not look at her. She knew that it was because Lexa refused to be seen as weak, but right now it was more about protecting herself from rejection.

The blonde knew that Lexa believed she loved the Heda, and Clarke did because Lexa was Heda. So to love one was to love the other. And although she had thought sometimes what it would be like to have a simple life, one in which they didn't need to sacrifice themselves for their people, she knew that in the end it would be the same thing; they would have to survive. But being a leader also meant that they had the choice to change this, to make a difference and try to be better. Soldiers didn't have this, they followed orders, they only survived. And Clarke wanted much more than that. And she wanted Lexa to believe that they could have this. That they could live.

"I love Heda." Clarke said softly while making green eyes stare at eyes. "And I love Lexa. The two of them are one. To take Heda away would also mean to take a part of Lexa away." she caressed the brunette's cheek. "And you're perfect just as you are right now."

Lexa stared silently at her and nodded in acceptance. She closed her eyes and hugged the blonde woman tightly, feeling the tears falling from her eyes and not caring about the Skaiboy listening to her doubts and fears. There was something inside of her that demanded to be let out.  She knew that it came from a deep place within her heart, a part that she had kept under lock for so long because she was taught that love was weakness. But this, having Clarke holding her tight, whispering and caressing her skin, that was not weakness. It was strength.

Clarke simply held on to the brunette, thinking about what they had just discussed. For the first time since the two women, Clarke had never heard her like this; desperate and insecure of herself. She had been so used to seeing Lexa know the answers to every question, to have a way of validating the sacrifices they had both done. But to now see her like this; suffering for the misfortunes the two of them have experienced, was not a sight she was familiar with.

Knowing that what she was going to say next was only meant to be heard by Lexa, Clarke gave a look to Murphy and he understood that they needed some alone time. When she heard the door closing behind them, the blonde did the only thing she could think of started to kiss every part of the Heda's body, going from her forehead to her eyes and hands. She could feel Lexa trying to move away in an attempt to show her strength, but instead of letting go, Clarke held her tighter.

"I got you." she whispered to Lexa while kissing her cheek. "I'm here for you." she promised and felt Lexa's tears land on her shoulder.

"I couldn't protect her. Forgive me." Lexa cried softly. She was talking about her older self.  

"There's nothing to forgive Lexa. She knew the risks of taking the chip and she still took it. And she did it because she loves you. Do not undermine her sacrifice."

"But what if she didn't make it back to her time? If something like that were to happen to you and I remained all alone, not knowing if you would ever return..." Lexa swallowed. "I don't think I could endure such a life."

"I want to believe that life would not be so cruel to us." Clarke murmured. "I want to believe that in some distant future of our lives we will have the happiness we deserve. We heard it from my future self; it's possible for us to be together and live. We just have to fight for it."

"I want to have a future with you Clarke." Lexa whispered brokenly. "I want to have what our older selves have."

"You are my future Lexa Kom Trikru." the blonde vowed surely. "No matter what, just having you next to me is enough. And I will honor my promise; I will keep you safe."

"You are my life Clarke Kom Skaikru."

"I love you." Clarke cried and kissed Lexa on the lips longingly.

Feeling the need on the blonde's lips, Lexa stood up from the floor and guided both of them towards the bed. Quickly stripping themselves of their clothes, she lowered Clarke on the bed and stared at shining blue eyes. In them she could see the need, love and desire that the blonde had for her. Wanting to satisfy her every need, Lexa moved downwards and kissed Clarke's stomach while her hands went towards her breasts. When she heard the moans of her lover, the brunette continued her path downwards, to where Clarke needed her the most.

"I love you." Clarke chanted when she felt Lexa's tongue on her clit. "I love you."

"Ai hod yu in." Lexa murmured from Clarke's tights and continued kissing and sucking her.

"Lexaaa." the blonde moaned and closed her legs when she came.

"Meizen." Lexa said reverently when she felt Clarke's walls close on her fingers. "Ai niron."

"Come here." Clarke begged and quickly felt the brunette move upwards. "Kiss me." she asked and felt compliant and soft lips on top of her own.

"I love you Clarke." Lexa whispered between kisses while holding the blonde tight.

"I love you more." the blonde said and quickly moved so that now she would be on top of Lexa. "And it's time I show you how much." she promised.

Lexa closed her eyes and moaned when she felt a strong tongue caressing her nipples.

"Clarke..." she whimpered.

"What do you want Lexa?" the blonde moaned huskily. "Whatever you want I'll give it to you."

"You." Lexa moaned vehemently. "Only you."

"You have me Lexa. I'm yours." Clarke promised and lowered herself until she was facing the brunette's arousal.

"I'm yours as well. Claim me Clarke." the Heda vowed and cried outloud when she felt strong fingers enter her. "Clarkeeee." she moaned loudly when the blonde's tongue caressed her clit.

"I'm here ai hodnes." Clarke separated her mouth while keeping her fingers moving inside of the brunette. "Come for me." she asked the Heda. "Don't deny me."

"I can't." Lexa cried while feeling her climax approaching. "I could never deny you anything." she choked out and screamed when she felt herself explode.

She closed her eyes because of the way in which she had just come, a mixture of vulnerability and openness that only Clarke had ever seen. Not even Costia had been a witness to her in such a state. With her she had been the dominating one, the one giving pleasure and serving. But with Clarke it was different because sometimes it was the blonde woman the one that dominated her. And just like she had told Clarke moments ago, she was incapable of refusing her wishes. She was weak for Clarke and she didn't fear this because she knew the blonde would never abuse of her power. She trusted Clarke with everything she was and had.

"Why are you crying?" she heard Clarke's concerned voice and opened her eyes to notice them blurry. "Did I hurt you?"

"You didn't." Lexa smiled warmly and hugged the blonde tightly. "You have healed me Clarke."

"And so have you Lexa." Clarke smiled as well and nuzzled her face in the brunette's neck. "I wish we could just stay here and not worry about anything else."

"I wish that as well. But a very wise person told me that we cannot." she joked. "Because as leaders it's our responsibility to care for our people. So we can change our world and make it a better one."

"That person must be very wise." she winked at the brunette who chuckled.

"She has her moments."

"So it's a she?" Clarke joked while pinching Lexa's stomach. "Should I be jealous?"

"No one will ever make me feel like you make me feel." Lexa replied earnestly.

Clarke smiled shyly and hugged Lexa tighter.

"And I never thought that I would be capable of loving someone as much as I love you." she whispered while caressing Lexa's lips. "You are my world." she said. "And I will protect you with my life."

Lexa smiled softly when she noticed the determination in those blue eyes that she loved so much. She knew Clarke was not lying and that she was going to do anything, even attack her own people in order to keep her safe and that meant everything to Lexa. It meant everything because not so long ago she had a similar choice to make and she picked her people. Now Clarke was choosing her and it made Lexa's heart ache. She had believed before that loving Clarke was weakness, hence she had chosen her people and not the blonde. But now, if she could go back and do things differently, she would remain by Clarke's side. Not only because she cared about her, but because it was the right thing to do. By leaving the battlefield she had saved her people but at the price of giving them their chance at revenge and restitution.

Lexa had taken that away from them the moment she took the deal and now she understood that sometimes blood must be shed in order to have peace. It was a hard lesson to learn, because although she was Heda she hated the prospect of war. Nevertheless, after everything that had happened; her people rebelling and Nia using the opportunity to challenge her, it seemed that change could not come swiftly. It had to be done patiently.

"I cannot apologize for choosing my people at the Mountain." Lexa started to say. "But if I ever had the chance to go back, I would choose differently." she looked at curious blue eyes. "I can apologize for not believing in you. For being weak."

"You chose to leave because you chose with your head and not your heart. Because love was weakness."

"And making that choice was an act of weakness. Loving someone is not weakness. Not making decisions or fearing to make them because of your feelings, that is weakness." Lexa gulped and looked down in shame.

"I already forgave you Lexa." Clarke smiled sadly. "And my decision to attack Arkadia does not only come from my need to protect you." she said knowingly. "But also because I can't allow Pike to stay inside Arkadia. He will get everyone killed and destroy what we have achieved. And then there's also Jaha in his strange crusade to get the people in there under his control. So you see, it is possible to do what's best for our people while protecting our loved ones."

"I know that now." Lexa said solemnly while standing up from the bed.

"Where are you going?" Clarke asked from the bed with an annoyed huff.

"To get dressed and order that Skaiboy to return so we can further discuss our strategy of infiltrating Arkadia."

Clarke stood up from the bed as well and quickly wrapped herself with the furs.

"You do know that until we talk with Octavia or Kane there's no way for us to plan an attack."

"Yes, but that doesn't prevent me from moving my troops and to start them on their journey." Lexa explained while putting her clothes on. "A decision that I have to inform to the Ambassadors."

"Will they create trouble?" Clarke asked worriedly, having completely forgotten about them.

"Not if they believe that we're going to demilitarize Skaikru." Lexa said honestly. "But we both know that's not our objective. All we want to do is take Pike out, and once that is done we will leave and again barricade Arkadia until it's safe to restart communications."

"So we would still be forced to stay inside Arkadia because of the blockade?" Clarke asked annoyed.

"Until we have proof that Arkadia will no longer betray the Coalition. You must understand my position. Your people killed 300 of mine Clarke. Their blood is on your people's hands." Lexa said brokenly.

"Of course I understand Lex." Clarke closed her eyes. "I just wish things could be done differently."

Lexa looked up at the blonde. "There is another way." she murmured. "But I'm not sure you would like it."

"Tell me." the blonde said.

"Deliver the traitors and people responsible of killing my soldiers. Let them be trialed and executed by my people and their customs. Once that is done I can order Skaikru to rejoin the Coalition."

"Bellamy is one of them." Clarke closed her eyes. "Octavia would never forgive us."

"Bellamy Kom Skaikru chose his side the moment he aided Pike and killed my people. And he cannot argue that it was based on ignorance because he knows the difference between Trikru and Azgeda."

"How do you know this?"

"Indra informed me of how your people were doing before returning to Polis. She told me that Skaikru was familiar of the borders between the lands and the hospitable clans." Lexa explained.

Clarke knew that Lexa was right and she hated it. She hated to see people she cared about seal their own fate because of their ignorance and desperation. Bellamy, just like Finn did, had attacked innocent, unguarded soldiers in the middle of the night. He had not fought the; he slaughtered them. And because of his actions he had now placed Clarke in a difficult position yet again; how could she argue in favor of him when all he had done was to endanger her people. How can she ask Lexa for mercy when she was willing to kill Emerson because of what he did at the Mountain. It would be a hypocrite thing of her to do and an insult to ask this of Lexa. Because deep inside of her she knew that if she begged Lexa to spare him, the brunette would not refuse her. She would keep Bellamy alive and risk her own life yet again. And she had enough of Lexa risking herself for the mistakes of Skaikru.

"I agree with you Lex." Clarke said brokenly. "It's just that he was like a brother to me. He helped me at the Mountain, when you left." she whispered. "But when I talked to him in Arkadia I realized that he's not the same man I left all those months ago. He changed."

"Forgive me for placing you in a similar position to the one you had all those months ago." Lexa said honestly. "Yet again you must choose between friends and the rest of your people."

"It's not your fault that my so called friends are selfish enough to force me to make a choice." Clarke whispered angrily. "I have learned with all of this that no matter what I do the people I care about will always demand more. Octavia, Bellamy, Finn, all they have done has been based on their own needs and desires, not caring about the consequences their people must face as retribution."

"Skaikru is a selfish clan ai niron. Your people are not united and do not see themselves as one. The moment they realize that the actions of one affect them all that will be the moment they change their ways." the brunette explained softly. "But they need someone to guide them. Someone that knows our ways."

"What do I need to do ai hodnes?" Clarke said solemnly, understanding that Lexa needed her just as much as she needed her.

"We need to get inside Arkadia and lock farm station out."

"But they have weapons. They now control the guards."

"But you said that Marcus had supporters inside the guard, correct?"

"Yes. That is what Octavia told me before she left." Clarke said while moving around the room. "But most of farm station is now working as soldiers because they are the ones that support Pike."

"Is there a way for us to get rid of their guns?" Lexa asked and noticed the hesitant look Clarke gave her. "It's time Skaikru integrates the Coalition fully. Bullets run out and your people need to learn how to fight with weapons. This is a good opportunity to permanently rid yourself of guns."

"But we will be left vulnerable." Clarke explained. "What if a clan decides to take advantage of this and attacks us?"

"My soldiers will protect you."

"Will they Lex? Last time you told them to they were slaughtered in the middle of the night." the blonde closed her eyes in desperation. "I agree with you on getting rid of Skaikru guns, but right now we need them for survival against possible future clan fights."

"But your people are not controlling them. It's Pike and he will use them against my troops. My men cannot fight against guns."

"We don't need them to fight Lexa." Clarke said suddenly. "All we need to do is let them see some of your soldiers. You can send scouts into the forest and tell them to show themselves. Pike is impatient and he'll like to get rid of them."

"So the guards will leave Arkadia to chase my scouts?" Lexa asked.

"Yes, and what we can do is capture Pike. The moment we do this we will win. We close Arkadia's walls and leave the remaining members of farm station outside until Kane supporters regain control of the weapons."

"And then the fight starts yet again." Lexa murmured. "But it will be between your people. No matter what, your guns will be fired the moment we enter Arkadia."

"Pike will not tell his men to not fire." Clarke said determinedly. "He doesn't care and will do whatever he can to keep control."

"So then our priority is to capture Pike, talk to your mother about the chip and release all of Marcus' supporters." Lexa relayed their objectives quickly. "We will use Trikru scouts to force the Ark guards out of Arkadia and swiftly enter it."

"I know a secret passage that we can use." Clarke explained. "I used it last time I went in. No one should know it's there apart from Octavia, Kane and my mother."

"This plan is a very dangerous one ai niron, full of uncertainty and many opportunities for mistakes to occur. I don't like it." the brunette confessed.

"But it's the best one we'll get based on our circumstances."

"I'm aware." Lexa huffed. "You better call the Skaiboy so he learns of what we want to do. His help would be welcomed in creating a distraction inside Arkadia since he'll be the first one going in."

CLCLCLCL

"Are you sure that this is a good idea?" Murphy asked her while remaining behind her. "Having grounder princess tell the truth about her intentions last time didn't end up well for her."

"Shut up Murphy." Clarke whispered angrily while watching the Ambassadors take their seats. "Lexa knows what she's doing. She has their full support now that she uncovered Titus' betrayal. The last thing the Coalition will want is to question Heda yet again."

"You really love her." the man told her softly.

"With all my heart." Clarke confessed solemnly. "She wants what's best for her people, and for some strange reason she considers some of Skaikru as her own."

"We both know the real reason she's not attacking Skaikru." he said scornfully.

"Which is?" Clarke pretended to not be affected by what he was saying.

"Because she doesn't want to hurt you. She knows that were she to attack Skaikru you would never forgive her." Murphy explained. "And she doesn't want to lose you."

"That's the thing Murphy: Right now I don't think she can lose me. Not even if she had to attack Skaikru." Clarke was honest.

"Perhaps she knows this. But she doesn't want to hurt you. She knows that there are people inside Arkadia that you care for."  

"I would still forgive her. My people have done nothing more than hurt her and put her in danger. Even I don't feel so lenient and loyal towards them." the blonde muttered angrily. "And yet here I am, fighting to give them a new chance."

"You're doing it because there are some people in there that do deserve a second chance and you know this." Murphy said solemnly. "And that's why grounder princess is having this meeting. Because she considers does people that are loyal to you as her own because she loves you." he explained. "And we like to believe the best of the people we care about."

Clarke looked at him and noticed the way his eyes glossed over. "You met someone, didn't you?"

Murphy looked surprised at her but huffed and nodded in confirmation. "Her name is Emori. I haven't seen her since I was taken by Titus' men."

Clarke was feeling guilty. She had never thought about asking Murphy if he wanted to return to Arkadia. She had just assumed he would agree with her plan because he had nowhere else to call home after Jaha and the City of Light. But just like she had done, it seemed that Murphy had found a home with a grounder. And Lexa and her didn't give him the opportunity to go find her.

"I didn't know." she apologized. "You could go find her."

"But we need to stop Jaha." he muttered boringly. "Before he kills everyone at Arkadia with his happy pills."

"It's not your responsibility." Clarke replied softly. "The people of Arkadia never treated you right. I can understand very well if you don't have any desire of returning to a place that mistreated you."

"I don't care about them." he confessed. "But do you really think that Jaha and that A.L.I.E thing will stop the moment they control Arkadia? They will go out and get more people. Nowhere will be safe. And the moment they believe they have enough people they will use that bomb. And I like the place where I was currently living thank you very much."

"But Emori..."

"Found me once already. If she wants to she will do it again." he smirked softly. "Will be harder to get rid of me princess."

"Don't call me that." she muttered in annoyance but chuckled. Who would have thought that she would be in a grounder meeting with Murphy by her side? Not her for sure.

"I have learned their ways, how they view life." Murphy whispered. "How they treat people that don't really fit."

Clarke looked questioningly at him.

"Mutated people. They are cast away from their clans and sent to the dead zone. Most of them stay around the desert and collect what they can to survive. They seek the City of Light because they believe they can be happy there." Murphy explained. "I met Emori there."

"So Emori is..." Clarke understood.

"She can't be seen. The moment people notice her hand is not normal they will kill her." Murphy whispered. "That's also why I don't want her to come here. The moment we leave Polis she'll be safer."

"I will talk to Lexa about this." Clarke promised. "Change must come in all ways and the people that are born different than us do not deserve to be cast away."

"Well, let us first survive the possible apocalypse before you start your 'safe a mutated friend' program." Murphy said sarcastically. "She's here." he whispered when he saw Lexa enter the room.

"Rise for the Commander." a guard said and all the people in the room stood up, staring at Heda as she made her way to the throne.

The moment she got there she turned around and looked at all of them, her stare lingering longer on Clarke who looked down in respect and then kneeled just like the rest of Ambassadors and people in the room.

"You may sit." Lexa said to them and stared at her people. "The reason I have summoned you here today is because I have decided what we will do with Arkadia."

"It's time they pay for killing our people." one ambassador said determinedly while staring at Clarke. "They should not even be here."

"Clarke Kom Skaikru is an ally of mine and is aware of what is happening in Arkadia. And she comes to you all with a proposition that will please you." she muttered.

"Skaikru asks for consideration into being accepted back to the Coalition. We are aware of the crimes committed to you and we're willing to offer the people responsible for the death of your soldiers so they're executed as tradition demands." Clarke said determinedly. "Skaikru will no longer tolerate traitors and is willing to show this as a proof of our desire to remain in this Coalition."

"You have no power over your people." a woman said from her chair. "How can we trust that what you're promising us will be delivered?"

"Because in two days time I will be leaving Polis with Trikru's support in order to retake Arkadia. There are inside men waiting for my command to attack and we plan on overtaking the settlement back." Clarke explained firmly.

"Still, that does not mean that you'll succeed."

"My name is Wanheda." she hissed. "And I faced worse odds when I was left at the Mountain many months ago. And yet here I am, talking to you while all the Maun-de are dead. Will you still challenge me?"

The woman looked down. "Of course not Wanheda."

"Good." Clarke said and then focused on Lexa who was staring proudly at her. "With your support Heda I wish to offer my allegiance to you, and as Skaikru's Ambassador our promise of loyalty."

"And I accept your allegiance Wanheda." Lexa replied firmly. "Which is why I will personally aid you in your future quest."

"But Heda!" the Ambassadors started to complain but with a movement of her hand they all fell silent.

"I will do this because I abandoned Wanheda at the Mountain. My Spirit demands I honor her by now aiding her mission. Even Heda must be upheld to her word. Will any of you dare challenge what the Spirit asks of me?"

"Nou Heda." they all replied while retaking their seats.

"Good." she said and then looked at Clarke. "During my absence, Polis will be left in charge of Satchen, the new Fleimkepa."

"Sha Heda."

"Now leave us." she finished and saw how all the Ambassadors quickly scattered out of the room, not wishing to remain longer than necessary.

The moment the doors closed and the only people remaining in the room were Lexa, Clarke, Murphy and Satchen, the blonde threw herself at Lexa and hugged her strongly.

"I was so worried." she whispered.

"Me too." Lexa confessed. "But this time things will be different. With the support of the Ambassadors we now only have to worry about Skaikru."

"What will they do now?" Murphy asked them.

"Return to their clans. Inform them of what is happening and await until I call them back." Lexa explained. "They will expect Skaikru to honor their word and return to Polis with the natronas."

"And Skaikru will deliver." Clarke promised her. "I know we said that we would leave in two days, but we have to search for Octavia."

"Indra has that radio. The moment we find her we can talk to Marcus." Lexa explained and then looked at Satchen. "Have you found Indra?"

"Nou Heda, the soldiers are still looking for her." he whispered. "Some scouts said that they believe they saw her leave with the Skaigirl. Her former sekon."

"Then that means both of them are going to Arkadia." Clarke muttered.

"We must go and find them so they can call Marcus and prepare him for our arrival." Lexa said. "Which also means that we will leave Polis tomorrow morning. Did they have horses?"

"No Heda. They left on foot."

"Good, that means they cannot be that far." Lexa murmured.

"But they left earlier." Murphy said.

"Yes, but Indra is still injured and they'll need somewhere to rest since they cannot move at night. That will slow them down. Also, Trikru warriors built refugees for the night and we all know where they are. I'm sure Indra is using those and we can track them by using their location." Heda explained.

"You mean like caves?" Clarke asked curiously.

"Yes, we equip them for scouts that go on missions so that they can sleep and feed there away from harm of other clans." Satchen said solemnly. "The last trip done to the caves was a few weeks ago so the food there must still be good. Indra would want to use them because she was aware of this."

"Mochof Satchen." Lexa said honestly. "Now leave us and inform the Natblidas of my intention to leave Polis."

"Sha Heda." he said firmly and left the three of them alone.

"Lexa." Clarke said softly. "Can I ask a favor of you?"

Lexa smiled softly and nodded.

"Murphy." she started to say while earning an angry look from him. "Has a special someone. And he wishes for her to be with him but they can't. Because she's mutated."

Lexa looked at the young boy and noticed him look down in sadness, but not shame. She agreed that mutated people didn't deserve to be cast out but it had been one of those rules that Titus had been adamant about keeping. Nevertheless, Titus was gone now and things needed to change.

"I don't like that rule just as much as you do." she said honestly. "But many of my people believe that mutated are contagious and can cause malformations in future generations if they join others."

"They are not contagious. And their mutations, depending on the level of radiation inside of them, can be passed on to their offspring. But then again all of the people from the ground have the mutated gene." Clarke explained to Lexa. "It's just a matter of bad luck of who has it dormant or not."

"My people fear the unknown." Lexa explained. "But with Skaikru here I believe it will be easier for them to see that mutated people are no different than the rest of us."

"So you would be open to accepting people like Emori back to society?" Murphy asked surprised.

"Of course." Lexa replied honestly. "Once we fix things inside Arkadia and have peace."

"Mochof Heda." Murphy replied honestly.

"Pro." she said surprised that she knew her language. "I suggest you go prepare for our trip since it will start sooner than expected."

Murphy knew he was being dismissed and smiled softly. "Of course Heda." he bowed his head and left the two women alone.

"Thank you for not refusing me." Clarke said softly.

"You're right in wanting all of our people to integrate." the brunette said honestly. "I have wanted the same thing as well. But Titus always warned me about our offspring and that the mutated could tarnish the line of future natblidas."

"All Titus did was based on what he believed was the best for himself and his position." Clarke muttered angrily. "And I'm glad to see you're realizing this."

"Hard not to when the man almost killed you." she whispered angrily. "And kept hidden from me that he had an apprentice."

"How did you find him?" Clarke asked curiously because she remembered Lexa being preoccupied about the heritage of Heda.

"Indra." Lexa smiled softly. "Found him when she learned that you, or your older self, killed Titus." she replied somberly.

"We must believe she made it back." Clarke said surely. "I think that we would feel it if something had happened to her. Don't you?"

"I hope so." the brunette whispered.

"Let's believe so." the blonde smiled sadly. "And that we won't get any more unpleasant surprises until we reach Arkadia."

CLCLCLCL

 _She's alive,_ Arkadia Clarke realized when she saw the brunette enter the room.

It took all of her self-strength to not move to the front of the room and take the Heda in her arms, but she knew that the last thing she needed was to be seen. She had noticed her other self in the room, sitting in one of the chairs with Murphy close to her. This surprised her, but nonetheless she was sure that there would be no way for her to take this time's Lexa with her if her other self was aware of her presence. And the reason she knew this was because of the way the two women looked at each other. They loved one another and that made Arkadia Clarke's heart ache. She wanted to experience the same thing with her own Lexa and the only way to do so was to take this time's Lexa to her own time.

She felt sorry for her other self, but this time's Clarke didn't know what it was like to be without her Lexa. How lonely and empty her existence had been since her Lexa died. The desolation and desperation it had produced in her to the point of making her kill anyone in her way. How those kills haunted her dreams every night. She had been so stubborn and proud before, believing that she didn't need Lexa or her love. But she had learned her lesson and she was not going to do the same mistake again.

"Leave us." she heard Lexa say and begrudgingly she had to leave the room with the rest of ambassadors.

Nevertheless, Arkadia Clarke used this to her advantage and started to roam around the building, swiftly trying to make her way to Lexa's room where she would be capable of talking to her. The key for her mission to succeed was if she tricked Lexa into believing that she was this time's Clarke and not one from the future. She knew that this time's Lexa would never leave her other self alone, and she admired that about the brunette woman; her loyalty.

So taking that into consideration, Arkadia Clarke decided to try to trick Lexa tonight and make her believe that they wanted to talk earlier before leaving for Arkadia. Once they were alone, Arkadia Clarke would take this time's Lexa to the future so she could get her own Lexa back. After that was done, she was sure that the other Lexa would be returned to her own time and her past self would never even know that her Lexa was taken. No one had to be harmed and she liked this plan because she was tired of killing people. She needed Her Lexa to guide her and this was the only way she would get her back. And Arkadia Clarke was willing to do anything in order to bring her back. ANYTHING.


	16. When I Look At You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Polis 2153, Clarke and Lexa have a peaceful morning after the blonde returns home from the past. Can things stay as calm as they are?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Beta people so all mistakes are mine and we're nearing the end of this story!  
> PS: The 100 has been sucking so much and JRat is ruining the show. So upset.

**Polis, 2153**

After confessing everything to her wife, Clarke felt exhausted from spending almost all night making love to Lexa. But she knew it was worth it. The way the two connected on such a primal level, the intimacy they shared and the way their bodies and souls recognized one another; that was something she could never replace. And although she felt that Lexa had told her everything she had held deep inside, there were times where she felt the brunette woman hold her tighter, as if making sure that she was truly there. Clarke was not naive and she knew that it would take Lexa a while to recover from her sudden disappearance, and the blonde woman was going to do everything in her power to reassure her wife that she was not going to leave her like that ever again.

It had been such a relief to wake up next to Lexa, the sight making her realize how much of her life was cemented with the Heda and how desperate she was for them to continue learning and growing. She remembered that conversation she had with the old woman in the other timeline, and how she had told her that they were going to be blessed with a child. A child born out of their love and their sacrifice. Just the thought of that happening made her smile brighter and hold her Lexa tighter, now being capable of understanding why her wife had been pushing reforms ever since they returned from their trip. Lexa had been doing so because she wanted the Spirit to bless them with a child and the only way the brunette believed that would happen was by pleasing it with reforms and a new and better society. But, Lexa being Lexa, had not confessed to Clarke the reasons why she was changing things so quickly. And the blonde knew that it was because she didn't want to excite her with the possibility and then disappoint her if nothing happened. Lexa cared that much about her, and she was willing to carry the burden of knowing this secret as long as it didn't upset or hurt her. But it was time to let her wife know that she wanted this. That she wanted to have a child with her. A child of Heda and SkaiHeda. Of Lexa kom Trikru and Clarke kom Skaikru.

"Ai hodnes." she whispered when she felt the brunette move around.

"It's too early to be awake ai niron." Lexa said with her eyes closed.

"It's really not." Clarke chuckled softly and nuzzled her wife's neck. "We were up the whole night."

"It was worth it." the brunette turned around and smiled happily at her.

"It really was." the blonde smiled too and kissed Lexa on the lips. "I had missed you so much."

"Me too." Lexa whispered. "I just wish that this is not a dream and that you're truly here in my arms."

"This is not a dream my wife." Clarke promised softly.

"Then prove it to me." Lexa smirked deviously and took the covers off her body, showing the blonde her body.

"Lexaaa." Clarke groaned while closing her eyes. "As much as I want to ravish you and hear you scream my name, there's something important I need to tell you."

This made Lexa quickly move up and stare at her with concern.

"Is there anything wrong ai niron? What can I do? Are you feeling ill?" the brunette started to ramble and Clarke chuckled.

"I know." she simply said and Lexa stopped talking.

"What do you mean you know? What do you know?"

"I know why you've been adamant about creating reforms during these last couple of months." she explained and her wife froze.

"You know?" Lexa whispered and Clarke smiled softly at her. "Who told you?"

"You did." she smirked. "Or your younger self did. When I told them our tenia keryon journey and what the Noun said, she realized right away what it meant. And she explained it to me."

"Why did you share that with them?" Lexa asked carefully.

"It was necessary." Clarke explained carefully. "We needed to understand about the Spirit of the Commander and I had just killed Titus before Lexa of the past could ask him questions about the Conclave."

"You killed Titus again?" Lexa asked surprised. "He dared to betray me yet again?"

"Sha. He truly doesn't like me in any reality. Anyway, I killed him because I thought that my younger self would not be capable to. And your younger self was offering to do it for her, which would have caused you more problems."

"I understand." Lexa said softly. "He tried to kill you again and failed because you intervened."

"This time he used a gun Lexa. He almost shot you and it was thanks to one guard that pushed you out of the way that you didn't die." Clarke choked out.

Lexa grabbed her wife's hand and squeezed it tightly, offering her support and evidence of her continuous presence.

"Then what happened?"

"Your younger self found out that the chips Jaha had been giving to the people of Arkadia had the symbol of the Commander. And then the old woman came and explained to us about the Spirit's mission to continue the line of humanity with us." Clarke said warily. "And when I got asked to share our tenia keryon journey they realized that the Spirit offered us a child." she smiled at the last part. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I don't know when that will happen ai niron." Lexa whispered. "And I know how much you've been wanting to have a child. I didn't want to disappoint you."

"You could never disappoint me Lexa." Clarke vowed while kissing her wife softly. "And the moment I heard your younger self explain to me the prophecy and our future child, I felt so happy. I want us to have that Lexa. I want to have your child."

Lexa was now crying softly and she hugged her wife strongly, relieved at knowing that Clarke now knew everything and still wanted to stay and be with her. That she was just as desperate as she was to start a family. That she loved her enough to have and raise a child together. The dream every commander before her had had but never succeeded in achieving. And she was going to do it. She was going to be the first commander blessed with a child. Not only a child of Hedas, but one of tenia keryons. She knew the Spirit had planned this on purpose, and although she had some questions as to why the Spirit would need a child so powerful, she was too elated to think much about it. Peace was prosperous and nothing could discourage her from the chance of having a family with Clarke. The two of them would protect their child with their lives; no matter who tried to destroy them, they would not succeed.

"I'm so happy to hear that ai niron." Lexa finally said with the biggest smile on her face Clarke had ever seen. "Because all I have ever wanted was to have a family of my own. And because of you I've been given the chance to have one." the brunette sobbed.

"Ai hodnes don't cry." Clarke was crying as well while saying so. "You deserve all the love and happiness in this world. And you know why?" she asked while getting her wife to look at her. "Because you're a beautiful, kind, loyal and loving human being. Even in this world filled with hatred and revenge you still managed to become so much more than what was expected of you. You are marvelous ai Heda." she finished reverently.

"And so are you ai SkaiHeda." Lexa choked out and kissed her wife on the lips lovingly. "Ai houmon, ai tombom. Feva."

"Feva." Clarke promised as well and laid down with Lexa yet again, already forgetting that people were anxious to see them.

They would have to wait for them a little longer.

CLCLCLCL

"Skaiheda." Ryder said from outside the door. "Your nomon is asking for you."

Clarke looked at him with a soft smile on her face. "It's nice to see you too Ryder." she joked with him and the man smirked.

"You as well SkaiHeda." he said solemnly while kneeling courteously.

"You don't need to bow Ryder. You're my friend and most loyal guard. No need for formalities."

Ryder chuckled. "Then as your friend, please give me permission to let your mother come in. She's been outside this door since she heard the maids discuss your return during the early morning."

"Why was she awake so early?" Clarke enjoyed Ryder's gossipy nature.

"They say that she was leaving Marcus kom Skairku's quarters." he winked at her.

"I so didn't need to know that." Clarke said repulsed and kicked the man softly on the shoulder. "I will spare you from further agony. You can let her pass." she said and after Ryder left the room her mother immediately entered it.

"Oh Clarke!" Abby said relieved and hugged her strongly. "My sweet child."

"Mom." Clarke said happily and hugged her back. She had missed her mother so much.

"When? How did you get back?"

"Yesterday night. And you wouldn't believe me if I told you what happened. I barely believe it myself."

"Why didn't Lexa let me know you were here the moment you returned?" Abby huffed annoyed.

"She, we, were busy." Clarke choked out and noticed her mother blushing. "Is there something you want to tell me?" she added.

"Tell you what?" Abby said confused.

"Something about you being up and about during the early hours of the day?" the blonde added and this time her mother blushed even more than before. "About you leaving quarters that were not your own?"

"Really Clarke?!" Abby hushed her down immediately. "Do you really want to discuss that?!"

"Not really. But I do want to know if you're happy. That's all I'm asking."

"I'm happy." her mother said softly. "Marcus is a good man."

"I'm aware of that." Clarke smiled warmly. "You deserve to be happy mom."

"So do you my darling." Abby hugged her yet again. "Although you may be the cause of my early death because of all the things you put yourself through."

"Most of the times it's not my fault." she huffed.

"That bet with Octavia about who could stay the longest inside the frozen lake was not your fault? The hypothermia both of you suffered afterwards was not your fault as well?" Abby asked sarcastically.

"I said most of the time." she chuckled but then turned serious. "How is Octavia?"

"From what I have heard she's well. Trikru warriors went to her village and she wondered what had happened. Asked about you and where you were."

"Well, better that than her usual indifference towards me." she tried to joke but it didn't sound right.

"She's still hurt." Abby said softly.

"I understand mom." Clarke really did understand. "It's just that when someone reminds me of our time together before the war with Sangedakru it makes me miss her. She was a loyal friend."

"She was your best friend."

"She was." the blonde confessed softly. "But I did what I had to do for my people, for the good of all of them."

"We know Clarke. Even she knows that. But sometimes it's hard to make our heart understand what our reason tries to explain. It will take time."

"It takes as long as it takes." Clarke said surely while sitting down on the already made bed.

"Where's Lexa?" her mother changed the subject. "Knowing her as well as I now do, I wouldn't have expected her to leave your side so soon."

"She didn't want to." she smiled warmly. "But one of the natblidas got injured during a fight and she has to mediate it."

"Mediate it? Why didn't they call me?"

"Because the girl didn't want to surrender after twisting her ankle. Only rest can heal that and she was refusing to yield. Hence Lexa had to go and intervene."

"If I didn't believe before that Lexa loved you, during these last two weeks she showed me how devoted she's to you. How much she adores you. She never stopped looking, never stopped resting and asking people of your whereabouts. She almost abandoned Polis to start a ground search."

"She told me. And I want to thank you for keeping her balanced and sane. For reminding her of her responsibilities. Of her duties as Heda."

"She despised me for it. But after she screamed at me for a couple of minutes the tears came." Abby whispered. "Your absence made us grow closer than ever before and it also made me realize that she's going to be your wife until the end of your days."

"And the others to come." Clarke finished with a soft smile. "That's why she's my tenia keryon mother."

"I understand that bond better now." Abby said with wonder. "Things like this wouldn't have been possible on the Ark. But here, it seems almost as magic sometimes."

"The will of the Spirit overcomes everything." she said surely.

"Is that why you were gone for so long and no one could find you?" Abby asked softly. "Was it the Spirit?"

Clarke nodded.

"Tell me everything." her mother asked her and Clarke explained all that had happened.

She explained how she found herself in the past, how in that timeline Lexa had betrayed them and abandoned them all at the Mountain. She told her about Jaha returning to Arkadia, about the chips he was giving to people, how she almost lost Lexa to a stray bullet and the way Pike had been leading the Skaikru to the brink of war.

"That's horrible." Abby whispered after Clarke finished explaining how she felt when she took the pill and the vision. "And this pill, how was it?"

"It was more a chip than a pill." she explained. "And it had the symbol of Heda, which I now know comes from us."

"What do you mean from us?"

"Polaris mom. That symbol is the one of the 13th station. The spaceship that was shot down. I don't know how that escape pod ended in a secret basement in Polis, but the chip was ark technology."

"How did Jaha get this? The last we saw of him he left to the City of Light."

"I don't know mom. Murphy said that they found a house, fully standing and filled with food and gadgets. How it survived the nuclear blast I have no idea. But he said that the hologram came from there, from that house. That the chip did something to Jaha, made him become insane."

"Insane?" Abby asked worried.

"Yes, made him claim that he no longer felt pain. That he was delusional and even had a nuclear bomb prepared."

"A nuclear bomb?!" Abby shrieked in shock. "How is that possible?"

"Jaha challenged everything the moment he landed from space. You told me he sacrificed himself to launch the pods, correct?"

"Yes, we were shocked when he returned." Abby muttered.

"If he managed to survive that then I can find it possible for him to find a nuclear bomb." Clarke shrugged. "But he won't launch it, if it even exists."

"Why?"

"He wants to recruit people into this City of Light, and as long as he doesn't then we're good."

"That is if he's even still alive."

"Correct, but I still want to know about the chips. From what you have heard, what could they be made of?"

"I don't know Clarke. But from what you have told me it must neurologically affect the people taking it. Did it make you stop feeling pain?"

"It was the opposite. Everything hurt. But I did see the hologram, the woman. And she spoke to me, like she knew who I was."

"That's strange." Abby muttered. "Perhaps the chip didn't work on you because you're not from that timeline."

"So a chip from here would have worked on me?" Clarke asked curiously.

"Perhaps." her mother shrugged. "Without a sample to test I cannot be sure."

"Let us hope that there is no sample to test." the blonde muttered darkly.

"You already told Lexa all of this?"

"I did." Clarke replied. "And she didn't like it at all. She even wants to send some of her soldiers to find Jaha and his people."

"It's been three years Clarke. Wouldn't he have returned just like he did in the other timeline?"

"I don't know mom. But Lexa and I agree on the importance of knowing what happened to them. Even if they return with their cadavers, we must find them. We need to know that this chip is not roaming around the Clans."

"I understand." Abby appeased her daughter. "Do you plan on leading this quest?"

"No." she replied honestly. "Because Lexa and I have another thing to worry about."

"Something more important than those chips?"

"Something more real than those chips." she corrected her mother. "And something that involves speaking to the old woman."

"The one Lexa specifically told you not to speak to?"

"Yes. I spoke to her during my time in the past. And I learned many things from her. I know that my Lexa doesn't trust her, but we need her. We need to find a way to warn our younger selves about that crazy hologram and Jaha."

"But you warned them already."

"I also want to let them know that I'm safe. That I made it back to my home and my family. To give them hope."

"Because they certainly need it." Abby now understood what her daughter meant. "How did Lexa react to all of this?"

"You know Lexa. Even if she doesn't like it she's doing it because of me. She believes me and supports me."

"Of course she does." Abby smiled softly. "Were you on your way to talk to her?"

"I was waiting to hear from one of the guards." she smiled softly. "My presence is not needed yet. Which means that we have enough time for you to tell me about your new relationship." she smirked while her mother groaned.

It was good to be back home.

CLCLCLCL

After stopping the natblidas from starting another fight, Lexa felt exhausted. She had not slept well but it had been worth it. Spending the whole night making love to her wife had been wonderful. It had made her feel more secure to feel Clarke's body underneath her. They had reconnected and reopened their bond last night and she was so happy at being capable once more of feeling her wife's emotions. She was happy, which probably meant that Abby had finally managed to talk to Clarke. She had felt a little bad about not telling her houmon's mother about the blonde's return as soon as she found her, but alas they needed their night together. And she didn't regret it one bit. Not even if later she would have to be scolded by Abby kom Skaikru.

"Heda." he heard a soft voice calling for her and she turned around.

"What is it Aden?" she asked him with an encouraging smile.

"Is it true that SkaiHeda is back?"

She chuckled and nodded in confirmation.

"Can I see her?" he begged her.

It was no secret to her that Aden and Clarke were close. When Lexa took her houmon to meet the Natblida she noticed the immediate bond the two of them created. Although she got along with all of the children, Aden was the closest one to her and Clarke felt that connection just as much. There was just something about him that made both women want to protect him from harm, to teach him in the best way possible. Perhaps it was because both saw him as Lexa's successor, or because of the way he honestly cared and tried to learn, but the two women were determined in teaching him in the best way possible. And Aden had not been immune to Clarke's charm just as much as Clarke had been unable to resist his innocence and tender nature.

"Follow me." she simply said and the boy diligently fell into step with her. "She will be happy to see you as well."

"I have missed her." he confessed while blushing.

"I missed her too." she winked at him and they both chuckled.

"Ever since she came here things have changed for the better. Our people, our customs, our laws, all have become so much more than what they were. We are no longer just surviving." Aden exclaimed with a satisfied smile. "We're living."

Lexa turned around and smiled proudly at him. "That's what we deserve Aden. And as you have seen, change won't come unless one starts it."

"If I'm Heda I'll stand by yours and SkaiHeda's beliefs." he promised her.

"I trust that you'll become much wiser and kinder than us Aden." Lexa said softly and smirked when they noticed that Clarke was on her way to see them as well.

"Clarke!" Aden screamed and immediately ran towards her wife who simply opened her arms and hugged the boy tightly. "You're back!"

"Were you the one causing trouble earlier?" she joked with him while kissing his forehead.

"Of course not." he puffed his chest. "I was trying to stop it."

"Of course you were." Clarke smirked and then stood up to kiss Lexa softly on the lips. "Ai hodnes."

"Ai niron." Lexa said dreamily and heard Aden chuckle at her. "Shof op." she scolded him.

"I was just on my way to see you." Clarke got her attention back but Lexa still noticed the thumbs up she gave to the younger natblida.

"Aden was anxious to see you and our lesson was already done." Lexa teased the blond who huffed in fake annoyance.

"I was curious." he tried to act nonchalantly about it.

"Of course you were. And it wasn't because you were worried about me? Or because you missed me?" Clarke feigned to be hurt.

"Of course I missed you Clarke." Aden fell for it and immediately grabbed the blonde's hands and kissed them softly. "Things around Polis are not the same without you here."

"Mochof Aden." Clarke smiled warmly at him and hugged him one more time.

"Now that you've seen Clarke you can rest assured that she will be present for your next lesson." Lexa said and the blonde nodded in agreement.

"You're trying to get rid of me." he joked but still bowed in front of them and left with a smile on his face.

"He's too smart for his own good." Clarke joked and Lexa nodded in agreement.

"I believe you had time to speak with your nomon?" the brunette asked her.

"I did. And I asked her about those chips. She said that perhaps they affect the brain's neurons and that's why they can eliminate pain."

"I already spoke with one of my generals and ordered him to prepare for a scouting trip. They will need portraits of the men they're looking for."

"I can do them later tonight." Clarke promised. "But right now we need to make one more stop before we retire for the day."

"I was hoping you would forget about it." Lexa murmured but the blonde still heard her.

"Trust me hodnes, we must speak to her. The Spirit is on our side and hence it will help us. We must let our younger selves know that I'm alright. We need to give them hope so they're ready to face this strange hologram and Jaha. They must have hope."

"I understand ai niron." Lexa exhaled while looking down. "And if my younger self was capable of speaking to her numerous times then the woman must have convinced me of her honesty and integrity."

"That's the spirit." Clarke joked with her but got nothing in return. "No?"

"Too soon." Lexa muttered but still smiled because of her wife's silly sense of humor.

The two women were just making their way inside the throne room when they were interrupted by Ryder.

"Heda, SkaiHeda." he said formally while kneeling in front of them.

"What is it Ryder?" Lexa asked him while helping Clarke put her cloak on. "We're on our way out."

"A visitor is seeking an audience with both of you."

"You will have to tell them that at this moment we're unable to stay. Tell him to return tomorrow and he'll be the first person we listen to."

"It's a she." Ryder further explained and this made Clarke stop moving. It was too much of a déjà vu moment for her.

"It's the old woman." Clarke simply said and the guard looked at her clearly surprised. "Isn't it?"

"Sha SkaiHeda. She seeks an audience with both of you, but since we're aware of her status as a non-welcomed person we prevented her from coming in."

"Do let her pass." Clarke said and turned around to stare at Lexa. "If Heda agrees."

"Heda agrees." Lexa muttered and the man nodded in confirmation before leaving the room. "How did you know that it was her?"

"Because in the other timeline she did the same thing." Clarke explained to her while holding her hand. "Calm down darling."

Lexa noticed at that moment that she had been squeezing the blonde's hand too tightly. "Forgive me." she whispered. "It's just that the last time we spoke she gave me terrible news."

"I understand hodnes. But she won't this time. She's on our side."

"SkaiHeda is right." they heard the old woman say from below. "I have come here to help. Heda, SkaiHeda." she kneeled.

"You may rise." Lexa said nervously and Clarke smiled softly at her. "Why is it that you asked for an audience with us?"

"Because I knew you were going to look for me. Easier for me to come to you than the other way." the old woman replied calmly. "I see you have returned in one piece." she said to Clarke who nodded in agreement. "Met my younger self didn't you?"

"How do you know that?" Clarke asked.

"Because we're connected. I know about the existence of my other selves just like they know of mine."

"So you knew that Lexa was going to die in that other timeline?"

"Sha." she looked remorseful. "Knowing a person's fate cannot prevent me from stopping it. The Spirit's gift is as much a blessing as it is a curse."

"But the Spirit still helped me prevent it. You helped me stop Titus."

"Because the Spirit showed me the way. And it's showing me something else." the old woman replied softly.

"We wanted to ask for your help. So you could let our other selves know that I'm alive and well." Clarke said softly. "Could you help us with that?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"I told you she wouldn't help and that this would be a waste of time." Lexa muttered angrily.

"Not a complete waste Heda. I cannot help you, but that doesn't mean that I cannot help you help them."

"What does that even mean?" the Heda asked confused.

"I cannot directly communicate with my other selves. I can just see what they see. And what I have seen is troublesome."

"More troublesome that Jaha and his chips in Arkadia?" Clarke asked somberly.

"Remember my younger self's warning? About another you endangering Heda?" the old woman asked.

Clarke nodded in agreement and then stood up from her throne in shock. Lexa immediately went to her side.

"What is it Clarke?!"

"She's already there." Clarke whispered to Lexa. "My other self, she's already there because I'm here. How stupid am I."

"Why is it wrong for another version of you to be there?" Lexa asked honestly.

"This other Clarke has suffered tremendously." the old woman replied. "She suffers of Wamplei kom Tenia Keryon."

Both women looked up at the old woman in complete shock.

"It can't be." Clarke whispered while holding her wife's hand strongly. "And yet it makes so much sense. The only way I would travel back in time would be if I was desperate enough to change things. But why go back to another past and not her own?"

"We can't change our past. Unfortunately that which has been lost will remain lost. But that doesn't mean one cannot take something from the past and bring it with them home."

"She wants to take your younger self with her. She wants to have you back." Clarke now understood. "But how? I don't believe the Spirit is in favor of this."

"It's not, which is why it's now showing me what I'm telling you. There's another force at play, one that comes from the same branch as the Heda's Spirit."

"A.L.I.E. Somehow she found a way to make a person travel through timelines." Clarke now understood. "Since her technology is also from the ark it means that they're connected."

"But why does she want me? I assume that this A.L.I.E has tricked your other self into doing her bidding and Clarke is asking for something in return." Lexa said.

"What I'm about to tell you you were unable to learn because of the Fleimkepa's treason. But the Spirit is telling me to reveal this so that the tradition can be passed on when the time is right." the old woman explained warily. "That scar behind your neck, it was placed there on purpose during your ascension day."

"I'm aware of that." Lexa replied carefully.

"What you don't know is that the Spirit is in essence an object, that gets passed on from one commander to the next through a ritual done by the fleimkepa."

"So the Spirit is physical?" Clarke asked and then opened her eyes. "The Spirit is a chip as well, isn't it?"

"It's tech that comes from the first commander's time. When she landed on Earth after falling from the sky."

"The escape pod from Polaris. That person survived the radiation and became the first commander." Clarke was understanding now.

"Ever since she arrived the Spirit of the Commander has been passed from one commander to the next." the old woman continued explaining. "And that is what they want. They want the Spirit."

"But why would they need it?" Clarke asked confused. "It has something to do with the chips that Jaha has already given, correct?"

"Sha. To what extent I don't know. But your other self is so lost in her self-hatred and desperation that she fails to see that she's being tricked. You must stop her from taking that timeline's Heda to the future."

"But how will we do that?" Lexa asked. "You said that you were incapable of simply delivering a message."

"You must go back." the old woman said to Lexa. "Prevent the other Clarke from leaving with your other self and the Spirit will bring you home once your mission is done."

"Why her? I have been there once already. I can go again." Clarke said desperately. "It's Lexa the one she's looking for and we're bringing her yet another one to choose from?!"

"Only two can remain in the same timeline." the old woman replied sadly. "There are already two versions of yourself there."

"Clarke look at me." Lexa said solemnly while getting her wife's attention. "I must go. It's the only way."

"But she's looking for you Lexa." Clarke whispered. "And I won't be there to protect you."

"Yes you will be." Lexa gave her a sad smile. "Trust yourself and my abilities."

"There's one of me I don't trust. Lexa, you know what I can be capable of when I no longer have something to hold on to."

"Which is why we must stop her before it's too late."

"But what will I do while you're gone?" Clarke was now crying.

"What I did when you were gone." Lexa tried to joke. "Train, teach the Natblida, rule over Polis. Wait for my return."

"I'll always wait for you ai Heda." the blonde promised while kissing her wife soundly on the lips. "Come back to me Heda and the moment you do I will spend the whole night and day ravishing you."

"Sha SkaiHeda." Lexa whispered longingly and kissed her wife one more time before turning around to look at the old woman. "I'm ready."

"Good." she smiled softly. "I wish you luck in your mission Heda. The Spirit is with you." she closed her eyes and told Lexa to do the same. "Ste yuj."

"Ste yuj." Clarke said while staring at her wife and opening her eyes in shock when a white light emanated from her.

Closing her eyes because of the strength of it, Clarke turned away from the light and waited until she felt it was safe. When she looked back at the place where Lexa had been, all she saw was an empty space.

Lexa was gone.

CLCLCLCL

The moment Lexa opened her eyes she noticed that she was no longer standing in her throne room. In fact, she was now in the forests that were close to the border of Polis and its gates. Not believing what she was seeing, she quickly touched her body and confirmed that her weapons and her clothes were still on her. Knowing that she didn't have much time, she immediately started to make her way to the capital while thinking of the best way to enter unrecognized. She was Heda and hence everyone knew her. She needed to make her presence be unknown so that the other Clarke wouldn't suspect of her intentions.

Taking a deep breath, Lexa started to move around and heard soft steps close to hers. She scolded herself for not remembering that there were guards patrolling the forests (she was the one that ordered them to do so) and for almost revealing her location far too easily. Nevertheless, she corrected her position and quietly moved around them, not alerting them of her presence until she found herself facing the gate of Polis. For this one she knew that she would have to either reveal herself or wait until a group of people wanted to enter the city and camouflage herself with them. Either choice depended on the amount of time she believed she had. It was close to being morning, which meant that if her other self and Clarke decided to start their day earlier then they would have a head start on her. And she knew that it was imperative for her to communicate with this timeline's versions of herself and Clarke.

 _Then revealing myself it is,_ she told herself before approaching the gate and noticing one of the guards look hesitantly at her.

"Lower your weapon." she said firmly and the man immediately recognized her.

"Heda?" he asked completely shocked. "What are you doing outside Polis' walls?"

"What I was doing was my own business." Lexa replied firmly and the man gulped in fear. "Now open the gates and do not tell anyone that you saw me."

"Sha Heda." the guard fumbled while opening the gates and Lexa exhaled in relief when she entered Polis.

"Why are you following me?" she asked the guard who stayed behind her.

"We had an assassin yesterday night kill one of our guards on patrol. We just found him this afternoon." he said to her while staring. "You ordered us to escort all people inside Polis once they passed the gates."

"Of course I did." Lexa wanted to hit herself for her own stupidity. "Mochof for your loyalty."

"Pro Heda." he said proudly and stopped when the Heda raised her hand. "But I need to escort you to your room..."

"I can take it from here." she muttered. "Besides, there's someone in my room that I do not wish you to see." she implied and the man blushed immediately.

"Of course not Heda, my apologies." he fumbled with his words and turned around quickly so he could return to his post.

"Interesting." Lexa said to herself while evading more guards inside the building.

Although it was dark, she could easily move from one place to the other because she knew the place very well. And thanks to that as well, she quickly found herself in front of her own room, which was guarded by Ryder and another guard. Knowing that she needed a distraction, she took out one of the rocks that she carried on her pouch and threw it to the other side of the hall, making the two guards immediately take out their weapons and silently move away.

Once they were gone, Lexa swiftly entered the room and closed the door behind her, only to be stopped by a dagger to her neck.

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now." she heard a familiar voice and couldn't help herself from chuckling.

"Because if you do." she started to say and immediately felt the pressure on her neck stop. "I know one very pissed SkaiHeda that will kill you too." she smirked when she saw a younger version of herself and Clarke stare at her in shock.


	17. Rosa Sangue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Polis 2150 discussions arise about the best way to prevent Arkadia Clarke from taking Lexa to the future. A visitor reminds them of their duties and an honest conversation between two leaders occurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and ready to finish this story. I believe that in either two or three chapters it will be done. Thank you all for the love and support you have given this story! I'm already thinking of a new one to do and I don't know what to feel about this thursday's episode.

**Polis, 2150**

Clarke had felt the moment Lexa stood up from the bed. She had also felt the older woman grab her dagger and wait for the door outside to be opened. Immediately on alert as well because she knew the brunette never exaggerated, Clarke also moved up and prepared herself to aid Lexa if needed. When the door opened and the cloaked woman entered the room, because of her frame and physique she had to be one, Clarke heard Lexa hiss. Believing that the stranger was also prepared for the attack, the blonde woman stood up from the bed with one of Lexa's swords, determined to not let anyone take the Heda away from her. Nevertheless, the moment she saw the cloaked woman enter the room, Heda took her dagger and placed it near the person's neck.

It seemed that after all Lexa was not going to need her help.

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now." Lexa hissed angrily and the strange woman chuckled.

Clarke looked up the moment she did because that sound was one she knew very well. It did not occur much, but when it did the melody had become ingrained in her mind. She knew to whom this laugh belonged to. She threw the sword to the floor in complete shock.

"Because if you do." the strange woman started and Lexa also moved away from her. "I know one very pissed SkaiHeda that will kill you too." she finished while taking her cloak off.

"It can't be." Lexa whispered while staring at her own reflection.

"But it is." older Lexa said while also looking at herself. "I look good." she joked softly. Her stare then went towards Clarke. "By the Spirit, Clarke!" she choked out while getting closer. "You look so young." she whispered with complete awe. "And yet your eyes tell stories that my own wife still has not come to know."

"Your wife..." Clarke whispered and then she also got close to the older Lexa. "Is she alright? Please tell me she returned to you."

"She returned home." older Lexa smiled softly. "Worried about you two and desperate to let you know that there is hope." she then looked at her younger self. "We can be happy."

Younger Lexa just stared, completely speechless and relieved. Seeing her older self and hearing that the other Clarke was alive and well did give her hope. It made her believe yet again that good people got rewarded for doing what was right. That life couldn't be so cruel as to punish the innocent and reward the guilty. That the Spirit would honor the promise it made her when she took the Flame; when she sacrificed her own life and happiness for the one of her people. When it promised her that it was all going to be worth it, that it was all going to be rewarded and that she would be complete. At first she had believed that the Coalition was the Spirit's gift, and that peace and everlasting collaboration between the clans was going to be her legacy. But she had interpreted things wrong. She now knew that the Spirit was talking about Clarke, the girl that fell from the Sky and became the woman of her heart. The one that grounded her and reminded her of her lost humanity. The one that reminded her of her path; the path of everlasting peace. The one that always believed in the good of her people and her. The one that forgave her after breaking her heart. The one that is going to stand by her side and not betray her. The one that taught her that love was not weakness. Her Wanheda. Her tenia keryon. The future mother of her child. Her Clarke.

"We can be happy." younger Lexa agreed with a brilliant smile. "But first we need to fight and survive."

"That's why I'm here. To help and warn you." older Lexa explained seriously. "I'm not the only one from another time that has made it to your timeline." she explained.

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked confused.

"There is another Clarke in this timeline. That's why my Clarke had to return to our timeline. There cannot be two of the same in the same space." older Lexa replied carefully.

"But it must have been the chip. She collapsed the moment she took it."

"The chip wasn't what took her back. It was the Spirit."

"So the light after she took the chip was just a horrible coincidence?" Clarke asked sarcastically.

"Yes it was."

"Well that's fucking convenient."

"And why are we in danger of this other Clarke?" Lexa added while staring at her own Clarke.

"I would never hurt Lexa. You must know that." Clarke whispered.

"Of course I do." older Lexa said immediately. "But the problem is that your other self is not as sane as we would like her to be. She suffers from wamplei kom tenia keryon."

"It can't be." the blonde whispered while laying on the floor. She had heard many grounders speak of the illness and knew perfectly well what it was about. And if her other self had it then that meant that she had lost Lexa. She had failed to protect her.

Lexa simply stayed quiet, absorbing the morbid news given to her by another version of herself. She had died, and in the process she had left her soulmate all alone, suffering because of her carelessness and inability to stay alive. Wamplei kom tenia keryon was the worst kind of pain any person could suffer. Soulmates chose to die with each other rather than stay alive without the other. No one dared insult or prevent a couple from making this decision because of the level of intimacy tenia keryons shared. Their vow was sacred to her people and no one could disrespect it.

"I also didn't believe it when I first heard it." older Lexa whispered. "But it is true. And we must prepare for her to try to take you."

"Why does she want to take me? I don't understand." younger Lexa murmured.

"It must have something to do with the chip." Clarke realized. "Isn't it?"

"Yes. We believe that someone helped her to come here. Someone that has Ark tek and that truly wants to cause you harm."

"Could it be Jaha?" the blonde asked her Lexa. "It would make sense that just like in this reality, Jaha found this A.L.I.E and is making people take that chip. I believe that up until I saved you everything between that reality and ours was the same."

"How can you be so sure of that? Look at her reality." Lexa said while pointing at her older self. "She never betrayed her Clarke and because of that the future changed completely."

"Not completely ai hondes. They still killed Nia. Titus still betrayed her. Someone still tried to assassinate me. Octavia ends up hating me. Some things, although we try our best to prevent them from happening, are meant to occur no matter what. The paths may differ, but the destination is the same."

"And what is that destination?" she whispered.

Clarke smiled softly at her and grabbed her hand. "You and I fighting to survive. You and I being together in whatever fucked up way we can. My other self must be fighting for this just like we are."

"So what are you saying then?" older Lexa asked. "We just let her take Lexa away?"

"Of course not." Clarke said seriously. "No one will take Lexa from this reality because she's mine." she said vehemently. "But just like we have heard Clarke and you explain to us what has happened, don't you think she deserves the chance to be heard as well?"

"So you're gonna talk with her and convince her to stop her mission? She suffers from wamplei kom tenya keryon, she can't be reasoned with!" older Lexa moved around.

"Is that the level of faith you have in me and our love?" Clarke asked somberly.

"Of course not." the older brunette got close to Clarke and took her hands. "I just don't ever want you to experience the pain of losing the person you love." she then looked at Lexa. "You remember what it was like to lost Costia, right?"

The younger Lexa looked down but still nodded in confirmation.

"When Clarke fought against Ontari and was poisoned by Titus..." older Lexa started to explain. "There was a moment in which your mother was not sure if you would wake up. She didn't want to tell me that but I could see it in her eyes. And the moment I realized that there was the possibility of me losing you I lost myself. Life became meaningless. My mission as Heda became a joke, my people, I wanted to kill them all because of what they did to you. Your people, I wanted to see them gone because of how much they reminded me of you." she started crying. "Our room, I couldn't sleep in there because it smelled of you. I was inside of my own mind, remembering our times together, our fights, our nights, thinking of what we could have had. I was living through those memories and Indra had to take control of Polis because I refused to leave my room. I was going to die and join you on the next part of our journey." she said to Clarke surely. "But then Octavia told me that you were alive and I returned. I don't know how or why but the moment I heard you were awake everything came into perspective. I was ready to live when five minutes ago I was ready to die. And that never happened with Costia." she murmured while staring at her younger self.

"Oh Lexa." Clarke whispered with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry I put you through that pain."

"Don't be. I could never regret loving you." older Lexa smiled sadly. "But I could use a hug." she whispered.

"Of course ai hodnes." the blonde immediately hugged the older brunette and kissed her on the cheek lovingly. "Mochof. For loving me." she whispered to her.

"Pro." she whispered back and ended the hug, watching the way her younger self was still thinking about the things she had said. Things that not even her wife had ever heard her confess.

"You're afraid that Clarke is going to hurt me because you were ready to die instead of facing an existence without your wife." younger Lexa tried to understand.

"I'm afraid because I wanted to die the moment I thought Clarke had died. And yet we now know that her Lexa died and she's still coming here."

"So you're wondering why she's still alive and not dead." Clarke summarized.

"Yes." older Lexa said honestly.

"But that's easy to answer." the blonde smiled sadly at her. "If it would have been you the one that was poisoned and your wife the one left waiting. What would you have asked her to do?"

Older Lexa looked down in understanding.

"I would have asked you to stay alive. For our people. Because you have so much to give to the world and I don't deserve the sacrifice you would have taken." younger Lexa answered instead.

"You would have asked because you're that selfless Lexa." Clarke smiled sadly at them. "And I would have tried my best to honor your sacrifice and your word. I would have stayed alive until I knew our people were in good hands."

"So she's alive because things are not well in her reality. The Coalition must be in trouble." older Lexa said.

"And it must be Jaha and Pike who are preventing Kane from taking control of Arkadia." Clarke explained. "Just like it's happening here."

"But in this reality I'm alive." younger Lexa said. "That's what makes things different. Why she's coming here to get me."

"She plans to take you back to her time so she can be with you?" Clarke asked confused. "Why would she do that if she knows that the moment she dies she will join her Lexa?"

"Perhaps they promised her something in exchange of bringing this time's Lexa to her time." younger Lexa hypothesized.

"It must be connected to the chip and A.L.I.E. If she's involved then that means the City of Light is involved as well."

"The City of Light?" the older brunette asked confused.

"A place where it's said that there's no pain and suffering. We believe it's an effect of the chips Jaha is giving to the people of Arkadia and is affecting their brain."

"Clarke told me about that. She asked Abby about them and said it must be connected to their brains and that's why they don't feel pain." older Lexa said. "And the symbol is the same as mine so that timeline's Clarke must think that this A.L.I.E knows a way to bring me back to her."

"But that's impossible." younger Lexa said softly. "Clarke must know that I'm dead and that no one can change that."

"She knows because I would know." Clarke said sadly. "But something else must have happened. Could it be possible that the connection between you and the chip is deeper than just the symbol? You once told me that the Spirits of the commanders spoke to you. How does that work?"

"I see them in my dreams. They talk to me and warn me about their experiences. They show me their memories and the things they learned. They go back to the first commander after the bombs fell from the sky." older Lexa said.

"I can talk to them just like I'm talking to you and they have a conscience of their own. I do not influence their thoughts and the way they portray themselves." the younger brunette added.

"The way they portray themselves?" Clarke asked.

"Some appear to me as terrible fighters, claiming blood and revenge for our people. Others are peaceful and tell me to give my enemies a second chance. It's many voices inside my head but they cannot control me or influence me."

"That sounds a lot like the City of Light of Jaha." the blonde said.

"And that's why your other self is helping them. Because our consciousness..." she looked at her other self. "And the City of Light are connected."

"They're connected because they come from the same type of technology. And the reason why we didn't discover this connection earlier is because you're alive." Clarke said to her Lexa. "But in that other timeline you're dead and that time's Clarke must have realized that her Lexa is in the City of Light."

"And so she wants to get everyone to the City of Light?" younger Lexa asked confused. "But that doesn't make sense because that means using the bomb and destroying everything. And you would never do that to your people, no matter how much wrong they have done or how much they deserve it."

"You're right." Clarke whispered.

"Maybe that A.L.I.E already made that Clarke see her Lexa and tricked her into believing that bringing you back is the only way for her to see each other again."

"By using you?" the blonde asked to the brunettes. "That doesn't make sense."

"And it doesn't because we still don't understand the true nature of our connection to the chips." older Clarke said honestly.

"And Titus was the only one who knew. And he's dead." Clarke said somberly.

"Could the old woman know?" younger Lexa asked.

"She's trikru and hence only knows of the spiritual aspect of the connection. She doesn't understand the tek behind it." older Lexa replied annoyed.

"Then that means the only way in which we'll be capable of understanding this is by speaking to my other crazy self. So we must capture her."

"But we don't know where she is. For all we know she's inside this building waiting for one of us to be distracted."

"Yes, which means that she must know that we plan on leaving for Arkadia in a few hours. She will use this to her advantage so she can take Lexa from the woods. Easier to hide."

"So you're saying that we should let her take me, or well you." she pointed at her younger self. "And confront her when she does?"

"I don't see another way, and trust me, I don't like that this is our only option. But what else can we do? Besides, what if we can convince her to let us help her? What if we can help her fix her own timeline? Doesn't she deserve the same happiness you have?"

"She does." older Lexa replied honestly. "But not at the expense of your happiness and the stability of this timeline. Some events are not meant to be stopped or prevented."

"So it's ok that you died in another timeline and left me completely insane because of it?" Clarke hissed at the older woman.

"Of course not!" she retracted when she saw familiar angry blue eyes stare at her in anger. "But what if the Spirit wanted that future to be that way? So that other us would have the happiness those two didn't have during their life?"

"So we sacrifice them for our own happiness? That's selfish and you know it." she replied immediately. "And I will not stand by and see myself help destroy her people just because she loved you too much!"

"And I will help you stop that from happening." younger Lexa replied honestly. "Which is why we will do what you suggested and we'll let her capture me." she stared at her older self when saying this. "Now leave us."

"I'll come back." older Lexa promised but knew that once she made a decision there was nothing that could dissuade her from it.

When the two women were alone Clarke approached the brunette and held her hands tightly. Staring at deep green eyes, she saw the love, trust and longing in them. Lexa was going to do anything for her, no matter if by doing so she was putting her own life at risk. This made her realize the amount of power she had over the Heda and she vowed to never abuse of it. Not like she had been doing before Titus tried to kill Lexa.

"Why are you doing this Lexa?" she asked the brunette. "Your other self is right. It's a risky plan."

"And yet it's our best option. If we can manage to convince your other self to help us then that means we can stop Jaha and that A.L.I.E from overtaking Arkadia and our people." Lexa explained.

"But that's not the only reason, is it?" Clarke whispered.

"It's not." Lexa confessed and then smiled softly. "I would do anything for you Clarke. You must know that by now." she whispered.

"I do." Clarke said sadly. "That's how I almost lost you Lexa. Please, don't do this because of me."

"I'm doing it because of us Clarke. We deserve to be happy anywhere. Our older selves are different from us because they have not experienced what we have experienced. They have not felt the pain we have. They don't understand how much the betrayals done by our people have affected us. How much it changed us when I abandoned you at the Mountain. And that's why they are always placing each other before anyone else. They can do that in their reality."

"But we can't." Clarke smiled sadly.

"Not yet. First we must bring peace to our people and then we can start living our life together. And the only way that will happen is if we stop Jaha and Pike from making us go to war."

"So we'll do it then. We'll try to help this Clarke as well?"

"We will. Helping us will make her want to helps us as well. It's the best plan we can make out of our circumstances." Lexa promised.

"I will keep you safe." Clarke vowed strongly. "You are everything to me Lexa." she caressed her cheek.

"Ai hod yu in." she whispered and kissed her on the lips.

"I love you too." the blonde murmured and hugged her Heda tightly.

CLCLCLCL

There was something about this view that had always brought her comfort. It reminded her of her duty and responsibility towards her people. It reminded her that there was more outside the walls of Polis and the territories of the Coalition. It had made her think that perhaps they were not alone, that perhaps there was someone else out there. And she had not been mistaken. Skaikru falling down from the sky made their way of life change completely, improved and at the same demolished old views. She would have never believed that it was possible for people to live in space and yet her wife came from space. She would have never believed they would defeat the Maunon and yet all of them were now gone. She would have never believed that she would find someone who loved her as Heda and yet her wife didn't want her to change. The Skaikru had made things in the ground change and right now her other self was facing a worse threat than the ones she had to endure. How could she help when she knew nothing of the pain they had known. Her wife had tried her best, and just like she had been when she arrived, Lexa was lost when it came to helping the two younger women. They were not in the same emotional stage her wife and she were. They loved each other and knew of their deep connection, but they still felt that they owned their people their lives. And that belief had been one her wife and she had eliminated once they joined their souls together. When that happened Lexa knew that the owner of her life was her wife and vice-versa. The coalition, their people and family would hold a place close to her heart, but they wouldn't OWN her heart. That belonged to Clarke now.

"You're putting yourself in danger by agreeing to this plan." she said without looking away from the window. She had heard the approaching woman the moment she opened the door.

"You know why I'm doing this. In fact, you would do it as well." younger Lexa said to her older self.

"I know why you're doing this. I'm just upset because I don't understand why it's so hard for both of you to accept that what Skaikru has done goes beyond your responsibilities."

"I understand that." the younger brunette said softly. "But tell me, what would I gain from declaring war on them? How long will it be until Jaha decides to approach Trikru and the Coalition next? Because that man does not seem as one that will stop expanding the moment he realizes he can."

"And I know that's one of the reasons you're agreeing to this plan." the older Heda said proudly. "But at the same time you're acting with your heart, you're supporting Clarke because you don't want to abandon her just like you did at the Maunde."

"I had to." Lexa hissed with hatred. "I wish I didn't, but I had to do it for my people. It pained me to leave her there, alone and helpless. But what else could I have done? My people were dying and the others were captured by that awful man."

"Fight! Just like I did when I had to." older Lexa replied back stubbornly.

"And how many soldiers did you lose that day?" younger Lexa asked and the other didn't answer. "Tell me that you didn't base your decision of staying on Clarke and I will then admit I was mistaken. Tell me that you used your head when you chose to stay behind and fight."

"You know I can't do that." older Lexa cried softly. "I couldn't leave her. I loved her even then."

"So did I. And perhaps we'll never know why you stayed and I left." she whispered. "But this time that I'm faced with the same dilemma I will choose my heart and not my head. I will stay with Clarke. Please respect that."

"I will." her older self promised softly. "But let me help you two. Let me help protect you."

"I assumed you were going to do that anyway." she joked. "Since you traveled from the future and everything."

"Branwada." the older woman hit her softly on the shoulder. "We'll fix this Lexa."

"I hope you're right." her younger self whispered. "Because I don't want Clarke to know what it feels like to lose a tenia keryon."

"Neither do I." her older self agreed.

"But if you see that the situation forces you to choose, you must choose her . You must choose Clarke." the younger Heda begged.

"I will."

"Good, then that means we can go ahead with our plan and start preparing for our journey. Remember, the other Clarke cannot know that you're here."

"Understood. Place me close to Ridley and the rest of your close guards."

"Ridley already knows of your presence here and will keep it a secret. He also knew that your wife came from the future and kept that secret as well. You can trust him."

"I know." she smiled cheekily. "He's my guard as well."

CLCLCLCL

"So let me get this straight." Murphy said when he entered the meeting room. "Not only did Clarke from the future made it back alright, but in her stead she made you..." he pointed at older Lexa. "Come here?"

"It seems that way." the older brunette replied tersely.

"Grounder princess 2.0." he murmured and hissed when Clarke hit him on the shoulder.

"Shut up." she told him sternly. "Since another Lexa is here she warned us about the presence of another me that plans to take this time's Lexa to her future."

"Why would she do that?"

"You tell us. It has to do with A.L.I.E and our connection to the chip." younger Lexa replied tersely. "She wants to take me to her own time and exchange me for something."

"Exchange you? But you said that you died in that timeline? Wouldn't it make sense for her to keep you?" he asked reasonably.

"We believe that the City of Light is connected to the Spirits of the commanders and that A.L.I.E managed somehow to manipulate it, capturing the spirit of Lexa inside. That timeline's Clarke must have learned this happened and hence she's working for them."

"Or perhaps she's simply crazy and she wants to kill us all for killing her true love." he replied tersely. "We really don't know why she wants your grounder princess but now it's way worse because she can choose from two different grounder princess." Murphy said exasperated. "And you want her to capture her and possibly take her to another time?!" he asked Clarke.

"It's the only way we can learn how to stop Jaha and A.L.I.E. And why they want Lexa so much." Clarke whispered.

"This is a stupid plan. We're giving her what she wants, hoping that she'll see reason and stop her mission just because it's the right thing to do?"

"We must believe that she'll see reason once she realizes that we can help her." Clarke said.

"And can we help her?" older Lexa asked instead. "You don't know if we can."

"We must believe we can help her. The Spirit already aided us so much, it must not want Jaha to succeed in any kind of reality." younger Lexa added.

"Let us hope you're right." the older brunette said softly. "Because we must part now if we want to make it to Arkadia by tomorrow morning."

"So even if you don't agree you'll do this?" Murphy asked the older brunette.

"I gave my word to not interfere and only help."

"Then I guess that means I must help too." he said exasperated. "Since one can't reason with them one must join them."

"You must all be on alert." Clarke warned them. "My other self will want to take Lexa and separate her from the group, perhaps posing and pretending to be me. We'll let her believe she succeeded in tricking us but instead we'll follow them closely. Once she reveals herself to Lexa we'll talk her out of her mission and offer to help her."

"And you honestly believe that'll work?" Murphy asked.

"If she doesn't see reason then we'll fight her and capture her. But she will not take Lexa. She can't." Clarke vowed.

"Let us hope this works." older Lexa whispered. They needed all the help they could get.

CLCLCLCL

"Where are you going?" Clarke asked her once they called the meeting to an end.

"I must say goodbye to the Natblidas." Lexa smiled softly. "It has become like a tradition for me to bid them farewell each time I leave Polis."

"I'm sure they appreciate that." the blonde smiled warmly. "Those kids love you Lexa."

"I care about them as well. There are not so many of us and hence we're like family."

"Is that why you didn't want to talk to me about your conclave?"

"I never approved of the conclave. Why must we kill valuable and capable soldiers? Why not have the tests without them ending in death?"

"Did you ask Titus this?" Clarke asked already knowing the answer.

"I did. And he said that it was part of our tradition. That having too many capable natblidas threatened the security of Heda. That them seeing the Heda would make them greedy and jealous of what they failed to have."

"And you believed that?"

"Of course not." Lexa huffed. "But I was afraid before. But now I'm not. If we want to change our traditions then we must start at the core. There is no point in killing all the natblidas. And I intend on not allowing another conclave to occur with this old rules."

"And that makes me love you even more." Clarke whispered while kissing Lexa softly. "I shall wait for you at our room."

"And I will return as fast as I can." Lexa smiled one more time and left Clarke alone so she could head to the training rooms.

Although the walk was long, it was just what she needed in order to calm herself. She was worried about their mission and what it meant for them to succeed. But still, it concerned her more to think of the other Clarke and how she was. She was afraid of hurting the blonde even more than what she had been hurt already. The woman deserved to be with her beloved but then there was nothing they could do because that Lexa was dead. But then again, perhaps they could help that other Clarke honor her Lexa's wishes and give her the peace necessary so she could rejoin her beloved. It was not much, but maybe it was going to be enough.

Opening the door of the training room, Lexa stopped moving the moment she saw the bodies on the floor. Quickly taking her sword out, she scanned her surroundings and approached Kado, one of the younger natblidas. Fearing the worst, she lowered her gaze and touched his neck, checking for a pulse. When she felt one she exhaled in relief.

"They're just asleep." she heard a familiar voice say in front of her and she raised her eyes to see Clarke smiling softly at her. "I know how much they mean to you and I could never hurt something you love."

"Clarke." she whispered brokenly. The woman in front of her looked so defeated, so malnourished and desperate that she was now doubting they would be capable of reasoning with her.

"Ai hodnes." the blonde said softly while approaching the brunette woman. Unsurely, she quickly took her hand and caressed the Heda's cheek, crying in relief when she felt warm skin greeting her touch. "You're real." she cried.

"What happened to you?" Lexa asked softly.

"You died." Clarke replied somberly. "I lost you and it was like a part of me died with you as well. You've haunted my thoughts, my mind, my whole existence. Everywhere I go I see you, all I do reminds me of you. I have done unspeakable things in order to avenge you, to bring peace and order. To honor your sacrifice and not make it be one in vain. I lost everyone that I loved."

"I'm sorry Clarke." the Heda cried softly.

"Don't be." she caressed the brunette tenderly. "It was not your fault. You were right all along. My people didn't deserve our sacrifice and forgiveness. They are selfish, they are weak, they are greedy and they were wrong; the grounders were not the monsters. We were the monsters."

Lexa looked around the room for anything that would help her escape or warn her guards of the blonde's presence. They were fooled once more and their plan was now ruined.

"How did you enter this place?"

"I am Wanheda." Clarke smiled somberly. "And the Heda's lover. You'll be surprised how many doors that title opens."

"You are not her." Lexa said softly but surely. "You are not my lover. Nor my tenia keryon. And I know you lost yours." she confessed. "But taking me away from my Clarke will not help you get your Lexa back."

"You don't know that." Clarke said angrily. "I got promised that the moment I take you back they would release Lexa. And after that we'll be together and you'll come back here to your own Clarke. I will not tear you apart."

"You are being deceived." Lexa said strongly. "They do not intend on keeping their word. I am dead Clarke, nothing can bring me back."

"I've seen you in the City of Light, we can be there together until the end of time. Isn't that what you want?"

"What Jaha and that woman are doing is unnatural. Only the spirits of the commander are meant to be in the City of Light. No one else can remain there. It can kill you Clarke, and eliminate your bond with your Lexa. Do you wish for that to happen?"

This made the blonde stop herself from moving around the room and stare at the brunette in hesitation. She was reaching her. She just needed to explain more. Learn more.

"Why does Jaha want me?"

"He wants the chip inside of you, the Spirit of the commander. He can only take it from you since the one in my time got compromised when Aden became Heda."

"A chip inside of me?" Lexa asked confused.

"It only enhances your abilities and allows you to learn and keep data about previous commanders. It has not affected your self or the way you are." Clarke promised. "And that's why I came here. To take you so they can get that chip out. Once they do you can return here to your Clarke and I'll be with my Lexa. We can all win."

"That chip is a part of me, Clarke. It's connected to me. Losing it cannot be that simple. It would be like losing a part of myself. Would you really do that, make another you experience the suffering you've had to endure?"

"I don't want to." Clarke whispered. "But I have nothing else to live for. I need you Lexa, and I intend to do anything to be with you; even destroy my own happiness."

"Please don't. Don't take me away from her." Lexa cried.

"You'll be back." she caressed the Heda's cheek lovingly. "I promise." she vowed and injected the woman with a syringe, the brunette immediately falling to the ground in a deep slumber.


End file.
